Pregnant and unattached

[bri_baby89]

I'm worried because I am 3 1/2 months pregnant and I have not attachment to the baby. At times I feel as if I don't even want this baby. Granted my situation is very complicated and my relationship with the baby's father is non-existant. Is this normal? Will I be attached once I have the baby? Or am I just a terrible person?

[cherylsangel]

I just want to say that I am 21 weeks. I have been having depressed feelings toward my situation as well. I am with the father however things aren't going so well anymore. I have been thinking how are we going to afford this baby when the father can't even show initiative to suppor the child. I even had thoughts about giving the baby up for adoption ( i think I was just having a moment), but just today I felt the baby move, I mean really kick anf I just sat at my desk and smiled and thought to myself, how could I have had such thoughts, it is amazing to feel my son inside me! Believe me, things are going to occur in your pregnancy when you want to give up, but just wait until you feel those kicks and see your child on the ultrasound! I wish you the best of luck and please know that there are other women here that can give you advice or talk to you if you ever need anything!

[mommyagain123]

I have a wonderful relationship with my husband and when I got pregnant with our second child I didn't want her or to be with her until about 20 weeks.  Terrible to say I know, but I understand somewhat of how you feel although I couldn't imagine how much more difficult it must be for you without the support you need. If you decide that you really do not want to be a parent at this stage in your life then consider adoption.  If you are just concerned that your feelings of not being attached yet are bad or un-normal then don't worry, lots of women feel that way.  Some even feel that way for a few months after their child is born.

[Ashelen]

I agree don't feel terrible. I didn't REALLY bond with my daughter until she was about a week old. I loved her when I was pregnant, but I didn't really "get it" and when she was born I was so overwhelmed that I loved her like nothing before but it took awhile for the overwhelming maternal love to kick in. she's 19 months now and I can't imagine my life without her....she is the absolute best thing that ever happened to me, and I never could have imagined these feelings every a day after her birth. Hang in there..it'll happen for you. Don't expect it right away and just let it naturally develop.

[jschoch8]

im sure at this point you dont even "feel" pregnant yet. you will start to feel movement at any time. I think if you knew more about your baby, it would help and make it feel more real. i follow each week what is going on with my baby and all the new things she is doing. this helps to make it feel real and then you realize how special it really is.  i'm sure this will happen for you too.  even though you dont have a good relationship with the father, you just have to think that this baby is part of you too.

[rivermama]

You are not terrible.  My DH and I were so excited that I was preg, we were on cloud nine and I still didn't even feel like I had a baby inside me at 3 months.  When I started to feel DD move alot (around 20 weeks) I started to realize "hey theres a baby in there".  Do not stress.  Bonding will come.  I wish you the best of luck and remember you and that baby are what is most important right now and the "father" can take care of himself.  We are here to listen.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

The old cliche of bonding with your child immediately upon conception is very over rated.  While it does happen that way for many women, it doesn't for all.  Some women, especially those in less than favorable situations may have a hard time bonding.  You very well could be suffering from depression to some degree.  I would advise that you talk to your doctor about your feelings.  S/he can help you.  I have depression and while I haven't had problems bonding with most of my kids...I did with my oldest.  I was young, single, the sperm donor was a waste of space and oxygen and it took it's toll on me.  Please dont' feel ashamed or like there is something wrong with you.  Speak with your doctor.  If you don't feel comfortable talking to your obgyn, seek a counselor that you can talk to about it.  Just the fact that you posted on here about it tells me that you are NOT a terrible person.  It shows that you DO care.  We are here to help you in any way we can.  Good luck!

[Mzjenna]

I have a lot of problems with my babies father too..... I'm 24 weeks pregnant now but I think once you feel them move a lot then you get more attached. I know some people who didn't feel attached until they gave birth though and she was married and they were actually doing good. Once you meet the little one I think it will all change... You just need to get rid of all the negative stuff and think about the baby. It's hard but you can do it...with the baby father or not...

[bri_baby89]

Thank you. I think it's jsut hard to see friends who have children and love them to death and I can't feel anything for this baby.

[blueeyedtabbycat]

First off you are not a terrible person. Secondly there are woman that dont experiance attachment untill they feel the baby move for the first time or see baby on u/s. Or so more rare case when baby is born and you get to hold your little one for the first time. If it is unplanned it may take longer, but the baby growing inside you is a part of YOU.  You may want to speak to a concelor or someone to help you work through some of your issues regarding the baby. Best of luck and remember that there are alot of great woman her at MH that are willing to listen and ofer advise if you ask:~)
Tabitha