Aa
So upset with DH
DH seems to think he should be able to go out with his buddy once a week. I don't think he should with a 19 month old and I am 8 months pregnant. He went 2 weeks in a row this month and I didn't want thim to go last night because I was so tired from my out of town meeting and I was achy everywhere. Of course, we had a fight. He thinks I am trying to control his every move. But what man goes out weekly when their wife is 8 months pregnant? He said he needs some space sometime and I was like then be a single guy. I am sorry once you are a parent, you rarely have that luxury. I don't mind him going every once in a while but not weekly. I have plan to go out to dinner with a firend of mine tonight bcause it's her birthday and I think that's why he wanted to go out last night because I get too. I think it's a bunch of BS. I don't go out weekly but maybe once a month. I don't know if it's my hormones or what but I don't seem to be ablt to reason with him. I think he is a BIG A HOLE
Men just don't get it. My husband sees it fit to go out once a week too and it drives me mad (even though i'm not pregnant anymore) and i only ever go out about once a month with my friends and its usually during the day or evening, not until the wee hours. And when he's out I never sleep very well. I will wake up when he is "supose" to be home, and then cant sleep till he actually gets home. Then he comes home drunkbugs me when he gets home and then starts snoring and i get NO sleep and usally have to work in the morning
I didn't get a chance to read all the posts here since there are so many, but I know exactly where you're coming from. My other half and I had very similar problems and sometimes he would be out twice a week! He would have softball Thursday nights then hit the bar afterward then Friday after work happy hour. It would make me sooooooo mad! You do have to compromise but I totally understand feeling that once a week is too much. I told my other half that a few times per month would be okay and that is only if he could control himself, not drink too much, and be home at a reasonable time. We have had plenty of fights over it, but lately he is doing great..........I would stand your ground w/him. I do think some of it has to do with hormones and I admit mine can get out of control, but our men need to be EXTRA sweet and understanding of that. We are carrying their babies for heavens sake! We have to avoid bars and alcohol for nine months so they can at least cut down.....just my opinion:) Good luck!
I think that every couple is different. Me and my husband need a good balance in our life, which means time together and time apart. At least once a week, I take a night for myself to catch up with girlfriends over dinner, or something like that. And at least once a week, my husband goes to his friend's house to do whatever it is guys do. I crave that alone time. We also have a date night at least once a week, where it's just the two of us. Of course, I don't have kids, so when we do have kids this may all change. But I actually look forward to the night out my husband has. It gives me a chance to veg at home and do whatever it is that I want to do.
Can I move into your basement?? =)
I am glad you guys talked and like I said before, you guys have to do what is best for YOU TWO!! I am glad you talked and I hope you and DH have a "date" soon! =)
I am glad you guys talked and like I said before, you guys have to do what is best for YOU TWO!! I am glad you talked and I hope you and DH have a "date" soon! =)
We are doing fine now. I know I need to let go a bit and he knows that I don't think it's a good idea to go out weekly. He said he won't go out anyway since the baby is coming soon. Like I said, going out by yourself is completely fine and healthy but a couple has to come to term as to what work for them.
He said he will work on taking me out more, we will see.
Oh , we have karaoke downstairs too!
He said he will work on taking me out more, we will see.
Oh , we have karaoke downstairs too!
lol tell me about it!!! they play that HALO game over here, and get all three tv's in all three rooms going and battle it out ALL night long. it sounds like an actual war.
and my hubby complains when i sing karaoke
and my hubby complains when i sing karaoke
Well.... There are times I get sick of having 3 guys over here.. playing Guild Wars and COD4 on PS3.. mainly because I have NOTHING to do in the mean time and get to listen to the argue and yell over the games... men... ugh...
But It's better than him dissapearing for a night.
But It's better than him dissapearing for a night.
I wish I could DH to go out on his own or with friends. But for 10 years now he has said "We are a couple and should do things together" ....sheesh people need time apart. It is healthy to have independence, even just 5 hours a week would make me happy. I don't see the harm in an adult going out once a week for a few hours as long as they are reachable (is that a word?) in case of a crisis, why not?
DollChina, that's a brilliant idea! On the nights I'm fed up and want DH around I tell him that whatever he wants to do he can do at home (meaning they can come over), too. LauraB did say it brilliantly. You guys will work it out for yourselves! But I definitely see why it is irritating you and you're not selfish for wanting the man you married to be with home at the end of the day (heck, you're home at the end of the day!). Sorry he's being a pain!
Man, can I come over. All that stuff downstairs and he still feels the need to go out. Men think that they're missing something out there. Like I said before, once a month is fine, once a week is pushing it. I hope you two can work it out.
