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What do pregnant ladies think of their husband that watch PORN behind their back while pleasing themselves?
Some of you know about my situation at home, and you know how much it upset me!!
Anyways, im still having an issue with it!! Im still wondering, if any of you feel the same way as i do!!?
Are any of you PREGGO and finding it repulsive that ur husband watch porn behind your back while masterbating, when he has the perfect marriage/relationship, with a perfect sexual lifestyle , but needs to go behind ur back (knowingly that it bothers u) , and still have this need to release some tension while watching some sleezy porn!!
Still makes me sick,,,im carrying his child, and we are about to build a family!! they might have all the excuses in the book:
1.they are men
2. they have urges
3. its healthy etc...BLA BLA BLA
urges or not...those are just his excuse to makewoman believe that its normal and its acceptable!!!!
trust me i have urges to max out my credit card and shop till i drop, but i control myself !!!
also my grandfather didnt have the luxury in those time to watch porn , so he turned to his wife, lthats why there was less divorces in those times !! i can go on...i just feel like we are making excuses for their behaviors........
i know if he would have told me that it bothered him , if i did it, i wouldnt have gone behind his back!! the fact that he lies and find excuses , still makes me feel like i should go back to my marriage!! If i did , i woudnt be able to trust him and it would be hard for me to regain that trust!! think of all the stress , i would put myself through while trying to see more clearly...and im pregnant!! glad im away from the worries and suspiscions!!
Anyone feel sthe same way??
Anyways, im still having an issue with it!! Im still wondering, if any of you feel the same way as i do!!?
Are any of you PREGGO and finding it repulsive that ur husband watch porn behind your back while masterbating, when he has the perfect marriage/relationship, with a perfect sexual lifestyle , but needs to go behind ur back (knowingly that it bothers u) , and still have this need to release some tension while watching some sleezy porn!!
Still makes me sick,,,im carrying his child, and we are about to build a family!! they might have all the excuses in the book:
1.they are men
2. they have urges
3. its healthy etc...BLA BLA BLA
urges or not...those are just his excuse to makewoman believe that its normal and its acceptable!!!!
trust me i have urges to max out my credit card and shop till i drop, but i control myself !!!
also my grandfather didnt have the luxury in those time to watch porn , so he turned to his wife, lthats why there was less divorces in those times !! i can go on...i just feel like we are making excuses for their behaviors........
i know if he would have told me that it bothered him , if i did it, i wouldnt have gone behind his back!! the fact that he lies and find excuses , still makes me feel like i should go back to my marriage!! If i did , i woudnt be able to trust him and it would be hard for me to regain that trust!! think of all the stress , i would put myself through while trying to see more clearly...and im pregnant!! glad im away from the worries and suspiscions!!
Anyone feel sthe same way??
I don't have the same issue as you do, but it's pretty similar. I apologize if this is TMI. When I met myhusband, he told me there's no point in HJ because it takes over 2 hours. Boy was my hand tired. These days, it takes about half an hour.
I noticed that since I became pregnant and have lost a lot of interest in sex, his showers have become a lot longer lately. One night the subject of sex came up and I found out that the days he's been having extremely long showers, he's been helping himself out. That hurt. I turned over and went to sleep and didn't speak to him for two days. Maybe I overreacted, but I was very hurt. Finally, once I calmed down, I spoke with him about it. I felt hurt because he had previously told me that he doesn't do that, that he hasn't since he's been with me. It also hurt because it made me feel inadequate, like I wasn't good enough for him anymore. Yeah, we used to do it up to 4 times a day, every day or at least every other day, but that was in the very early months of our relationship. That resulted in our surprise daughter 3 months into our relationship . Surely he didn't expect us to keep up like we had been.
Well, I explained to him that it hurt me that he lied and said he doesn't do those things and that he didn't feel like he could come out and tell me. His response was "I'm a man. I need this and when I don't get sex from you for a week or two, I need to do something".
What a lame excuse!! Just because I don't feel like having sex doesn't mean I won't help him out. I'M the one who is not in the mood, but if he is, I'll help him out. He just has to ask.
It really ticked me off. The other day he told me he had stopped. Then, of course, we were late for a birthday party the other day and he's in there having a half hour long shower. He was actually in the bathroom for about 45 minutes. The first 15 doing something that is DEFINITELY TMI. After 15 minutes, I finally heard the shower come on. When I questioned him about it, he told me he was cleaning the bathtub because it was gross. Well, I went in there when he came out and the bathroom did not smell clean, nor did the tub look clean. When I asked him about it, he admitted that "When I don't do it with him, then his sexual needs need to be respected, and since I won't do it, he does it himself". Well, when I don't feel like having sex for the 3rd time in a week, he needs to respect that I'm pregnant, hormonal, exhausted and need sleep.
