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Avatar universal

Should i wait??

Ok so my husband and i have been back and forth on baby names. We originally picked Elijah, but then changed our minds, had no name for a few weeks and then i decided i liked the name Mataio...its samoan which is what my husband wanted and we had agreed again on the name. HOWEVER, he is now BACK to fighting me on the name UUGGHH! I like the name Mataio and have committed to it and will NOT change it! He wants to name him Ramese ((after his brother)), i told him no from day one when we first found out i was pregnant and said it would be his middle name ((we agreed on that a long time ago))...NOW because HIS side of the family guilted him about the name ((first time they did it was a couple months ago and now theyre back to doing it again)), he wants to change it to Ramese. I told him H*LL NO! How can he agree to name our baby Mataio and be happy with it, then when i ask him last week if i could tell my family on facebook, he says "NO, because we're not sure!" The h*ll we're not sure! I am DEADSET on naming him Mataio!
Do you think it would be wrong of me to change my status on facebook saying something like "i cant wait to meet baby Mataio"...??? lol. I honestly dont care if his family is upset cause ive just about had it with them...but i dont want my husband to get upset or mad at me for doing it. I DID ask him if i could post it on facebook instead of having to INBOX my family and friends who ask and he still says no. Should i wait until the baby is born to post his name or do you think i have the right to post it now??
17 Responses
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Avatar universal
Hey Ammanda! I think that is so cute! Passing on his name to his little brother! My husbands mom doesnt really care what we name him lol, she told my husband that i can name him whatever i want and that no one should pressure me into changing my mind just to please someone. I told my husband to tell his brother to go have another child and name him what he wants, but he will have no say what so ever in what my childs name will be lol! Thanks for replying (:
Helpful - 0
1123420 tn?1350561158
I agree that you shouldnt post it on facebook yet. but this is you and hubbys baby, no one elses and like amanda stated, your BIL chose him self to name his son after your DH, doenst mean you have to return the favor.  

3 years ago Db was with another woman, living down in Florida.  She got pregnant and found out it was a boy..  DB's dad wasnt around when he was first born so he didnt get his fathers last name, he got his moms last name.. but when he was 15 he finally got his dad. he moved to Florida with him and got to know his whole dads side of the family.. He LOVED all of them, and adored them, they were much better people then his mothers side.  so he told his mom he was giving his son his dads last name and that he would be changing his last name to his dads last name.  His mom was so upset and felt betrayed, and acted like alil kid over it.. she was so mad that he gave his son his dads last name, but she was even more mad that DB was gonna change his last name.   So he named his son Ethan Cole W***!  Unfortunatly his son passed away few hours after birth...  RIP.

3 years later, after 6 months of being together(may I remind you we have known each other for 9 years, we were together before he met his dad and moved down to Florida) I got pregnant! Found out we were having a boy.  DBs mom asked me what his last name was gonna be.  And I told her i was gonna give him her last name at first cause ive known her and her family, and have never met DBs dads side of the family.. later down the road, DB told me he wanted both of his sons to have the same last name. and he was changing his as soon as he could afford it.  so I changed my mind and told DBs mom that I was giving him his dads last name and Ethans last name.   She was soo mad, but me and DB both told her to "get over it" or dont b e in his life.   he is our baby.. she finally got over it....

But before this, before I even got pregnant, me and DB used to talk about names.. we said if we had a girl her name would be Kylee Hope. and a boy we struggled with. I have always loved the name Cole for a boy, even before he met the other woman he had a baby with, whom he named Ethan Cole.   DB was not having it, he thought it would be robbing his other son of his name, and he wanted him to have his own name.. well it took alil bit to get him to realize that we wernt "robbing" him of that name, we wanted to pass it on to his lil brother.. Db was also worried about his ex girlfriend being affended or whatever.. but she caused huge problems and was sooo mad and rude to me, when she found out I was pregnant, so DB said fine, i dont care what she thinks..    so now I have my son Cole Patrick W***, and as of 2 months ago, DBs legal last name has been changed to the same as his two sons.. and DBs mother hasnt said a word or acted upset since he was born.. and I am also really really good friends with DBs ex, and she loves my sons name and actually THANKED me for giving Cole, Ethans middle name.  So there are happy endings

