We will occasionally get posts on the topic of abortion and while it may be against your beliefs it is better to bring your concerns to me if something is getting out-of-hand (as in arguing). I don't always see some of the negative posts right away, nor am I able to read each and every post. Abuse, harassment, name-calling are all prohibited on MedHelp.
Some abortion-related posts are a cry for help as most women who desperately want an abortion won't come seek counsel on it before they do it. Those who do come here are looking for help before they make such a life-altering decision are looking for alternatives or they wouldn't be here.
If a post sincerely bothers you to the point you want to retaliate and do some serious damage to another poster please REFRAIN from doing so. It's perfectly fine to have an opinion so long as it does not embarass or harass another MedHelp member.
And a little note to help those of you who want to HELP someone contemplating abortion--- kindness is the answer. Pushing your personal beliefs ("Well *I* am prolife so you're killing a life!") only pushes the person further away. They could care less what you believe. They need a solution. Telling them about their unborn baby is the BEST way to help someone see the value in the life they carry ("Did you know your baby has a heartbeat and brainwaves right now? They can wave their little arms!"). Showing them nasty pictures of aborted babies is not, though it has been proven to help some women. It's just not necessary.
So let's all work together to make our forum as happy and positive as possible! Let's love those who've had or are considering abortions (they are pregnant, afterall, and welcome in the forum) and be sweet. If we value unborn life, let us also value those who participate in the forums.
I agree, for the most part, with your post. However, your statement (quoted below) is pro-life and there are situations where this is NOT the best approach to helping someone considering abortion. I wholeheartedly agree that attacking a poster and displaying inappropriate images, or something to that effect, is certainly not the right approach but neither is assuming that the "best" solution is to carry the unborn fetus to term either - this can be judgmental and presumptive especially when a poster does not share their full story and we know nothing of their circumstances...........A women should be able to ask questions and receive support with such a taxing issue BUT should not be made to feel guilty from imagines or an aborted fetus, OR by images of what that fetus might become. Let us not be so quick to judge others.
"They need a solution. Telling them about their unborn baby is the BEST way to help someone see the value in the life they carry ("Did you know your baby has a heartbeat and brainwaves right now? They can wave their little arms!")."
I have to agree with Spade. There are worse things than abortion...much worse things. Sometimes babies are carried, birthed, and kept by women who ill equiped to care for them. Some are mentally ill. Many are desperately poor. Some are pressured to keep their babies by their families when in reality, they don't want the baby and are angry and resentful.
Sometimes, the result is tragic.
We know absolutely nothing about the women who post here, beyond what they share, and even some of that may be deceptive for one reason or another.
I agree with the intent of this post; which is to help all women, regardless of what they are contemplating, and to offer emotional support if needed. We do not, and should not, try to talk anyone into any decision that *we* feel is the *right* one.
Because what may be right for us, may be wrong for someone else. And they are the ones who have to live their lives, not us.
And it goes without saying that calling people murderers or baby killers, or showing gruesome pictures will not be tolerated on Med Help, on any forum. If you know of anyone who is doing that, as Joy said, you must bring it to the CL's attention, or to Med Helps attention right away.
I agree but I also think that our opinion should be expressed ONLY if it is asked for. Unsolicited advice is not nice. Some people come in here asking about side effects, risks, procedures and I think we should all be very open minded and informative without getting too personal and expressing your personal opinion when it is not asked for.
People are too quick to express their opinion about other people's life. Granted, I am trying to have a baby, and someone telling me about the development of my baby would be awesome. But someone that isn't in my same boat would probably feel hurt and guilt-tripped by those comments.
I have to say I am totally against abortion, and it does upsetme toseethe abortion posts here, but I have learned to stay away from them, not read them and not comment. I understand people have a right to their opinions, and I to mine. However I do like to make sure people know there are alternatives to abortion. There are pleny of families out there looking to adopt a baby from birth. So instead of assuming an abortion is right because the mother may not be fit to be a mother, informing tem of adoption is an alternative to abortion. The adopting family also usually pays for all the medical expenses involved...
Just wanted to throw that out there as I do believe abortion is wrong and evil and it breaks my heart to hear of these people getting one and then the next month thinking they are pregnant again... Abortion should never be used as birth control or a way out for those who are just stupid and careless. Some times they need a little tough love...
