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Avatar universal

OT- public school, private school, home schooling

so i just read in another post someone talking about public schools. i know the school i went to was GREAT. while i was there. i went back 3 years later when i was writing my thesis for my psychology class. wow....it was AWFUL!!! the kids....were so disrespectful and the teachers i'd known for years and loved were so miserable. the ones who were the most amazing teachers, who helped me to learn and understand in high school looked like they were just.....drained and lifeless. the girls (between the ages of 13-18) were walking around in these tiny, tight, belly showing spaghetti strap tank tops, jeans that were so tight they looked like they were painted on (of course the bum crack was hanging out), or skirts so short the bum cheeks were hanging out OR shorts that looked like undies. i was shocked, horrified and couldn't believe what happened to my alma mater. while i was observing in one of the gym classes i saw a boy and girl kissing in the corner!!! then i saw what shocked me even more....kids walking around on their cell phones... while i was in school all of that behavior and the way they dressed and the use of cell phones was strictly forbidden. if you were caught kissing you were sent to detention. if you came dressed like that the principal sent you home to change and gave you detention. if you were caught with your cell phone the phone was confiscated and after you were caught a second time the phone was confiscated in the office until your parents could pick it up and then the security guard (we did have metal detectors by my senior year) was given instructions to make sure you did not have your phone. if you did it was confiscated till the end of the day. so i asked one of my old gym teachers about it and she said the teachers quit caring b/c the new principal didn't care. i was sickened and heart broken by how my beloved school had turned out.

so.....which do you think is better for your kids? or what are your experiences?

the dh and i are already starting to talk about schools for the boys (even if they are only 9 months old) and we're REALLY leaning towards private school. but neither of us went to private school. we both went to public. my cousin, however, DID go to private school and she said she loved it and when she went back (to register her son for kindergarten) she said it was exactly the same.
14 Responses
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865924 tn?1240327536
I agree that it isn't the school per se but the bad parenting that leads to unruly, disrespectful children. It is those children that influence the behavior of others and cause problems. I also agree that where you live makes a huge difference. There are very good public schools out there in most states but when your state is 35th and beyond then you are dealing with huge problems. I have seen teachers in Hawaii that give arbitrary grades to be liked and they never fail a child because that would make them look bad...WTF????? No wonder is is 49th in education! I live in CA where the first place they take money is from the schools. I happen to be lucky enough to be in an elementary school district that is very good but the public HS isn't. I may do public elem followed by private HS or I may Home school until HS and then go private. Only time will tell.
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280369 tn?1316702041
I was homeshooled and also went to private school. I prefer homeschooling but I went to a private school in highschool and loved it as well. We plan on homeschooling our children and then when they are of highschool age, we will let them decide if they want to continue homeschooling or go to a private school. I never missed out socially from being homeschooled and loved the extra time I could devote to things that I really wanted to do that would better my life and future rather than spending all that extra time after school doing homework. But I also loved going to school as well and I have made a lifetime friend who is such a blessing to me. Where I live, the state is pretty strict on what you need to do as a homeschooler and I fulfilled everything, went to graduation, and got my diploma. I was always ahead because when I went to school, I got A's and was also learning things I had already done while being homeschooled. Basically I am for Homeschooling and Private school. I see benefits to both sides. I could never consider public schools...at least not the ones I've seen in my lifetime.
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Avatar universal
It is sad what is happening at schools today.  Teachers just dont have the support they used to from parents.  Most parents think their children should be allowed to do what ever they want in school and will throw a huge stink if their children get in trouble.  Some teachers are fearful of their own students.  It has been happening for years, and has finally come to this point.  Our teachers do not get paid enough to deal with all the punky kids and Parents....and now with even less government support I really feel for them.
That being said, the area I live in is very nice.  The pubic schools seem safe and the kids in the area dont seem too punky.  I will give public schools a try and if my son does well in it I will keep the public school support going.  If I see that my son isnt learning well and may need a different style teaching or he is being picked on a lot then I will go for a private school.
  
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583196 tn?1429221155
i think it all depends on your area and where you live. some places have great private schools, some dont. some have wonderful public schools, some dont. in the area that i am in at the moment we are seriously considering home schooling...and he isn't even born yet!  the schools here are super religious and do not hold the same views that we would like to instill in our child. both my parents are teachers, as is my sister. we feel that we will have enough support to add variety and spice to homeschooling. but we could be in a totally different area in five years and might really like that areas public school. in which case we might consider public school.  my husbands sister went to private school for junior high and high school. i like the idea of letting them choose at that age. also, it depends on their character too.  so i would try them all given the situation at the time and the character of the student.
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304970 tn?1331425994
I think this post is interesting and am surprised there hasn't been more activity..

