Aa
OT Vent
Hi Everyone,
Just thought I would post here because I need some opinions, comments, thoughts about my situation and just to get it off of my chest.
I am a new mom my son is 4 months old as some of you know. I resigned from my job a couple of weeks ago to be a full time mom just let them know I wouldn't be returning from maternity leave. Something I never thought I would do. When I first had my son I noticed a bit of baby blues, but it didn't last. My husband was home from the time my son was 6 weeks old until end of November because he had a minor surgery. So, I had a lot of help and was never lonely because he was home. Now I am by myself day after day with my son. I cook and clean, go on walks, go run errands and do what I can to get out of the house. I am going bored out of my mind. I feel like I am not using any of my social skills, or my mind at all. I am getting more bored by the day I feel like I am losing myself. All of my friends work I have no friends that are home during the day. Once a week I go out at night to visit a friend or go to dinner for some me time. I know I am lucky I get to stay home with my little boy and I love watching him grow. I don't want to leave him to go to work this is what is best for him, but I miss my old life. I miss making my own money, my career, my accomplishments. I am very goal oriented and driven. I feel lost I don't know what to do with myself. I feel selfish complaining because I really do have a great time with my son, but it's not enough for me. I don't know if I am depressed or just bored. Also, we have are doing ok financially... but it is hard with only one income now and a new baby... so I can't afford to go out during the day and spend money. So, that is why going on walks have been our main activity. I feel like this is affecting my marriage as well. I am just lost and going out of my mind =(
Just thought I would post here because I need some opinions, comments, thoughts about my situation and just to get it off of my chest.
I am a new mom my son is 4 months old as some of you know. I resigned from my job a couple of weeks ago to be a full time mom just let them know I wouldn't be returning from maternity leave. Something I never thought I would do. When I first had my son I noticed a bit of baby blues, but it didn't last. My husband was home from the time my son was 6 weeks old until end of November because he had a minor surgery. So, I had a lot of help and was never lonely because he was home. Now I am by myself day after day with my son. I cook and clean, go on walks, go run errands and do what I can to get out of the house. I am going bored out of my mind. I feel like I am not using any of my social skills, or my mind at all. I am getting more bored by the day I feel like I am losing myself. All of my friends work I have no friends that are home during the day. Once a week I go out at night to visit a friend or go to dinner for some me time. I know I am lucky I get to stay home with my little boy and I love watching him grow. I don't want to leave him to go to work this is what is best for him, but I miss my old life. I miss making my own money, my career, my accomplishments. I am very goal oriented and driven. I feel lost I don't know what to do with myself. I feel selfish complaining because I really do have a great time with my son, but it's not enough for me. I don't know if I am depressed or just bored. Also, we have are doing ok financially... but it is hard with only one income now and a new baby... so I can't afford to go out during the day and spend money. So, that is why going on walks have been our main activity. I feel like this is affecting my marriage as well. I am just lost and going out of my mind =(
Hmm well... I wasnt a fan of that movie.. but it could work if it meant getting out of reality for a bit!!! lol
Glad your feeling better, sounds like you had a long busy day!!!
Glad your feeling better, sounds like you had a long busy day!!!
Desparate housewives...I love that... wouldn't it be cool if we could enter a virtual world like Avatar and all hang out? lol :)
Thanks everyone I am feeling much better and positive today. I was late with the decorating for Christmas so I started on that, so that helped get me into the spirit. I went out even in the pooring down rain and did a little bargain shopping for christmas. One great perk about being a SAHM is no crowds for shopping. Since we have the baby we did christmas photos for all the adults all I had to get were some frames, and we bought inexpensive gifts for my nieces. Went to the store for groceries and offered to pick up my teenage cousins from school. They love seeing the baby and their mom really appreciates it.
Thanks everyone I am feeling much better and positive today. I was late with the decorating for Christmas so I started on that, so that helped get me into the spirit. I went out even in the pooring down rain and did a little bargain shopping for christmas. One great perk about being a SAHM is no crowds for shopping. Since we have the baby we did christmas photos for all the adults all I had to get were some frames, and we bought inexpensive gifts for my nieces. Went to the store for groceries and offered to pick up my teenage cousins from school. They love seeing the baby and their mom really appreciates it.