Anyway, that's my rant. I know its not the same, but it ticks me off.
I noticed that since I became pregnant and have lost a lot of interest in sex, his showers have become a lot longer lately. One night the subject of sex came up and I found out that the days he's been having extremely long showers, he's been helping himself out. That hurt. I turned over and went to sleep and didn't speak to him for two days. Maybe I overreacted, but I was very hurt. Finally, once I calmed down, I spoke with him about it. I felt hurt because he had previously told me that he doesn't do that, that he hasn't since he's been with me. It also hurt because it made me feel inadequate, like I wasn't good enough for him anymore. Yeah, we used to do it up to 4 times a day, every day or at least every other day, but that was in the very early months of our relationship. That resulted in our surprise daughter 3 months into our relationship . Surely he didn't expect us to keep up like we had been.
Well, I explained to him that it hurt me that he lied and said he doesn't do those things and that he didn't feel like he could come out and tell me. His response was "I'm a man. I need this and when I don't get sex from you for a week or two, I need to do something".
What a lame excuse!! Just because I don't feel like having sex doesn't mean I won't help him out. I'M the one who is not in the mood, but if he is, I'll help him out. He just has to ask.
It really ticked me off. The other day he told me he had stopped. Then, of course, we were late for a birthday party the other day and he's in there having a half hour long shower. He was actually in the bathroom for about 45 minutes. The first 15 doing something that is DEFINITELY TMI. After 15 minutes, I finally heard the shower come on. When I questioned him about it, he told me he was cleaning the bathtub because it was gross. Well, I went in there when he came out and the bathroom did not smell clean, nor did the tub look clean. When I asked him about it, he admitted that "When I don't do it with him, then his sexual needs need to be respected, and since I won't do it, he does it himself". Well, when I don't feel like having sex for the 3rd time in a week, he needs to respect that I'm pregnant, hormonal, exhausted and need sleep.
Anyway, that's my rant. I know its not the same, but it ticks me off.
I have no problem with a guy watching porn abd asking me to watch too, neither do i have a problem with helping him make some home made videos but it is VERY upsetting when a guy would rather toss himself off to some random video or pic than come to his gf for it.
Ive made the effort in the past for him with things such as dressing up, role play, kinky underweat the lot but it was never really appreciated. It wasnt until we broke up that i realised just how much he fancied me as id just have to walk into the room and he'd get a hard on. He was just used to having it readily available before
Guys always want what they cant have
Ive made the effort in the past for him with things such as dressing up, role play, kinky underweat the lot but it was never really appreciated. It wasnt until we broke up that i realised just how much he fancied me as id just have to walk into the room and he'd get a hard on. He was just used to having it readily available before
Guys always want what they cant have
P.S... I also think that if I'm absolutely NOT in the mood he can wait for a day or two... esp. because if he's not in the mood I'm expected to wait a couple days til he is!!!
And also... Yea, I can handle it to an extent (as long as I get some play in the movie too) and only NOW... well.. if we're together. and that's only been the 1 movie because i get feeling self consious.
BUT... I think that if a man can handle his porn and not let it overpower him. OR let it affect his sex life, OR not feel the need to hide it from his loved one or mate. that it can be alright... But when it gets to illegal stuff or anything I've mentioned... then the guy needs to be SCHOOLED on how to really treat a woman as real life isn't like fantasy... and they can't all do as they d*mn well please!
And also... Yea, I can handle it to an extent (as long as I get some play in the movie too) and only NOW... well.. if we're together. and that's only been the 1 movie because i get feeling self consious.
BUT... I think that if a man can handle his porn and not let it overpower him. OR let it affect his sex life, OR not feel the need to hide it from his loved one or mate. that it can be alright... But when it gets to illegal stuff or anything I've mentioned... then the guy needs to be SCHOOLED on how to really treat a woman as real life isn't like fantasy... and they can't all do as they d*mn well please!
im with some of you "against PORN"!
you guys are right.we make too many excuses for their behavior!!
Im the type of girl who is xtrememly open minded, as long as it stays within my marriage!!! i want sex all the time, preggo or not...if you want to tie me up, lets do it!!!
we had a long distance relationship...so for the longest we used the whole webcam video where i danced and got naked for him..he was ALWAYS the conservative type!!He was always the one saying NO to use handcuff or NO to having sex a second time around....or NO to trying to have sex in the car/publicly or talking dirty (which i loved )....but he refused , saying he couldnt do that to the person he love!!!
so im thinking i have the best husband, not adventurous and conservative etc....
