OT: Pregnant at 70??

Question

I am watching this show on TLC about women who are 58 and older going through IVF to have children. What do you all think about this?? I'm not sure how I feel about it, but I know once I go through menopause (still a long ways away), I'm pretty sure I wouldn't go out of my way, to spend lots of money on IVF to have a child. What makes someone at 65 or 70 want a baby? Isn't that a lot on your body at that age?? I've never heard of this before!

Kaylee_Frye · Answer

I agree with the sentiments above.  This is just shocking right now (even to me) because it hasn't been done before, and many of us probably wouldn't choose to do it.  But, that's an intensely personal decision (in my mind).

Medical science has been unnaturally extending lives for a long time, and we accept it no problem.  Who wouldn't give their daughter an inhaler if she was sick or in need?  This is no problem for us.  But, extending reproductive life is relatively new so it feels bazaar.

Sure, it's weird.  I don't think I would do it.  But, I believe every child born is a blessing.

cnhauk · Answer

I saw an episode of make room for mulitples where a woman's husband was killed in a car accident. He had always wanted a huge family, so to honor his wishes and have a part of him continue on in the world, she had a sperm retrieval done once he passed and had ivf done. She has her while family and his whole family there to help raise the babies, and shes making his dream of having a family come true, even after death. I don't think that's selfish. 

There are so many different circumstances surrounding bringing a child into the world. Who's to say what's the "right or wrong'' way and time to do it.

Clysta · Answer

I'm not too sure if it's selfish really to have children knowing one parent might/will die. Many children are raised without knowing one or both parents and are fine. Ideally yes, children should have both parents but that's becoming a dying tradition. We all have the chance to die at any moment, we just don't know when. That's an interesting point brought up though and one I personally never considered. It still seems strange to put your body through pregnancy and labour at an advanced age though. Women have prime childbearing years for a reason.

chantal21 · Answer

I guess in the end of it all, it's a woman's choice to have a baby, no matter what age. I just think it's strange and not normal once you have gone through menopause. I know in my family, menopause starts later, usually around 50-55. My mom is 50 and finally thinks she is starting to go through it. My great grandmother had her last baby somewhere around 53 while my grandmother (her daughter) was having her first baby. But it happened naturally, before menopause, so that isn't that strange to me.

sweetpea03 · Answer

I would say the military thing is fine, because it is only a possibility. With certain illnesses/diseases, they are considered terminal and that is when I find it to be selfish. If you know they will not live long and still bring a child into the world, that is when I do not think it is right. I love my boyfriend beyond all words can express and we are planning on getting married and starting our own family. I can't wait to have children with him. Though if I found out that he was 'sick', I would pull back from my own wants and think of what would be best for the child. I would not want to bring a child into the world while I am taking care of my husband toward the end of his life and don't find it fair that our child would only have one parent. Always wondering who their dad was and what he was like. As a child, it is nice to have a 2 parent family, to get to see the connection that the parents have and have them as your example of what a relationship is like(and hopefully a healthy relationship at that). And if the parent survived, but passed away when the child is young, that can be extremely hard for a young child to handle. I lost my cousin last December at her age of 30 and she left behind her 8 year old daughter and husband. Her death was very unexpected, but it took quite a toll on her daughter and family. She is only 8 and does not know how to handle situations like these. To put a child into that situation knowing full well that they parent will die is cruel in my opinion.

cnhauk · Answer

With the logic of it being selfish for a couple to have a child if there is a chance one of the parents might die early and won't be around to raise the child, does that make it selfish for a couple to have a child, where either the man or woman is in the military and they have a risk of being killed in combat? 

I don't think it's selfish at all to want to have a child with your spouse if they're ill, to carry on a piece of that person. I know that if something were to happen to my husband before we had kids, I would do everything in my power to have children with him before it's too late. I love my husband and it means so much to me, the thought of having a child that is part me and part him. And i would definitely follow through with that plan if something happened to him.

Kaylee_Frye · Answer

I don't know... I don't mean to just go against the grain, but I guess I don't ever want to look a child in the eyes and tell them they shouldn't have been born.  Even if they will only have their mother for a little while.

In this case, I adamantly believe the mother needs to organize a support system in the case that she dies to ensure the child will be cared for.  This must be done *first* -- but if she did this, then it is a blessing (even if medically assisted).

Lots of parents bring a baby into the world for selfish reasons...  That doesn't mean the baby shouldn't have the chance to exist, even if we know the child is likely to endure hardship (the loss of a parent) earlier than most.

sweetpea03 · Answer

I think it would be selfish at any age if a person knows one of the parents is going to die. Like the example amandaamae1126 used, I think that is selfish. I understand that the mom is so in love with her husband and has wanted kids with him, but it still is selfish to do in my opinion. I say that because she is bringing a child into the world where she may be an only parent before the baby is even born or just shortly after. A baby deserves to have a 2 parent family and to be loved and raised by the parents until they move out of the house and are on their own. I think people need to think beyond their own wants and see what is best for their child. If it isn't in the best interest of the child, I don't think they should be bringing a child into the world.

Spiket77 · Answer

I think I have seen a similar documentary. I don't think it is wrong or gross. Controversial, taboo? Yes. But, as long as fertility science keeps progressing you can expect to see all kinds of out of ordinary circumstances like Octomom and 70 year old new Mothers. I used to think IVF and fertility drugs were taboo. But now it is very common and accepted.

amandamae1126 · Answer

And another question, since this conversation is about women being too old to have kids, what exactly if the cut off age? 40? 45? 48? 52? 56? When does it stop? Do you think that doctors or government should decide a cut off age?

amandamae1126 · Answer

To be honest, I am not sure how I feel about this. Part of me says that having kids so late in life doesn't seem fair. But then part of me says a kid only needs to be loved. I don't think you should have babies just because they are cute, will be fun to take care of, are a part of you, are fun to shop for, etc. But rather kids are for loving and based on that, anyone capable of loving should be able to have kids. But considering these women are so old, how long can they love for? And that brings me to another situation to consider.