I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.. I feel almost the same exact way.. My son is almost 2 and I desperately want to go to work or school, or something. The "catch 22" is finding something that works for my family and pays enough to justify putting him in daycare. We have moved 6 times since my son was born, and neither of us have family in any state we have lived in. I often feel alone and feel like I am becoming dumber as the days pass. Not that this is all that helpful of advice, but downloading books to my Kindle and reading makes me a *little* less "out of it" intelectually.. I have NO friends here and don't know anyone in this state so makes it difficult. I too have 0 support from family/friends. We are moving again next week..This time we are purchasing a home so I am really optimistic that this time I will be able to "settle," and find a job, find a Mom's group, or join the YMCA (if it is in the budget?)..Have you tried meetup. com (no spaces)? I have lived in some unusual locations so I haven't had any luck with it, but my good friend in Boston has 2 children and has made a TON of friends and had her boys incredibly active in playgroups until they went to school and she found a lot of the activities and groups through meetup. best of luck. I soooo feel you. XO
Call me crazy, but sometimes I wish this website was an actual home, haha dont know how to explain it, like we should all live in one community like desperate housewives lol... hahah then we would never be bored...
I didn't read all of the comments, but I know how you feel. I have stayed home during different periods of my kids growing up. When my oldest daughter was born (she is 9), I didn't go back to work. I struggled w/ the exact same things you are. I just missed having an adult to talk to. I missed being challenged or struggling to meet a deadline. Then I got pregnant again really quickly. By the time that one was 8 months old, I found a job. It wasn't because I gave up on the SAHM thing either. It was because my husband I were having a lot of problems and I didn't know what the future held for us, so I really wanted to have a job already just in case we didn't make it. Only 2 months after I started my job, my husband and I separated for 10 months. I was really glad I had found this job, but it was really hard at the same time. I love working but I REALLY missed my kids and held a lot of guilt.
But I continued to work there until I had this last baby. I did the same thing. I didn't return from my maternity leave. It was better in so many ways because I didn't constantly feel like I was having to choose between my children and my job. I had begun to feel as though my place was w/ my kids. I have so many now and someone was always sick or there was always something going on at school, etc. I remember telling my husband that I would have to have more purpose of just cleaning house though. He said he understood and that I could help him w/ his business. I also began looking into working from home. But even all of that changed because I decided to homeschool my kids. I don't feel the way I did when I stayed home before. I don't miss talking to adults or feel bored. I actually feel like I don't have enough hours in the day to do what I need to do. I stay super busy w/ homeschooling. We have our daily studies, plus projects, etc.
Okay....well I just read the last part of your last post. Sounds like you have a plan and it sounds great! Just remember that Franky is little right now but that as he gets older, you will have a lot more options.
But I continued to work there until I had this last baby. I did the same thing. I didn't return from my maternity leave. It was better in so many ways because I didn't constantly feel like I was having to choose between my children and my job. I had begun to feel as though my place was w/ my kids. I have so many now and someone was always sick or there was always something going on at school, etc. I remember telling my husband that I would have to have more purpose of just cleaning house though. He said he understood and that I could help him w/ his business. I also began looking into working from home. But even all of that changed because I decided to homeschool my kids. I don't feel the way I did when I stayed home before. I don't miss talking to adults or feel bored. I actually feel like I don't have enough hours in the day to do what I need to do. I stay super busy w/ homeschooling. We have our daily studies, plus projects, etc.
Okay....well I just read the last part of your last post. Sounds like you have a plan and it sounds great! Just remember that Franky is little right now but that as he gets older, you will have a lot more options.
Ammanda - thank you I really appreciate having others to relate to... I don't know how you do it without a car. I will even just put Franky in sometimes and go get a cup of coffee through a drive through just to get out when the weather is bad. I have been looking for a moms group to join (in person) but can't seem to locate one around here.
Julia- great suggestion about the park and now that Franky is almost 5 months I think he maybe able to go the the baby swings. Once the weather clears up I will give that a try it's been raining on and off =)
Limonada- what you said reminds me of one of my coworkers. When I started working with her I was so impressed because she had a 6 month old boy. I have never seen a woman so motivated in my entire life. She worked no overtime since she had to get her son from daycare (and back in those days I used to work about 10-12 hours per day) and she was doing just as well as I was in less time, and would go home and care for her little one. She seemed so focused... and at the same time her little boy was all she talked about. I always thought I would be like her, but once I had the baby and see how much he needs and wants only me I decided to give staying home a try. Also, I considered part time work. But, I couldn't find part time day care that was affordable it was almost as much as full time daycare and working part time wouldn't even cover those costs. I may look for something at night just to get me out.