WRONG!! he kept all his fantasy for his computer!~ and he went so out of his way to convince me that he didnt need that porn stuff, that men should get over that , especially when they have a special wife ,,,like me!!! YAH RIGHT!! LIAR!!!!
you guys are right.we make too many excuses for their behavior!!
Im the type of girl who is xtrememly open minded, as long as it stays within my marriage!!! i want sex all the time, preggo or not...if you want to tie me up, lets do it!!!
we had a long distance relationship...so for the longest we used the whole webcam video where i danced and got naked for him..he was ALWAYS the conservative type!!He was always the one saying NO to use handcuff or NO to having sex a second time around....or NO to trying to have sex in the car/publicly or talking dirty (which i loved )....but he refused , saying he couldnt do that to the person he love!!!
so im thinking i have the best husband, not adventurous and conservative etc....
WRONG!! he kept all his fantasy for his computer!~ and he went so out of his way to convince me that he didnt need that porn stuff, that men should get over that , especially when they have a special wife ,,,like me!!! YAH RIGHT!! LIAR!!!!
I wanted to add to my previous post the other day...It's a BIT tmi! WARNING. Since then, with the whole porn thing and my husband... I actually DID decide to watch some "riske movies" lol with him.
I will NOT watch anything Raunchy..Or Nasty... like "Mexican Big Butts..lol" or anything with a similar name.. and We did watch an "adult" themed movie. it was an actual movie with a storyline but had lots of sex in it.
1/2 the time we laughed together about how they looked like fake little bunnies...e tc. etc.. but we didn't make it more than 15-20min thru the movie... before HE was turning it off and turning to ME.
That did make me feel nice, because he could've tried to keep the movie on and "play" but he told me he was being distracted in a not "sexy" way and turned it off.
That was the only time I was brave enough to do that SIMPLY because that was Just after I found out I was pregnant.... and then I began getting a little thicker.. and feeling less attractive.
Luckily, our sex life has REVIVED (who'd think 21 yr old's would have a dead sex life?) but it happened... Since I've been pregnant, he's really into me. Or was at first, It's wayned off a little but not much... It'd help if I could find some Sexy Preggo Lacies...lol and if my puppy wouldn't eat all my victoria secret undies (over $70 worth!!! I began hiding them as she likes the "string" ) ewwww.
Anyone know of a good place with cute stuff that'll fit a DDD??? lol????
He KNOWS my issues with porn, he know's I won't stand for him doing it behind my back. And he also know's that he's got me when he wants me wether i'm in the mood or not most times (i've said no once or twice and told him CLEARLY not to M/B... that I'd "fix things" the next day.. lol) I've also made it clear that I don't want to find out he's been watching it behind my back and "hiding" it... or watching it behind my back and telling me even, because as I see it he's got ME.... lol, that's all.. sorry to write so much!
I will NOT watch anything Raunchy..Or Nasty... like "Mexican Big Butts..lol" or anything with a similar name.. and We did watch an "adult" themed movie. it was an actual movie with a storyline but had lots of sex in it.
1/2 the time we laughed together about how they looked like fake little bunnies...e tc. etc.. but we didn't make it more than 15-20min thru the movie... before HE was turning it off and turning to ME.
That did make me feel nice, because he could've tried to keep the movie on and "play" but he told me he was being distracted in a not "sexy" way and turned it off.
That was the only time I was brave enough to do that SIMPLY because that was Just after I found out I was pregnant.... and then I began getting a little thicker.. and feeling less attractive.
Luckily, our sex life has REVIVED (who'd think 21 yr old's would have a dead sex life?) but it happened... Since I've been pregnant, he's really into me. Or was at first, It's wayned off a little but not much... It'd help if I could find some Sexy Preggo Lacies...lol and if my puppy wouldn't eat all my victoria secret undies (over $70 worth!!! I began hiding them as she likes the "string" ) ewwww.
Anyone know of a good place with cute stuff that'll fit a DDD??? lol????
He KNOWS my issues with porn, he know's I won't stand for him doing it behind my back. And he also know's that he's got me when he wants me wether i'm in the mood or not most times (i've said no once or twice and told him CLEARLY not to M/B... that I'd "fix things" the next day.. lol) I've also made it clear that I don't want to find out he's been watching it behind my back and "hiding" it... or watching it behind my back and telling me even, because as I see it he's got ME.... lol, that's all.. sorry to write so much!