Yes, I was thinking about having him ask his friends to hang out at the house. There's a full bar downstairs, WII, movies, or they could hang out and drink on the deck, etc. I won't care. It's hard for me to know him being gone and I am getting so pregger. Yes, it's not fair and I am jealous but I chose not to go out so much because I want to be with my son more before the baby comes. I am esp "jealous" when he doesn't go on any dates with me. I guess man just don't think that way. I think we are ok now. I think once the baby is here we will be able to more together as a couple.
I think Laura was correct about "phases" there've been times in my marriage where we'd only see eachother about 30min. a day due to work, then other times where we are together all the time.
Maybe suggest his buddies come over and hang out with him? IDK, I do know men can be self centered and only focus on them. ESP when impending father hood is part of the equasion(sp?) (even if there is already a baby in the pic)
there have been a few occasions when my husband will want to hang out with my brothers and they're friends, and luckily I know they would never do anything irresponsible. But If He wanted to go out every week I'd have issues with that, because esp. when your not able to go out that much.
And if my DH bailed on a date, he know's hed get H*ll about it from me. we try to make time to go out on a "date" at least 2-3X a month. usually it's only dinner and a movie with a walk around the mall between the two, but it's enough to allow us to connect.
And sometimes we'll go to a "toy" store for adults and look around for the fun of it. maybe one day you should just leave without much warning, just tell him "i'm going out, so watch the baby"... then leave, even if he had plans with his buddy's. you know?
Then he can see how it feels.
Maybe suggest his buddies come over and hang out with him? IDK, I do know men can be self centered and only focus on them. ESP when impending father hood is part of the equasion(sp?) (even if there is already a baby in the pic)
there have been a few occasions when my husband will want to hang out with my brothers and they're friends, and luckily I know they would never do anything irresponsible. But If He wanted to go out every week I'd have issues with that, because esp. when your not able to go out that much.
And if my DH bailed on a date, he know's hed get H*ll about it from me. we try to make time to go out on a "date" at least 2-3X a month. usually it's only dinner and a movie with a walk around the mall between the two, but it's enough to allow us to connect.
And sometimes we'll go to a "toy" store for adults and look around for the fun of it. maybe one day you should just leave without much warning, just tell him "i'm going out, so watch the baby"... then leave, even if he had plans with his buddy's. you know?
Then he can see how it feels.
We do "spend" a lot of time togeter at home and we talk on the phone and email all day. Maybe he just needs some space which I agree. I just feel that at this stage of our lives we just don't always get to do what we want to do whenever we want to do it.
Oh im sure he wouldnt like it if he prepared a night out and you left him hanging!!!!
Take care hun!!! Hope everything can be worked out.
Take care hun!!! Hope everything can be worked out.
Hubby and been together for 9 years. Till this day he calls me about 3 times to ask me how much time i have left when im getting my hair done. Im the same way when he is running errands or whatever. We call each other about 5 times or maybe more through out the day. We talk while im driving home from work knowing im going to go see him in 15 minutes. I dont know but i guess we have just always like being around each other and not being apart. He got to out with his buddys when he was 21 and i wasnt yet. Then i got to go out and hang out when i was able to. Now we are concentrating on doing stuff together and taking care of our family. Yeah i go to the mall and shop with my Girl friends yet he rather stay home and relax. Hey i got his a kegarator for x-mas, he can just invite friends over. I dont agree with the whole once a week going out deal specially with single friends. Once a month is good. If you dont get a chance to do it why should he.
Maybe we are just the way we are because after 2 (Iraq & Afghanistan) deployments and so many friends that we have lost we just know that life can be taken away from you just like that. Not only on a deployment but even around the corner from your house. We love being together. I would talk to your hubby and tell him how you feel, tell him you want more time together before the baby comes. Goodluck!!!
Maybe we are just the way we are because after 2 (Iraq & Afghanistan) deployments and so many friends that we have lost we just know that life can be taken away from you just like that. Not only on a deployment but even around the corner from your house. We love being together. I would talk to your hubby and tell him how you feel, tell him you want more time together before the baby comes. Goodluck!!!
i hear ya! That would be very upsetting if he bailed on your date! not fair!
I hope it all get better for you!
I hope it all get better for you!
I do plan things for us to do. The last time we were suppose to be on a dinner and movie date, he bailed out on me because he didn't feel like it. I was dressed and all ready.....I do go out with my firneds sometimes but not too often because I want to spend as much time as I can with my 19 month old as he won't get as much time with me after the baby is born.
I might be a bit selfish while I am pregnant but I do think I have the right to be. In MY situation once a week is too much. I hate to put when he goes out on a set schedule every month , just use common sense and not ask me every week, that's all. It's annoying.