Soooo, I am **bumping**
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Avatar universal
I agree completely with jenkaye.  Being a teacher myself it's INFURIATING when people want to blame the schools for the problems with the students.  Try being a PARENT first.  Taking responsibility for YOUR child.  Having there be structure and consequences set up in the HOME.  As a school we are VERY limited in what we are allowed to do, discipline wise.  It only takes one parent to complain b/c their "innocent child" got in trouble for a school board to have to back down.  It's ridiculous!!!  It has made me question my choice of career so many times because it is easy to get beat down and frustrated by the lack of respect, lack of accountibility and poor attitudes of today's generation.  That being said, I care too much about each student and the positive impact that I have on their lives to just walk away.  How and where you choose to school your children is your choice, but I can tell you that active, positive, responsible, parents (like all of US!  :)) will help better the school system in the future when our children get there.  :)
Helpful - 0
719902 tn?1334165183
As a public school teacher, I will definitely send all of my kids to public school.  I see many wonderful things there; awesome teachers, high standards, a rigorous curriculum, etc.

Yes, the behavior of kids has changed drastically in the past years.  IMO, schools need more leeway to make parents/children accountable for their actions.  There is only so much we are allowed to do, but if more children were suspended for serious actions, then the parents would be inconvenienced and things may change.  I am shocked by the parents who defend their child everytime they do something wrong!!  It is no wonder these children think they can get away with anything; they can.  Yes, it is difficult to hear that Johnny is being a brat in class, but parents need to support teachers and deal with the minor problems before they become major.  This is not just a problem of kids with negligent parents; often the "good" parents are just as guilty.  

The worst offenders should be in alternate placements rather than mixed into and influencing other kids.

DIdn't mean to write so much, just needed to vent a little! = )

BTW, I don't think home-schooling is a bad thing, if it is done correctly.  Private schools, unfortunately, do not have a good track record with me.  Every student I have ever gotten from a private school (and there have been many) has been SO FAR behind grade level its not even funny.  Their curriculum is different and their teachers are often less qualified, and the students who are "top" students there are barely passing in public school.  Again, just from my experience with private schools in my area.
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461781 tn?1285609481
I really like the idea of public schools, but public schools have been a problem for decades because the first thing local governments do to cut spending is to cut education funds, that to me is ridiculous.  I think that this is mainly a culture problem, I think that there are waaay too many parents that either don't care or want to be too cool with their kids to set rules and boundaries.  The current culture on TV, MEdia, etc. has made it even worse AND well, teachers are not going to care if what they teach in the classroom is completely disregarded when the kid goes back home and can do whatever the h3ll they want around their parents.

I went to a public school and it was great and we DID have an uniform and I think that was awesome, but there was a lot of discipline in the school and at home too.  There was only one pregnant girl ONCE in the 4 years that I was there and it was a shocker, it wasn't "normal" like people see it now.

Anyway, if we want our children to have a good education, you have to move to  the areas where the best schools in the county are OR private school.  I'd never do homeschooling.
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184674 tn?1360860493
I have experienced almost every type of schooling; I've been to public, year-round charter, private, and I've been homeschooled. The one I definitely preferred was homeschooling, hands down. My next preference would be either the year-round charter schooling or the private schooling. I have been to eight different schools growing up, five of them being public schools, and only one public school was one I really liked. Every other public school was not so great compared to my other experiences, and I can say for sure that three of the five public schools I went to were horrible for me.
My son will be starting Kindergarten next fall, and I determined long before he was born that I would never send my children to public school. But, now that I'm actually in the situation of scoping out a school for my son, I have considered public school because my son is not *me,* meaning maybe he won't have such a bad time there because he's more outgoing and not as hyper-sensitive as I was (I was bullied a lot). However, I have looked into the public schools in my district, and to be honest, I am not at all impressed with what I've found out. So that's what I'm basing my decision on, rather than his potential social adaptations.
I will either be sending him to private school or homeschool him. I don't think I can homeschool him until a few years from now, but that is ultimately what I'd like to do for him. I may never get that chance though...I don't know. But I'd like to homeschool him because I know *exactly* how he learns, I'm consistent with his discipline, and I know my expectations of him. I feel the one-on-one education is as good as it gets, and coming from a child's parent, whom s/he trusts and craves that quality time. That said, homeschooling is not for everyone, every family. Some parents don't have the knowledge, self-discipline, time, or support to homeschool, and some kids absolutely NEED a variety of teaching methods and discipline from people other than their parents. I was not one of those kids. But my son may be...I don't know. That's why I'd like to try homeschooling for him, but if I ever get to try it, I can't say for certain that it would be permanent.
Currently, I'm scoping out three private schools for him. I'm really interested in the most prestigeous one in our region, but I'd have to count on getting financial aid. So we'll see how that turns out--I'm currently waiting to hear back from their admissions department.
Anyway, to make myself clear here, I am not implying that I'm totally against public schools and want nothing to do with them. Like I've said, I've been to public schools and each one has at least one teacher or class, or more, that has molded me into the person I am today. Unfortunately, my many bad experiences with public schools have also made me cautious and hesitant about public schools. And like I said, I've scoped out the public schools in my district for my son, and I am not impressed AT ALL. If I was, I would seriously consider public school for him. I am not against public schooling, and I am actually quite disappointed that public education in America is beginning to get a bad reputation.
I think all that boils down to how our society is making so many things "acceptable" now; parents are not very involved in their kids' educations much--it seems they just send them to school and expect the teachers to do the discipline, but then don't back the discipline themselves. Also, the media isn't helping. Just my opinion.
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284738 tn?1283106819
my daughter will go to public school just like i did :)
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676912 tn?1332812551
I for one can only blame parents, and it's horrible that your school ended up this way, and that many are...but you have to think. Before that child gets to school, one or both parents see them, even if it wasn't that morning before they left...the parents are buying the clothes/cell phones. I'm not letting my kids get phones until they have a car and then they will pay for it with their own money by working, I did it and so will they. Anyways, point is...if the parents see this and don't care why would teachers care? I mean, it's not like if a parent doesn't care before they send the child to school that they'd care if the child got in trouble for the phone/clothes. I personally would love it if every school had a uniform. If I can find one, and afford it, I'd love to send my kids to a private school.
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304970 tn?1331425994
Oh, and to very briefly address the home schooling issue..