Yeah, I wouldn't want my neighbor to come over and get naked in front of my husband, so I'm not sure why I would want someone doing it on a computer.....Just one of those things I forgot in my original post:)
I can understand where some of you women feel that especially when you're pregnant you'd rather him pleasure himself with porn than go out somewhere and get it. Personally...if I'm making the sacrifices I have to make to grow a new life inside me he can tuck his wee wee between his legs and hold it for awhile. Why should the get to run off and make excuses and do what they want? They arent any better than us. Frankly I don't feel the least bit guilty for telling my husband NO if I don't feel like it. If he thinks he's got is so bad for not gettin any for a few weeks even a month or two...well I'll happily allow him to endure morning sickness, peeing himself, ligament pains, contractions, exhaustion, moodiness, swelling, vericose veins and the ultimate...NATURAL CHILDBIRTH....meanwhile I'll sit HAPPILY on the sidelines not gettin any and it won't hurt my feelings in the least little bit.
I'm 38 weeks and 2 days preggo, and to be honest I don't have a problem with it. Just last night my babys dad was watching porn and pleasing himself, to be honest I was kind of relieved, I am so tired to even have sex now adays for pleasure, now I'm more like "Le'ts have sex so I can dilate more" lol. But no I don't have a problem with it. LOL and like Jame0223 we too have a small collection of DVDs that we watch together, I'm fine with it. There's times where I try to get him to watch it, but he was never "turned on" like that from it, and like some women said it's a type of foreplay. I know it probably sounds crazy that it doesnt bother me and I actually watch it with my babys dad at 9 and a half months preggo lol but I undeerstand where you're coming from, its another thing when doing it behind your back is a whole different story. I would be pissed off at that too. But I've always been open minded with porn and when we started this relationship we both had an understanding. There's alot of **** that my baby's dad does behind my back that pisses me off, so I definitely get where you're coming from.
Wow....Thank you LosingMyMindinGA. I knew your story and I thought it would be very beneficial to jessyboy. I am with the 2 of you and some of the others. I have a big problem with it. I could go on and on about all of the problems that I have with it. And it's true. Society gives men every excuse in the book for all of the "just being a guy" things that they do. And contrary to what some believe, men's wee wee's won't fall off and they won't start foaming at the mouth if they don't get it right when they want it. I don't get everything I want right when I want it either. IT'S CALLED LIFE!!
Jessyboy
You are totally entitled to the way that you feel. Just because some people are okay with it, does not mean that you have to be. Maybe you guys do need to be apart for a while so that he can see what he could be losing. Whatever you do, make sure to do what is best for you and your baby. This is no time for you to be under a ton of stress and I know first hand that this will cause a "ton of stress". Please be careful and keep us updated. I applaud you for standing up for what you believe in. There is this awesome song by Jewel. It's called Stronger Woman. If you haven't heard it, find a way to. You should really listen to it. We all should. Take care.....
Jessyboy
You are totally entitled to the way that you feel. Just because some people are okay with it, does not mean that you have to be. Maybe you guys do need to be apart for a while so that he can see what he could be losing. Whatever you do, make sure to do what is best for you and your baby. This is no time for you to be under a ton of stress and I know first hand that this will cause a "ton of stress". Please be careful and keep us updated. I applaud you for standing up for what you believe in. There is this awesome song by Jewel. It's called Stronger Woman. If you haven't heard it, find a way to. You should really listen to it. We all should. Take care.....
As long as my dh isn't out messing around on me while I'm pregnant, I couldn't care less if he watches that stuff. Luckily, if he has any of it, I don't know about it. But if I ever found out, I don't think I'd care. When I'm pregnant and tired and don't feel like doing the nasty, I'd much rather him take care of himself than come bother me...or better yet make me feel guilty for NOT wanting to do it! Men have no understanding of the complete and utter "bone tired" feeling that we have while pregnant. If that's what gets him through the nine months...so be it. :-)
I have this same kind of problem. I actually just posted about it. My husband and I overcame a porn problem and now he's been going to the strip club. Anyway, I think we're over it now as we had a good, hard talk about it.
The porn thing bothered me because I was trying to get pregnant. It upset me that he'd rather get off to some **** and waste his sperm than have sex with me and potentally make a baby. I know how much it sucks and I know that most of the time they think they're justified.... but they really arent.
The porn thing bothered me because I was trying to get pregnant. It upset me that he'd rather get off to some **** and waste his sperm than have sex with me and potentally make a baby. I know how much it sucks and I know that most of the time they think they're justified.... but they really arent.
I don't know if I am weird but hey...me and my df are only 19. We have a movie collection of about 10 dvds. Most of them are his but he never hid them from me. I know that I was with him the time we bought the last 4 or so. I don't care for it, but I have no problem with it. Sometimes we watch it together as a form or foreplay. I know that when I am alone I use the ones we picked out together. And I am sure the same goes for him. But most of the time they sit in a drawer collecting dust.
