Hi, i am pretty young to be talking about being pregnant but i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now and we are planning to get married and start a family and i have always wanted to be a mom and i love to work with little kids and i plan to start an at home day care once i get a little older and a little more experience with that sort of thing, but i am only 17 and i know that in many peoples eyes that is to young to plan to have a baby, but i am ready and my boyfriend is ready and we have talked about everything that we would need to do and everything we would have to give up as well but i believe that i will be a good mother and i know he will be a good father but i cant seem to get pregnant and it is really starting to worry me because i don't want there to be anything wrong with me to where i cant become pregnant or have kids. I don't know what i should do or if i am just trying at the wrong time or whatever, but i just need some advise on what i should do or any reasons on why i haven't been able to become pregnant yet. I really appreciate any help and advise anyone gives me thank you.
Why not wait and actually get married, get stable and then attempt children. It's one thing to talk about what you're going to have to do. It's a whole other thing to do it. Are you both working? Do you have your own home, and if not, are the people you live with going to deal with a newborn in their house. Saying you're ready for children means you are finacially and mentally. You can't depend on others to help, it's not their job. Enjoy life. When you have children you won't have the freedom you do now.
I would suggest waiting until you are married to start a family. Unfortunately many couples that are unmarried and young who do have a child together end up apart. The stress of pregnancy and parenting can be overwhelming. There are many women on this forum who have become parents at your age and most all of them say they wouldn't wish it upon their worst enemy. Not that they don't love their children because they absolutely do and they are amazing parents. But the demands are far greater than you can imagine without going through the experience yourself. I would also ask yourself why do you feel the need to have a child now vs waiting until you have a degree, good paying job that is stable for you to provide for your child and your own home and husband. Children who are raised in unstable homes have lower IQ, higher drop out rates, increased illegal drug use and much more. They are also more likely to have children young and out of wedlock and become divorced.
I'm not by any means saying that you wouldn't be a good parent I'm just saying if you love your child and want to provide a good future for them, what is one year or so when looking at the big picture. At least finish high school and get married and a job first.
As for pregnancy, it can take up to one year for healthy couples to get pregnant. At that point you can then see your OB for additional testing and help.
I had my son at 15 and while that probably sounds a lot younger than you are, when you get older it's not that big of a difference. I let my boyfriend at the time talk me into getting pregnant on purpose. I was an only child and my mother sheltered me so much that I thought it would be a good way to get out from under her. In retrospect I should have moved in with my grandparents or gone to college early or anything else.
I love my son very much and he is an amazing kid whose gifted and well behaved. I gave up my entire life for him for the first 10 years of his life and only recently have been able to pursue my own education and career.
His father who talked me into getting pregnant in the first place bailed and got into drugs and stuff when I was 3 months pregnant. He hasn't taken care of my son for a day in his life. He never grew up and he's 30 now and still living with his mother. I never thought he would leave us after him being the one who wanted a baby but he did.
I know you're not me and your boyfriend is probably a lot better than my ex. Having babies is hard on couples. What do you do when your bf wants to hang out with his friends and you've been watching the baby all day while he worked and you just want to have some time with him? Or what do you do when you want to go have fun with the girls for the first time in months and he won't watch the baby for even one night to let you? Most people assume their parents will babysit or some other family member or that you'll find a babysitter, but you'd be surpised how hard it is to find a babysitter you can trust and family doesn't always want to watch a baby just for the mom to go have fun. It's definetly possible to go to school and work when you have kids, but it's a lot harder than it would be without a baby to take care of. You will also be able to spend more time with your child if you get your finances and life all set-up before you have a baby.
I'm not trying to lecture you here and maybe that's how I'm coming across, but I wish I would have asked someone before I became pregnant at a young age and I wish someone would have told me what I just told you. I wish you all the best and I hope you are able to concieve when the time is right.
I also just wanted to add that being pregnant young was a lot easier on me physically and probably would have been until about age 25. I don't think you should have to wait until your life is perfect because very few people are ever as financially set as they would like to be or in the perfect place to have a baby or another baby. It's definetly easier to be a mom when you have everything all set up, though.
Also, I got a ton of stretch marks and my boobs started to "go south" with my first two pregnancies and my body was never the same. I had a perfect body and didn't realize how great it was until the pregnancies changed it. That's one of those things that may sound kinda shallow but I wish I still had that perfect cute body now that I'm older!
I agree with the other ladies. 17 is a bit too young to try to have a baby. I think you should enjoy being a teenager before you start planning a family. I don't personally know of any 17 year old that is financially stable enough to have a child. At 17, I had been with my bf for 3 years and loved him very much, but things change...ppl change. And he is not the man I married, and I married at 19. I don't regret marrying so young, but I'm glad we didn't have a child at that time. We're in our early 20's now and expecting our little girl in December. But, we're ready for her financially and emotionally. You should definitely wait. Good luck.
And I agree with the ladies also. You have a good thing right there, a young man willing to start a family with you. I suggest you both take your time, you are gonna get married right? What's the rush? You have your whole lives ahead of you, but timing is very crucial, a few wrong steps and decisions could ruin what you have. Like they said, wait until you get married, enjoy your honeymoon, probably get a job, or go to college make friends with people who have young children, you would need some of these people and there's a lot to learn yet. While your heart is definitely in the right place, wait a lil' longer you won't regret you did. All the best. xx
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