Spade you make a very good point. My message was to pro-life people and I was offering them a way to express how they feel without attacking another person, by mentioning the unborn baby instead. It was meant to be one-sided. I know how a pro-choice person would react to such a post (and they are always polite and offer their opinion without attacks).
Joy you are right, this is a great thing to put out there because whether we are pro-life or pro-choice, we should offer guidance and the guidance should not be one sided at all. We can represent our beliefs in a very rational and un-biased way, it is all in wording. I find the key thing is to re-read my post before i hit the post button to assure i did not come off one sided or snappy.
Abortion is always such a sensitive topic and unfortunately, almost all posts on this topic end up being removed due to the outburst it ultimately causes.
I really feel there should be a place for women going through this to post and receive support BUT it might be better in its own forum. The problem with an abortion post in a "pregnancy" forum is many women are TTC or have lost a child and the subject is very difficult for them and, of course, many of these women are pro-life which can sometimes lead to conflict.
I have suggested to MH that a separate forum be created and have been told the idea has been tossed up several times but this, in itself, may create problems too........
Well said Spade!
As a mother who lost her 7wk old son I find this very upsetting and sicking to see a woman willing to murder her baby. I have a very hard time holding my tonuge when this topic comes up. I can't promise you that I will always say something nice, but I can promise that I always pray that Cooper's welcomes this little angel into heaven with open arms.
I totally agree with what you are saying Joy, but sometimes the truth must be said. I am not talking about name calling or anything like that, but I think that person should know that what they are doing is taking another life.... an innocent life at that.
These women need to go elsewhere beside the pregnancy forum and the fertility forum, maybe they should do a little soul searching instead of trying to get people to back up their decision. They are the ones that have to live with it anyway.
I know this is going to cause some upset, but I think we should all have the opportunity to speak. Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes.
that is one thing that is really tough to hear. You can not judge another woman for making any decision when you have not stepped foot into their shoes. I myself had 2 MC's and i would never judge a woman for having an abortion just becaus ei could not carry those 2 babies. Each persons story and circumstances are different and i think that i what some of the ladies forget.
Some woman take another having an abortion as a personal attack against them and it is not. You do not hang out with them nor are they your friends so there is not need to degrade or even remotely say something that is truthful but harsh.
I agree with so many ladies on here, if you do not like the post, skip it.
Spade i like your idea and i know that i would personally go into that forum if it was ever made and respond to posts because like Joy first said, these woman may be crying for help, does not mean any one will change their minds or should push one side on them, but at least lend an ear because who knows what is really goin on in their life.
why dont med help just make a fourm for abortions...that way people who are looking for advice can automatically go there instead of a forum where they dont know what the response will be!! JUst a thought!! Maby it will put the posters mind at ease when posting!!
Well I must say I agree with MedHelp on that one, Spade. I just don't see that being very "fruitful" in a way. Probably almost every post that was made there would have to be deleted because of someone blowing up. At least here they are rare posts that are monitored.
We've had many abortion posts here that have been carefully watched that haven't had to be deleted. The only reason the most recent one was deleted was because drugs and alcohol were mentioned in self-aborting and not seeking medical guidance.
I think we're doing a great job thus far and I hope that this post helps in some measure in helping others politely communicate their opinion and guidance without sounding righteous or belittling to the person posting a question.
rdh, I am very sorry to hear about your son! Your testimony would speak more to someone wanting a "way out" (other than abortion) than by telling them they'd be a murderer or taking a life. I think those people already know that but they're desperate. Share your testimony! I promise it will make a difference because I've SEEN it.
