Aa
Can I get a LITTLE help here?!
Seriously. I'm so fed up! WHY DOES IT TAKE TO GET HELP AROUND HERE? I ask my husband to do this, NICELY I might add, and he refuses. Can you take Elaina potty? Can you take out the trash? Could you watch them while I run to the store to get milk? Could you please change Abby's diaper? Could you HOLD Abby while I do this? Can you just please, for the love of God, watch them so I can lay down?
Today my head hurt so bad I could barely move and he tells me, "I'm not watching them." As if they're not HIS children. YOU HELPED CREATE THEM, SO YOU BETTER HELP RAISE THEM!!!
I'm so hormonal it's not funny (thanks, Clomid). I'm not even going to ask if anyone else has this problem because I know y'all are out there. BUT... what do you do about it? I've tried being nice, I've been the monster about it, I've ignored the behavior... what else can I do?! I feel like he's acting like a spoiled rotten child! And if I tell him that it only makes things worse.
I'm painting a very ugly picture of a wonderful man. I know he's tired and stressed and worn out---but I AM TOO! And I didn't get pregnant by myself. ARG!!! I just want to be on the same page. No amount of talking about it, whether nice or mean, helps!
Today my head hurt so bad I could barely move and he tells me, "I'm not watching them." As if they're not HIS children. YOU HELPED CREATE THEM, SO YOU BETTER HELP RAISE THEM!!!
I'm so hormonal it's not funny (thanks, Clomid). I'm not even going to ask if anyone else has this problem because I know y'all are out there. BUT... what do you do about it? I've tried being nice, I've been the monster about it, I've ignored the behavior... what else can I do?! I feel like he's acting like a spoiled rotten child! And if I tell him that it only makes things worse.
I'm painting a very ugly picture of a wonderful man. I know he's tired and stressed and worn out---but I AM TOO! And I didn't get pregnant by myself. ARG!!! I just want to be on the same page. No amount of talking about it, whether nice or mean, helps!
I've been super busy lately...but I read this and I was like..."IF only I had the answer lol...I'd use it!" It was nice to see that a lot of us are in the same boat!
Thank you, motherofan18month! I think the Clomid is working because I do have CM (sorry if TMI) which I haven't had for a year and a half!!! I cannot believe I'm excited about something so gross! LOL!
My hubby only has one job but he works from 8 AM to 9 PM half of the week as well. I guess I didn't really think about that!
My hubby only has one job but he works from 8 AM to 9 PM half of the week as well. I guess I didn't really think about that!
my DH is the same way but i do have to give him credit since he just took on a second job again----workin 6am-9pm puts a lil stress on him but he does help out now and again when i have had a rough day! by the way best of luck on the chlomid!
I re-read a lot of your comments! I talked with my MIL about this (his momma). She said her husband was like this and you practically had to beat it into his head, "I NEED HELP" and then he'd GET IT. By the time their third child was born he was really into the swing of things. She told me to just be patient and keep communication open. Wisdom sometimes comes with age and he'll do better. She's been married only once, to the same man, for almost 40 years so they obviously worked it out and we can too!
msgorgeous, thank you for your comment! He does help out a lot (mowing, handy work, trash, etc.). It's just when it comes to children he doesn't feel like he's good enough. As a teen he had really low self-esteem because of things people (even his youth pastor) said to him. I think that's carried into his parenting. He's told me before, "I'm not going to be good at this! I'm just going to mess them up!!!" which is something we all think to ourselves.
Writing this made me realize that I probably need to give him some morale boosts and build up his confidence MORE in this area. He just gets nervous with them, especially because our firstborn didn't like him as a baby (she'd only let me or Nonna hold her). It really broke his heart and took a long time for them to bond. I once left her with him, as a newborn, while I did some shopping for a couple of hours. When I got home they were BOTH crying. He told me she cried the entire time and he didn't know what to do!
Obviously he is her hero now and she grew out of that. *SIGH* I'm glad I wrote you guys on this forum because being able to type all of this out, whether anyone reads it or not, helped me see SOME of what I can do!
msgorgeous, thank you for your comment! He does help out a lot (mowing, handy work, trash, etc.). It's just when it comes to children he doesn't feel like he's good enough. As a teen he had really low self-esteem because of things people (even his youth pastor) said to him. I think that's carried into his parenting. He's told me before, "I'm not going to be good at this! I'm just going to mess them up!!!" which is something we all think to ourselves.
Writing this made me realize that I probably need to give him some morale boosts and build up his confidence MORE in this area. He just gets nervous with them, especially because our firstborn didn't like him as a baby (she'd only let me or Nonna hold her). It really broke his heart and took a long time for them to bond. I once left her with him, as a newborn, while I did some shopping for a couple of hours. When I got home they were BOTH crying. He told me she cried the entire time and he didn't know what to do!
