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800427 tn?1324945719

Baby Shower Etiquette

Is there a specific time when your supposed to have a baby shower ..like far along wise? i dont want to be rude by having it too early but i really want to have enough time to prepare myself afterwards....putting things together and getting stuff i didnt get...last minute clothes shopping and washing and getting the nursery finished (and i wouldnt mind not being a huge cow while i do it) i'm due May 1st and i was thinking of having my baby shower at the endish of febuary...like the 20 somethings. would that be okay? (my moms throwing it, im just helping with some of the details because im kind of a control freak lol) a baby shower in the 7th month isnt trashy is it? and how far before a baby shower do the invitations have to go out? if im having it at the end of febuary id imagine soon...huh?

also, should i have two? DF's family and my family havent really ever hung out together...they dont really know eachother..i know them all well but my extended family..not so much. SO, should i smoosh them all together and make them know eachother or should i have a my side one and a his side one? im just wondering if itll be awkward and if some people who normally would have shown up on DF's side now wont because they dont know the host well and are nervous?

now i know why someone else is supposed to plan your baby shower because us pregnant women will have a heart attack with all the little details...but i cant handle not being involved!
19 Responses
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1035252 tn?1427227833
LOL sunkissed....your fiance sounds like my husband.
Helpful - 0
800427 tn?1324945719
i think ill do my registry with my mom when we write out the invitations this weekend...she will be a lot more helpful then DF who must secretly imagine that we only need a crib for the baby....he just came up to me today and asked if he could buy a net book so he can do his hw at work on his lunch break...mind you we already have a laptop...but his excuse is we have to leave it at home. i might be more apt to let him get one IF i didnt just let him buy an xbox 360 and IF it was after my baby shower...hes like everyone else is gonna buy us everything we need. but he doesnt know that...we might not get everything we need....i need to make him a list of all the little stuff babies need and watch his mouth drop. lol
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I am actually not doing a baby shower.  I would rather not deal with the headache.  Both my husband's and my parents are divorced.  Not to mention my husband is adopted and maintains contact with his birth parents.  There are just way too many issues with everyone getting together that I have decided I would rather not deal with it.  And I don't want to end up having numerous showers.  Everyone keeps on thinking I am crazy for not wanting a baby shower, but I really don't.  They keep pressuring me to have one.  I guess part of me doesn't want a shower either, because my spouse and I make more than anyone in our family or friends.  I feel it is our child, we should be the ones buying for him.  But my family says they want to help.  I guess if we do anything, it will be after the child is born.  That way I can drink : )
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800427 tn?1324945719
i'll be 30 weeks and 1 day when ive decided im having mine
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924332 tn?1284573918
I think 30 wks is a good time.
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548642 tn?1266179652
my hubby is a dork, he said lets have a baby shower next months! im only 4 months (barely) i looked at him and laughed i feel like a baby shower that soon i just bad luck!!! so we are gonna wait til 30 weeks
Helpful - 0
1123420 tn?1350561158
I wasn't gonna do a registry, but I ended up doing one last night actually, and I just put lil stuff like clothes socks diapers, bottles pacifiers and onzies.  I told everyone I want to buy the big stuff like the car seat stroller and high chair and pack and play and bed set, and crib. Which my fiancee thinks the same way, cause we want all that stuff to match. So wed figure wed buy that( i already have it picked out and were buying it in a couple weeks i cant wait) and just get lil things at the baby shower.  but I did a different kinda registry, instead of listing certain items, I just wrote on a book that they have, the things that I do need, so they can get look at that, and decide what to get and not worry about me wanting something certain,(in case there worried about money).. So hopefully that works out... Hope you figure everything out
Helpful - 0
924332 tn?1284573918
Like Ashelen said definitely do your registry... I have pooled with another family member to get a big ticket item as that is always a pretty good option. Don't put anything you don't really want or need.
Helpful - 0
1035252 tn?1427227833
For the expensive items, just put what you want..one of what you want..and the people who can afford to get them will, and the people who can't will choose less expensive items, or choose something off of your list so you don't know exactly how much it cost (that's what some of my relatives did). You CAN specify sizes for clothes, but honestly I didn't put clothes on my registry at all and I got more clothes than anything else, of all sizes. You could always put something cute on the invitation like "bring the outfit you think is the absolute cutest and I promise to send you a picture of him wearing it! Remember he'll be 6 months in the fall, so think snuggly pumpkin!" or something of that sort...
You COULD not make a registry if you want...but I think that putting a few items on one at least helps people know what your tastes are. all I put on the registry was the big stuff like the crib set and the baby swing/bouncers, and everything else (and I got a ton of stuff!) they all picked out and it was really good... you'd be surprised how good people are at getting the things you didn't know you needed!!

I did get 2 or 3 repeats of items but it was fine because I was very gracious and we actually used our 2 swings.. and I got 2 of the same onesie from different people, but they were in different sizes so I was like "Oh this perfect she won't have to outgrow it!"  so you could handle it that way "Oh look! Another swing, this is perfect! We can use one at home and take one with us to (the inlaws) house!"

