Pregnant and scared to tell

[tjmartens]

I just found out that I am pregnant. I took two pregnancy tests and both were positive. I'm scared they might be wrong and I don't want to get my hopes up. I haven't told anyone except my husband. We just recently had a loss in our family. My cousin gave birth to her still born daughter. I'm so scared that's going to happen to me...or if I tell people I'll find out I wasn't really pregnant or miscarried. I'm not sure how far along I am since my periods have been very irregular. I go in March 6'th to have an ultrasound.  Maybe then I'll feel better. I guess my question is could a positive test be wrong and is it wrong to have all these feelings?

[tjmartens]

yes that is very wise...i'll def. tell her first

[shasy03]

maybe you could tell her first before you tell your family.  that way she would have time to have it to "sink" in.  I would still wait until the end of may if I were you.  I'm sure even with her loss she will still be happy for you.  I would just say to tell her first and let it sink in the tell the family.

[tjmartens]

I think I will wait a while before telling her. We are so  very close but live far apart right now. I will see her the end of May and that is probably when I'll wait to tell her and everyone else. I know she will not be angry with me but I also know it will be very hard. I figured if I wait that long maybe she will tell me some news first:) Lord willing. Thanks for all your encouragement

[sfritz]

Fears like those are completely normal for any pregnant woman, expecially those that just had a close friend/family member experierence such a hard loss. It will be hard on her when you tell her but please don't let that squash your excitment about your miracle.

My aunt gave birth to her son at 6 months and passed away at 12 hours (this was also 25 years ago). My aunt took it really hard as any woman would, especially because they told her she would not be able to have children again. She wouldn't look at other peoples babies and confided in my mom she thought all babies were ugly. Not to long after my mom got preggo with me which had to be hard on my aunt. When I was born my aunt absolutely adored everything about me and we formed a very strong bond.

If you and your cousin are anything like me and mine (almost like sisters) it will be hard on her and she may not respond well to the pregnancy. Every woman is different when it comes to things like that. It may not seem like it but she will know in her heart that it was not something you did on purpose.

You sound like a great person, things will work out!!

[Diane1003]

I had been TTC for a year and had two miscarriages - and felt like everyone around me was pregnant except for one friend who's been on her infertility journey for about 3 years.  I found out I'm pregnant in November and we didn't tell ANYONE until Christmas when I was almost 12 weeks. People understood why we waited - it's your right and your priviledge to wait to tell people. Even now at 20 weeks I'm a wreck about it.  I went to tell my friend I mentioned above first - before anyone else at work knew. I asked if I could talk to her and closed her office door - I swear I was sweating and almost cried when I told her but she called me out before I could say anything. I felt like I wanted to appoligize for it being me, not her...  She is a GREAT person and was happy for me. That's not to say she didn't go home and get upset - but - she's a wonderfully supportive person and I just try to be sensitive to what I say around her.  I'm sure your cousin will be happy for you as will everyone else in your family.  Congrats and best of luck!

[JoyRenee]

I know you mean very well! But you cannot protect your cousin forever. If it wasn't you that became pregnant so soon, it would've been someone else. I take it you two are close? I'm not close to any of my cousins so I'm always shocked to hear people who are!

The fact you're being so sensitive to her is amazing. There are forums out there for women who've lost babies. I have an idea! Why not try to find a forum and ask women who've been through a loss of a child (whether full term infant or an older child) and see what advice they can offer you in this regards??? Things to say, things not to say, etc.

I know when I had a miscarriage, people did things and said things that really hurt me. A m/c isn't like having a stillborn though, so hopefully you can get guidance from someone who's had a stillborn to help you break the news gently?!

[tjmartens]

thanks...yes I am very nervous about her finding out. I didn't want to have another one until she was able to. In fact we were preventing it...but nature has its way of working things out. I know whatever happens is meant to be.

[JoyRenee]

You're not wrong to feel scared! You're also trying to be sensitive to the fact your cousin lost a baby. This is my personal opinion: you should wait until you're about 12 weeks to tell others. This will give your cousin some time to heal (though she'll still probably be upset---there's no way to avoid that 12 weeks from now or 12 months from now).

Every pregnant woman worries their baby will die. It's a natural reaction! So don't beat yourself up or feel guilty. Just take it one day at a time!

And Congrats! You've got another baby on the way!