Most of you know that hubby and I have 2 kids, TJ (T21) who's 22mo old and Mason who's 6 months old.
I'm against hormonal BCP because of the effects it causes on me so for the last 4 months we've used only VCF which is the contraceptive foam. It's %71-85 effective according to websites I've looked at.
I'm really trying to decide if I want to approach DH about DEFINITELY trying or at least not using the foam.
The plan was to wait 3-5 years for #3 and in that time I would go to nursing school which for the degree I want would be around 4 years. I'd go 1/2 time too.
So if I got preggo then I'd be in school and have to take time off. I'm thinking it would just be better and even a little easier if we went ahead and had #3 (hopefully a girl) and I started school a year late. that way I could continue school and not have to plan a baby during my schooling. and maybe even go full time.
Financially we can afford it but money would be a bit tight so I may have to end up working part time.
My prayer would be that if this is right, God would put it on my husbands heart to be willing to either TTC or stop using the foam, and that god would allow us to get pregnant and have a healthy baby, hopefully completing our family.
Praying for you! We are in a similar, decision-making process, so I totally understand where you are coming from. Just remember (I know it can be hard sometimes!) that God's plan is not always our plan! Best wishes for your family.
I hope that thinking long and hard and discussing it with your hubby will give you the answers that you need. I am sure that you will make the right decision for your family but I think it sounds like a wonderful idea to try for a girl!
I say do it! But then again as most of you know, I kinda just do things out on a whim, without thinking first. I'm a do'er not a thinker....an impulsive person.
I'm on baby number 4 myself...however my DF has 2 boys of his own, and so this one makes #6.....I just did it! I just went and got pregnant, and now at 12 weeks....i'm kinda asking WTF was I thinking...how in the hell did I miss the fat stages, the swollen feet, severe heartburn, sleepless night and visiting the toilet more than I visit the grocery store!
But....no matter how miserable I will eventually be, it's the best "on a whim" and impulsive decision I have ever made.
So....like the wonderful slogan used for a cr appy pair of shoes "nike" JUST DO IT!!!! LOL
Love ya Cindi!!!! and I am hoping and praying that you can come to a decision on what to do. But remember...sometimes when you listen to your heart instead of your head, it ends up being the best decision you have ever made!
i'm not going to pretend to know what is best for your family. Here are my experiences going to school though-
i went to grad school while not pregnant, pregnant, with just 1 child, and pregnant with just 1 child. Each time it got increasingly more difficult. Now, with 2 little ones (not even as close in age as yours, and neither has special needs), I know I would have a lot of trouble managing it. If you are truly planning on having 3 kids, working parttime, and going to school fulltime, i think it would be very stressful and overwhelming. It's not even the guilt of leaving them home... if you have good care lined up then it's not as hard. It's having to do work/study while you ARE home with them that is difficult. Extremely difficult. And that is the time that is full of guilt. Because they don't understand that even though you are there, you cannot play or give them your full attention.
I don't want to deter you- I just hope you have a realistic understanding of what it might entail because you may need to rework your timetable. I am all for having a family, a career, and ambitions. As you know, at this age, their needs will come first though. And your school work or your sanity will suffer with that ambitious plan. Perhaps it may be helpful to post a new thread looking for the experiences of those who went to grad school while raising little ones? It may give you a more realistic picture of what is feasible.
I agree with BTS, if you feel this is right, then approach DH. Let him know your feelings and that you feel it would be easier to have another baby now rather than in the middle of going to school, etc.
I'm like BTS, I just kind of do things. See DH and I have only ever "tried' for one of our kids..the rest we just let happen...we didn't try but we didn't prevent either. Personally, I have found that even though it does have it's challenges I much prefer to have my kids closer together. It seems the closer in age they are the closer their relationship is.
I know a lot of people prefer to have more money when raising kids, but I feel that as long as you can provide your children with their most basic needs and maybe a little more that's all you need monetarily. The rest of what a child needs is free - love, compassion, understanding, etc.
Besides, you're an awesome mom and no matter how many kids you have you'll do great :) Ya never know, your DH may be thinking the same way and isn't sure how to approach you about it ;)
If needed the plan would be work part time school part time, this is definitely something I've thought about alot lately. Thank you ladies for your advice and I will probably make a new post asking for experience from those who did school and babies at the same time as you suggested.
LosingMyMindInGA~ My brothers and I were close in age and I really liked it because Mikey the youngest was 6yrs younger than I was but when he was a baby we were super close and then as he grew he and the middle one Jon were close.
I agree w/your approach with providing for our kids. I know how to stretch a budget, I learned when I was 13 and my dad left leaving my mom to care for all 4 of us on 1 income.
I think DH is starting to think the same way, but that he's still letting fear and worry get in the way so I guess we'll see over the next few months what happens with him and what happens with us and if the method we're using works or fails.
I have 2 kids one of which is disabled and I am doing corraspondense courses and as it is I can barley find time for school... My plan was to get my nursing degree starting in January but now I just found out I was preg so I decided I won't be getting my degree quite yet I don't want to have a baby just so I can hand it off to a baby sitter... I want to raise my baby, so maybe you should think about this a bit more... If you really want the schooling done than maybe do that and wait to have the baby or vice versa
I got your message on this but didn't have a chance to reply! I'm pretty slow on returning messages lately, sorry! Anyway only you know your situation and experiences and if you want to continue to expand your family I think you should just come out and tell DH, "I think I'm ready. What do you think?" Don't get upset if he doesn't jump for joy at the chance. He may need time to think it over!
Majikat~ As it is I care for our kids. My mom takes them each weekend because she wants to spend time with them. other than her I don't use a sitter.
JoyRenee~ last night I spoke to DH but for some reason he says he's not ready for another baby, at least TTC. :) I guess we'll see and as you said he may need time to think it over.
Was your DH like that?
I think you should, your DH will come around im sure, haha.
I mean if you have baby number 3 now... then you can live your future the way you want, Like school and stuff and wont have to worry about TTC and then having a baby a bit later, they will also be really close in age and they might have a better bond, my brothers and sisters do, all of us together are really close in age if you count ALL of us haha, and we get on just fine, my two older brothers have a secretbond thing. Cause they are 18 months apart.
So I think its better...but you both have to be on board to do so if that makes sense. Just wait till you're both ready, but let him know you are willing to start schoool a year late for this. And flutter your eyelashes and go plllllleeeeeeaaaaaaseeeeeee. You never know it might work!
My point was that if you planned on getting a nursing degree while pregnant you would have to get a baby sitter for when you return to school. You can't really have both without a babysitter or daycare for the children that army school aged.
My step mum done her CSI like training whilst pregnant.... but she has like 100000000000000001 kids lol so she always had a sitter, but a yearr later she was pregnant again.. aha.
But people can do it people cant...
I wont trust a professional sitter a family memeber would have to look after my peanut (if its beating haha) because of all the stories, I was brought up on baby sitter after baby sister it wasnt a nice experience TBH, I wouldnt want my baby to have that so it would always have care but with family i trust.
I think you should go for it. Follow your heart....
if you dont, you might spend your time thinking about that what ifs in life....
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