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Avatar universal

OT: Does this make me mean??

So im making my Christmas list ((im a last minute shopper lol)) for next weekend so that i can get it done in one shot! Since both hubby and i are at work, we email eachother...i sent him an email saying i was making a list. He emails me back and says "ok, make sure you include my family in it too." I got a little irritated because when his mom and brother were down here we spent about $2000 on toys, clothes, a laptop, taking them out, shoes, video games, etc. Not to mention the $800 my parents spent on toys and clothes for them as well!
As soon as his niece and nephews got their toys...they broke them within days! And somehow his mom and brothers managed to break the laptop!

He then tells me that he was upset with my status on facebook...this is what it said...
"i cannot wait to go Christmas shopping for my nieces & nephew! I love watching them open presents and next year i get to watch my little munchkin open presents with them! Definitely my favorite time of year!"

He said "you know you have other nieces and nephews now". And i understand why he'd be a little upset...but i have never met his side of the family...except his mom and his oldest brother. And EVERY military payday his family calls for money. He is the youngest of 4. There is a 7 year gap between him and the brother before him. They are too dependent on him and it irritates me, but i hold my tongue because he gets defensive when it comes to his family. I tried to explain to him that since they live far, we shouldve sent out presents the beginning of Dec. His family lives in New Zealand and one brother lives in Samoa. I mean they dont understand that we have bills, loans, car payments and a baby on the way! They think because we live in America, we are automatically rich! We send them money even if we dont have much left over and then of course something ALWAYS comes up where they need more money! Im so tired of it that i sometimes want to smack my husband! When i try to say something all he says is..."youre family lives here so you dont know what its like, you get to see you nieces and nephew everyday!" OK i understand that BUT i dont buy my nieces and nephew things UNLESS its their birthday or the holidays! He feels the need to send his nieces and nephews something when they ask! "Uncle can you send me a remote car?" "Uncle i need a video game" "Uncle can you send me a portable DVD player?" "I need new shoes for school!" SERIOUSLY its getting ridiculous and he doesnt understand that the money he is wasting on these things couldve helped with buying our baby stuff! EVERYTHING we have has been given to us by my family...crib, clothes, bottles, bedding, you name it! Hes offended because i dont want to send any toys or money to his nieces and nephews for Christmas and YES i know its a time for giving but we just dont have that kind of money to be sending things over seas like that this time of year! Do you think im being a b!tch?
6 Responses
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Avatar universal
Thank you ladies for replying and for the advice! We actually got into an argument over it saturday night which resulted in me going to bed crying ): and him sleeping on the couch downstairs. He finally came upstairs around 3am and tried to apologize...i pretended i was asleep and ignored him until morning. We talked about the cost of sending gifts and i told him that i am not favoring my nieces and nephew ((even tho yes i do lol)) but it makes things easier since theyre here and then i told him...your family doesnt send us things and they dont plan on sending us anything or anything for the baby. That started another argument...he took it as "so you look down on my family and you think theyre poor huh?" I swear i can never win when it comes to his family! Anywho i told him if he is so concerned about his family having presents for Christmas and how its going to take most of our Christmas fund to buy and send his family gifts and we might not be able to buy things for my family here...then he should have no problem with me taking his $300 PS3 back to the store to get my money back so that i can buy gifts for my family. Of course, hes been begging for a PS3 for months since his was stolen back in August so i finally went and got him one and he was not willing to trade that in. So in the end i won lol, which is half of what i wanted...the other half of me would love it if his family would stop asking for money 24/7 and for him to stop sending it! I dont mind every once in awhile, but every payday is just ridiculous!
Helpful - 0
1041303 tn?1421387341
Oh Man this is almost exaclty like my Hubby's sister, I mean she used to have the kids lightly hint that they need stuff or send them to the store with me when I was going and then they would say Oh I need this, but my Mom can not get it for me.

You are not bieng a *****!!!! Your Husband needs to tell them NO once in a while. I mean I understand theya re his family too, but they live overseas and the price to ship alone would be outrageous. He needs to remember that you have a baby coming and they are not cheap..lol Your family is close and you probably are not buying them things all year just because. I remember you posting something like this right before the wedding about them wanting more money!! I mean come on now, not a lot of people are "rich" right now and they need to understand. Just because you live in America does not mean you are rich!!!

