Need to vent or i'm going to cry!!

[gillianl]

I am feeling so down at the moment, we've been ttc for the past 21 months with no luck.  My partner has already given one sample and has been asked to give a 2nd which he will do in just under 2 weeks time, we haven't had sex in over a week and i'm ovulating tomorrow so probably not in the 2ww this month.

he's also working a lot of overtime and after moving to a new house in an area i'm not sure of and the fact i have no friends i feel so alone most nights.  All i seem to hear is we have no money for this, we have no money for that and i'm sick of it sometimes i wonder why i'm even trying for a child.

I just wish we could spend more time together other than doing the weekly shopping on a saturday, i've told him all this but he still say's we need the money and he has to work.  i can't even take the car to visit my parents as he needs it for work, the new house was supposed to be a new start but i feel so empty i've never been able to go on a work's night out because everytime i go to say yes i find out we've no money so have to say no, i was supposed to start going to the gym next week and can't go as we can't afford it no wonder i turn to junk food when i feel so depressed being on my own every night.

sorry if this seems a bit long but i can't take anymore i feel my relationship is going down the drain and i don't know what to do to stop it.

[JoyRenee]

It sounds to me like you both are very stressed out right now (men react differently to stress and can become "workaholics"). He is probably stressing about whether or not he is the cause of the fertility issues.

*HUGS*

I'm so sorry! Maybe it is time to rekindle the passion and put baby-making on the back burner while you get settled in your new place.

[gillianl]

i hope everything works out for you to pause_21 i know how it feels to try for so long with no results

[pause_21]

I hear you I broke down in tears today because I thought I was going to get that bfp and got the BFN so I was very upset!

I was upset last night because my husband thinks that god is trying to tell us something!  I just feel so sick right now!

I hope everything works out for you hun!

[gillianl]

thanks very much i'm feeling a bit better as we spoke before he went to work, when i came home he was making dinner and he started talking about going to work well i broke down, he thought it was because of what he said this morning and tried to appologise and said he didn't mean that i was spending to much he meant we both had to keep our heads down to get the bills paid

I told him it wasn't that it was just we hadn't spent so much time together lately and he gave me a cuddle so we're getting there i hope all goes well for u!!

[bancake]

Smjmekg I love you! LOL! I was just reading your and Gillianl messages, and I could really relate to her. I never want to talk to people about problems like that because I feel embarrassed and people often judge and give negative feedback, or just say things I don't feel I need to hear at the time, but you like put it in a perspective that will help ease my mind. Gillianl maybe you should try jogging around the neighborhood. That way you can get a great workout in and possibly meet new people. I know all about money issues trust me! I worked at a casino as a waitress, and I was bringing home tips everyday, I knew I wasn't buying anything for myself but the money was always little and I was the one getting blamed for spending. I started to write down every penny I made and every penny I spent. That way I wasn't getting blamed anymore more and that cut out plenty of arguments. I agree with Smjmekg maybe you should hold off on ttc for a while, because while you are going through these problems right now I was going through them while I was pregnant. Believe me its not fun. I was soo lonely I cried so much in my first and second trimester. I just knew I was having a girl (I already have two boys) the morning I went for my second ultrasound everything just kept going wrong. First I woke-up late, then my husband didn't even go with me. When I finally did get the ultrasound done, they told me it was a boy. I lost it! I went upstairs to the nurse's office and she asked what I was having and I couldn't hold back anymore. I started crying so bad I couldn't even breathe let alone talk. They put me on Zoloft because I just couldn't take it anymore. I didn't care about anything. I didn't even want my baby,I was so angry. I was mad at everyone even God.It was just too much I couldn't take anymore. The nurse kept asking me if everything was OK at home but what wast I going to tell her? I started to take the medication and it really did help me. but it wasn't until I left work that it all started because I was always home alone. I to went through the one car issue so I couldn't go see my family, and we didn't have any extra money to hang out with friends. What I started to do is have my sister or cousin come and stay a couple of days, and go to little or no price places with my friends. I didn't feel so alone after that. Being alone can really play tricks with your head. I think everything will pass. I just wish I knew about this website before, because I feel alot better talking to you ladies about this. Sometime you can talk to strangers better than you can talk to friends and family. Keep your head up, and I really, really hope EVERYTHING works out for you!

