Need options on delivery/induction/kids

[BTS1022]

So, as of now DF and I decided to have Kora here instead of moving back home to Michigan. Mainly because we are more stable financially here in Iowa. We will eventually move back home, but don't see the need if all it's going to do is cause financial issues for both of us. On top of that, my family has been having issues...a lot of fighting and arguing between my mom and dad, which will in turn effect how much support I receive from them, so we just opted to go at it alone here.

Now, my question- What am I going to do when I go into labor? The ex is supposed to have the children for Christmas...but he is far from reliable, as he only takes the kids if it interfere's with plans of mine...which he finds out by stalking my myspace. So when the time comes I can't rely on him to take the younger 2 boys. Now, even if the ex did take the boys..which I'm still going to ask him to...What am I supposed to do with Michael. Does a 6 yr old need to be in the delivery room?? Will they allow it?  

My girlfriend suggested if I could pay her way, that she would take a bus or train from MI to Iowa, around the 20th of December, she graduates college Dec 17th so it can't be any sooner. I can pay her way, only $86 bucks for a greyhound ticket. But there again, she is very unreliable due to a controlling boyfriend. If he says no, then she won't do it, even if she claims she still would. I know her better than she thinks lol.

So if that doesn't fall through...what's my next option besides bringing Michael with me to the delivery....which would FORCE me to have an epidural, because if I went all natural it would obviously scare the hell out of my son. I have absolutely no friends here in Iowa, and no Family. I could send my oldest to stay with my dad, but with the fighting going on over there...it's not a good idea, even if I was living back home, I couldn't ask my mom and dad to watch him, because of the fighting. Now DF says he doesn't mind if Michael my oldest attends the delivery, my oldest knows that baby's come out of momma's pee pee lol so it won't be a huge shocker, but it will pretty much cancel out a natural birth for me. And Michael is SUPER SUPER excited to be having a little sister, so I think being able to see her come into the world would be good for him. And if it's a scary experience....we can consider it a good method of birth control for my son lol.

With all this said, are there any other options I am leaving out, in case Michael can't be in the room with me? I will be having this conversation with my doctor, when we discuss my birth plan, which is basically no narcotic pain relief.

My second question, Since I am due Christmas Eve and I would LOVE to have Kora at home on Christmas, what would my chances be at having my doctor simply stripping my membranes around the 20th of December. I know if my cervix is not ready enough, that it won't work for me. So I need other options on natural induction. I don't want a normal  induction, because I want it to happen as natural as possible.

[BTS1022]

I unfortunately don't make a good candidate for a home birth, because of my history with Bailey. That and my insurance (Medicaid) won't pay for it.

[JoyRenee]

Two thumbs up to the homebirth. I just read the above comments. Do you have a midwife?

[JoyRenee]

Use the $86 you would've spent on a bus ticket and get a babysitter. ;-) There are babysitting services that interview and screen sitters and then assign them to you when they are needed.

Otherwise ask your doctor if your children can be there for the delivery. I personally wish mine could've been there. It would've been such a private, intimate experience for us all. Midwives generally allow it though hospitals and doctors do not. Just check and see what you can do.

[BTS1022]

People here aren't that nice lol. I met one lady here whom I used to work with, and they won't watch the kids for less than 100 bucks, mainly because of Aiden. He is a handful, and doesn't play nicely with other children, so a lot of people won't watch him. That and Aiden does not listen to authority, and he will get into almost everything, whether he knows better.

I mean heck, he is 4 and will wake up at 5am and get into EVERYTHING...I once had makeup and $250 dollars worth of groceries ruined. We have to have locks on the inside of every door and window, because he will go outside. And he is sneaky lol very quiet when he does stuff.

And I can't put a baby gate up in his room because he might need a potty break in the middle of the night, and he shares his room with the other 2 boys. So, I don't know what i'm going to do lol. Maybe I can just ride it out and have a home birth lol.

[rebekah385]

oh, also if you got to know another mom in your area maybe you could trade baby-sitting, you could watch her kid's for a night out once in a while and she could watch yours when you have the baby and for any appointment you need to go to without the kid's, just a thought!

[rebekah385]

if he acts like thats, maybe ask him if he's going to take the kid's for Christmas and then kinda hint that you would like to keep them, so he is more likely to want them! your kid's and my kid's are almost the same ages! I have a just turned 7 year old, a 4 year old and a 2 year old! Good luck!

[BTS1022]

That's a good idea too! But i'm not sure how much they would charge. We are financially stable right now, mainly because DF works and I stay at home with the children, so we don't have to pay for childcare. I can call around and see if anyone would be willing to be on call for a set amount, that we can budget out.

I'm not sure if visitation will stay the same, I have a custody hearing end of this month. I will have to see if they will keep it the same. My ex NEVER takes any extra time with the kids. I offer but he declines. He only takes them when he feels it's going to screw my plans with the boys, or won't take them if he finds out it would be beneficial. I could start asking him if he plans on taking the kids this Christmas. As I plan on asking him to take the children from Dec 20th to Jan 3rd. which is 2 weeks...but I doubt he will.

[tiredbuthappy]

A thought to use as a back up... On craigslist there are tons of posts from people willing to do last minute childcare. There are also websites that do background checks on sitters like sittercity. You have plenty of time to meet a qualified person, do a background check, etc... in your area. Perhaps you'd like to start building a relationship with a new sitter now with the understanding that she will be on call when the new baby comes? Even if you don't end up needing her, it might be good to have a sitter to rely on at other times.

[BTS1022]

I wouldn't mind bringing my older son with me to the delivery, and i'm sure even with DF my son will have a lot of support from nurses, my labors are pretty uneventful, and quick. And on top of all that, DF bought my older son a Laptop for Christmas...and push comes to shove, we can keep him entertained for HOURS on that, with kid appropriate games of course! DF is really good at being there and supporting the family as a whole, no matter how stressful things go, so i'm not concerned about the support area for myself or my older son. Of course I will have to talk with my doctor about that, but if I explain my situation, it may be something they will allow.

Now the only issue is if the ex will take the other 2 children. He is court ordered to have Christmas this year with the boys, but if he finds out that having the kids will be beneficial to me, he will likely cancel and make me keep them. And that there, will be an issue, because my younger 2 are handfuls. Aiden who is 4 is Autistic and excitement causes him to have meltdowns and severe tantrums which can last for hours. My youngest who will be 2 in October is always on the go...and if he isn't in the spotlight he too can get pretty pissy.

I'm not on good terms or talking terms with my ex husband. Information is relayed through his father due to a protection order, so I'm a bit nervous that my ex to be an a$$ he won't take the children, which will cause DF to miss out on the birth.

[rebekah385]

if your son is 6 maybe he will make a few new friends at school when it starts, and then you could make it a priority to get to know that parents nd if you felt comfortable enough maybe he could spend the night over at friends house when you have the baby. As far as having him in the room a lot of hospitals will allow him to be there, but it is usually best if there are atleast 2 other adults there, if a child is there, so one adult can be supporting you and one can explain things to him and take him on bathroom breaks, meal breaks, ect. I am somewhat faced with a similar situation I am 37 weeks pregnant with baby #4 and live in an area where I have no family and don't know anyone yet! my husbands friend and his wife live here, but they both work and their schedules vary, so I can't count on them, I did find a crisis nursery that would take the kid's for free for up to 72 hours when i have the baby, the only problem there is the kid's won't know them, but if need be I can use them! Good luck and hope it works out! oh, and i had my son there when i had his little sister and did not do pain medication, just explained things and made sure he had some to talk with during the whole thing!