So here's the deal. Exactly a month ago today I went to my friend's party where I was kind of molested (not sure if that would be the word to describe it) by this somewhat-drunk guy. He basically forced me to give him a HJ as he fingered me. I don't think he ever got off, but at one point he went into the bathroom and came back out and did it again. I was supposed to get my period about September 5th, and it's now the 14th. My periods are somewhat irregular. Usually never more than 2 weeks late though. I'm just kind of freaking out because I'm going through all the possibilities in my head. What if he had sperm on his finger? What's the chance I could be pregnant?
The thing that makes it harder is that I just started college the week after it happened. So I am getting used to a completely new atmosphere. And along with that I am really stressed about this situation. The one problem I'm having is that I keep getting stomach aches after I eat. They started around September 1st and I'm still getting them. Is that a sign of pregnancy or just because I'm getting used to eating differently. (I'm eating about twice as much now at school because of all the options... and mainly only eating pasta, fruit, and vegetables as opposed to eating small amounts of food and mostly meat for dinner when I lived back home) Would the stomach aches last 2 weeks? I would expect them to be gone by now considering I am somewhat used to the food?
What should I do? I'm thinking of a home pregnancy test, but I'm absolutely terrified of taking one. I would also have to walk down to the store with a college buddy to get one (I really don't trust walking down there by myself seeing as someone got stabbed on the main street this past week) but I don't really trust anyone at school enough to come with me and tell them my situation.
Just a few other things so you understand my situation better
I am a virgin. I never even made out with a guy until that night.
I know my mom had problems getting pregnant with me. It took my parents months upon months (maybe even years) to get pregnant until my mom got on fertility treatments. Is this hereditary? Would I be having just as hard of a time getting pregnant?
You were not molested, it sounds like you were raped. I am guessing you had been drinking and that is why you say you feel like you were forced to do something you didn't want to do. My suggestion would be to go to parties with GOOD friends, not aquantinces, who will watch out for you. When I was in college, that is what my group of friends would do for one another. Since college just started, go to parties with your roommate, since at this point, she is probably your closest friend. And, if you are in a new environment, don't drink so much that you loose control of your actions.... its ok to drink, but not so much that you might not be able to stand your ground with the word "no". I am sorry that a s s put you in that situation. But, to answer your pregnancy question...
You should take a test. Can you take a cab to the store and have him wait outside for you? That way you won't have to worry about the weirdos around campus. It is going to cost a few bucks, but you will have your privacy and you won't have to be nervous about being stabbed, mugged, whatever. I doubt you are pregnant, but if you are, it is better to know now rather than later. Also, try Campus Health (or whatever it is called where you are). They have pregnancy tests there.
I don't know the answer to your "is infertility hereditary" question. I would have to think it isn't but I don't know for sure.
i would say wait it out if you are worried about going to get the test. i would also say that the stomach issues you're having is the new food and the stress. you may have given yourself an ulcer with all this anxiety. if your tummy still hurts try having smaller meals, even if there are so many options. you have all year to try them all. : ) and try eating bland foods. like noodles with nothing on them. or toast. you could try the BRAT diet too. banana's, rice, apple sauce and toast. two years ago i had anxiety issues and my symptom for that, not mental freak outs, but stomach pains. i lost a tonne of weight cause i didn't want to eat cause i got sick after. i ate the brat diet (which i do when we get the flu anyway) and that made me feel better. (i had to quit my job too but that was my situation) i would say you are just stressed. so just try to relax a bit.
i would doubt that you are pregnant and i would hope that he washed his hands. also, in the time it took for him to walk back to you you would think his hands would have dried off by then. sperm can survive if its wet but not if its dry. so i would imagine that if! there was any it would have dried up anyway.
also i dont know if you could say you were molested unless you said no to the guy fingering you in the first place?! i dont know the situation really. but if he wanted a hj while you were getting a hj that is kinda a different situation than him forcing you to do stuff. especially at a party in the open where everyone is there to see if he was being a jerk. and if you didn't say no he wouldn't have known you didn't want to and wouldn't have had the chance to stop. also, if you are ever in that situation again, now you know to say STOP!! I DONT WANT THIS! and get up and leave. also a good place to make him look like an idiot in front of all his friends and hopefully he wont do it again to another girl. i agree with leighanne if it was rape you should talk to someone and it should not be tolerated.