[smjmekg]

Aww...I'm sorry I couldn't help any. I hope you feel better soon, and if you need to vent you can always pm me and I can fail at cheering you up again, lol. :)

[gillianl]

thanks very much i just can't seem to pick myself up today

[smjmekg]

I know how that goes, my husband is constantly working and hardly ever has a day off. It's very stressful, and he's another that doesn't usually let his feelings show very often. You should just sit him down when you have the opportunity and let him know that you really need him to open up a bit more and let you know how he's feeling and not to be such a "big tough man" all the time. Most of the time when I talk to my husband things go in one ear and out the other, so I've been telling him to stop what he's doing and to come and sit with me and talk to me. I don't feel like he's really talking to me or paying attention when he's doing something else too. We have money problems too, and I never spend money on things other than what I have to buy. It's very hard, but you'll get through it. Try telling him you feel like you aren't getting enough time together and ask him not to completely cut out overtime, just not so many days. Pick a day of the week when you can have a "date" night. Where the two of you just spend time together, maybe watching a movie you have or just going for a walk. You really need you and him time, and you'll especially need to make time for just the two of you once you have a baby. My husband and I have been out together alone all of two times since January, and we also need alone time. Elijah goes to bed at 7 now, and when my husband isn't at work we sit down and watch a movie, or play cards, or darts. We also have video the wii so we can play bowling or baseball together. Even doing things like that is time for the two of you to bond, and be together. Once you have a baby it's hard to have alone time, especially when they are very young. Relationships take a lot of work, as I'm sure you know, and it will get easier with time until you have a baby and then it will be hard again for a while, and then get better as your baby gets older. Stay strong, you will pull through this, and try to be positive, keep your head up! I don't know if you're religious or not, but if you are remember God doesn't put you through anything you can't handle, and He's with you every step of the way. I've had my break down moments, and been in bad moods after being away from my husband for 8 months with a new born, and we've had our fights since being back together for the last almost 7 months. I'm still having to remind myself that things will get better once we get back stateside and I can work, and when DH is in another unit (he's in the army). I know it's easier said than done to stay positive, but try for yourself and your partner, and remember you may not have friends where you are yet, but you always have one here!

[gillianl]

Thanks very much i have a fulltime job and work from 8am till 5pm, he works 2pm till 10pm one week and 7.30pm till 6am the following so it's hard trying to get a few minutes in when he's rushing about trying to get ready for work when i'm just coming home.

We do ask each other about how our days have been but he's the type of guy who doesn't let his feelings show very often and sometimes i feel he could be doing with letting off a bit more steam, i always feel it's my fault when we have money worries as he tells me to stop spending.  Thing is i can't remeber the last time i bought myself anything nice i spent a bit more on his birthday than usual but apart form that i only take money to work.  I'm just more stressed than normal this month i asked him last week to cut back his overtime and it went in one ear and out the other as he has worked overtime all week

[smjmekg]

Do you work? You sound like you need something to keep your mind off of all the downs right now. I know exactly how you feel moving somewhere new. I moved from the states to S Korea, so BELIEVE ME...I'm right there with you. Plus I can't work, it's illegal for me to, I have one neighbor that speaks English, and we don't talk much. Maybe the two of you should take a break from TTC. I know how bad you want a baby, but maybe just taking a break and getting a little stress relief from that end will help out a little. Look at it from your partner's point of view too, he's having to give samples, make sure you're having sex at the right time, work over time...he's probably really stressed too. I'm not trying to say you're being selfish, you're not. Maybe get a hobby, or try a part time job? Things will work out in time. But I definitely know how you feel, DH and I stopped TTC last month and won't start again until Nov/Dec, and we've been at each other's throats quite a bit the last few months. TTC does add stress, especially when you see that BFN every month. I know you're feeling down right now, you need to find something you can do during the day that makes you happy. And you and your partner need to make time, even just five minutes a day to have to enjoy each other's company. Not just having sex, ask him how his day was and let him vent a little. Talk to him about how you're feeling when he's in a talkative mood, and ask him how he's feeling. Communication, in my opinion, is a major role in a relationship. I'm trying to lose weight too and I don't have time to make it to the gym, so try just doing things during commercial breaks watching tv, or don't just sit and watch it, do some squats, or sit ups or push ups. If you have a can of vegetables/fruit, stand and raise your arms at your sides, then in front of you a few times, there's plenty of things you can do at home to help lose weight, or just to keep fit. If you need to vent you can always pm me, or just to talk about men, ttc, or being in a new place. *HUGS* Cheer up! :) This is just a small bump in the road, and the beginning of a new house, a new place, and hopefully soon a new baby!