I might be pregnant...how do i tell my boyfriend?

[SilentLove]

I might be pregnant, i have another post out about me having brown discharge and no period. But me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months and he already has 2 kids (one might not be his) so he isnt ready for another one. We have talked about having a baby and he is very heavily concidering terminating the pregnancy and i couldnt do that if my life depended on it. so if i am pregnant how should i break the news?

[SilentLove]

He lied to his family because they dont want him to have anymore children so he just told them that he isnt. i dont want to be a midwife and a mother because i could be out for like 2 days straight or something be out all hours of the night how do u think that would affect my children to wake up in the middle of the night and mommy not be there. that killed me when mom worked graveyard shift i dont want to do that to my kids and i dont want to be 30 and just having children. im sorry but thats not what i wish

[sweetpea03]

So you think all midwives are childless then? Many women who are midwives have a family and love their job and family life. As with any career, you can't be with the child 24/7, but that's just what happens when you work and are a mother. It's good to follow your dreams and do something that you enjoy. It can give you a fulfillment that you would otherwise miss out on and I hope you don't regret not becoming a midwife just to be a mom instead. I'm glad your bf and you talked this out and have figured things out. It's always good to have open and clear communication in any relationship. You are 18, still young, so don't rush into anything you aren't ready for. Take your time to go to school, get some type of secondary education(college degree or certification), live life, and then look to settle down. I didn't say you can't fall in love, I just say that you shouldn't rush into parenthood and stay with a guy you are not compatible with. It's a bit of a red flag that he lied to you and his family about wanting children, which is something to keep in mind.

[SilentLove]

I wont be able to be a midwife and have a child. it just wouldnt be possible. me and him finally talked about it. I sat him down and explained to him that if he didnt want children then i was going to have to move in. I got about that far when he stopped me. He doesnt want children right now. He tells his family that he isnt going to have anymore kids just to keep them happy which i thought was clear to me to but apparently he was lying the whole time. he said he wants more of a life for our baby then the one he already has. and just because u cant fall in love in over 2 years with a friend or at 18 dont mean i cant

[sweetpea03]

Being friends with someone and dating someone is different. Your relationship is still new and you are getting to know each other at a different level. Also, as I stated before, you really should be with someone who shares your wants, goals, and values. He said he does not want kids, but you said you do really want kids. So why are you still with him?? You are not going to change him and would you really want to trap him in a relationship with a child and have him resent you since he didn't want children? There are many guys out there who want a family and would treat you well. It is a red flag, that you have been down a "rocky road" since you got together. If you want to be a midwife, then follow that dream. It can be a great career and you take on clients when you want to, which gives you some flexibility. Prepare for your future and don't just stay with a guy because you get in a "comfortable" spot. I don't see this relationship going anywhere and suggest you move on to find someone with whom you are more compatible with. You are still young, so go out and live your life, then settle down and start your family with your husband down the line.    

[SilentLove]

You guys explain that me and jordan have only been dating eachother for 5 months and so that means i must not know him or know that i love him. But what i apparently forgot to put in there is that we have known eachother well over 3 years. There was no honeymoon stage as u put it. we have been going down a rocky road since we got together. I have lived with him the full amount that me and him has been together. My problem is my career that i am looking for, i cant have children. it just cant happen. and jordan has a job now he works 13 hours 6 days a week. I want to be a fully devoted mom i dont want to be one of these moms that the first time they see there children in the morning is because they are running to the car. I want to be a midwife. I would have to leave at all hours of the day and night and thats just not healthy for a child. So i can not pursue that.

[sweetpea03]

If you really want children in your lifetime and he does not, then the 2 of you are not compatible and you should break up and move on. He has clearly stated to you that "he doesn't want children period", so it would be in your best interest to break up and look to date a guy who has the same goals and wants as yourself.

Also, you have only been dating for 5 months, which is not long at all and you barely know him. Right now you are still in the "honeymoon stage" of your relationship with him where everything is good and happy. Having a baby with a guy you barely know is never a good idea and it is better to wait to have children with a man you are married to and will live with for the rest of your life. Children need and desire a two parent stable family, and right now you don't have that. You are 18 and have a long life ahead of you, so don't rush into anything that you are not ready for. It's totally ok and normal to love and want children, but you also need to be mature and responsible enough to realize that right now is not the best time to have children. Get a college degree, travel, live life, have a career, get married, make sure you're financially stable, and then have a family. If you had a baby with this bf right now, you would likely be a single mother and struggle immensely. Look at this as a blessing in disguise. Now you can focus on your future and then later on when you are ready, you can have the great family you desire. Take care.  

[Clysta]

Seeing as you stated you've only been together for 5 months, it would be wise for you to consider if this is actually a person you want to be with. 5 months isn't any time at all to know if you truly love someone, or if you want to be with him for the rest of your life---people can also hide very well how they truly are. You're only 18, you have many long years ahead of you. You need to make sure your own life is situated before you decide to have children. This means you need to be prepared to likely raise this child alone and with no help or support.

[SilentLove]

lol i know, he doesnt want children period. idk why...but i told him then we are going to have problems because i have been wanting a child since i was 11. i took care of my sister while my mom and dad were at work so my "mother" instincs kicked it and i have been wanting one ever since

[Kayannaboo]

Aww...it will happen ur still young at least this gives u time to sort out ur finances and education so that when u decide its time to have a child u'll b well equipped if ur bf dont like it well then too damn bad!

[SilentLove]

I went to the hospital because it felt like something was pushing my organs to my belly and i had an excrutating (spelling) headache and i was still having that brown discharge. They told me I wasnt pregnant :( (i was starting to like the idea) but they wasnt sure what was wrong with me. so they gave me some pelvic pain medication and told me that i still needed to go to my obgyn. so I am going to my appointment the 17th. I am going to make them do bloodwork for a pregnancy test just in case. Thank you guys for being there and i will keep u posted

[Kayannaboo]

First of all if u are congratulations! Pregnancy is a beautiful thing! Plz understand that it's not just about u or ur bf anymore, it's about the child inside u and it's urs (mother is a must, father is a maybe I always say) Do not be pressured into abortion, you will regret it and it can physically AND emotionally damage you. Think before acting.

[megan210792]

I went through this with my ex except he really didn't want to no threw me out on the streets when found out I was pregnant. And like the above poster said it does hurt. But I got through it and now I'm in a happy relationship with the man I love and we got another baby on the way. Hope all works out better for you and your partner realises he don't wanna miss out on this. Good luck

[SilentLove]

thank u, i love him dearly and i hope once i tell him for sure then he will except it and relize that if he loves me then he will sit right there for me. but if not then i wont be alone, i will be helped along the way i am sure

[k4d]

hello there I am sorry 2 hear ur feelin as if u can't tell ur boyfriend about this wonderful thing that is happenin 2 u. But 2 start off with do not get a termanation 2 plz ur boyfriend it will ruin ur life if he does not won't this baby then it is his loss. Being a single mum is tough but wen u get 2 tuck ur little 1 in at nite and the smile n hugs and unconditional luv u receive from them it make it all worth while. But as for breakin the news it will b hard but I think u will have 2 jjust sit him down and explain that u r havin his baby and do not want 2 termanate the pregnancy and u understand that he was not wantin any kids just now but here we r and how u hope that yous can b a happy family?? If he is not wanting that it will hurt but u will get threw it and u will b a stronger person for it hope this helps plz keep me posted good luck x