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Avatar universal

Is it selfish to FF instead of EBF?

Hi Ladies.... With DD, she was Exclusively Breast Fed for five months. She was not a good eater, constantly had to be relatched and ate for five minutes at a time. Also I gained about 60 lb with her, about 30 lb was lost within two wks, and 10 more lost was "fat"..... I never bothered losing the next 20 lb bc we knew we wanted our babies close in age.... (never thought it would take a good year to concieve- being perfectly healthy and young)


ANYWAYS.... looking that BF was a great way to bond, its wonderful for babies health, but DD still suffered from 10+ ear infections in the last two years... Hasnt had a single one this past winter (Thank you Jesus!!!)

I know its the best that I can do, I know Ill probably be looked down on and frowned upon by you "green" women. But It isnt exactly pie seeing myself/going from a 3-5 to a size 9 .... YES i ate healthy, my body just reacted poorly to my first pregnancy. I wasnt allowed to do much in terms of excersize bc of HBP.

Am I wrong to want to go on a good diet, excersize to lose my weight and to get fit? Am I wrong for wanting to give my little one formula? My DD was given formula from 5-12 months, shes alive and healthy. And I dont regret it, it was a lot, from things said to me about how "little" she is, perhaps she wasnt getting what she needs from me, when in actuality shes still a poor and picky eater, just caused me so much stress with BF and later on I wondered if she wouldve gained more if she were on formula. (I KNOW SHE WASNT starved.) Shes just a petite little peanut. Shes got the brain of four kids i tell you!

Sorry for the vent/questions.... I just am looking for reassurance that my lo will be just fine no matter what I chose to feed him.

And YES Ive heard BF "helps" you lose the weight. Apparently didnt work for me.
22 Responses
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Avatar universal
Thanks again all! =o) Ill see what works when the time comes. Thanks for everyones opinons. Afterall thats just what they are - opinions.

It IS NOT selfish to want to get into shape and be fit, and go back into a size3-5 like i was my whole life. With breastfeeding, you have to eat well to keep up the supply. You also cant over-do excersizing. I've Breastfed before and I know how it goes.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Breastfeeding actually burns about 500 calories per day.  You are allowed to eat healthy and exercise (just don't become dehydrated) while breastfeeding.  I'm not gonna lie, if you are saying that you don't want to breastfeed (give your baby the best food out there) just because you want to lose weight quicker...then I'm sorry, but you are being selfish IMO.
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Avatar universal
You are not selfish at all and should not put that pressure on yourself to BF. I was formula fed from day one and have absolutely no problems at all. I have always been healthy and had a healthy weight and am now in my early 20s. You can try to BF in the beginning, but if it doesn't work, just switch to FF. Many babies are FF and do great. A lot of women on here are strongly pro-BF, so you will always get many who want you to BF. Though you need to do what will work best for you and what you are comfortable with. FF is a great alternative to BF, for many mothers who don't want to or can't BF.
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Avatar universal
You are not selfish.  I tried to Bf with my kids and 2 out of my 3 so far have had allergic reactions to it and had their throats swell up causing serious problems. I am not even going to try with this one.
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Avatar universal
I don't want to make you feel guilty for sure because I did supplement a couple of my children with formula, but I did do continuing education on the subject of which formula should be recommended by pharmacists since I work in pharmacy this year and was surprised by some of the findings.  I don't remember particulars but I thought they were much safer than they are.  Do your research first.  I nursed my first two for about 5 months or so but then had traumatic events happen around that times that dried me up.  First son I found out that my husband (now-ex) had had an affair from the time I was 3 months pregnant up to that point and that she was pregnant!  That will do it alright! Anyhow, with son #3 he started biting me repeatedly and I couldn't stand the pain and switched around 6-7 months.  I do plan on nursing my baby for as long as I can this time, but again that is a personal choice.  Oh and I can say that your supply starts very small in the first few weeks and increases as your baby's need increases.  I was only able to pump about 1 ounce from each side at first and eventually was able to pump 8 ounces from each side as the need grew!  Good luck with what you decide!
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Avatar universal
Ill definatly be giving Breastfeeding a shot. Hopefully he'll be a great eater, and wont have to be "reminded" to eat.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Lots to think about and definitely, definitely wait to see if little one takes to it better. My first two I had so little support and didn't know what to expect so it didn't pan out. With my third baby I armed myself with information and determination and I'm still BFing her at 16-months-old (only twice a day and very brief but we still enjoy the bonding!).