Ivy- Thank you so much I will have to log onto my chat and see if you are on sometime. I was just thinking that I am going to love teaching Franky things when he gets old enough and I cannot wait. I imagine that when they are running around and a little older it is exausting, but fun too. You sound like super mom and I strive to be like you. I have no problem accepting help when offered, but I do have a problem asking for it... so there is an area I could probably gain a little more. Also, I was thinking right now I haven't really set any goals for myself in my new role... and I feel like I am just sort of winging it with no plan. So, maybe I will do that as well make lists everyday of things I would like to accomplish. Also, I am considering online classes for what I don't know... but if I do one here and there that might help me stay sharp. Once Franky gets old enough I will have him in all kinds of play groups. I think it's important for him to learn social skills... and he has only been around one other baby, so like I mentioned I am looking for a moms group of some sort. Anywho, look forward to chatting with you sometime. Hope things are going better with the little girl you are watching =)
Julia- great suggestion about the park and now that Franky is almost 5 months I think he maybe able to go the the baby swings. Once the weather clears up I will give that a try it's been raining on and off =)
Limonada- what you said reminds me of one of my coworkers. When I started working with her I was so impressed because she had a 6 month old boy. I have never seen a woman so motivated in my entire life. She worked no overtime since she had to get her son from daycare (and back in those days I used to work about 10-12 hours per day) and she was doing just as well as I was in less time, and would go home and care for her little one. She seemed so focused... and at the same time her little boy was all she talked about. I always thought I would be like her, but once I had the baby and see how much he needs and wants only me I decided to give staying home a try. Also, I considered part time work. But, I couldn't find part time day care that was affordable it was almost as much as full time daycare and working part time wouldn't even cover those costs. I may look for something at night just to get me out.
Ivy- Thank you so much I will have to log onto my chat and see if you are on sometime. I was just thinking that I am going to love teaching Franky things when he gets old enough and I cannot wait. I imagine that when they are running around and a little older it is exausting, but fun too. You sound like super mom and I strive to be like you. I have no problem accepting help when offered, but I do have a problem asking for it... so there is an area I could probably gain a little more. Also, I was thinking right now I haven't really set any goals for myself in my new role... and I feel like I am just sort of winging it with no plan. So, maybe I will do that as well make lists everyday of things I would like to accomplish. Also, I am considering online classes for what I don't know... but if I do one here and there that might help me stay sharp. Once Franky gets old enough I will have him in all kinds of play groups. I think it's important for him to learn social skills... and he has only been around one other baby, so like I mentioned I am looking for a moms group of some sort. Anywho, look forward to chatting with you sometime. Hope things are going better with the little girl you are watching =)
I kinda sorta know what you feel like...im not a stay at home mom...seeing as im still pregnant lol and im not sure if i want to stay home with the baby or go back to work yet. But sometimes when i decide to take a day off from work im bored out of my mind at home while my husband is at work. My family lives about 20-25 minutes away which isnt too bad, but i have to drive thru a tunnel just to get there and back and my husband likes to have lunch with me when im off so i just stay home instead of driving back and forth and OMG not even TV can entertain me LOL! I get on facebook but even that gets boring too. My oldest and my youngest sisters are both stay at home moms and i figured ill always have them to keep me company, but i went over to my parents house to hang out with them and the kids one time and it was like...noon is mommy & baby nap time and once again i was completely bored...so i ended up taking a nap too lol! So i know what you mean and its not like you can go out and spend the day at the mall shopping or go driving all over the town just for the heck of it...it can get boring and im sure alot of moms feel the way you do! I might quit my job if they dont offer me anything part time and start my own photography business with my sisters! Its something we've been talking about for a few months now! Maybe you just need to find a new hobby...my friend Jess took to sewing and shes awesome at it...she sells her quilts for $45 and they are a hot commodity, especially around this time of year!
I totally understand. I was a full-time college student (21+ hours a semester) and working odd jobs regularly up until I had my miscarriage...and then from then on until this day I've been a SAHW and SAHM once my kids were born...and it was very hard to adjust. I still have bad days/weeks where I feel lonely and disconnected...but just like every job comes with difficulties and sacrifices, this is OUR cross to bear, our burden to carry...you know?
