Please do not judge me. I am so sorry if i offend anyone. This is a sensitive topic. Sadly I am in desperate need for quick advice. Thank you in advance for your caring help...
I am 33 years old. I have 2 boys ages 3 & 7 from different fathers. I was married to my 3 year olds father. (by court order he visits our son) We divorced due to his pornography addiction (i wasnt aware of). And my 7 year olds father wanted an abortion so we broke off the engagement and parted ways. (he is not in his life)
Now this is my problem today... I just found out im 5 weeks pregnant :( from my bf of only 1year. He proposed to me in Dec and i guess we celebrated. In inpulse i said yes but know he is not suitable to be a father nor step dad or husband. I was about to break off the engament when i realize i was pregnant.
I ended my relationship w/my first sons father b/c he asked for an abortion. I have been a single parent. I dont think a can carry another load. I suffer off/on from depression. I am considering an abortion. I hate myself for even considering it but only a single women, whos been pregnant alone and gave birth alone can understand. My bf claims he wants to be there and marry me next week. However he has no job, no security, drinks...My family has always been there for support but this time I know they wont be. I can not believe how irresponsible I have been. I am worried if I do have an abortion will it break me. Does it affect the same when doing an abortion at 6 weeks suppose to 12 weeks??? Please help.
When it is done doesn't matter, it's still the same. If you have depression more than likely it will worsen if you do an abortion. I have met very few people that haven't mentally hated themselves or regretted their choice after abortion. Have you considered other routes, such as adoption? If you know you can not handle it alone, let someone else care for the child who perhaps can not have children and can give it everything needed. I know you're scared, but oftentimes when you are afraid you make rash choices and look back with regret. Do not make a choice overnight. Only you know what you are capable of and what you can handle.
Yes I think it does affect you the same, especially since you have carried babies before, you know whats going on.... I wouldnt rush into this decision, but in saying that its better for the baby if you can come to a decison quicker. That said, only you know what you can handle, I have 10 children and during my life I have been a single mother 3times like this... 1st time 1 child, found out the father was cheating, we broke up and I found out I was pregnant, he wanted an abortion, but no way so single mum to 1and pregnant, gave birth to my daughter with my dad as the support person, married drop kick number two, had 2 babies to him, then finally woke up to myself and booted him out the door, now single mum to 4, moved country with 4 kids, met someone else, same thing, had another baby, he had a breakdown due to problems that surfaced during our relationship, found out I was pregnant with number 6, single mum to 6 :), then 2yrs later found the love of my life who is 10yrs younger than me, he embraced all 6 kids as his and we have added another 4 to thefamily fold... thing is, for me having one is no different than having 10 (abit noiser), would I not have any of them? NO and I have to say that I would go through all those stinking relationships again, just to have them... you have been in a relationship with this guy for a year, your family will come around, its really not a bad thing, but you have to do wghats right for you not anyone else, good luck
If you have depression I agree with clysta it will most likely worsen you, I have had two abortions, and they nearly destroyed me. The first one was forced on me I was only 16 and my mother and the babies father. And my second one was my choice, along with the pressure of my mother. Now I'm 21 weeks pregnant and am planning on being the best mother I can be. But have you thought about adoption at all? And math if you talk to your fiance about how you feel about his ways he could chang? Tell him he needs to get a good job, and go to therapy? If he's willing to do this then hes willing to change for your baby..
I can fathom your thoughts and reasons for wanting an abortion. I, myself, have said if I ever got pregnant, I'd get an abortion. And still today, being 7weeks I'm highly considering it, because I simply don't feel an attachment to something I can feel, hear, or see. It's different for everyone. I've known for close friend of my family to get abortions and not suffer from depression or regret. Don't let others make you feel guilty about what YOU want to do; all they're doing is going off of beliefs and things they have read and probably never experienced before. I wouldn't have a baby by someone who doesn't have a job unless I saw potential that they were trying at least, but still, go with your instincts. Children are great and all, but they can be very stressful. I see depression after people have kids. Maybe you're not ready for a third child. Just my opinion...
