He wants 2.... but do I?

[prayerful wife]

Ladies,
I need your help.  My husband and I have only been married a short time and tho it's been good, it's only been 6months.  We recently found out that b/c of my Endometriosis the window for us to TTC is closing, and if we're planning to have kids we better start now.  I have two sons from a previous relationship and he has a daughter so we're not short of a family, but we do want one of our own.  My last cycle was Sept 10th and I used an ovulation kit and ended up getting a positive result.  We spent my "estimated time of ovulation" doing all we can to make this dream baby, then I started to feel as though maybe this is something I'm being pushed into and not something that I really want right now.  I mean I do want a baby, but I always thought that we had time.  Hell, I'm only 27, but as I've been just reading along with your stories and comments I realized I'm not alone in my quest for gynecological knowledge!  I've had two miscarriages, and I think the last one devastated me so bad that I never thought about trying again until I met him.  I for one am fearful of not being able to conceive and if I do that it will end in another mishap.  I'm at the point where I want to tell my husband to lets just focus on the family we have and not put any effort into something that could possibly only end in heart break.  Does this make me selfish?  I could sure use some advise.  Thanks in advance you guys!  Every little bit helps.

[prayerful wife]

Well the good part about all the suffering is the "trying" and bonding with your partner.  Even if your left ovary isn't functioning the blessing is that with 1 healthy ovary pregnancy is still a possibility.  I guess in all of our situations when we relax and stop trying is normally when it happens.  But since we are all kindred spirits and want the "microwave" dream (meaning we want what we want when we want it) not trying will just not be enough.  I know how you feel tho, he's even tossed out the notion about adopting if we cant conceive.  But something in me, especially now that we've had our heart-to-heart longs for the feeling of being in the delivery room with him by my side confirming that it was all worth it.  You never know how much you have in common with other women until you actually reach out.

Have you been back for a follow up since your surgery?  Have you expressed to your doctor about TTC?  I know fertility drugs are a big step but I've actually researched the drug Clomid and its really not that expensive.  A 5 day dose is about $60, and depending if you purchase it in bulk 180 pills could be as cheap as $140.  Sometimes we just all have to take measures that under normal circumstances we just wouldnt take.  I think a baby stands a greater chance being born to parents that really prayed and tried for him/her.  Dont get me wrong I have two born out of "what the hell" and they make me as proud as a mother can be.  But be encouraged now that you have a GROUP of people praying for you...next month might be your lottery!
Happy Baby Making!

[Shannon125]

I am so sorry to hear all of the horror you have had to go through. It seems you are a very strong woman for not giving up hope after all the surgeries and treatments you have endured. I also thank you so much for opening up and telling me everything you know. As for me, I am using an OPK as well as tracking my BBT and CM. The problem I am having is that since the surgery, my cycle has become very long (42 days). My fear is that my left ovary is just not functioning and so maybe I have skipping every other cycle or something. Don't even know if that's possible. With a long cycle, it gets very hard and very expensive to try and figure out when I am ovulating. I want a baby so bad that I actually don't care about the price I have to pay. We haven't been trying for that long but I will admit that it gets harder and sadder each month I find out I'm not pregnant. All I want is one healthy baby and I will be happy and do whatever the doctor's think is best after that. I guess fortunately, I am in an early stage so I just keep hoping it happens sometime soon. Anyway, thanks again for all your comforting words and for opening up. It means more than you can imagine.

[prayerful wife]

I've actually suffered from Endo since I was 13.  I started having cycles that left me so drained that I had to check into the ER every-other month or so just to be put on an IV for dehydration, iron for anemia, and for pain management.  Surprisingly, young and dumb at 19 I got pregnant with my 1st son and had an uneventful pregnancy.  Then with my second son they found a cyst that had such a healthy blood flow that it was growing at the same rate as the baby.  By the time I was 26 weeks I had already dilated 4cm.  They let me know at that stage the Endo had progressed and would continue to get worse.  When I was 30 wks they went ahead and delivered him and it was a blessing for him to only spend 9 days in the NICU.  When I had the two miscarriages they let me know that the lining of my uterus was so scarred with extra Endo tissue that maybe they should just go ahead and do a hysto before it gets to the point where they wouldnt be able to recognize a tumor if there was one.  I've been through several laser surgeries where they cleared my tubes filled with Endo tissue, and a few D&Cs to relieve my uterus of stress.  My insurance company hates me! :)  I've even been put into a menopausal state to stop me from ovulating.  But I dont know what was worse the pain or the hotflashes.  

