So i need to vent.. one of my good friends has a baby about a month or two after I did... a gorgeous baby girl.. Well she lived at home even before getting pregnant ( she is 21 years old ) and her boyfriend was in the marines stationed near by her. They were together 1 month before she found out she was pregnant ( but hey im not judging her ..thats her business) She had her baby shower in june and he proposed to her.. ( they had been together for almost 6 mths and she was about 6 moths pregnant.) Thats all well and I'm happy for her... well now he got discharged (dishonably) from the marines and he is living with her and her parents.. so to recap ... her, her boyfriend, their daughter .. her mother and father and 4 sisters are all living there.. she doesn't work .. she stays at home and takes care of their daughter... he does work.. they have income coming in but still choose to live at her parents house.. she goes out and buys all kinds of things and doesn't pay any bills at her mothers house and neither does her boyfriend. Well now her parents are buyin a new house and she thinks that they should get to live in the house rent free bill free cus after all they have a child to take care of ( thats her words) .. this makes me furious!!
I dont think its fair to her parents for her to be during this and she has her OWN family now don't you think she would want her own place so she could raise her family? Her mom has been calling me and asking me to help her talk to her about moving out or at least helping with some bills because its a HUGE strain on her mother with all of those people living there.. How do i talk to her about this? I'm afraid my big mouth will get me in trouble and I will just start saying things .. because in all honesty she should be out of her parents home ( she has her own child now) . Now i can understand things are tight but she goes out and spends 100 on a purse I mean seriously!
WOW.... she sounds a bit spoiled and to be honest it would probably irritate me too that she thinks she is "owed" this......I mean come on, your 21 and your bf has a job, you have your own family now.... MOM isnt suppose to take care of you the rest of your life! BUT her mom lets her and the bf just stay there.... if I was the mom I would be putting my foot down!
I think you should give your friends Mom suggestions, but honestly she shouldnt really be coming to you.. If your friend found out, she may feel betrayed.. Just something to consider before you get too involved!
Your friend sounds childish and spoiled and it is up to HER parents to tell her to find a new place.. HER parents need to read and practice some tough love! Not to mention her parents created this behavior.. They are allowing their daughter, future son in law and grandchild to reside there.. They should sit down and talk to their daughter and her boyfriend and tell them they cant afford to support them and that they have _______(insert time frame, like 2 months..) to make other arrangements.. Your friend is an adult as is her boyfriend.. This situation would aggrivate the heck out of me as well!
I almost ended up in a similar situation. I got pregnant at 18 and my fiancee is the same age as I am. He decided to move in with me and my parents to make us more like a family. I miscarried though and he still lives with us. I don't pay rent but I do have a few other bills. I am still only 19 but I was planning on staying a while until we got our grips! My parents house is 4 bedrooms but its just me and my parents (and df) in the house...so its not like were all cramped together. I don't think what i am doing is bad especially since I am going back to school and my boyfriend and I can't afford our own apartment yet, although we would LOVE to live on our own!
On the other hand...with your friend. I think its king of like...wearing out the welcome. If they have enough money to get their ow place they should. Her parents are probably suffocating with all the action and people aroung in their home. She's old enough to be on her own and expecially with a baby coming..they should live on their own...If they can, if not, thats another story. but the way you tell it, it seems like they are capable of doing it, therefore they should.
I don't think it is your place to say anything to your friend...Mom has to be the mom and put her foot down...give her a timeline and some expectations. You can give her mom advice but I'd stay out of it.
Her mom is enabeling her to be this way, remember she will forgive her mom before she will forgive you for any coversation that may turn bad.
I have been out on my own since I was 16, I stayed with my parents until my son was 1. I was only 15 though. While we ( my db and I) stayed home he worked, we bought things to furnish our home when we finally got out, by the time we moved we had new furnirature for the entire apartment, I of course didn't buy 100 dollar purses, (then hehe) but didn't help pay much because we were trying to get things strait for when we did leave. I am 30 now and can proudly say I never had to go back crawling to mommy and daddy for help.
There is nothing wrong with being with your parents, but she really should be using the time to prepare herself for the grown up world. AND if her parents allow her to stay in their home rent free that is just their stupidity, that is not helping their daughter out, it is only hurting her in the long run b/c she won't be able to manage her own household in the future.
I don't think it's your responsibility to talk to your friend. Her mom needs to be the one to address the situation and let her know the strain that it puts on them. People can only treat you the way you allow them to and she needs to speak up, ya know? I can understand your frustration with your friends behavior though.
Her mother needs to get some courage and tell her daughter that it's time to leave the nest. And that was me putting it nicely because I could've said something worse. I have been on my own since I was 16 and granted there were times my mom sent me money, I paid everything on my own. I just don't get people like that.
I agree not your place if the mom wants her out she will have the set the guidelines and tell her how it is! i lived with my in laws for over 2yrs with my 3 of DH's brothers but my DH did the best he could he was trying to get residency papers and his parents helped us get a house but it was our responsibilty to get it livable and to get out!! We did pay rent though on top of what bills we did have and we put lots of money into the home! But we also dont have kids! you would think with a child that your friend and her DH for that matter would want to provide something great for the baby!! At her age and situation i say time to grow up but like the girls said her mom is enabling her so she will have to be the one to set her foot down!! GL!!
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