I'm on FB on and off during the day and you can always msg me although I can never really guarantee a time I can be on....I CAN tell you that with two children to look after, I don't have as much time to feel bored or depressed as I used to. when it was just my daughter AND I was a first time mom it was REALLY hard for me. I do and always will believe that staying home with my kids is the best thing for THEM (not saying it's right for everyone :-) ) so I try to work through the down times...and I feel like I'm rewarded for it with the good days, which are plentiful.
as your son gets older you'll find less alone time and less time to feel depressed..now that my oldest is 2 yrs she's like a little companion for me and while (i'm not gonna lie) she can give me ABSOLUTELY BONKERs!OIEJHROSEFJDSLFJSDLFJDSF (sorry had a moment ;-) ) from time to time, she's amazing and she reminds me why the last 2 years have been a worthwhile investment.
hang in there..and take care of YOU. if you're feeling depressed, put Franky down for a nap and bring the monitor in to take a bath...or put him in his swing in the bathroom, or take a bath with him! that was always one of the most fun things that I did with my daughter when we had a bathtub (*tear for no more bath-tub :'-(* )....turn on some YOU music, he won't know the words yet, make yourself a favorite snack..put him in his bouncer/pack-n-play and just take 10 minutes to yourself..it's not a crime. call up a friend on her lunch break and chat, or have her call you every time she gets a break...set up a network of support.
there's an old saying "it takes a village to raise a child" and this applies on so many levels....part of that, I believe, is the fact that spreading the burden of childcare helps save the mom's sanity and makes both mom AND baby happy and therefore healthier and better adjusted.....so LET people help. if your parents want to spend a few hours with Franky one day a week, take them up on the offer...AND...I'm gonna say it *gasp* there's no crime in sending him to daycare a few days a week, for a few hours a week...if you can find somewhere that you trust and can afford, it's OK for a SAHM to send her kids to a playgroup to get some "alone" time...meet a girlfriend on her lunch break, go visit DH on HIS lunchbreak...or get a part-time job. that's another option...just to get out of the house.
i do miss my accomplishments and my school schedule sometimes, but now that I'm doing a nannying job and I have those writing positions for the two magazines, I would give ANYTHING to go back to the days of just having my kids to care for and nothing else...because now I have all that AND more...
sorry for the ramble I'm very tired and I have a migraine, but the best thing you can do for Franky is take care of YOU. YOU being happy means HE will be happy. You need to decide what you can do to both take care of yourself AND to take care of him in the way you believe he should be taken care of....and find a happy medium.
best of luck and please...PLEASE message me on facebook I promise I will try to be around for you, I would love to be a shoulder for you and I get a little sound blip when a msg/post appears on my FB so even if I'm across the room I can notice. However I've been busy lately so if I don't reply immediately I promise I will get there...ask Jen (limonada) sometimes I take awhile to get back (ruh-roh) because of my schedule...
ok stopping rambling now *hugs* I hope I stayed on topic I don't remember at this point...LOL...you're a great mom and you can do this if it's what you really want to do, but it's not necessarily for everyone..you need to decide what is best for YOUR situation...and then once you set your mind to it, you can make it through WHATEVER comes your way. I know you can.
I'm on FB on and off during the day and you can always msg me although I can never really guarantee a time I can be on....I CAN tell you that with two children to look after, I don't have as much time to feel bored or depressed as I used to. when it was just my daughter AND I was a first time mom it was REALLY hard for me. I do and always will believe that staying home with my kids is the best thing for THEM (not saying it's right for everyone :-) ) so I try to work through the down times...and I feel like I'm rewarded for it with the good days, which are plentiful.
as your son gets older you'll find less alone time and less time to feel depressed..now that my oldest is 2 yrs she's like a little companion for me and while (i'm not gonna lie) she can give me ABSOLUTELY BONKERs!OIEJHROSEFJDSLFJSDLFJDSF (sorry had a moment ;-) ) from time to time, she's amazing and she reminds me why the last 2 years have been a worthwhile investment.
hang in there..and take care of YOU. if you're feeling depressed, put Franky down for a nap and bring the monitor in to take a bath...or put him in his swing in the bathroom, or take a bath with him! that was always one of the most fun things that I did with my daughter when we had a bathtub (*tear for no more bath-tub :'-(* )....turn on some YOU music, he won't know the words yet, make yourself a favorite snack..put him in his bouncer/pack-n-play and just take 10 minutes to yourself..it's not a crime. call up a friend on her lunch break and chat, or have her call you every time she gets a break...set up a network of support.
there's an old saying "it takes a village to raise a child" and this applies on so many levels....part of that, I believe, is the fact that spreading the burden of childcare helps save the mom's sanity and makes both mom AND baby happy and therefore healthier and better adjusted.....so LET people help. if your parents want to spend a few hours with Franky one day a week, take them up on the offer...AND...I'm gonna say it *gasp* there's no crime in sending him to daycare a few days a week, for a few hours a week...if you can find somewhere that you trust and can afford, it's OK for a SAHM to send her kids to a playgroup to get some "alone" time...meet a girlfriend on her lunch break, go visit DH on HIS lunchbreak...or get a part-time job. that's another option...just to get out of the house.