Obviously he is her hero now and she grew out of that. *SIGH* I'm glad I wrote you guys on this forum because being able to type all of this out, whether anyone reads it or not, helped me see SOME of what I can do!
Thank you all for being REAL and not blowing what I said way out of proportion. And for understanding, most of all, since some people just don't "get it".
Things are definitely calmer today. Yesterday was hard. We had the problem with the water company for months and some things happen at work. He just gets really nervous when he watches the kids by himself because he didn't grow up around children like I did (not as young as ours anyway). He's great with kids about age 4-5 and up since that's who he works with.
Anyway, he does want to TTC. I think that's part of the stress since it's taken a lot longer than usual. He doesn't like seeing me take the medication (I've never had regular medication before, referencing the Metformin). He's a fantastic father who loves his kids and he DOES do a lot for them.
I was just angry yesterday because I just wanted to grab the milk without taking both children with me. In the end I took my oldest (she loves getting out) and that was PERFECT. He watched Abby and he played with toys with her while we were out. I basically just said, "I'm going and I'll take Elaina. Bye!" and I walked out the door.
Things are definitely calmer today. Yesterday was hard. We had the problem with the water company for months and some things happen at work. He just gets really nervous when he watches the kids by himself because he didn't grow up around children like I did (not as young as ours anyway). He's great with kids about age 4-5 and up since that's who he works with.
Anyway, he does want to TTC. I think that's part of the stress since it's taken a lot longer than usual. He doesn't like seeing me take the medication (I've never had regular medication before, referencing the Metformin). He's a fantastic father who loves his kids and he DOES do a lot for them.
I was just angry yesterday because I just wanted to grab the milk without taking both children with me. In the end I took my oldest (she loves getting out) and that was PERFECT. He watched Abby and he played with toys with her while we were out. I basically just said, "I'm going and I'll take Elaina. Bye!" and I walked out the door.
Geez Joy, I would love to hear the answer to this one!!! When someone figures out the trick, please clue me in!!!
For me, it just takes me getting really mad about it. He may be good for that day. If I'm lucky the change will last for a few days, but eventually, it will go right back to the way it was. My youngest (Rebecca) has been sick, so 2 nights, hubby took care of her in the middle of the night starting at like 3. I mean that's nice right?? But you would think I need to give him a medal or something. This is like 2nd to the 2nd coming of Christ. I mean 6 months from now I will be hearing, "Hey don't you remember those 2 nights I helped with Rebecca"? Then I will say "Oh, don't you mean those 2 nights six months ago? What about all the nights in between"? But I will say that my husband does give me props, but it's normally when I am getting mad about him needing to help more.
I do get my weekly trip to the grocery store without the kids. This is the only time (besides when I am working) that I don't have my kids. It is the only "me" time I have throughout the week, but when I get home the house is a mess. If he gives them anything to eat, expect it to all be still sitting out, dishes everywhere, etc. It will look like a tornado hit in 2 hours time.
Well Joy, I could go on and on about this topic. What can I say?? Men are idiots and that is God made us for them. They could not survive without us!!! At least my husband will admit that I suppose......
Oh, and LACh1 is right. They really have no idea because even when hubby is home alone with them, he does the bare minimum. He'll feed them of course, but I get to do all the clean up usually as I said so I'm not sure if it's really a break or not :(
For me, it just takes me getting really mad about it. He may be good for that day. If I'm lucky the change will last for a few days, but eventually, it will go right back to the way it was. My youngest (Rebecca) has been sick, so 2 nights, hubby took care of her in the middle of the night starting at like 3. I mean that's nice right?? But you would think I need to give him a medal or something. This is like 2nd to the 2nd coming of Christ. I mean 6 months from now I will be hearing, "Hey don't you remember those 2 nights I helped with Rebecca"? Then I will say "Oh, don't you mean those 2 nights six months ago? What about all the nights in between"? But I will say that my husband does give me props, but it's normally when I am getting mad about him needing to help more.
I do get my weekly trip to the grocery store without the kids. This is the only time (besides when I am working) that I don't have my kids. It is the only "me" time I have throughout the week, but when I get home the house is a mess. If he gives them anything to eat, expect it to all be still sitting out, dishes everywhere, etc. It will look like a tornado hit in 2 hours time.
Well Joy, I could go on and on about this topic. What can I say?? Men are idiots and that is God made us for them. They could not survive without us!!! At least my husband will admit that I suppose......
Oh, and LACh1 is right. They really have no idea because even when hubby is home alone with them, he does the bare minimum. He'll feed them of course, but I get to do all the clean up usually as I said so I'm not sure if it's really a break or not :(
does he want the 3rd baby as badly as you do? if so then you need to have a serious talk with that when you do get pregnant again, you will need him to step up a lot more. maybe tell him the 3rd baby should be put on hold because he is not cooperating. see if giving him a reality check helps. sometimes my fiance needs to be reminded that this is a team approach, not a one player team.