after thought here, dont forget about condoms! in this day in age its important to use them. especially with strangers you meet at parties. you can get aids from oral sex and if he has an std that involves open soars that is bad news bear! you dont want to touch him and then touch you if he has soars because that can give you his std too. so just be careful when you venture out into the world of sex. also, if you are concerned, consider going to the doctor and start birth control if you think you might be ready for sex. (dont forget condoms to protect against std's, birth control doesn't do that)
i know you're just starting school and you want people to like you. but you have to be you at all times. you dont want friends that make you do stuff you dont want to do. so be yourself and i am sure that people will like you for you. dont let peer pressure get to you because you're better than that.
good luck with everything i am sure once you are more relaxed af will return.
p.s. i hope this doesn't sound harsh because i honestly am not trying to be. just trying to share and i hope i helped somehow.
Are you taking any action regarding being molested? Being "forced" to do anything sexual in nature to another person is ILLEGAL! Dont let this molester get away with this (he might do this to other people).
I'm more concerned about you being forced to do something sexually against your will than if you are pregnant. I was raped 5 years ago at a party and one thing that I learned was that, even though I was drinking, if you didn't want to do it, it was rape. Please find someone you can talk to about this. I would really recommend speaking with a licensed counslor or someone similar. They should have something like that on campus. I was away at college when this happend to me too, over 1000 miles away from home with very few friends yet. Check with a nurse in the health department on campus or even find a women in administration that could direct you to the proper place to go. You will find that many people are very understanding and sympathetic if you just briefly explain to them what is going on. And a good counslor will be able to help you with your possible pregnancy concerns as well. Good luck to you hun and you'll be in my prayers!
Wow. Thank you all for the replies. The last forum I went to wasn't nearly as helpful, considering only one person responded to me and told me it was my fault for what happened. You guys are really understanding and helpful. I definitely appreciate that.
I don't really know if it can be considered rape though. Me and him were kind of flirting all night and then when we laid down and I told him I just wanted to sleep he started forcing me to do that stuff even though I said I didn't want to. Well actually that does sound like rape. I guess I just feel like because we were flirting and kissing earlier in the night, maybe it's not so much of a rape issue? I dont even know. As for my friends, they were all passed out in different rooms of the house so I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to barge the door down to them having sex with their boyfriends. Well now I know I should have.
Ovaz - There are no cabs at the campus I go to, although I am considering going to the health place like you said. Either that or I'm going to talk to my roomate and have her walk down with me if I do decide I want to get a test at the store. Do you suggest I take more than one test? Will it be late enough that it is accurate if I take it this week? (Which would be about 5 weeks after it happened)
Louie - That definitely wasn't harsh. I appreciate your post and the tips you gave. I'm definitely going to lower the amount I eat at school. Maybe part of it is because if I do get anything besides salad and pasta and fruit, I tend to get things such as chili or lasagna, which probably isn't doing any good. I will start eating more bland foods and maybe start skipping on dessert. (It's kind of funny how much I eat at school, considering I'm about 108 pounds. I tend to eat more than my guy friends even hahaha) I didn't even think of eating the food I eat when I get the flu. I always tend to drink juice and dry cheerios (Hahah I guess something from when I was younger =P) I will definitely try that out. On a good note, I just ate a homemade meal (I'm home from college for the weekend) and I feel perfectly fine. Maybe it's something with the food there.
As for talking to someone about my situation, I'm going to wait off for now. Being "raped" is not even on my mind right now. I'm just freaking out because of the missed period issue. Once that's resolved I will think more about talking to someone. This has definitely taught me a lesson though. I don't plan on drinking at college anytime soon so I'm not put into this kind of situation again.
well first off take a HPT to see whether you are pregnant however i highly doubt it but there may be a possibility..secondly JUST because you guys were flirting and whatnot...kissing etc etc being forced into doing something you did not want to do EVEN if you were a tease or whatever is still considered a form of rape. You did not deserve it. you could have done everything even leading to sex and if he forced you into sex(you say you didnt but i am saying as an example) it is still rape... don't try and feel bad or justify or find excuses why you may have deserved it because sweetie you did not.
just want to add, i never have and never will fall asleep at a party and i dont recommend it. it leaves you open to an 'attack'. just a suggestion. always try to have a way home, if the person you came with asks if its okay to stay the night, dont answer him or her until you know you have a ride with someone else/or walk with someone else.
good luck and be safe at parties.
p.s. one test should be fine...if its pos its pos. if its neg and you're still unsure then test the next day if you like. or just be happy its negative. : )
It is rape. It doesn't matter if you feel you "led him on". You got to a point where you said, "Enough" and he didn't listen. Forcing a person against their will is illegal.
