2nd pregnancy first child has special needs confused about what i should do opinions would be wonderful

[ashley72285]

I was and am very excited about second child, but as i take my daughter to surgeons and struggle doing everything on my own while my husband works all the time since we are as average income as you get, i start to wonder if i can handle this.  i broke down crying just overwhelmed today... i am sick, daughter sick, and have to take her out of town to surgeon tomorrow... i started to think i can't handle this, financially emotionally i am so maxed i don't know if i am making the right decision.  i can't imagine giving my child up for adoption, but what if i can't do it... what if the financial and emotional stress is just too much... how do you make a decision when no answer seems right... i am honestly a lil lost i am 21 weeks and feel beyond exhausted just from my daughter how can i add another one... how can i not keep her... just answers on how you made a difficult decision like this would be nice... no telling just experiences

[melissaphelps25]

Hey hun. I just want you know that. I have a special needs daughter who is 6 years old. I know how your feeling. It is hard dealing with a kid that needs your attention 24 hours a day. How ever I made the choice to have sex. Yes by all means it took 5 1/2 years to get pregnant. But I know that I can be a great mom to another child too. My daughter has Mild CP, ADHD, Disruptive behavorial disorder. And yes she can walk talk etc. But not like all other kids. But I see beyond her problems. If your child has special needs you can apply for Disability for your child and that way she can get Medicaid to pay for her health care... Dont feel bad about doing it.. Just know that you are a stronger woman now that you have are dealing with a special needs kid. My child was born this way because of a hospital. but for what ever reason I am sure you daughter will enjoy the baby too. I can go on and on. but it is a hard choice to make. I could never give any child up.. And I had my daughter at 17 1/2 years old. I dont know any teen that has to deal with what I went through. my child had brain damage from being stuck in me. And a scare on her head. And skull fractors. It was hard to deal with all everything making sure she went to the very best doctors. she had appts sometimes 2-4 times a week. She even went to the Mayo Clinic. They said she would never walk or talk. But I was not going to let that stop me trying to teach her. And now she walks and talks yeah not the best but who cares. I am proud of her. Hunny you can do it. that all i am saying. I am pregnant now too. I wouldnt change it for anything.

[Majikat]

My second child is special needs and he will be 5 in April he is pretty much non verbal and totally dependent on me and he has lots of behaviour issues which makes daily living very difficult to get things done.... I am having my third child in 20 days and I have been extremly nervous about how things are going to be with a newborn and my two other children.... I know that there will be days that are so hard that I just want to give up but I also know that those days will come to an end... I am pretty sure that the next year is going to have many hard days and night, but this is what I wanted and  I am as prepared as I will ever be... dont give the baby up you will do fine you will get through the hard times and there will be many good times to look forward to...

[JoyRenee]

I know, as a mother myself, that I've struggled with this as well. Even without a special needs child you wonder, "Can I love them enough? Will I mess them up? Do I have enough time for all of them?" This is so very common with women having their second, third, fourth or more baby.

And it isn't something that can even be explained but we are definitely given this unique ability to make it all work.

The very fact you are on here asking these tough questions gives me confidence that you WILL be able to cope and handle this. Will you make mistakes? Sure! Will there be hard days? Definitely. BUT your children will have the love of their mother. The fact you're so worried about it tells me you'll do what you need to do to make it all work.

If you can't get to a support group due to time constraints there are plenty of online resources, communities and blogs of women with the same issues. I hope you are able to come across and their stories can offer you inspiration and peace.

[ashley72285]

thanks for opinion... amount of love can give was never problem... it is knowing i will be struggling raising a child who i already love enough i don't want them to struggle or want, its hard to decide something when someone else could probably do more for them than i can.  afriad i will make a decision and it will be selfish, thoughtless, not with my child's well being in mind.  how did you make the decision knowing how you will struggle w/ things scared you can't give your child what it needs in life... besides love.

[JoyRenee]

That little baby is your sweet, innocent son or daughter whom you will love with every fiber of your being when they are in your arms. Moms make it work out of sheer love for their children. You'll do fine! Join a support group of women with special needs children, find friends, enlist help of those around you, join a church if you don't already, etc.

People want to help but sometimes it takes asking. Financially speaking- you will find you can do just fine even with a little. My husband makes less than $30K and we're having our fourth baby at the end of this year without a problem. We shop at Aldi's, we don't have cable, we don't have cell phones, we keep our utilities low, etc.

Where there is a will there is a way.

[smjmekg]

Religious answer~~~trust that God will guide you, and know that he doesn't put you through anything you can't handle. Have faith.

Not religious/other answer~~~Step into the shoes of someone who has it worse than you. Your situation isn't as bad as some, and if they can do it so can you!