Wow seems like i should be writing all these posts - my husband has been home sick for the past week and is literally just lying on the couch. I mean when i am sick there is no way that i am lucky enough to get to actually tend to myself and try and recover. I still have to look after the child and do all the usual household things. I mean i understand he was sick but all i was asking was for him to entertain her while i cooked or took a shower etc or even just say thanks babe for doing everything yourself for the last week or so - is that too much to ask? men i swear their life doesn't really change that much when you have kids as they never seem to have that thing in the back of there heads that is constantly thinking what's next? dinner, sleep, bath etc i think they just always know we will be there and that we will take care of it all, where as we know the buck stops with us and if we don't do it then it doesn't get done. I agree about the letting them have some time witht the kids thing so they can see what it's like, as my husband has never had my little one for more than a night by himself and even then dinner and snakes were premade, jammies laid out and instructions given. They really have no idea, i would love him to have to have a week like mine and see how difficult it is but i don't wnat to spend that much time away from my little one or put her in the experiment which he will most likely fail at. Anyway like you i am painting a bad light of a man who does work very hard and loves his family but sometimes ughhhhhh.
While I don't recommend doing exactly this...it took me and my husband seperating and him having them all weekend everyother weekend by himself to realize exactly what I dealt with on a day to day basis. Before it was like I had to ask permission to run out somewhere iwthout all the kids in tow while he came and went as he pleased as if he had no repsonsibility for them.
I'm glad to say now that I can go places with out the kids...I don't have to ask permission and a lot of times he will take the kids WITH him somewhere just so I can get a break.
Perhaps it's gonna take you just grabbing the car keys and saying "we need milk, honey, i'll brb" and walk out the door.
Sounds harsh...but hey, no harsher than him leaving all the work to YOU. Afterall his arms and legs aren't broken :)
I'm glad to say now that I can go places with out the kids...I don't have to ask permission and a lot of times he will take the kids WITH him somewhere just so I can get a break.
Perhaps it's gonna take you just grabbing the car keys and saying "we need milk, honey, i'll brb" and walk out the door.
Sounds harsh...but hey, no harsher than him leaving all the work to YOU. Afterall his arms and legs aren't broken :)
yeah i can understand what u must b going thru. i am having my 1st pregnancy.. my hubby has been very cooperative though.. due to nausea n sickness i cudnt cook food for the past many weeks.. but he nevr complained.. i wasnt into eating the regular meals.. so i used to take some small snacks at home.. while my hubby normally used to eat out after his work.. he has been quite cooperative.. i guess may b this is the 1st pregnancy.. its not like a routine fr both of us yet:) may b thats why he is getting extra conscious too.. who knoes what happens in the next ones :) and as we dont have any responsibility of other kids as yet..so things r different right now
I know what you mean... That about all I can say... I NEED to go backt work to get a break here.I was instructed by my Dr. not to work since7 weeks prego and I'm 13 weeks now...Since I am out of the 1st trimester I am allowed to start working again, slowly and I can't wait... I need a break from my husband.... Yes he works and is the bread winner in the family and I may not have been keeping up with my endof things around here but I wonder why? When the smell of food cooking kicks up unbelievable nausea don't expect me to be cooking every night. I cook several times a week but please help here and there when I am not feeling good!!!
I may not have the same cause of hormones, but talk about hormonal!!!
I may not have the same cause of hormones, but talk about hormonal!!!
I would like to say also(thanks clomid) that will make you very hormonal. It is a very challenging time for you guys, ttc, taking care of the kids, trying to have alone time etc. Im sure he is stressed out also and just wants to relax.(even though i feel the women should be catered to when we are preggo)
You could take a day off, go to your parents house and just take a nap and come back later. Or just try talking to him again and tell him you are burnt out and you need your energy for this BFP your fina get soon:)
At the moment i cant say i have that experience because im in a long distance relationship and he doesnt move here until october, so the time we do spend together is make up time, im sure in october we will be going threw some similiar situations, but for august and september i plan on tryn to get a BFP:)
Take care and i hope things pull together, a little venting is needed thats all.
You could take a day off, go to your parents house and just take a nap and come back later. Or just try talking to him again and tell him you are burnt out and you need your energy for this BFP your fina get soon:)
At the moment i cant say i have that experience because im in a long distance relationship and he doesnt move here until october, so the time we do spend together is make up time, im sure in october we will be going threw some similiar situations, but for august and september i plan on tryn to get a BFP:)
Take care and i hope things pull together, a little venting is needed thats all.
first of all what a lovely new picture :) and second even tho men can be nice it seems they lack in those areas not always tho. i dont have any advice for you sorry but like you said it takes two to tango :) it should be 50/50 im sorry clomid is making you go crazy but i know in the end you will get a wonderful gift a baby :) hope things work out for you joy joy ive never seen you soo stressed
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