i do miss my accomplishments and my school schedule sometimes, but now that I'm doing a nannying job and I have those writing positions for the two magazines, I would give ANYTHING to go back to the days of just having my kids to care for and nothing else...because now I have all that AND more...
sorry for the ramble I'm very tired and I have a migraine, but the best thing you can do for Franky is take care of YOU. YOU being happy means HE will be happy. You need to decide what you can do to both take care of yourself AND to take care of him in the way you believe he should be taken care of....and find a happy medium.
best of luck and please...PLEASE message me on facebook I promise I will try to be around for you, I would love to be a shoulder for you and I get a little sound blip when a msg/post appears on my FB so even if I'm across the room I can notice. However I've been busy lately so if I don't reply immediately I promise I will get there...ask Jen (limonada) sometimes I take awhile to get back (ruh-roh) because of my schedule...
ok stopping rambling now *hugs* I hope I stayed on topic I don't remember at this point...LOL...you're a great mom and you can do this if it's what you really want to do, but it's not necessarily for everyone..you need to decide what is best for YOUR situation...and then once you set your mind to it, you can make it through WHATEVER comes your way. I know you can.
You're not selfish - you also need to look after yourself.
In Canada, we get a year long mat leave....so I can relate. I'm 10 months in (I go back in February) and, as much as I love my little Gilly Bean, I crave adult stimulation/conversation a lot of the time and feel like a glorified maid, cooking and cleaning when Gil's napping. I'm the opposite from you: before having my older son, Daniel, I always thought I'd want to be a SAHM if we could swing it financially.....by my 6th month of maternity leave, I was going stir crazy!! The winter makes it worse - although you're lucky you're in a warmer climate, you wouldn't have the added depression being shut in because of extreme cold and snow can bring.
I read an article awhile back about the societal assumption that children whose mothers stayed home with them when they were little rather than returning to the workforce are better adjusted than their peers whose mothers worked and put them in daycare. It turns out that this is NOT the case. A child whose mom stayed home to raise them but wasn't happy or fulfilled doing so isn't any better off. Now, I'm NOT saying that's you and your son - everyone goes through their ups and downs, has their bad days and good days. But still it's something to think about if you keep feeling this way and can't find any relief even through daily outings, etc.
You are definitely NOT a bad mom for having these feelings - we all do from time to time. I think you're smart for setting aside some "me time" for yourself on a weekly basis.
In Canada, we get a year long mat leave....so I can relate. I'm 10 months in (I go back in February) and, as much as I love my little Gilly Bean, I crave adult stimulation/conversation a lot of the time and feel like a glorified maid, cooking and cleaning when Gil's napping. I'm the opposite from you: before having my older son, Daniel, I always thought I'd want to be a SAHM if we could swing it financially.....by my 6th month of maternity leave, I was going stir crazy!! The winter makes it worse - although you're lucky you're in a warmer climate, you wouldn't have the added depression being shut in because of extreme cold and snow can bring.
I read an article awhile back about the societal assumption that children whose mothers stayed home with them when they were little rather than returning to the workforce are better adjusted than their peers whose mothers worked and put them in daycare. It turns out that this is NOT the case. A child whose mom stayed home to raise them but wasn't happy or fulfilled doing so isn't any better off. Now, I'm NOT saying that's you and your son - everyone goes through their ups and downs, has their bad days and good days. But still it's something to think about if you keep feeling this way and can't find any relief even through daily outings, etc.
You are definitely NOT a bad mom for having these feelings - we all do from time to time. I think you're smart for setting aside some "me time" for yourself on a weekly basis.
Your not selfish at all sweetie! I lost my job as of November 1st due to doors closing. i only leave the house maybe 3 times a week and thats to go to the store or something.. Its way too cold for me to go walk. and DB takes my car everyday. i cook, clean, laundry, dishes, sanatize, play with cole, feed Cole, give him baths, get him dressed. I do it ALL, even when DB gets home he wants to "relax" whatever that means. lol. But anyway dont mean to ramble on about myself, I just wanted to let you know your not alone, and I have not found a cure for this boredome.. Its really hard i know.. if you find something to do, give me ideas too! lol
AWE. Do you have a indoor childs center? That is my best bet... Going to the park also helps.... Also after school many ppl come by with thier kids and im sure youll meet a new face.... :) Just some hints. Your not selfish, being a SAHM isnt a cutout that everyone fits... I too was bored out of my mind at home, Hence the reason im working now, but with my second ill have my hands full to notice. :) A rowdy 3 yr old and a newborn will prolly be all i want to handle lol.
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