I might be a bit selfish while I am pregnant but I do think I have the right to be. In MY situation once a week is too much. I hate to put when he goes out on a set schedule every month , just use common sense and not ask me every week, that's all. It's annoying.
lol im like gramatobe, these days im practically pushing my husband out the door sometimes! and i find myself going out more and more here lately too, which i NEVER have done before. and at first it was hard for me to be away from the girls, its all i would think about. but when i get back they are fine and happy to see me. most of the time its just to go shopping or visit a friend for about 2 hours, get my hair done, etc. but it does me SO much good. I do this about once every two weeks. the other night i went out to a bar and had a BLAST :) of course i was only there for about 2 hours because it took me forever to get ready after the girls went to bed. but just to listen to music and dress up with my friends. i hope you get some alone time Dollchina, and get your husband to listen a little to what makes you upset.
hey there i totally agree with you my husband never really goes out cuz i let him buy beer and stuff if he wants to when he gets off work. but i actull asked him if he would go out if i was 8 months preg and he said no he would be scared to leave you home alone, especially with an 18month old. sop yeah i think your husband is taking it a little over board.
I have read a few of the convos here and your responses. Have you tried to arrange a date together? Why does everything fall on him?
Like everyone else has said...girls are completely 'wired' differently than guys. They don;t get hints and when you yell at them it basically goes in one ear and out the other.
Instead of giving altamadiums (sp?) try to have a NICE talk where both of you can get out some feelings. Once you start pointing your fingers at each other then something turns off inside and all you can think about is what you are going to say next...instead of listenin to each other.
Maybe you are a little jelous that he goes out so often, and yeah, who wouldn;t be, but those are choices. You could do the same if you wanted to right? He could stay home once a week with the kids while you go out?
Bst of luck to you! and Congrat on your new baby!
Like everyone else has said...girls are completely 'wired' differently than guys. They don;t get hints and when you yell at them it basically goes in one ear and out the other.
Instead of giving altamadiums (sp?) try to have a NICE talk where both of you can get out some feelings. Once you start pointing your fingers at each other then something turns off inside and all you can think about is what you are going to say next...instead of listenin to each other.
Maybe you are a little jelous that he goes out so often, and yeah, who wouldn;t be, but those are choices. You could do the same if you wanted to right? He could stay home once a week with the kids while you go out?
Bst of luck to you! and Congrat on your new baby!
Ah men....I had the same arguments with my fiance when I was pregnant. I think once a week is way too much. It's really too much, especially when you are far along in your pregnancy and have a young little boy at home. It's tiring as is just getting yourself through the day then to have to take care of the other child all by yourself while your dh chills once a week with his boys. I think once a month is fine but not once a week. Especially because you just struggle to spend alone time together. I agree, that both of you need your mental breaks but it shouldn't be that frequent.
I know when I was pregnant I was very selfish and wanted my fiance with me all the time, but hey I think I should get what I want during those 40 weeks that I'm carrying another life inside of me.
I know when I was pregnant I was very selfish and wanted my fiance with me all the time, but hey I think I should get what I want during those 40 weeks that I'm carrying another life inside of me.
This reminds me of when I was pregnant with my first child. My husband would go out every Thursday night with his buddies to bar hop in this area of town that had a bunch of bars together. They would play pool, darts, etc and he would stumble in around midnight. I used to get sooooooo mad, because back then, I HATED to be alone. I didn't know what to do with myself.
Once the kids came, I was more than glad to have alone time and we would trade off. Even now, it has gotten to the point that my youngest and her family are living with us, so my husband is building a room in the backyard, so he can have all of the "alone" time he wants. And guess what, I could care less now. I guess that happens after being together for more than 30 years.
But, I still remember how hormonal I would get when he would go out with his buddies on those Thursday nights and leave me home alone and pregnant. Looking back, I find it somewhat funny now.
Hopefully, you will come to a meeting of the minds on this one. Good luck DollChina.
Once the kids came, I was more than glad to have alone time and we would trade off. Even now, it has gotten to the point that my youngest and her family are living with us, so my husband is building a room in the backyard, so he can have all of the "alone" time he wants. And guess what, I could care less now. I guess that happens after being together for more than 30 years.
But, I still remember how hormonal I would get when he would go out with his buddies on those Thursday nights and leave me home alone and pregnant. Looking back, I find it somewhat funny now.
Hopefully, you will come to a meeting of the minds on this one. Good luck DollChina.
I have to agree thats waaaaaaaay tooo much!! you are so far along in ur pregnancy what would happen if u went into labor or something happened and he was gone? My DH and me we dont have kids (TTC hoping very soon compared to later) and he always stays with me no matter what!! Every once in a while he ll go and have drink with guys be he actually prefers to be with me and i thank god for that!! My first husband wanted to go out all the time drink party leave me at home (or work and pay all the bills) and as u can see he is now is my X!!!
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