I know he has looked online at some porno sites. I remember not too long ago I was going to get on my laptop and it was dead so I was charging it, when it came back on it was on a porno site...Like it had died while he was looking at pictures. I told him not to use my personal laptop to look at porn becaus those sites are good for carrying viruses. He said okay and that was that. No more porno at all on the computer(thats the only one we use). I know he has quite a collection of magazines as well from when he was a young teen that he stole from his dad..lol but there locked in a trunk that he never goes into. He puts them there so my parents don't find them.
He's very open with me and I am glad that he is. I would rather him watch porn and me know then not know. He rarely does anything with it and we have a healthy relationship sexually. I'm sorry I forgot to mention that I am not pregnant as of yet but I have been. Even when I was pregnant I was always picked over the porno. And I know that he is truthful because he's never home when I am not. We work the same schedule pretty much except he gets home 30 minutes before I do..but he plays video games...thats his addiction! Even if he was looking at porn while I was gone I would know because he leaves the dvd in the dvd player and the case where I can see it. I trust him and even if he looks at other women having sex I know that it has nothing to do with him being unsatisfied or sick of my body. He still loves my body and I am glad!
It doesn't bother me at all but I can see how it would bother others. Whether it be religion or the way you were raised, if it bothers you then ask them about it. I am sure they should understand! Just be honest with how it makes you feel and let them know that you are there whenever they feel the need. Let him know thats it could cause trust issues. If he loves you he will understand. Tell him you know he is lying and coming up with excuses and you would prefer honesty! Porn is a guy thing, but it doesn't have to be a big deal to them. Maybe ask him why he watches it and see if theres any way you can fulfill that desire? Thats what I would do...
I know he has looked online at some porno sites. I remember not too long ago I was going to get on my laptop and it was dead so I was charging it, when it came back on it was on a porno site...Like it had died while he was looking at pictures. I told him not to use my personal laptop to look at porn becaus those sites are good for carrying viruses. He said okay and that was that. No more porno at all on the computer(thats the only one we use). I know he has quite a collection of magazines as well from when he was a young teen that he stole from his dad..lol but there locked in a trunk that he never goes into. He puts them there so my parents don't find them.
He's very open with me and I am glad that he is. I would rather him watch porn and me know then not know. He rarely does anything with it and we have a healthy relationship sexually. I'm sorry I forgot to mention that I am not pregnant as of yet but I have been. Even when I was pregnant I was always picked over the porno. And I know that he is truthful because he's never home when I am not. We work the same schedule pretty much except he gets home 30 minutes before I do..but he plays video games...thats his addiction! Even if he was looking at porn while I was gone I would know because he leaves the dvd in the dvd player and the case where I can see it. I trust him and even if he looks at other women having sex I know that it has nothing to do with him being unsatisfied or sick of my body. He still loves my body and I am glad!
It doesn't bother me at all but I can see how it would bother others. Whether it be religion or the way you were raised, if it bothers you then ask them about it. I am sure they should understand! Just be honest with how it makes you feel and let them know that you are there whenever they feel the need. Let him know thats it could cause trust issues. If he loves you he will understand. Tell him you know he is lying and coming up with excuses and you would prefer honesty! Porn is a guy thing, but it doesn't have to be a big deal to them. Maybe ask him why he watches it and see if theres any way you can fulfill that desire? Thats what I would do...
At 6 months pregnant i saw my ex out with some tramp (18 years old, fat and dressed as a schoolgirl) I walked right past him. He text me the next day asking to meet up. I went mad at him for not showing an interest when he KNEW i had been in hospital that same week. He was full of apology and wanted to take me out to chat and sort things out. I (like a mug) went along. We had a lovely day and one thing lead to another and we slept togthether. I thought he was changing and starting to treat me with respect.
I went to a local club that night for a mates birthday and he walked past me and our baby bump on the stairs holding the same tramp from the night befores hand and sniggered!!!!!!
I mustered all my strength, shook my head and walked away with my head held high.
As soon as i left the club (which was about 2 minutes later) i burst into hysterical tears.
Hurt and humiliated again by the same w**ker thats controlled my life for the past few years. I hate him!!!!!
I text him telling him NEVER to contact me again and he had the cheek to reply "chill out, i know you think im sleeping around but im not, it was only a kiss mel, it doesnt change things between us :)"
AS IF!!!!
Im carrying his child for fecks sake.
We argued like mad and i went round to see him and his parents and tell him straight what was gonna be happeining from now on (he was demanding shared care which he IS NOT going to get) He promised there and then to respect me and never hurt me again.
I was rushed to hospital the next day with unexplained bleeding and spent 4 days there in total. I told him i was going and you know how many times he showed up. Not Once! How many times did he text to see how i was? Not Once!
