Finally Pregnant Yea!!, Seperated from DH :( Help ANYONE!

[jusrobin]

Good Evening Ladies,

So after 3 years of ttc and a ton of ups and down, I'm finally pregnant! A little history I was diagnosed with PCOS given clomid and then metaphormin and then I gave up. DH and I had so many emotional ups and downs. In May of this year, we decided that we needed a break, well I decided because it had gotten way to hard for me to deal with the whole "infertility" thing and manage a 10 year old daughter and work on a relationship that was just toooooooo much and I just turned 27!  Yes I had my first daughter at 17 very early! Anyhoo the breaking point for me was Mothers day of this year and that's when I told him that I couldn't keep up this way, we needed to seperate and figure out if this is what we both wanted out of life, he was devastated and hurt, but he understood! He also knew that ultimately it was the best decision for the moment. So he moved back home to his parents home and I stayed at our home.  So on June 14, 2008 I had a spot of blood on my tissue and the same on June 15 2008 and then on June 16 17 18 everything seemed like a regular period except for it was a lot lighter than normal but still definitely not light enough to alarm me or make me think that it wasn't a regular period and then on the 18, I noticed two eraser size tissues clots (no blood, just tissue) in the toilet (sorry if tmi) but i just thought it was odd and so I flushed and went on. I did have pregnancy symptoms then, but like every other month for the last three years, I thought it was all in my head, so I let it go. About a week later I got a very metallic taste in my mouth and I just shurgged that off to because I had already had what I thought was the period and since then I hadn't been with DH or anyone else for that matter, a couple of days after that I got really dizzy and then about a week after that the metallic taste perisited and a little nausea and bloating and back pains etc but I still let it go, becasue it just simply couldnt be I had a period (Or at least I thought I did) anyway cut to Monday of this week 7/21/2008 I was expecting a period and nothing and very enlarged boobies and a little sore so I went to the doctor on Wednsday and I'll be dog on here I am 8.5 weeks pregnant and healthy! Wouldn't you know it? So I told DH and he's numb he's happy and he's excited but he won't show it and I know it's because of the ups and downs that we've had on top of the situation that is going on with us now! So my question is what do I do! He has some issues that he needs to work on and get together and I want him to do that and I do too and I want to get that out of the way to, because I don't want to divorce him, I just know that we need the time to get this right, but he wants to move back in right away and be there and I want him to too, but I also know that I don't want to be stressed out during this time because After waiting so long it's finally here and I want to do everything in my power to protect it!  

Also has anyone else had the bleeding thing before? Any help is good help! Please and Thanks and I'm a tough girl so tough love is welcomed too!

[eel81]

if your daughter misses him that much maybe you could talk about her staying with him for one or two nights during weekends or he could pick her up from school and thay could get time like that together. it sounds like you all love eachother very much and i am glad you have decided on counselling. it reall is the best thing for all concerned. it worked for myself and hubby. be strong and things will work out for you.
goodluck with everything.

yep i got extrememly tired walking around or just standing around. it is pretty normal i htink.

[martikadragoon]

jusrobin~ Ive PM (private messaged) you..

[jusrobin]

Thanks so much for your adcice girlie, I really appreciate it! All of you ladies have been so helpful, and this morning we have decided that we were going to do counseling and that he would stay where he is until we're both comfortable enough to have him come back, the only thing is that my 10 year old misses him badly, so we're going to talk to our pastor who is going to do the counseling for us, to find out how that's going to work out for us! If any on you ladies have any suggestions on that it would be greatly appreciate it! Also does anyone get extrememly fatigued walking around or standing for a long time it makes my back hurt profusely when I do those things! Thanks again tiaj08 and everyone else that has helped

[tiaj08]

Hi congrats on your pregnancy!!! If you feel like there is work to do in your relationship,then dont let him move back in He doesnt have to physically live with you to be supportive of you with your pregnancy this is not the time that you need any added stress.  If you feel like the relationship is worth saving then counseling is always good. Good luck to you and have a happy pregnancy.

[jusrobin]

Thank you all so much, this really helps! Yes we are church goers and I think we will do the couseling, we've only been married for 4 years, but before we were married we dated for 4 in college and before that we were best friends in high school. The stress of TTC along with finding yourself at our ages had gotten to me and to us and that's where it all broke, I think you all are right we definitely lost the us part! Since we've split we do see each other twice a week 1 night for family and the other night for us and so far so good, but I think you all are right about the couseling, we definitely need that, because although our "date" nights are good I can't whole heartedly say I'm ready to let him back in. we've both hurt each other alot and we both felt like we needed to start over, but we both don't believe in divorce and it has never been an option for either one of us, so this was our starting over, I just didn't have a clue that we'd be starting over with a little bundle of joy. I'm so excited about this baby, because it's sure been a very long time, and maybe this will give us the push we need to get this thing back to where we were before all of this started. Thank you all for the advice and I definitely am glad I joined this group and I appreciate everything everyone said. I will definitely keep you all posted. THANKS AGAIN! :) !!

[martikadragoon]

My name is Cindie, and I want to tell you CONGRATS! and if you had bleeding and are STILL pregnant, then I think you've made it thru the scary part. only 4 more weeks til your in the 2nd trimester!

I think you and hubby need counselling  like JessLee says. Are you church goers? I ask because pastors are great at counselling most times. I am only 21 but been married 3 years (almost ... :) ) and we had 6 months of premarital counselling then went back when hubby thought he'd use "growing up" as his excuse to get into porn and stuff like that. We're all good now, but he's made things VERY hard for me up til this last year.

The reason your hubby is so numb is probably because he's afraid #1 about the pregnancy it'sself and wanting you to be healthy
#2 that your going to continue to push him away and he doesn't want to get close incase of that.

Maybe try going out on "dates" again, just maybe 1X a week or so, just you two, have family watch your daughter. That can always rekindle your relationship.

and TMI here but if your anything like some women, when I got pregnant I wanted S E X alot more!!! So.......... you get the picture!

Good luck and keep us updated. If you want to talk just PM me. I don't share conversations with others. :)

[jesslee83]

i'd def say do some counseling, and take it step by step...maybe "date" a little.....it seems everything got so caught up, you lost the "us" part of things.....keep  him updted on the baby of course, and if he wants to be there, see how it goes...maybe it'll just take another couple months for everything to come together again.....maybe this little bun might give him what it takes, as well as you, to get your heads straight, and you'll be able to be together again soon.....

on the bleeding, never had it...i'm irregular, so the only way i found i was pregnant was boredom and the ingenius idea of spending yet another $15 on HPT's (after having so much wasted $ on them, hehe).....

[jusrobin]

Thank you so much! I really needed to hear that I really appreciate it! More than you know!

[eel81]

the best thing for you to do is to go with your head. if you dont think this is a good idea for him to move back straight away, then it probably isnt. be strong and explain to him that your just not ready for that as yet. give it a few more months go to counselling and be there for eachother. but if oyur not ready to have him back yet it will stress you out and cause more problems.

i have never had the bleeding thing with my pregnancies but everyone is different. goodluck and be strong hold your head up.