I can understand and I think that any route you take will to a tough one. I think that maybe you sit alone by yourself and think long and hard not only will your heart and god give you the answer and I believe you will be happy with what you decide best wishes and god bless. And stop thinking about what people think you and god can only judge you. :)
just you dont think your partner is good enough, or doesnt have a job, for what ever reason, thats no reason to have an abortion.. there are plenty of people without jobs who are fantastic parents, even if you consider him to be a "looser"maybe this will be the kick start he needs to get his life in order, you shouldnt have an abortion because the of where the other partner is in life, you dont need the other partner, you can do it yourself, if you want to, the only people that I have met who havent in some way regrettied having an abortion are those that use it as a form of birth control,. like the others have said its your choice, but there are alot of couple desperatly wanting a chile of there own
gosh most of that didnt make any sence what so ever :) I dont think it matters about where your parnter is at, that shouldnt ma ke you decide to have an abortion, its whether you think that you can handle another baby, with or without him thats the question
I urge and beg u not to have an abortion. Please seek adoption if you cannot keep your child. I was single and pregnant at 16. If I can do it so can you. I now have 3 children and a husband. Last month I had a miscarriage and I was tore apart. I would give almost anything to switch places with you. I can't tell you what to do but I'm asking please think before you act. I always have been and will be 100% against abortion.
Hi I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with my 2nd daughter and its the most amazing feeling in the world to feel and see her move inside me which I'm sure you remember being a mother already. I also have a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I hate my 7 year olds daughter w good reason but will say before her he was a bigger loser than he is now. My daughter made him grow up. Sometimes men need a push like a baby to grow up and if they don't women are strong enough to do it alone. Alot of my friends have had abortions and they all regret their decision and always say " what if". I would weigh your options out and think hard before you make a decision. I will say abortion is life changing. A baby is life changing. Either way its your decision and noone else's. I wish you luck in whatever your decision.
No one is judging her. She came here looking for advice and asking if having an abortion would break her. My answer to you is that it is very very hard to forget, or forgive. I had an abortion when I was younger and it was the most horrible thing and I regret it more than anything. I was 12 weeks along when I had it done, but I don't think it matters how far along you are, the pain is still the same. I believe everyone should be able to make their own decisions, just make sure you do what u really want. Would another baby be hard to deal with...yes, but so is getting an abortion. I wonder every day what my baby would of looked like and been like. somedays I cry my eyes out...and its been years since my abortion. Goodluck with whatever choice u make. Make it from ur heart and remember sometimes what seems like it might be the easier way out...isn't all that easy either.
Its ur decision I would think very long n hard. My bf was unemployed n jus drank n went fishing everyday. I didnt think he would ever grow up. But he did n is such a wonderful father, he wks a manditory 7days a wk. Everyone can change, its up to u to give them a chance. He too wanted an abortion, but I chose not to. Here we are with our 2nd pregnancy, were not perfect but we wouldnt change a thing. On the flip I have several gfs who had multiple abortion n dont feel guilty or depressed of the choice they made bc of the situation. Much love to u, talk to ur bf n family for support, but never let n e one dictate ur decision.
Sweetie I am sooo sorry you are struggling with this. I completely understand why you're having a hard time making a decision...I think any of us would have a hard time in your place.
Realistically, with everything you're struggling with, yes an abortion could "break" you...but so could living with a responsibility you are not ready for and aren't "up to" at this time. I would consider adoption if you think that's something you could do. If not..well..only you know where your limits are. what you absolutely can and absolutely cannot take.
I wish you luck and peace in making this decision....I highly recommend you speak to a pastor or a therapist before making any final decision though, and while you say your family won't be supportive - give them a try. If they love you, they'll come through for you, and you NEED them right now.
Thank you all so much for your kind and generous support. I do have to make a decision by next Friday. I don't think I can do the abortion anytime after that. I am really going to mediate on your advice. Again I apologize if I have offended anyone. I know there are women whom wish to be able to have a child or whom feel I am a weak women. Adoption is not an option for me. I have never felt so lost in my life. I have my two boys that I need me. I have planned to meet with my mom for lunch. Id like to break the news to her in public. I know she will be honest and give me her true feelings.
Abortion is a sensitive topic to discuss for many, but it is still one that requires support, encouragement, and respect. If you can't be kind and respectful to someone else, I find that it is best to simply move on from the post and not to comment. You are not required to comment on any post or agree with every member that posts. So please, let's remember to be kind and supportive to everyone who posts seeking answers, advice and/or support.
To the original poster, I also encourage you to seek counseling. Since you already suffer from depression, having an abortion could worsen your symptoms. This is why a good support system is best when pregnant.
I don't think you elaborated on why adoption wasn't an option for you. But, if you can't provide for this child and are considering abortion, what makes adoption so out of the question?
Again, I think you should speak with a counselor and go to an organization like planned parenthood and see if you can speak with someone. They may be able to help you make the right choice for you.
I know some places do not offer abortions after 12 weeks due to it being the end of the first trimester. Just some food for thought. Good luck with your decision!
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