well guys....

[SuzM]

I am no longer TTC. My guy is having second thoughts and third and fourth! and has decided he doesn't want to go for it. I can't even describe how I feel about this because for me it's not something we should have been doing if there were doubts. But I'm assuming you all can guess how I feel anyway after what we all go through to get to this point at our ages. So now here I am, knowing this, and on a 2WW. How bittersweet and horrible is that? All of my best to all of you. And a huge thank-you for all of your support and kindness.
Hugs to all,
Suzanne

[SuzM]

     I just want to thank you all so very much for taking the time to respond to this for me. It really did help me, even being able to vent helped me, and I just appreciate it so very much. He and I are in a much better place today.  I wrote him an email yesterday morning explaining my feelings because he's had a really hard time communicating with me about all of this. I spoke to him during the day (about other things) because his workplace was shut down for part of the day, then when he came home last night, I asked him if he read the letter and he had only read part of it. Knowing he hadn't been working all day and still hadn't read the letter sent me into feelings of almost rage. I'm usually a really laid back kind of gal, but I was feeling like he really didn't care one whit about my feelings over all of this or how it affected me and I just kind of lost it. We ended up having a good talk and he really understood and he really listened. That's all I needed. I'm ok with this now. It's sad, but it's done. He's really finished but I'm ok with it.
    Ironically, I have my appointment with my specialist today, so I'll feel even better when I get that over with, and once I get that last BFN on the 14th, I'll be able to put that behind me too and just let it all go.
    I truly wish you all the very best and appreciate so much how everyone on here has been so willing to share their experiences and thoughts with me. It's been such a great support to me. Throwing tons of baby dust your way.
Big hugs,
Suzanne

[faith_n_love]

Hope it all works out beginning with a BFP.  Hang in there.

[adgal]

Oh honey, I am so sorry.  I am also so sorry I couldn't call you on Sunday, we had a minor "issue".  Hopefully we can chat sometime this week.  I really am sorry, I can't even imagine how stressful this has to be.  I would bet my life it's based on fear...how do you get them to get over that.  Hang in there, sending lots of hugs your way!!!!

[SuzM]

awww hun. I completely understand what you mean.  The process takes it's toll emotionally, doesn't it? On both parties,I think.

[thetam01]

ya for sure i get soo sad and frusterated when my husband is soo moody supportive 1 second and in his cave the next.. i start playing 20 questions with him. do u still love me? r u loosing interest? when he acts like that i get paranoid and i really want a baby and i'm not getting any younger.. sometimes i think he might get frusterated with all this and leave....

[SuzM]

Tam, I know what you are saying about getting the grief when your HB is frustrated or worried. I get that too and understand where it comes from, but that doesn't always makeit easy to shoulder, does it?  I honestly have no idea if my guy is having feelings or worries about failure in this area. He really hasn't opened up about it all. The only sense of real issue I get from him are about commitment and finances in the future.  But who knows? I'm sure he's had every number of thoughts go through his head, just as we ladies all have.
Tricia, I guess I had more questions than second thoughts. As soon as I had any concerns crop up I hit the books or googled until I had my answers so I never got to the point of actually having second thoughts. But, you're right. They are natural. I just wished he'd spoken to me about them so we could have come to a decision together instead of him just telling me this was it, over and done, and not allowing me to express myself about it at all.
But after reading everyone's comments, I do feel much better (for now lol ) and have a better perspective too. Thanks guys!
Suz

[SoCalTricia]

You know, I think second and third and fourth thoughts are sometimes completely normal. Heck, *I* have had several second thoughts about this whole thing - and I'm 27 weeks pregnant! If I asked my husband, I'm sure he would admit to having wondered what the hell we're doing having a baby at this point. I think second-guessing is completely normal. When/if you get pregnant, I'm sure he'll realize how much he actually wants it. Anyway...I don't know if I'd throw in the towel just yet. If you have an otherwise healthy, honest relationship, I think you can probably work this out. Good luck!

Tricia

[thetam01]

men are programmed to fix things and after even 1 bfn they feel like they failed there job.  some men just can't express there feelings like we can. (men are from mars and woman are from venus).. my husband too is very frusterated with this whole situation.. he stopped coming after me physically and started picking on me about gaining weight and the house not being perfect or giving me a hard time about not working more hours at work..  it hurts my feeling but i know he's angry and just doesnt know how to express it. he says i have neglected alot of areas in my life and spent alot of money..  i never see him cry and we have been together for 15 years and i see him cry when our doctor sends us for blood work and calls us with bfn..he says it's very difficult to stand by and watch me pour my heart and sole into to something for soo long and never have a happy ending.. and he wants r life back and our svaings back... sorry this is soo long i just wanted to say u r not alone and many husnbands feel that way  

[SuzM]

My frustration stems from not really knowing what what was going on, but we're starting to get to it. I think it's a commitment/money issue. He didn't really talk about it, that's what makes me angry and hurt. He just kind of withdrew emotionally and physically and wouldn't discuss it but we were still BDing (without protection!!!) occassionally. I finally dragged it out of him, which isn't ideal but he kind of left me no choice, so he ended up telling me he didn't want to out of anger. It should have been handled SO differently. I'm feeling better about it now though. I'm coming to a level of acceptance about the whole thing. I know I'll get a BFN and I've come to terms with that too but I'll still have myself a good cry when it happens. Even knowing how he feels though and what the odds are, I can't help but retain a little hope for that BFP. I'm human!  It will take some time to adjust is all. And yes , Pam, I have those moments where I wanted to strangle him. LOL Thank you for the support guys. It's truly appreciated.
Suzanne

[PamelaBee]

Ahh Suzanne, I sure hope he changes his mind....that's so not fair.  Personally I would strangle my husband if he renigged on such an agreement and commitment.  Do you know why he has second thoughts?  Whatever the outcome I really wish you well, and hope all works out for you both!  Pam

[momof8215]

Hi Suzanne, You are right, it's not like buying a car...but, if you get a BFP then that might be all he needs to come back around. Hang in there. He may just be as frustrated as you are when you get BFN's. I don't know how long you have been trying but sometimes if it doesn't happen right away...guys feel like they failed. I know that's how mine feels sometimes. Hang in there and I will pray for the BFP anyway...Hugs to you!!

[SuzM]

Thank-you both.

   He might change his mind, but seriously if he does and is feeling that up and down about it, would it even be wise to continue if he changes his mind again? It's not like buying a car. He can't trade it in for something different. Shouldn't he have thought this through more seriously before we even attempted? Or am I being too hard on him? I don't know quite how to feel about it all. I range from feeling anger at his lack of communication to disappointment and sadness then back to anger again because he didn't consider how it would affect me. I was quite content with my life as it was until he brought this up and after time it became something I deeply wanted to happen.
  AF is due on the 14th, so I'll test then. We did BD a couple of days before I O'd so a BFP is possible but I think unlikely. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about either a BFP or a BFN under the circumstances.
I wasn't even originally going to post this out of respect for him but I had to unload my feelings or I would have exploded. I honestly think you guys who understand the whole TTC struggle are the only ones who would really comprehend how I feel about all this. Thanks for letting me ramble.
Suzanne

[40smama]

I'm so sorry, Suzanne - is there anyway he'll change his mind?  How far along are you in the tww?

[usuk]

suzanne i have not been following your posts but i can hear the disappointment in your email. good luck on the 2ww.