Almost 10 weeks pregnant and feeling like im left out of everything

[leesha89]

im 10 weeks monday 3rd pregnancy i had a huge arguememnt with my partner last night. noitciing he drinks alot now that im not having my wines he'll come home from work every day and have4 or 5 beers  so this isnt the problem the problem is i cant drink seeing him drink frustrates me plus he never puts the bottles out im always cleaning them up. so i tried talking about it last night it got very heated he told me im gunna stop him from doing everything and didnt see y i dont like him drinking so much arond me im usually a wine a night mum...
so then tonight months ago we were invited to his friends 21st his ex was going there as well due to them being friends with same ppl, so today i said ill organise a sitter and ill just sober drive you, wanting to be included and get out of the house, he then said nope you cant come your pregnant,, like he didnt want me there ashamed of me being preg or just niot wanting me around these friends that he doesnt see often... so tonight im home alone with my daughter and he just asks me if i can pick him up later... im so frustrated i said thats fine and he said txt me when u are outside and ill come out like he once again didnt want me there. should be be worried??
usually our relationship is perfect we dont fight and usually im included in stuff but nto tonight with all these ppl i dont know

[Keepthefaith30]

He would have been finding his own ride I dnt go for that type of treatment dnt let him do u like that

[leesha89]

yeah its sorted now i think he realised what he did was unacceptable and consequences happen if u do stuff like that. like me turning up at 9 unexpected instead 12 and said im going now your coming home lol sound like im controlling im not but im just pregnant im not dieing

[mrs_bagz]

That wouldn't fly with me.
The drinking is one thing..
My boyfriend and I used to drink with eachother every night.. until I got pregnant. He would get crazy drunk after that...
Well. He was the owner of the biggest medical marijuana dispensary here in central California.. buds4life..
And even though they were doing everything legally under state law, it was against federal laws. So we got raided.. our houses and everything. Him and his dad got arrested. They let them out under their own recognance. (Sp?)
But because of a former DUI, my boyfriend isn't allowed to drink. He can't smoke either obviously. But it couldn't have happened at a better time.. now we're both sober folks.(:
Which, as bad as it makes me feel for him... it makes me happy. We no longer have problems.
It was the only thing that was going to make him stop drinking.
Buut. He tried to say once that I couldn't go with him to a party....... hahhahahahaaaa. Excuse me?!??!! Notuhhh.  Sorry. Pregnant or not... he wasn't going to tell me I couldn't go. Sometimes when he says things like that it makes me feel like he's hiding something.
He wouldn't be okay with me saying that IM going to a party with my ex and he can't go... so. That's just how I feel.
Sorry for the long response. I probably didn't help much either.
Just next time ask him... would you like it if I said im going to a party and you can't go?!

You're just pregnant... if you're not planning on drinking then there shouldn't be a problem.(:

[leesha89]

well he needs to realise what its like having a family i have 2 previous children we do live together and i am pregnant with his 1st child but he doesnt realise the work that goes into holding a family together and supporting them kos i do most of it he does help but  i am the money maker and pay most of everything so the sooner i give borth to this child the better kos then he has no excuse kos its his child not that looking after MY children has ever been a issue or hes never complaineed just easy for him to realise with his own kid

[Lesley27]

haha thats even better! i was thinking early like an hour, not 3! too funny!

[Lesley27]

awww, im glad to see he said sorry... lol i just read the posts now and good for you for going in to get him and for standing up to those ppl, thats awesome! i cant believe he actually acknowledged that he was in the wrong! i dont think my guy would unless i faught it out until i won! lol so good for you!

[leesha89]

heres hoping wasnt impressed lo, he wanted me to pick him up at 12 lol so i picked him up at 9pm i had to keep layla up to go get him so 12 was nto even in the question. he difently was suprised that i showed up

[stacey10]

haha you go girl, you gave him some food for thought, hopefully that sorts him out :)

[leesha89]

thanks guys last night i walked in and got him instead of texting him outside i got some very strANGE looks but i didnt care his ex was there i just walked straight past her until i got stopped and got a excuse me who are you did u get invited, i turned around and said actually i did im ajs partner  and i am pregnant with his baby he asked me to pick him up so im picking him up early kos i have children to look after and im tired this group a ppeople just looked at me like what a *****. so i continued walking and found him and bailed him up in front of a group of girls i said i am not your taxi service i was invited here tonight too and you decided to leave me out i feel that your not thinking about parenting at all. he looked very embarrased so i continued and said im quite able to go out and still have a good night and he looked at me funny so i said well if your not going to involve me then i am not your taxi service. and your friends will not be welcome at our place... to my suprise this morn thought he would be angry with me this morn but i actually got a sorry

[marisol_jose]

I'm sorry your going through this. My son is 6 weeks but when I was pregnant my husband and I went EVERYWHERE together. When his friends or family invited him to drink they invited both of us because I told dh that its not fair if he were to leave me by myself while he was out and about drinking. Yessss I admit I hated not being able to have a beer or two and toward the end I coiuldnt even stand being on my feet but there was no way I'd let him go by himself especially because he's married and shouldn't be living the single life.

