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Avatar universal

Abortion / Infertility

Ok ... I know I will get alot of harshness on this one .. but I am sad and scared and lost and I hope that someone will find sympathy enough to help me get some answers as I am at my wits end.

I am 28 years old ... I have been on my own since I was a teenager. Had a few long term relationships. All of which have been both physically and emotionally abusive. Starting at the young age of 15 and cont'd on through my early to mid 20's. During this time I got pregnant 3 times (over about 8 years). Because of the situation(s) I chose to abort the pregnancy out of fear for the baby and myself. I know you might say well, why keep being with these abusive men ? well, until someone is in it, its hard to say what you would do. I always said I would never let a man hit me .. and well here I am! three abusive men later and 3 abortions and a broken spirit.

Now I am with someone who is good to me. We want to have a baby (even though I am not sure I deserve one) and have been having unprotected sex for two years and we have not even had a scare?!

Question:

Does having more than one abortion make you less likely to conceive?

My third abortion, I had some minor complications and turned out I was more far along than the doctor orignally thought. I was about 15 weeks :(

Someone with a king heart and a bit of knowledge, Please help me :(
14 Responses
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468440 tn?1318688641
Yeah I could understand why you think you'd get rude comments.  But were all adults and this site is for advise that's what's great about it.  We all have our mistakes and it's up to us to make sure we try not to have that mistake again.  Everyone deserves a second chance though.   Me honestly I have to say this I'm a blunt and outspoken person.  I myself do not believe in abortions what so ever unless theres a life or death situation.  I would rather give it up for adoption but that's not even safe either these days.  I've some what have been in your shoes but with out the pregnancy.  I've had a boyfriend that had beat on me.  I can honestly say that I would be confused as to what to do as well.  There is a big chance that it is because of scare tissue that it's making it harder.  But don't give up hope.  I was on birth control and it took me a year to get pregnant and I had 2 D&N before..  I was going to give up but I just relaxed and didn't think about it and now I'm preggo!  My honest opinion Id pay close attention to this boyfriend and if you think that this is the right one then go ahead.  But if something happens to change you need to get out of there.  A child has a right to be here as well, which meaning make the right decision and give this child a chance.  Sorry I hope I'm not sounding rude I'm not trying to I'm just trying to give you advise.  People are bad they make decisions and sometimes regret it, but try and change today.  Are you really wanting a baby?  Good luck and I  hope your relationship goes well this time and you guys have a happy family
Helpful - 0
271399 tn?1242830135
Maybe it is just not the right time yet.  Turn to God and He will answer your prayers.  Only He knows when the time is right.  Don't be ashamed of your past, we all make mistakes.  It's what we take away from the things that we do that matters.  I know that may not be the answer you are looking for, sorry.  I hope it does help though.
Helpful - 0
600643 tn?1249429768
Hey there well i really hope that you have luck with getting there. My Fiance and I tried for 3 years and got pregnant about a month into the third year.. The key is to not stress that really messes your body up.. I am sure that what you did in the past is only playing a part in this by making you so stressed that you are being punished.. I just want you to know that what you did was not something you need to feel guilty about you were not ready and i know what its like to be in an abusive relationship that is no place for a child or a pregnant women as well as it is one of the hardest things to do is to leave someone that you not only love but that you are afraid of.. I will keep you in my prayers you deserve to be a mother and one day you will just keep your head up and be strong and positive..
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Don't be concerned for your past actions. You are not the only one that have had abortions and won't be the last. There's many women that had abortions and later on do have children without problem. I read of many having up to 7 abortions and still can have children. So the number of abortions does not damage you. Only if there were complications with the abortion. I think you would have known of complications. An infection could cause problems and I don't think that was your case because you did not mention any problems except that the pregnancy was farther along than thought. And that's not a problem if the Doc's know what they are doing. Make sure you have sex at the right time. Therefore check when you are ovulating. Buy an ovulation kit and get to know your cycle. Many women do not know these simple guidelines and don;t have sex at the right time. Ovulation and timing is the key unless your guy has a problem maybe with sperm count. Is not always the lady.
Helpful - 0
342988 tn?1299782356
unlucky- good that you made that appointment.  sometimes scar tissue is formed so easily and it is a big culprit with infertility and is so easliy removed.  i hope it all works out.  please keep us all posted:)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
No one is going to judge you here and I hope you find many friends! We ALL have made decisions in the past that we're not proud of. You have 3 little angels in Heaven waiting for you. You're NOT being punished.

And of course I'm glad to hear that you're following leighanne's advice and seeing your doctor! That is the first step. If you've been trying for 2 years they may also help you with fertility treatments. I am taking Clomid (an ovulation medication) and it's not so bad!

Good luck!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks for the positive feedback. I made an appointment this afternoon to go see my doctor and find out if there is any scar tissue.

I appreciate your support :0)
Helpful - 0
342988 tn?1299782356
you should go to your OB/GYN and get checked because even though abortion usually do not create fertility problems, they can cause scare tissue which can make it difficult to get pregnant.  scare tissue can be removed pretty easily.  it is always worth talking to you doctor about.

you are not a bad person.  i beleive that we honestly know when is the right time.  you deserve to be a mom.  you made a choice in which you knew you would not be safe and the choice was a tough one but to not continue to beat yourself up about it.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
We try on all days :0(
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
no it doesnt are u trying on the right days? if you're not then thats why.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks everyone for the helpful answers.

It is much appreciated and I am very grateful
Helpful - 0
599579 tn?1220964042
My sister tryed for three years to get pergnant and was upset that it didn't happen. Her and her husband adopted a little girl and 6monthes later she was pregnant. The Dr told her that she wanted it so bad that she stressed out her body and stopped herself from getting pregnant.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
"Does having more than one abortion make you less likely to conceive? "

No, UNLESS there are complications associated w/ the abortion such as infection etc.

A good rule of thumb is that if you have been trying for over a year to get pregnant, and have been unsuccessful then it is time to seek medical advice.  There may be a problem that is easily correctable and its even possible your partner in infertile.  Make an appointment so you can both be checked out.
Helpful - 0
334776 tn?1249968581
http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/gpr/09/3/gpr090308.html

this article says studies do not show a connection between abortion and fertility.....is there the possiblity, that mentally you are holding this over your own head?  stressing(esp over your concern), can cause your body to "malfunction", and mess with your periods and ovulation.....

my "rules & regs" of abortion, are generally streamed mainly towards incest, rape etc.....wi would never say "anyone" is punishing you b/c of your past actions...despite your past actions, you don't exactly come off as someone who doesn't "deserve" to be a mother.....you know what you did, why, and the physical effects(w/your last "action").....it is possible for you to get pregnant...many couples who are healthy, can still take years to concieve.....they say healthy couples take about 6 mos to a year to get pregnant, however you do hear of fully healthy couples, who after 10+ years, never have children.....

ovulation packs, sometimes even birthcontrol, can help with these things.....OPK's will let you know if you're ovulating, and you'd be surprised these days how many women use BC pills to GET PREGNANT, versus PREVENTING it.....here's a website, that let's you track and "forecast" your periods and ovulation days....
mymonthlycycle . com
take out the spaces.....

don't get stressed just yet....talk to your gyn, see if he can help guide you through this...it's very possible that your body or your mind is messing with you, and stress is making it worse...i have no personal experience with abortion, but if you ever want to just talk, feel free to PM me...
Helpful - 0
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