I know a young couple where the husband has ALS (they are in their mid-late 20's). He IS going to die soon and there is no way around it. They chose to do IVF and now have a daughter. KNOWING that he will NOT be around for long, is that ok? Is it only ok because he is young and ill? Is it only ok because the child's mom will be there to take care of her? Is it only ok because everyone deserves to have a kid? Is it only ok because his wife deserves to have a part of him stick around after his impending death? 

I can't imagine too many people thinking that this couple should not have a kid. They are young, went thru IFV, and decided to do genetic counciling to detour passing down "bad" genes. If it's ok for them to have a child, why not an older woman with a younger husband? I'm not saying I agree...I'm just saying it's a new way to look at it.

Shayne1989 · Answer

I dont think it is necessarily wrong or gross but like others have said there is a reason your body goes through menopause, aka baby making days are now officially over lol. I would never personally do this for the main reasons being that there are ALOT more risks being at an advanced maternal age (birth defects and complications with mom) and the biggest reason i would never do it is that whats the likelyhood of still being alive when your kid graduates highschool? if your 65-70 when you give birth that means by the time they are 18 you would be in your 80's! You would most likely never see your grandchildren and your kids getting married etc. I just can't imagine.  I don't think that IVF in general is wrong, i actually think its a miracle that we now have the medical technology to make it possible for woman that are unable to conceive naturally to have children of their own when without IVF they would never be able to. 
Its just sort of mind boggling to me imo. Maybe its because i'm only 21 or because one of the things that i dream of most is seeing my children grow up and get married and have kids etc.

sweetpea03 · Answer

Yea, I get that the older the wiser, but that is only to a point. There is a limit. Having a child at that age is just mean. The children would be taking care of their aging parent in no time even before they get to live their own adult life. how sad..

chantal21 · Answer

I agree. Someone on the show (can't remember if it was a doctor or not) was saying that it's so much better for older couples to have kids than it is for younger people to have kids....WHAT? He said they are so much more mature and capable of raising a child better than a young couple. Sure, with age is supposed to come maturity, but um...60-70, sure you may be very mature and know a lot in life, but that doesn't mean you take on the responsibility of having a child at that age! Personally, I just think it's a bit crazy and selfish.

sweetpea03 · Answer

I think it's selfish for these women to do this. They won't have as much energy as a younger mother and also won't live long enough to meet their grandchildren and may not even live long enough to see their own children grow up. That's very sad. There is a reason for why women go through menopause. The bodies of older women just are not meant to carry a child, there are just so many more risks and problems associated with it, and it's just not worth it.

spade22 · Answer

If it wasnt "intended" for women, who have gone through menopause to have children then by the same logic that would also mean that a women in her 20's who is unable to conceive without medical intervention is also not "meant" to have children. There are many considerations that need to be taken into account when a women over a certain age wants to have a baby. The fact her body is not capable of conceiving a child on her own is, in my opinion, not an appropriate line of reasoning.

chantal21 · Answer

Yea it's so strange!! The more I think about it, the more I think they are not making a good choice only because we go through menopause for a reason. Now if something miraculous were to happen and they got pregnant without the help of modern medicine at an older age, then okay but that would be extremely RARE, but to go out of your way at 60-70 is quite strange!! The one woman said (and her husband was only 41 while she was 60 or so I believe) that she had some major health problems and even if she did die, her 3 kids would be left with her husband and people who love them. How could you think like that?!? Your kids won't have a mother because you chose to use modern medicine at an age when God did not intend women to have babies! I just hope I can have all my kids young and grow old to see their children some day. It's sad that these moms won't get to see their children grow up.

Brittny27 · Answer

Shoot using my phone thought I was responding to a text that came through while reading this. 

Most these women in this show had husbands who were 15-20 years younger than them and second marriage.  

I agree it's a little old and they probably won't see their child graduate high school.

Brittny27 · Answer

Cookies aren't done and most Nikki and Brenda won't be home tillmafter 5 from work. I'll probably still b here when u get home. I figure I'd leave when u left for class.

Michele, Katy, TX · Answer

I don't understand it myself, and think that a mom has a responsibility to at least TRY to be here for their child for a long time.  Getting pregnant that late in life....you will end up leaving your child prematurely and leave that child without a mother.  That part is sad to me.....we all lose our parents at some point, but you hope it will happen when you are much older.

wannabeamama6 · Answer

ive seen that movie too! doesn't she have the baby for her daughter tho?

Clysta · Answer

I don't think it's gross or wrong, but I don't understand it. Like posted above there's a reason for menopause. (even though it can happen early on some women) The average life expectancy is in the 70's (77 I think) and it seems odd to have a child that late in your life. You can't really see them grow, see their kids and might not even survive the birth.

cnhauk · Answer

Omg I saw that too. So gross!! And selfish. The likelihood those women will live long enough to see those kids grow up is very slim.

julianovak · Answer

Me either... Apparently if you got the $ for it the docs dont mind..... Well frankly its gross and wrong BECAUSE there is a VALID reason for menopause..... aka baby factory is closed. Its wrong, For the mom and for the child.... Others will argue, as long as baby is loved, yeah loved for what TEN more years???!!! Nah i think its gross/wrong/unhealthy and there should be a law against that. SAme as wanting sextuplets and stuff like that. Its wrong, Medicine can do the imaginable BUT it doesnt nessesarily mean our bodies SHOULD.