Do what is right for you and DH, no one matters!!!! and you need to tell DH that too
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Avatar universal
Brigadiva: OMG yeah i know! And my husband is being an idiot right now i feel like punching him LOL! Ive already told my husband that him trying to convince me to change the babys name is like talking to a brick wall LOL! He can try but its pointless cause i could care less if him and his family cry over the babys name hahaha (:
Helpful - 0
1240706 tn?1331602111
Girl, these people are getting on my nerves lol.  Can't they just let you and your DH enjoy this pregnancy and stop making it about them? Grr. ;o) Turn off your phone.  Shut down the internet.  And go into hiding for the next two months hehehe, j/k of course, but SERIOUSLY people!!  I can't imagine what I would do if people were on my husband or I all the time to decide the name of OUR baby!  Who needs that stress?  Good for you for sticking to your guns... and for your DH coming around... again...lol :oD
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Avatar universal
Hahaha ivy, i couldnt agree with you more!
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1035252 tn?1427227833
I agree that your husband needs to learn to deal with this..it's not like YOU agreed to it. I mean yes it would be nice and all but it's your child's NAME not a small little favor that you can just repay and that's the end of it. The middle name is good enough!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Amanda: Yeah they named him even before i ever met my husband. So i was a little upset to find out that we couldnt name our son after my husband because his brother already took the name. And yeah im not naming him Ramese because i dont want to resent my sons name which i know if i do it i will hate calling him and will most likely call him by his middle name! My husband and i have talked about it and he was like "ok...i like it! So his name is Mataio. Sounds good." I was so happy we had finally come to an agreement on a name! I sometimes feel like slapping him LOL!
Hahaha and yes it is a sore subject for us now because his family has gotten involved. If they didnt guilt him into what they want, he would be set on the name as well. I already told him tho that he better get used to the name cause im not changing it for anyone lol.
Helpful - 0
1271927 tn?1310580362
Your BIL CHOSE to name his child after his brother (your hubby). You didn't choose that. Hubby didn't choose that. Your BIL and his wife chose that. Now, you get to make your own decision as a family (that being you, hubby and your new baby) and have to live with it. I would feel horrible if my family pressured me into naming my kid after them. Tell your BIL that you will name your kid after him if he legally changes his kids' name to reflect YOUR name. It's an absurd request and I hope he can see that!

It was a special honor for him to name his kid after his brother. He probably has a deep connection to his brother. I have a deep connection with my sisters (and LOVE all of their names too) but I don't want my kid to share a name with them. My daughter will have my middle name, but other than that I don't want her to share with other family members - especially on her first name.

Just tell your hubby that you are NOT naming your kid after his brother (well at least the first name). I would give him a week or two to accept the info and start throwing other names at him. I would also be prepared for him to throw out the name you love so much too, just out of anger and resentment. And that's ok because you don't want him to resent your kids name (and you don't want to resent it either). He might not come up with suggestions on his own, but he can express like or dislike towards names you suggest.

This seems like a sore subject for you two, so have a heart-to-heart with him and try to understand the pressure he is under from his family. But that doesn't mean to give in to a name you hate.
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Avatar universal
Hey Ivy! Yeah im pretty set on keeping his name Mataio. I love the name and hubby does too...his family is just clouding his judgment LOL! My sister wants to buy letter for the babys room and i told her we are naming him Mataio so she can get started on that lol. And family members here have been asking me if we picked a name and i tell them, but when my husband is with me and someone asks he says...we arent sure yet...before i can open my mouth. He has other nephews with the name Ramese somewhere in their name. I asked if my fathers name could be included but he just gave me this look like "ummm i dont think so" which i think is unfair, but im not gonna fight him on that.
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1035252 tn?1427227833
erm "I truly admired" not "I truly do admired" ....phew. This is gonna be a long week if today is any indication.
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1035252 tn?1427227833
I don't think it matters if you post it and change it...we told everyone we were naming Grey "Grey" but then shortly before his birth doubted it for awhile....and I would've had no problem telling everyone his new name if we had changed our minds...it's your personal decision (you and hubby) and no one really has the right to get in the middle whether you choose to keep the same name or change it...

however, if you think people might buy monogrammed items or something like that, I would personally just say "We've chosen the name *Mataio* but you never know, things could always change when we meet him!"