[stacey10]

exactly right, it takes two to have a baby and if your in a relationship, two to parent !!

[PetiteWonder]

It didnt bother me that i couldnt drink with my partner.  i mean i still cant indulge with breastfeeding but what would bother me is being left out like that... circumstances might be different because the people we go around with dont smoke etc but either way, I would be mad to be told I  cant go to the party because I was pregnant.. especially since you were going to do the arranging of the sitter etc..

its really too bad that males think that its all up to the female to make the sacrifices and that they have more flexibility...

i already told my husband he couldnt go out to this big event coming up, we can go out for 1 or 2 drinks at the start of the event (him drinking not me) but he will be coming home with me because its something we always do together and I dont think its fair that I go home to care for our new baby while he stays out and parties..

[stacey10]

men!!! or should I say boys !! and they have the nerve to think we're difficult !

[MsKitty84]

LOL well in your case, I think you should come right out and say look here, Buster, I've already handled two pregnancies, thank you very much, I know what I'm doing and what I'm capable of handling so quit trying to boss me around.

[leesha89]

i am showing but 3rd preg i show faster aparently so midwife says... but the ex hmmmm i despise her she split us up and they wer together 6 years then he finally realised what she was like and left her a year later we ran into each other again... he hates her apparently...
shes not the prob im preg with his kid shes not... but im 9 weeks how much worse is this going to get as i get futher along...

[MsKitty84]

I already have that problem, and he doesn't fully believe I'm even pregnant! (Sickness and BFP be d*****d!) Two or three times in the last week he's had several in one night; he used to be a somewhat heavy drinker but cut waaaaay back in the last year or two. He knows it bugs me that I can't drink socially now. Tonight he's off with a bunch of high school pals getting trashed and going hunting in the morning. Don't get me wrong, he's a hard worker and usually pretty sweet, which is why I'm finding this sdden boneheaded streak of his so frustrating. I get that he needs a boys night once in awhile, but can't even remember the last time I had a girls day.

Sounds like you guys need to have a little chat about your social life and expectations, (and possibly about him hanging around the ex and acting weird, but that one sounds like it'd be a fight). This is the 21st century, why do men still think it's OK to confine pregnant women to their homes? Especially when you're only in the first trimester and probably not even showing?

[leesha89]

yes i know how you feel ive said to him so many times what have you given up nothing its nto easy on me and he was like well if you didnt wanna do this then we shouldnt a tried for a baby.. i thought he would cut the drinking back in support of me being preg. and not leave me out and treat me like im disabled inm only 9 weeks not 35

[RmberMe69]

Ps... I am very jealous of my guy being able to do what he wants, and it makes me resent him a bit, I am hoping that feeling will go away after the birth of our son. I wish you all the best.

[leesha89]

see i no that me being around people drinking isnt a concern kos hes quite happy to have parties at home... stacey i do understand that i have been sick and stuff but i dont get y i cant meet any of these friends.

[leesha89]

Thanks im usually quite shy but i am pissed off that i have been left at home just kos im pregnant and that he doesnt want me coming in even when i dropped him off he got out the car and went inside real quick... i do trust him i just wanna know why i feel like this.. i mean i am pretty leanient on him i have hosted 1 party for him at our place since i found out i was pregnant and his 25th is next month we had organised a party at home for taht to and i can deal with that but i cant deal with not being introduced to friends and not involving me tnyt wont be the best time to talk to him about it maybe tomorrow

[RmberMe69]

I know how you feel, I feel so left out. My partner drinks and we used to enjoy drinking together (I don't mean alot), but now being pregnant its not possible :(. But even after I have my baby I can't drink much as it goes through breast milk :(. Maybe your partner doesn't want you around people who are drinking? What was he like with you were pregnant with your other kids?

[stacey10]

I have that problem as well and it used to cause all sorts of arguments,  I used to envy those ladies whose partners stopped drinking in support of them when they were pregnat, but no not me, but you always seem to notice how much they are drinking when you arnt, its just the way it is, although I wouldnt be clearing up his bottles the next day, I would leave them for him to do, and keep leaving them until the penny drops, his reasoning  for you not to go to the party I'm sure is because of the troubles you have been having, I'd imagine there would be people smoking which isnt good to be around and also alot of roudy drunk people where you could get hurt and thats the last thing you would want to happen on top of everything else, I would make the most of my quiet night, although I dont think that I would be too happy about being a taxi service

[AnnieBrooke]

I'd go right in and introduce myself and explain that you are pregnant with his baby.  With a big smile on my face.  Then if he is trying to hide you, it won't have worked.