Also, highly doubt you are pregnant. You could be suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome because of what happened that night. Starting college is also stressful. Stress = late period.
You can take a pregnancy test but it will probably be negative. IF by some freakish chance it IS positive, you NEED to report the rape to the police. As scary as that is. Imagine if that person was in the same room as a 6 year old girl. I've known little girls that young and younger who've been molested/raped. Do NOT let him get away with it!
Your situation happens ALOT in college. I have been there and done that...I know how hard it is to go to friends when you have NO clue what is going on behind their door. I remember a specific night out one time...Freshmen year of college, we went to a frat party. Me and my friends we getting along great with all the guys there. One of my friends dissapeared for a bit and we couldnt find her...she was also a virgin. It was getting late so we decided to go in the rooms, eventually we found her...Thank god! She said the guy was being very forceful and was wanting to have sex with her. We came in just in time. So, even though you may not want to bother your friends...trust me they will always have your back....and a GOOD friend will leave the party with you if you are feeling uncomfortable.
I highly doubt you are pregnant. Your period could be late because of your nerves of everything that is going on around you.
I completely agree with all the women on here....it is rape. You can not be forced into doing anything. Coming from a personal experience....if you feel uncomfortable in any situation you have the right to tell them no and turn them in. I think you are late because of stress. I hope everything works out and if you need to talk I'm here. I've been almost the same experience.
So I've been eating even smaller meals than I was before, while eating more bland foods. I haven't been getting the stomach aches anymore so that's definitely a plus.
I still haven't gotten my period. I intended on going for a test today, but I decided that I'm not going to buy a test unless like 3 weeks down the road I still don't have my period. I hope this eases my stress because I'm trying to tell myself I'm not pregnant.
On a bad note. My guy friend messaged me yesterday on AIM and told me that the kid who raped me has apparently been telling people what happened because it got around to him. Though of course he left out the part that he forced me to do everything.
My friend didn't believe it (I haven't talked to him in like 2 months, and he wasn't at the party or anything), but I eventually told him the real story. He's going to drive up to visit me here at college and just sit down and talk to me about it more if I need to. It's weird how I can feel comfortable telling him about it rather than my best friends..
I decided I'm really not ready to talk to a counseler. I'm not comfortable talking to people in general, let alone a random adult about something like this. I think maybe it will be more consoling if I talk to a friend about what happened. So hopefully after our talk I can just put it aside and forget it happened.
There is a fine line on what is rape and what isn't, mostly you (the victim) has to acknowledge it as rape or feel bad about it or uncomfortable. There will be many situations in life when you are experimenting with sex or close encounters like that where you will feel uncomfortable without necesarily being rape. However, it does seem like that encounter was a bit traumatizing specially when you have not even "made out" with a guy before, close encounters like that could definitely be shocking, the only way that you will survive college is to LEARN TO SAY NO- AND BE RUDE ABOUT IT WHEN NECESSARY. Sexual encounters whether its a hand job, blow job, down job, intercourse of plain rubbing and kissing is supossed to feel good and it should never be something that is forced because forcing it does not feel good and its kinda shocking to the mind. You are supossed to feel comfortable with the person and you should be able to want to do it too...
The closest thing to that that has ever happened to me was that I was once at a club with my friends, they usually picked up a guy and made out with them at the club etc. I never did that but this night I was feeling "adventurous" so I started dancing with a cute guy and one thing lead to another and we started kissing etc. (that felt good) and then I was leaving and trying to get into my car the guy formed me onto my car and started rubbing me and kissing me THAT I DID NOT WANT, so I pushed him off (more like slipped out from under him) opened my car door and slammed it shut and sped away. I wasn't hurt or anything and I DON'T THINK IT WAS RAPE, but the guy was definitely forceful and if I had let him continue it probably would have been rape. The thought of that guy just disgusts me but thats just as far as it goes.
It is very unlikely that you are pregnant however. GOOD LUCK!
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