He went out, partied and got it on with tramps (as per usual) when i was in hospital with threatened labour with our daughter at 25 weeks.
It was at this point i realised hes NEVER gonna change. Once a selfish b*stard ALWAYS a selfish b*stard!!!
He wants me to meet him wednesday to "discuss the birth, maintenance, names etc" but im so confused as to whether to go or not..........
I want my little girl to know her daddy but i really wish it wasnt him.
I guess the old saying stands true - a Leopard never changes his spots
I'd like to point something out here. I think the main issue with porn is when a) the individual involved in it is HIDING it and b) when the individual knows the other party has a problem and continues to go behind their back.
With that said...there are many couples who us pornography either to fill in the gaps so to speak or to enhance their own sexual experiences. I don't think that's the issue here with the original poster.
I've been there. I knew my husband looked at magazines and websites when he was single...not many males don't. HOWEVER when we first got together he started eliminating all of these things saying he didn't feel right having them around since he had a woman in his life. He also knew that I didnt' particularly care for that kind of thing in a commited relationship. Then for us to get married and several years down the road find where he has escalated into doing more than just VIEWING porn. That was where I drew the line. For many it DOES become an addiction, one that even the men themselves are ashamed of and KNOW is wrong. Just like with any addiction it escalates into more undesireable behavoir. In my situation it was my husband finding actual women to email, get pictures from, to develop mental relationships with...even so far as sending pictures of our children.
Some people see no problem with pornography...others view it as a form of betrayal...albeit maybe a mental betrayal but one nonetheless. This is a very serious issue that affect tons of relationships every day. I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinions....and if pornography is no big deal to you, that's fine...more power to ya..BUT it does NOT downplay the fact that for someone who IS against it that it can be extremely devastating...ESPECIALLY when one is pregnant. So for some of you to say "I don't see the big deal" it's easy for you to say that when you haven't walked a mile in the other persons shoes.
My heart goes out to anyone having to deal with this. It's no harder and no easier than dealing with a loved one that has ANY type of addiction. There are soo many emotions involved...betrayal, hurt, jealousy, lack of self worth, feelings of inadequacy, constantly wondering what you could have or still could change to make it better, the list goes on. Unfortunately it's NOT that easy to realize that it has nothing to do with YOU and everything to do wtih the other person.
Regardless of being pregnant and not being "in the mood" sometimes....I'll be damned if my husband is gonna run off and go look at some other naked chick becuase *I* and sick and swollen carrying HIS child. Contrary to what much of society believes...a man will not explode nor will he lose function if he has to go a month or two without it. As for fairness...well I think the LEAST a man can do is not get some for a little while, considering all women go through to bare their children.
Again, these are just my personal opinions. None of this is directed towards anyone in particular...I just feel very strongly about this subject as I believe it goes hand in hand with the commitment and vows that are taken when you give your life to someone.
With that said...there are many couples who us pornography either to fill in the gaps so to speak or to enhance their own sexual experiences. I don't think that's the issue here with the original poster.
I've been there. I knew my husband looked at magazines and websites when he was single...not many males don't. HOWEVER when we first got together he started eliminating all of these things saying he didn't feel right having them around since he had a woman in his life. He also knew that I didnt' particularly care for that kind of thing in a commited relationship. Then for us to get married and several years down the road find where he has escalated into doing more than just VIEWING porn. That was where I drew the line. For many it DOES become an addiction, one that even the men themselves are ashamed of and KNOW is wrong. Just like with any addiction it escalates into more undesireable behavoir. In my situation it was my husband finding actual women to email, get pictures from, to develop mental relationships with...even so far as sending pictures of our children.
Some people see no problem with pornography...others view it as a form of betrayal...albeit maybe a mental betrayal but one nonetheless. This is a very serious issue that affect tons of relationships every day. I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinions....and if pornography is no big deal to you, that's fine...more power to ya..BUT it does NOT downplay the fact that for someone who IS against it that it can be extremely devastating...ESPECIALLY when one is pregnant. So for some of you to say "I don't see the big deal" it's easy for you to say that when you haven't walked a mile in the other persons shoes.
My heart goes out to anyone having to deal with this. It's no harder and no easier than dealing with a loved one that has ANY type of addiction. There are soo many emotions involved...betrayal, hurt, jealousy, lack of self worth, feelings of inadequacy, constantly wondering what you could have or still could change to make it better, the list goes on. Unfortunately it's NOT that easy to realize that it has nothing to do with YOU and everything to do wtih the other person.
Regardless of being pregnant and not being "in the mood" sometimes....I'll be damned if my husband is gonna run off and go look at some other naked chick becuase *I* and sick and swollen carrying HIS child. Contrary to what much of society believes...a man will not explode nor will he lose function if he has to go a month or two without it. As for fairness...well I think the LEAST a man can do is not get some for a little while, considering all women go through to bare their children.