Hopefully yours will not get this bad, they have so many new things they are doing to keep it from progressing.  They're giving me a year to TTC before my Hysto becomes mandatory.  They're thinking I can still easily conceive but will the baby be able to thrive in an environment that's already had so much activity.

Are you using the OPK to predict ovulation?  I encourage you to take all the steps within your means and continue trying just in case yours start to worsen.  I'll pray for you and anytime you have a question feel free to ask.  Unfortunately I had no one to talk to these things about.

[Shannon125]

Hello, I was just reading your post and I was wondering if I could ask you a question. I actually had a large ovarian cyst removed in June and at the time of surgery was diagnosed with stage 1 Endometriosis. I have been wanting to have a baby with my husband since then and it's been a few months and no such luck. I am afraid I will have trouble getting pregnant (if at all) because of my diagnosis. When I was reading your post I noticed you said you are 27 and because of your Endo, your window for having another baby is closing. I am 26 and was wondering if you think I will have trouble trying to get pregnant or is my window suddenly closing? I am not sure which stage your Endo is in but mine is the earliest stage. Also, you said you had other children; was it hard for you to get pregnant those times? Anyway, I just thought I'd ask and see if you could offer any info for me. Anyone else that may have some info it will be appreciated. Thanks

[prayerful wife]

Thanks Ladies!
He's an over the road truck driver and normally doesn't make it in until the weekends, but he shockingly came in last night and let me know just out of the blue that he's looking for a local job so he can be home everyday to give this (soon-to-come) baby his all.  That made me realize that I have a "MAN".  A lot of guys run away from this type of situation, but here I sit lucky enough to have someone who's begging to share a part of me in helping God create a miracle and I'm letting fear steal what's suppose to be joy.  I explained to him everything that I was feeling about how carrying twins to 20 weeks only to have one of them viable and the other to have passed away at 13 weeks and the Dr felt it was nothing he could do to save the living baby nearly broke my spirit.  Then he made me realize that since that man wasn't meant to be in my life forever that God didn't want me to be stuck with a **** poor excuse for a "baby daddy".
With that being said now I pray that all of our trying this month results in excellent news next month.  I can honestly say for the 1st time I'm looking forward to getting big.  Wish me luck and I'll keep you updated!
~Prayerful Wife~

[migsufferer]

Please, please, please plan this with him before you get pregnant.  I was quite ready yet when I got pregnant and now I'm almost 11 weeks.  It has been a really tough time of adjusting for me because I wasn't ready yet and had not gotten over the trauma of my first delivery.  As someone who is already in this, please make sure this is something you absolutely want.  If not for yourself, for you child, so she gets as much of you as you can give.  If you don't want another, than you will be side-tracked with feelings up resentment takin away important energy from her.  Life is getting a little bit better for me but I still can't help feeling like I don't want to be pregnant again this soon after the last one.

[alaysha]

I agree with all the above posters... just let him know how you feel. Having one miscarriage doesn't mean that you'll have another. I had a miscarriage earlier this year and am now 26 1/2 weeks along with a healthy little girl.

[Nina4905]

If it was me, I would talk to him about being fearful of having another miscarriage.  You could tell him that yall will try but what happens, happens.  I would just hate it if down the road you wanted another baby and you missed out on the chance.  I have never had a miscarriage (but I am trying to get pregnant), so you should do what is best for the both of you.  Good Luck

[Anonymous29]

Hi, well I don't believe it's selfish not to want to have a child of your own, but he may feel it would be. However, if i were put in your position, I would have a child with him, and forget about the past experiences, I know it is hard, but you need to share the experience with him of having a child together. You're very young still so why not?

[Countrymama]

it does not make you selfish at all! this is definately something that you and your husband should be able to sit down and discuss together. and if he truly loves and respects you and your body, then he will understand. good luck.