Aa
Mini rant -- please remember not all the prego ladies here were TTC
I realize hormones run high here, so I'll be as gentle as I can. It's starting to really bug me how almost every time a mom-to-be posts anything resembling a complaint, somebody else who is clearly trying to TTC feels compelled to drop comments that sound like "shut up and be happy you can have a baby at all." I'm not singling any one person out, but I see this a lot and I'm getting pretty sick of it. IMO, those kinds of comments are insanely insensitive.
Infertility is a deep personal struggle. Even if we haven't endured it ourselves, most, if not all, of the ladies here do our best to be sympathetic and supportive. We would never think it was acceptable to attack or judge them for conditions that are not their fault. But the point of this particular forum is to support and educate pregnant women, right? In all honesty, there are plenty of us here who were not TTC. There are many, many women on these boards who had birth control fail, are in abusive, unstable or new relationships, have been raped, have been abandoned, are concerned about their health care and finances, or are still children themselves. Among other things.
For the ladies whose families hoped for a different outcome together, or who are getting on in years, or whose relationship, medical and financial situations make future pregnancies seem unlikely or unsafe, the posts about not getting the right gender, or facing diagnoses of genetic diseases and so forth are not petty complaints. Shouldn't they should have the right to express their disappointment and fears too, without a guilt trip?
Infertility is a deep personal struggle. Even if we haven't endured it ourselves, most, if not all, of the ladies here do our best to be sympathetic and supportive. We would never think it was acceptable to attack or judge them for conditions that are not their fault. But the point of this particular forum is to support and educate pregnant women, right? In all honesty, there are plenty of us here who were not TTC. There are many, many women on these boards who had birth control fail, are in abusive, unstable or new relationships, have been raped, have been abandoned, are concerned about their health care and finances, or are still children themselves. Among other things.
For the ladies whose families hoped for a different outcome together, or who are getting on in years, or whose relationship, medical and financial situations make future pregnancies seem unlikely or unsafe, the posts about not getting the right gender, or facing diagnoses of genetic diseases and so forth are not petty complaints. Shouldn't they should have the right to express their disappointment and fears too, without a guilt trip?
LOL yeah for sure. It's not so helpful to hear "Well, you asked for it" whenever babymaking gets a little uncomfortable either. :-)
IDK. These are major family things, you know? I just feel so bad for these women who have to go back to their partners and children and say, "Sorry, turns out you're not getting the son/daughter or brother/sister you've been hoping for." Or whatever the issue is. When somebody has to go break news that they expect will disappoint the whole family, come on, no wonder they're upset.
Mskitty, this is a great post. Even though we were ttc, its still not all coming up roses! Sometimes it helps to vent about the not so great details of pregnancy without being jumped all over.
Well I hope I didn't come across as rude or mean. The last thing I want is to make anyone feel guilty. I try to be as objective as possible, but we all know sometimes it's easier said than done.
OMG i agree 200 % !!! Ive been wantn to say somethn but i keep it to myself thanks for postn
I really wasn't singling you out, or anybody else for that matter. Just an ongoing problem. :-) I know a lot of people have good intentions when they say stuff like this, they love babies and all, it's just that if you're not careful, it can come across as awfully mean.
I wasn't trying to make anyone upset by my statement. Please don't feel like I'm judging or trying to make anyone feel guilty for wanting one sex over the other-that was not my intention. People are absolutely allowed to be disappointed in whatever they want, I just think every baby is a blessing and a miracle and I like to remind people of that. I'm not ttc- I'm 24 weeks pregnant with my first and am thrilled to death! But I can understand different people wanting and wishing for what they want and being sad when they don't get it.
It hasn't always been easy to get pregnant for us...but thankfully we have been able too. We are having our third little girl and I completely agree with your post. This is a pregnancy forum...not a TTC forum. If you want to be on here hoping to be pregnant one day that's perfectly acceptable but I agree you should understand that pregnancy isn't easy and not everyone wanted it. They also have a right to post what the feel or are going through.
Again, I say "here, here! Good post!"
Again, I say "here, here! Good post!"
I feel the same way... simply "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it at all".
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy Community
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.