I know this sounds mean, but this is what we are doing this year because just recently my husband was told he wil not have any more wok untill January so we have to budget. We are not buying his siters kids anything or his Brothers for the fact that they never buy our boys anything!!!!! Not even for birthdays!!!!! SERIOUS!!!! And my hubby is just realizing that this is just not right! I mean his sister has 4 kids, no man, and no job, and expects everyone to cater to her and her kids. Well his mom can keep on because this year we are not!!! His Brother also has 4 kids and a good job and he never gets our kids anything. It has pissed me off for years!! Now my family on the other hand always buys our kids gifts for bdays, holidays whatever!! So he said this year we are just going to buy your family gifts since they are the only ones who buy our kids gifts.
Maybe your Husband will realize when your lil Man is here, that it ***** when you see your familys kids opening gifts and your child has nothing from that family member. It broke My Hubby's last month at our eldest sons bday when his brothers family was at his party eating all the food, and when present time came they were gone, and my son said where did uncle Jimmy go and no one knew!!!

Explain to your DH that you just don't have the money to do that, and maybe like the above post said just send a giftcard for the WHOLe family!!!
Helpful - 0
1320677 tn?1305757368
ur Not being mean! ur husband has to understand its not the same anymore, now he has his family of his own (him, u, the baby) which u guys should come first before his family and obviously urs too. u need to make him understand that things have to change now that the baby is on the way.

his family sounds as if they are taking advantage of ur husband. i bet they expect something from u guys this christmas even if they know u guys are expecting a baby. and everyone knows babies are expensive. and yes u as his wife shouldn't allow it.
Helpful - 0
1222635 tn?1366396286
is it possible they have a walmart or something we have over there? maybe you could get a gift card? that way you dont have to pay overseas shipping and you can just stick it in an envelope? just a suggestion!!
i think what i would do is say "okay ill send them christmas presents but this is the only thing they get, if we do this they dont get handouts again when its not a holiday."
Helpful - 0
287246 tn?1318570063
This sounds soooo much like my husband's family, and we fight about it too, but I do all of the shopping and I don't give his family money.  DH's family is from Colombia.  His parents moved here about 2 1/2 years ago.  Yay me...My husband's family would be just like that if we let them.  We try to stay off the subject of my DH's family because it always ends up in a fight.  We used to fight about it more than we do now, to the point I was actually willing to divorce over it.  But he lets me make the decisions about Christmas and gifts, etc.  I really only buy for who buys for my kids.  I don't care about myself or my husband, but if they don't buy for my kids, then I just don't see the point in buying for someone elses.  I will buy for my husband's niece this year, but I have told my husband that I will do exactly for his niece, what I do for mine.  I won't do anymore than that.  His sister needs to get a J-O-B and stop depending on everyone else.  I can pretty much guarantee that my kids will never get anything from her.  They never get anything from my husband's brothers either.  So once those guys turned 18, I stopped buying for them too.  It's not that they can't buy for my kids either.  They just don't.  So, I only buy for DH's parents and his sister's baby.  I don't buy for anyone else in his family.  I don't feel bad either because they don't buy for us.  I realize also that this is the season for giving and believe me, I do.  But we have 6 kids to buy for and I stay home, so I am not going to break the bank buying things for people that don't care much about my kids.  I just won't.  I could write a novel on this subject....

I would seriously tell your DH just what you told us.  I would remind him of ALL the money that has already been spent on his family.  If you have to start keeping a log, so be it.  I would also tell him that it is NOT YOUR fault that his family is not local.  You have no control over that.  But YOUR family/baby should ALWAYS come first.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
NOOOO your not mean at all.... THANK God i dont have any "family" in another country, and your right, ppl automatically think you have $ if you live in US. :/ it ticks me off to see your hubby buying things not only for xmas but randomly whenever they ask!!!!!!! POint this out to ur husband. This is ridiculous~!!!!! honestly
Helpful - 0
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