Again, these are just my personal opinions. None of this is directed towards anyone in particular...I just feel very strongly about this subject as I believe it goes hand in hand with the commitment and vows that are taken when you give your life to someone.
I have watched a program last week about a woman divorcing her husband after finding out he was imagining other woman and..... They had a phsycolosit in the program and he was saying the woman was wrong to think her husband was cheating or being unfaithful to her as it was all in the head and nothing more.... he added that its within human nature to sometimes imagine sex with other people as fantasy but it doesn't go any further and watching porn is a fantasy for so many people... and as long as in only in the head it is very natural and normal and he said almost all people do it! So I guess look at it from this prospect as being a fantasy which will remain at there without going out there and cheating on you..... and believe me I have a feeling almost all men do it if not all women but we just don't know about them..
im just posting to be a part of this you know how i feel it hate i hate it hate it, we all have urges part of growing and getting married is maturing, this means having some will power and controlling yourself...for the wives that do not mind there husbands watching porn then hes a lucky man and he can watch it...for the girls who do not like it i guess that makes him unlucky and he shouldnt watch it. Trust me there are a million things that im tempted to do but its not worth putting my relationship at risk!
Yes, a lot of men look at porn. BUT there's a fine line. When they start HIDING it, it's a problem. One that is gradually going to escalate into something more. Been there done that. I spent two of my pregnancies with my husband TALKING to other LIVE women and asking them for nude pictures behind my back. Then when I would confront him he claimed it was all innocent. But I read the things he wrote. He swore he would stop but didn't. It actually drove us to divorce. That among with other things...but a large portion of it stemmed around that ****. We tried to reconcile this past october...it went well for awhile, then I found out I was pregnant (NOT planned) and shortly after found where he was talking to a girl he knew from years ago...spent HOURS on the phone with her. I threw him out on his @ss. I think that was the final straw for him...he realized how badly he'd screwed up and what he'd done. He checked himself in for inpatient psychiatric evaluation. He has since been on medication for depression and has come to realize that a lot of what he did was an addiction he used when he was stressed...similiar to an alcoholic or drug addict. Looking back over the pattern over the last several years I can see where his most stressful times are when it was at its worst.
for me, it was extremely hard to deal with. I even fell into a deep depression several years ago...to the point of barely functioning. I ended up on medication and in counseling and eventually realized that it had nothing to do with ME. There was nothing wrong with ME. It was HIS problem. I only suffered consequences from it.
I've given him another chance...but he knows this is his last. He has been far more open about it....when he starts feeling stressed or depressed he talks to me about it now. He pretty well stays away from the computer except for occasionally looking for auto parts, rarely even checks his email. I know, I still randomly set up a hidden keylogger and check the history and temp. files just to make sure.
It's completely normal for YOU to feel that there is something wrong with you but there isn't. If you do a google search you will find that this is far more common than most people care to admit to. It's NOT an easy path to take but there CAN be hope. Unfortunately HE has to be willing to take a step forward though and nothing YOU do can get him to that point.
If you want to talk more privately...feel free to send me a pm.
for me, it was extremely hard to deal with. I even fell into a deep depression several years ago...to the point of barely functioning. I ended up on medication and in counseling and eventually realized that it had nothing to do with ME. There was nothing wrong with ME. It was HIS problem. I only suffered consequences from it.
I've given him another chance...but he knows this is his last. He has been far more open about it....when he starts feeling stressed or depressed he talks to me about it now. He pretty well stays away from the computer except for occasionally looking for auto parts, rarely even checks his email. I know, I still randomly set up a hidden keylogger and check the history and temp. files just to make sure.
It's completely normal for YOU to feel that there is something wrong with you but there isn't. If you do a google search you will find that this is far more common than most people care to admit to. It's NOT an easy path to take but there CAN be hope. Unfortunately HE has to be willing to take a step forward though and nothing YOU do can get him to that point.
If you want to talk more privately...feel free to send me a pm.
My ex was sneaky in this way too, he'd watch porn on his own and get himself off or he'd watch it / look at topless models then come on to me BIGSTYLE (id only find out when using the computer and seeing the history)
I wasnt pregnant at the time but he made me feel so unnattractive its unreal. I felt fat and ugly and it really picked at my confidence. When we broke up i was heartbroken but due to the stress i lost alot of weight, went on holiday, got my hair done etc and i felt FABULOUS. He knew it and came crawling back.
The niceness didnt last long and he used me for over a year. Think it gave him an ego boost to know he could still have me whenever he wanted. He was my first byfriend and I still loved him and bent over backwards to give him everything but come christmas i had had enough. I found out a week later i was 2 months pregnant.