I also know a woman who hated BFing and had a horrible time with it with her first two and with her third it was a breeze. Each baby truly is different. And you can totally workout and lose weight while nursing. I can't wait to hear how little one does and what you decide to do! I know most of us are very pro-BFing but in the end all that matters is that little one is nourished and loved. ;-)
Helpful - 0
280369 tn?1316702041
You have to do what's right for you and your baby. Whatever works, ya know? I EBF my first and he gained so much very quickly which was great but I will admit I was in so much pain for the first 5-6 months and cringed every time he would latch even though everyone said he was latched properly. I wanted to give up, seriously. But I made it to 11 months (because I got preggo when he was 8 1/2 months) and then he started eating table food. With my second, BFing was perfect! Hardly any pain! But then of course with all of his issues I had to start supplementing with special formula (which he never liked and ended up BFing more anyway) But it was then I understood why some women need to supplement, so I look at formula with different eyes now, because I used to be so against it. But I know it is needed sometimes. My son could not gain ANY weight on my milk alone, it was heartbreaking.

But I would just say, try to BF first and see where it goes from there. I could never lose weight as quickly as most women say they do when they EBF, so I understand, it's frustrating! I am hoping to EBF and lose weight this time around. I am going to stick to a high protein diet and drinks TONS of water to make up for the exercising.
Helpful - 0
676143 tn?1312941771
I am glad you are feeling better about the situation.  For being something that we are able to do naturally with our bodies, it sure is one of the hardest things to do, too (besides the actual labor..haha).  Good luck to you and when the time comes, be sure and let us know how it all turns out.  I hope it goes easier for you this time! :-) (I am hoping the same for myself...DS was a challenge for the first month or two, but we made it 10 months and DD is due on June 12).  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Wow Thank You ladies! Thats what I was planning on doing, Waiting and seeing whatever works best for baby and I. =o) I REALLY appreciate all of the advice and kind words! =) I feel much more confident that maybe this little one will take better and feed better then my DD did, maybe Ill be able to drop the weight. Who knows. I DID intend on trying to BF and seeing how it works the first month.... =) THANK YOU !!!!
Helpful - 0
202436 tn?1326474333
Something else to think about though is that you may drop the weight a lot faster this time around.  It just depends.  Like NicMom said, keep an open mind....and if nothing else, you can BF for the first few weeks then go to formula when you ar ready to get into a heavy excercise routine.  I would just play it day by day and not be set in ANY decision until the baby is here...then go with whatever YOU are comfortable with.  
Helpful - 0
287246 tn?1318570063
Well, I always EBF my kids but have supplemented with formula eventually with all but this last one.  The earliest I started supplementing was at 4 months.  That was my first child and I was only 18 so....

My SIL had to have my nephew (her first) prematurely.  They had to take him a month early due to Preeclampsia (sp??).  He was too small to actually breastfeed (his mouth was too tiny) and since he was so small my SIL was actually told to supplement with formula along w/ her breast milk so that he would gain weight.  By the time he was big enough to actually be able to breastfeed, he refused the breast.  He was just too used to the bottle.  My SIL pumped for 6 months along w/ supplementing.  After 6 months, she went on to FF for the rest of the time he required formula.

It's your choice really.  They are constantly working on perfecting and changing the formulas on the market.  I think they improve every day.  Many babies are formula fed.  My brother and I both were formula fed.  I really think you just have to do what you feel is best for you and your baby.

Good luck!

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'm not speaking as a mother, as I am not one. But my mom could not BF me for whatever reasons. I was born underweight, and has remained underweight till now. But here I am, 28 years old, alive and healthy. I am thin not because my mom did not BF me. I have read that it has more to do with what a woman went through during her pregnancy. What I am saying is that you don't have to feel bad about giving your kids what you deem best for them. If anyone has an opinion, screw them!
Helpful - 0
398501 tn?1334702273
Your not being selfish. I formula fed my baby girl. I tried to BF but i had no milk what so ever come through and i had to face the facts either my baby starved or i gave her formula. She got everything she needed from the formula and she is a happy and health little girl, who i might add is very tall for her height (So formula did not stunt her growth at all lol!)