ironically I don't think people feel bad if they can't afford something great.. My Auntie (who just passed away yesterday) bought my daughter a little hairbow set because that was all she could afford and she knew how much I loved and cherished it because I knew just how limited her means were... so as long as you're grateful and gracious, .they won't feel left out for buying something less expensive :)
Helpful - 0
800427 tn?1324945719
Okay, one shower it is....it does make sense that it is about me and i shouldnt be too conserned with making sure everyone is comfortable in the knowing eachother sense...we are going to get married and we are having a child together so they need to get to know eachother sometime! its just nerve wracking because i have a really laid back loud crazy family and DF has a really uptight proper family lol so this could be REALLY awkward haha. im also super nervous about registering because so many of the items that you need for a baby are SO expensive and there isnt a lot of little stuff that you actually "need" i just dont want people to feel obligated or to feel like they cant get me what i want because all the things on my registry are too expensive for their budget. should i also put more than one option for things like...pick out two travel systems that i like at different prices? should i specify size/season on the invitation for clothes like 0-3 month sleepers.. 3-6 month summer clothes 6-9 month fall clothes? i was thinking i could put that in because people get really confused about sizes and that way i can get stuff i know he'll be able to wear but does that seem crazy and demanding? what if i just didnt make a registry and let people buy what they want? that would be madness huh? i would get 20 of the same things. hmmmm...HELP!
Helpful - 0
470885 tn?1326329037
I didn't have my shower until I was 38 weeks last time - pretty last minute, but it worked out because I didn't end up having DS until I was 41 weeks. It was a bit stressful, though, in the sense that we didn't get some of the big ticket items (namely the travel system stroller with car seat) until then and I was paranoid that I'd go early and we wouldn't have it in time.  But it all worked out :-)  And having it so late actually was a good distraction from the waiting - because, trust me.....when you get to that 37+ week stage like where I'm at now, you NEED something to take your mind off of the fact that you could go into labour at any minute :-)

I agree that you should just have one shower, too - the shower is about YOU and your baby....people shouldn't decline an invite simply because they don't know the host.  
Helpful - 0
1123420 tn?1350561158
Hi, This is a good question by the way.  I am due May 7th and I am thinking of March 14th, I'll be 8 months... And I think you should throw just one, that way they can get to know each other.  I'm only gonna do one, and not worry about my family or his family, it's our days, so just do one, if they want to corporate then good, if not then its whatever right?.. sorry to be so blunt lol.. And yea you should defiantly get your invitations out soon.. A month notice is perfect so as long as you have them out with in the next week or so, you should be fine.. I'm gonna start mine in a couple weeks that way I can have them out by the end of this month or very beginning or February.  And That's good that you want to help.  I don't want to with mine, but I'm going to have to, cause I don't even know who's throwing mine exactly. I know its between my mom and my two sisters. They said they would figure it out between them. So hopefully I don't have to do too much.. lol... Good luck..
Helpful - 0
1012334 tn?1283702979
with my first baby I was supposed to have my baby shower when I was 8 months, but my baby came at only 6 months! I had very little for the baby at that time and it added to the stress of having the baby early. i know having a baby 3 months early is unusually, but having a baby a few weeks to a month early is not. i now always have my baby showers a little early just to make sure i am ready early. I am currently pregnant with #4, my 2nd came 3 1/2 weeks early and my 3rd was full term, but i was on bedrest for a while, so still good to have it early! I usually have mine at 6 months then have time to prepare! Good luck! oh and i have done the side of the family together and seperate and it actually seems easier and a lot less work when we do them together even though they don't know each other, they won't know everyone invited anyway!
Helpful - 0
800427 tn?1324945719
Thanks everyone, all of your tips and ideas have really helped me out! im super glad i decided to post this question...now i feel a lot better about all of it!
thankyouthankyouthankyou!
Helpful - 0
1035252 tn?1427227833
oh! one other tip.... my SIL and MIL asked me what I wanted the shower's theme to be, and I chose a theme that was the same as the baby's nursery...so all the decorations they bought went straight from baby shower to nursery walls, and my daughter's room is SOOO cool.

I had my shower at about 7m2w and I wasn't uncomfortable at all...It was great having a huge belly that everyone could admire, and there's some sort of superstition about if you throw the shower too early the baby decides to come too early. it's complete and utterly a load of junk but that's why most people throw it past the 7-month mark traditionally, lol
Helpful - 0
924332 tn?1284573918
I think  7 months is good. I was due July 25th with my daughter and had her instead on June 25th, my baby shower was on June 27th, i didn't  even get to go to my own shower... So sooner is better than later in my opinion.

Also def only do one. You are having a baby and its a good time for them to get to know eachother they will be participating in the baby's life such as b-days now is the time.
Helpful - 0
1039620 tn?1272594004
I am actually waiting until February to have mine, only because most of our family lives out of state, though it took MONTHS to get a date where everyone could be in one place at one time. I think having two is not a bad idea if it is feasible for you, it just wasn't for me. :) My mother actually planned most of mine, but she did leave some of the details up to me, which I liked, but if I didn't feel like dealing with them I just passed them back to her.
Helpful - 0
492921 tn?1321289896
My SIL already is talking about doing my babyshower and I'm only 6wks. She asked me when I want to have it and I want it end of May so that it still gives me 3 months to prepare for the baby and get everyhthing else that I don't get as gifts. So No I don't think it's trashy to have it in the 7th month. I don't want to wait until I'm so uncomfortable and can't enjoy hanging out with everyone.

I am planning on having just one and inviting both families. My family hasn't met BF's family although I spend alot of time with BF's family. I understand the worry about not everyone showing up because they might feel out of place and nervouse to meet for the first time.
Helpful - 0
1035252 tn?1427227833
Traditionally you're supposed to throw one any time after the 7-month mark, so I think you're fine. As soon as possible for the invitations, but no more than about a month and a half early because people might forget!(you can send those cute little stickies that people can put on their calendars too to make it easier). You should definitely only have one, in my opinion... this is a perfect time for the familys to meet! I combined mine and everyone had a blast, even if it was a little weird to see some of the people together. (i.e. my liberal family with his ultra-conservative one..).

you are allowed to be involved, but the reason you're supposed to let someone else handle it is so you can be surprised and enjoy it. trust me, involving yourself in the details is more stressful than satisfying, and you want to be able to show up to the party and enjoy every second without worrying about what didn't go as planned or what went wrong...

just enjoy the process :)
Helpful - 0
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