His family can just deal with it. My husband's grandfather died when I was 6? I think? months pregnant with Grey and I kept getting calls from his uncle "Name him Joseph!!" my husband finally told his uncle "You have another kid and name HIM Joseph, my son is going to be named Grey!" LOL but we named him Grey Joseph, because I truly do admired the man..I just don't like the name.
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Avatar universal
LOL at sending out holiday cards with u/s pics with her name on it! That is too funny...i wish i thought of that!
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Avatar universal
Thanks Amanda! (:
The thing with my husband is he wont come up with ANY other names aside from Ramese! And we had agreed that that would be his middle name since i found out i was pregnant and if it was a boy. I have stuck to my word even tho i dont like the name LOL! And we had agreed on Mataio, but because his family is saying we need to REPAY the favor of naming our son after his brother since his brother named his son after my husband all of a sudden my husband wants to change his name to Ramese. Ive come up with several names...all of which have been shot down, finally we agreed on Mataio and then when his brother asks again if we've decided on a name my husband says "yes, but its not Ramese" his brother gets all upset like a DRAMA QUEEN and hangs up! Plus i dont really care if his family is mad at me for not picking what they want...they live in New Zealand, they ONLY call us for money and will probably never see my son in person except for pictures on facebook.

BTW i love all 3 girl names you listed!
Helpful - 0
1271927 tn?1310580362
And I do understand the family peer pressure. DH was so afraid to decide on Ava because his mom asked if she could research some names and give suggestions. Sure, suggest all day long - I don't care. But we will pick what we want, suggested or not! My MIL knows the name, knows it's a girl and still sent us a letter yesterday suggesting Aiden (and said other nice holiday things too). Hubby was so scared to tell his family what WE decided on that I had to send out holiday cards with u/s photos that said her name. LOL! While all of his family supports us having this child (we have been together over 10 years and have tried for so long), they have a hard time accepting the name. Once she is here and they look at her precious face, they won't care if we name her Frito Lay. :)
Helpful - 0
1271927 tn?1310580362
Hubby and I had a hard time deciding on a name too. I LOVE the name Audrey and at one point he promised I could name my future daughter that name. Well, we find out we are having a girl and hubby HATES the name Audrey (sorry for those that have it - I still love the name). My sisters said "well, you are the one to fill out the birth certificate and can pick whatever you want!" But I don't want my hubby to hate his daughter's name. So, we came up with a list of approved names and tried them out. A few were dismissed right away. Then we narrowed it down to Alaina and Ava. He picked Alaina and I picked Ava. We tried calling her by each name for a day or so and then we just started calling her Ava. So, we both agree and now both LOVE the name Ava Mae. Now we are just waiting to meet our little bundle of joy!

What his family or your family thinks is not important. His mom wants us to name our little girl Aiden (which is my nephew's name who will be 10 months older than my daughter). My sister HATES the name Ava, his dad thinks the name is too close to Hitler's wife's name (Eva), and my mom wants us to name her Ava Alexis, and another sister is not pleased that she passed up Audrey for her daughter because we had it on reserve. But, hubby and I created this child and we will be the only ones to pick her name. I don't really care what my mom, sister, in-laws, friends, you or anyone else thinks. It's our kid and we have to deal with it - not you. So do what is best for BOTH of you.

Personally, I wouldn't post the name on facebook until you both agree on a name. You don't want your in laws to be so mad at you for not going with what they want - you will need hubby there to defend you too. He needs to like the name as well.
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Avatar universal
Thanks for replying Kels! We had agreed on Mataio and he was happy with it, but once his family gets in his head...its like nothing else matters but theyre opinion! Which is what makes me so angry. I refuse to name him Ramese because its what HIS family wants. I already told him that i dont need his permission to sign that birth certificate lol. I just wish he didnt always listen to what his family tells him to do. Theyre not the once carrying this baby...i am. Plus ive never even met anyone in his family aside from his mom and his other brother.
Helpful - 0
650636 tn?1293454560
First off, I would wait to post the name. Second off, if you are your husband can't decide between Mataio and Ramese, maybe you guys should come up with a name you both can agree on....just a thought...Good luck and I'm sure when you little man is here, you will have the perfect name picked out.
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