I agree with you Joy. Although I have had miscarriages and my daughter was stillborn at 24 wks and 3 days gestation, I understand where you are coming from. Just because these events have occurred in my life does not cause me to want to attack those considering abortions. Yes, it is disturbing to me when I hear someone wants to have an abortion because of my strong desire to be a mother; however, we do not know these ladies' situation. They may have been raped and although the child they are carrying is a part of them he/she was not conceived in the manner that God intended. I agree that adoption is a great option, but as mentioned by a myriad of you, we are not the ones who have to live with the decision. These ladies in this predicament do. If you cannot find something not only nice, but helpful to say, then just merely keep your sentiments to yourself. No harm done that way. It is obvious that these ladies are looking for helpful advice because they could have immediately made the decision to have an abortion, no contemplating, just do it. However, they are asking for help which means in the back of their minds they are skeptical about abortion as well and scared simultaneously. I agree that these posts should be on another forum because those of us trying to conceive have our "down" days and to see an abortion post is not so refreshing, but I doubt an abortion forum would be something medhelp would want to offer (business wise).
When I discovered MedHelp I had just lost my daughter Madison Brianna. My goal when I found this website was/is to encourage people. Despite their circumstances, I told God that I would offer hope because I am convinced that this is His purpose for my life. I guess as a nurse it has been instilled in me to not force my personal opinions onto others. I have all types of patients. You would be surprised at what I see on a daily basis. I pray that you all find it in your hearts to empathize with these ladies or as mentioned earlier keep your negative remarks to yourself. Have a blessed week.
I should say that if someone has enough guts to ask for someone's opinion on the subject, the least that we can do is to offer our support...it's hard enough to even form that decision in your mind...I surely can't wrap my brain around it because to me it's not even an option.
If ever I was approached or asked about abortion, I would simply lay out the facts and my opinion wouldn't even enter the discussion, as I lean towards pro-life, hoping that they would make the decision best suited for them.
I cannot understand how one woman can judge another woman. Aren't we judged enough by our peers, by men, because of our looks, our weight, or brains, our character? We don't all fit in one mold. We are all very different, from every single background and unfortunately in every single society in this world we are treated inferior in one way or another because of our gender. We do not need to
There are many situations in which abortions are desperately needed by some women, desperately enough for these women to harm themselves, stick a clothes hanger in their vaginas to force an abortion, receive a kick to their stomach to cause a miscarriage. Think of all the women that have been murdered or have died because of un-safe home made abortions?
Your solutions to problems aren't one-size-fit-all. You say adoption is a great way to avoid an abortion well ask yourself. Could you give your baby away after delivery? Who will adopt this child? What about the millions of orphans around the world that have grown up without knowing any loving parents? Will you adopt a child before trying every single fertility treatment to help you conceive first, when there may be plenty of children needing you to be their parent?
I know my posts don't help people to like me, but this is the truth as I see it. Same as some of you ladies see women that choose abortion as murderers.
As a christian I dont believe in abortion. However I know women who have gone though with it and they dont need us judging them they do that all on their own. I have a relative who had an abortion as a teen and she thinks about that baby everyday, especially now that she has started a family of her own. She has told me how hard a decision it was and the feeling of there was no other choice,but she now prays for that little baby and knows God will have taken that baby to heaven with him. The guilt she feels will never be erased. I agree that explaining the stage the baby is at is a great way to "help" these womenn. at 12 weeks i had my first ultrasound after a car accident and was so emotional when i told my mom about the movement and seeing the little bean she said isnt it sad that women abort babies at this age? (sometimes my mom is NOT Very sensitive!!) i gave her **** for saying that!! but its true, i think if anyone is considering an abortion it should be manditory for them to have an ultrasound. after seeing that little heartbeat I have to believe most of them would reconsider.
thats my 2 cents. may God bless those little babies....
Mumita - You have a good point!! I don't judge anyone for their decisions. I think everyone should make the choice they want to! We obviously don't know them!
I actually read somewhere that orphanges are over crowded, because so many people give up their kids. And so many go from home to home to home! I think it's kind of sad. If I wasn't able to have kids I would definately adopt kids. And I think even after me and dh are done having kids, that when they enter school, we will likely be adopting some more kids.
I know his cousin actually found out she can't have kids, she has ovarian cancer, that completely damaged everything, so I told her she should adopt! There are plenty of kids out there!
But a little off point. I agree that there are situations where abortions are desperately needed! I actually know a few people, who were too freaked to go into a clinic to get them done, and tried to abort themselves, and they ended up in the hospital!! We don't know their situation, or their reasons behind it, but IT IS NOT OUR PLACE TO JUDGE THEM!
What people need to realize is, not everyone shares the same beliefs.
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