I am totally and completely and wholeheartedly OPPOSED to home schooling.
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Avatar universal
i agree...who's fault is this? i think the blame lies with everyone. the parents, the kids and the schools. the parents for either not caring what their kids do or not paying close enough attention, the kids for assuming this is acceptable behavior for school. like you said it's not a fashion show. this is the next step in life. where they are to get their education and prepare them for college if that is what they choose or at least having a bit of intelligence for when they graduate. i know there were days i HATED school...but i still went, paid attention, did my homework and did my best to get good grades (which i did i graduated 31st in a class of 240 and my gpa was a 3.75). the schools....for simply "not caring" anymore. for letting the students get away with this. i know while i was in school we complained about the doc (our principal at the time) and how strict he was but now...years later i realize he was doing it for own good. not to be mean. sure he might have been a bit too strict (he gave me detention for having tylenol after i had permission from my doctor and the nurse to have it on me for my migraines) but for the most part he was worried about our well being. he knew that we were there to learn. not to see who was better than whom. and for that i have to thank him.

the kids now a days (not all of them...i know quiet a few who do take their schooling seriously and don't walk around like little thugs and w hores) i just don't know what happened to them. why and when did parents stop caring or get too busy to pay attention to their children?

i also agree uniforms could help eliminate a LOT of problems in schools. banning cell phones all together (i did have mine on me while in school but it was off until after school hours and the only reason i had mine was so i could call my mom to pick me up after swim practice was over or after we got back from a meet she couldn't go to) could also eliminate a lot more problems. the rules in schools are just to lax anymore.
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304970 tn?1331425994
I think this is a great topic.

In my opinion, most of the things you mentioned can be blamed on the fall of American society. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said the principal and teachers just "stopped caring."  I also believe in 500 years, this era of time will be titled in a HISTORY book " The Fall of the Great American Society."

One one side of this debate, It is hard  (for educators) to care when the children are disrespectful and dressed like common ******. How do you try to instill virtues and education in children who clearly don't care or don't have guidance to NOT end up at school in this manner?  Who's fault is that? Not the schools (at least not totally). I think ALL schools should have a uniform. PERIOD..  I think the benefits FAR outweigh any of that cr*ap about individuality.. School is not a fashion show nor is it a place where children should be encouraged to show their individuality through clothing..In my opinion, that is a moot point...And for the cell phones, why are the parents allowing their children to think it is acceptable to use that phone while at school? Cell phones should be for emergencies ONLY for children. I think that is a parenting issue..

I think I could actually debate this topic on either side. I think the schools have a lot of responsibility that they arent living up to either, but I mostly blame our horrific society and lazy parenting.

I also went tyo public school and the things you mentioned above are unacceptable.. The question we should be asking is "when this type of behavior became acceptable? and WHY?" And "what, as parents, can we do?"

Our whole society needs a make over and I will say no more because I will then turn it into a political debate and that WILL get ugly in even this fantastic understanding forum! =)

Plus. Jaxson is waking from his nap and that is probably a good thing, I could go on and on and on and on.....
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