I am pregnant with Bub Number 2 now and i will give BF a go with this one but if i doesnt work i wont be getting upset about it and i will be happy to go to formula. I think women put too much pressure on themselves to BF, i know heaps and heaps of people and babies who were formula fed and there is no problems with them. (actually most babies i know are formula fed)

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It is definitely your choice. You know all the information out there on BFing versus FFing. I would just be very cautious on how you prepare formula. Enfamil's fine print reads, "Formula is not sterile and should not be given to premature babies or babies with poor immune systems". I don't FF so I don't know all the details but make sure you check out other formula companies but I would assume none of them are sterile, not to mention bug parts and engine oil (or whatever it was) has been found in formula.

In the end it is your baby and your choice. I only provided the above information in case you didn't know it.
Helpful - 0
676143 tn?1312941771
I agree with the others.  You definitely shouldn't feel bad for formula feeding if that's what you choose to do.  However, I do agree with NicMom to go into it with an open mind because your next child may feed a lot easier than your first did and if you get the calories you need, you can still exercise.  But, feeling good about yourself is also important, so if that means formula feeding so you can have the freedom to exercise as much as you want, your baby will be just fine, and will be happier because you are happier.  
I will tell you this though.  My mother only breastfed me for like 3 weeks before giving it up because it was so hard for her.  But, then with my sister, 4 years later, she breastfed for 6 months.  So, obviously it worked out better for her the 2nd time and the same might happen for you, too.  
I'd recommend at least trying breastfeeding at first, if only for a few weeks, because every bit you can give your baby will benefit them in the long run.  :-)
Helpful - 0
349463 tn?1333571576
I don't think you should feel bad at all. That said if I were you I would just keep an open mind about both. This baby might take right to the breast or you might end up bottle feeding you never know. Also you can workout and breastfeed you just have to watch your diet and make sure that you get enough calories and water for the baby.

I had a horrible time trying to nurse my daughter and ended up pumping and then bottle feeding for 5 months before switching over to formula. This time around I won't stress myself out about it so much. If the baby wants a bottle or if that's what works better for me than it's ok.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you ladies =o) It makes me feel better to know that its "okay" to feel the way I do. And not "selfish".
Helpful - 0
202436 tn?1326474333
I don't think it's selfish at all.  Feeling good about yourself makes a tremendous difference in how you parent. If you are discontent then it;s going to show and come out in your parenting techniques.  

YES, Breastmilk is best, but it's not for everyone.  Not everyone has an easy time with it.  I know *I* sure don't.  Lily (my now 6 mos old) was the only one who was exclusively on BM for more than a couple months.  I still had to supplement with her in the beginning but made it until 5 1/2 mos.  I couldn't "breastfeed" though I had to pump and bottle feed.  

The formulas now are even closer to breastmilk, they also don't stink as bad as they used to.  Dont' let anyone else make you feel guilty for your decision.  My oldest was strictly formula fed.  She's now 14, gets sick less than ANYONE in my house and is in all honors classes.  
Helpful - 0
1486435 tn?1316470899
Honestly I dont think its selfish at all to Formula Feed instead of Breast Feed.
With My DD1 I wanted to BF because I knew it was healthier for her and WAY CHEAPER, BUT right after I gave Birth to her, my "family" caused me a whole lot of stress and worry that I couldnt produce anything for her ALL i could do for her was give her what little i did produce. I Tried my Darndest to make more for her, pumping every 2 hours for an hour but still only maybe producing an ounce per pumping session. When I WAS a GREAT Producer While Pregnant with her. and when I couldnt BF her It made me feel like such a Failure. Finally I just gave up, because I knew she wasnt getting everything she needed and switched her to formula, she HAD to go on SImilac RX, because all other kinds hurt her really bad. BTW I was only able to BF for 3 weeks.


My Point is YOU know what is best for YOUR baby and Yourself. wheather that be to BF or FF. Do what you think is right.
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Avatar universal
Yes... I know... every child and pregnancy are different. Thats true. But I have a feeling Ill need to do excessive excersize to get this 20 lb off of me... Excessive Excersize isnt good when BF.
Helpful - 0
492921 tn?1321289896
I'm BF my 7 month old and I diet. I have lost 17lbs in 24 days. I have 8 left to go. I eat healthy and enough to produce what my little girl needs.

Just because your first experience wasn't the greatest doesn't mean your next baby is going to be the same. Just like every pregnancy is different so is every baby and how they grow and thrive.

My DD is on the petite side she's only in the 25 percentile. She is gaining weight and growing and I'm fine with that. I know she is getting the correct nutrients by her growing and thriving.

Yes BF is the best for your baby but it's not always the best for every mother. You wont be looked down on for formula feeding your baby. The only thing that matters is you doing the best for your child.
Helpful - 0
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