Men are very very selfish. I wish i had realised that at 17 when i met him and wouldnt be in this position now
I wasnt pregnant at the time but he made me feel so unnattractive its unreal. I felt fat and ugly and it really picked at my confidence. When we broke up i was heartbroken but due to the stress i lost alot of weight, went on holiday, got my hair done etc and i felt FABULOUS. He knew it and came crawling back.
The niceness didnt last long and he used me for over a year. Think it gave him an ego boost to know he could still have me whenever he wanted. He was my first byfriend and I still loved him and bent over backwards to give him everything but come christmas i had had enough. I found out a week later i was 2 months pregnant.
Men are very very selfish. I wish i had realised that at 17 when i met him and wouldnt be in this position now
You guys are married right? Why don’t you make porn with him, I bet he’d pick your homemade video over store bought/TV porn any day.
I hope i made it clear I am one of those that CANT deal with it either... Personally I think guys WOULD cheat if they didn't have it there.
It's like they have some compulsion that can't be taken care of by they're wives or gf's or fiancees! Ugh.. it pisses me off when I think about it.
It's like they have some compulsion that can't be taken care of by they're wives or gf's or fiancees! Ugh.. it pisses me off when I think about it.
thank you for ur opinions!! some say they are okay living with it , and others say they cant!!
im one of those THAT CANT!! i COULDNT ACCEPT that we would be next door, doing it while im sleeping..i think its personally ridiculous!! i think society has trained us to accept that men can do this and do that!!! which i truly believe we shouldnt !!
TO me the only difference between porn and actually cheating is that his sexual part is not physically in her mouth ...the rest is done as if she were there!!!
but its all there conveniently at the tip of his fingers!! hate computers!! if they didnt have them,,,what would they do??? they would all cheat ?? or live without porn??
im one of those THAT CANT!! i COULDNT ACCEPT that we would be next door, doing it while im sleeping..i think its personally ridiculous!! i think society has trained us to accept that men can do this and do that!!! which i truly believe we shouldnt !!
TO me the only difference between porn and actually cheating is that his sexual part is not physically in her mouth ...the rest is done as if she were there!!!
but its all there conveniently at the tip of his fingers!! hate computers!! if they didnt have them,,,what would they do??? they would all cheat ?? or live without porn??
BTW... I haven't let me being pregnant be used as an excuse to him! I'm here when he wants me... however he wants me (most times!)
And I've made it clear that if he has issues with my body he can not only go without sex, but without the companionship too until he gets his head on straight!
no problems so far. :)
And I've made it clear that if he has issues with my body he can not only go without sex, but without the companionship too until he gets his head on straight!
no problems so far. :)
Hi, I have a story for you.. I've told it before. Shortly after DH and I got married (we were 18 almost 19) about 8 mo. later, I found out he'd been watching porn. ALOT, he has always known my issues with it. Well, I also found out he was ADDICTED to it. he ran up a total of $275 in tv bills at both his mom's and my Gma's house.
It nearly caused me to divorce him. When he finally admitted to me he was addicted and needed help, he agreed to have me put locks on the TV for Adult rated movies, as well as movie ordering... also on my Grandma's computer.
It went from him just looking randomly to me finding over 50 sites on all kinds of porn on my gma's computer. Well, he wound up taking a 12 step christian course. (we're christians) and he SWORE to me he'd never do it again. The VERY last straw was when we lived with my gma and he snuck out of bed thinking I was asleep to watch a movie on tv. He'd managed to find one rated Mature not Adult with LOTS of nudity in it. I came into the hallway and managed to get there in time to catch him fast forwarding to the "GOOD PARTS"... and I confronted him.. FINALLY after that, he put a stop to the porn.. at least for a long time. A month or two ago I actually was going thru an old empty box (there was box parts in it) so that I could pack baby clothes in it for our baby.. I found a Hustler BARELY LEGAL Dvd.. when I brought it to his attention, he said he'd forgotten about it and busted it.
It took ALONG time for me to trust him again, and I learned that Porn can lead to other behaviors sometimes... NOT always, but 4 days before my BFP I found out DH cheated! Luckily any contact had ended a month before I found out, and I have no proof that it was anything other than phone/Email relationship. but cheating is cheating. and I did contact HER too (she left her phone number in the emails I found) and no. I'm not normally a snoop, I only looked when I accidentally came across a Myspace for him that was RECENT and said he was single and interested in GIRLS. Plus... I'm more savvy with a computer than he is.
When I first confronted DH on the porn he INSISTED he was a normal guy and had no problems with porn...etc. etc. until I asked him "why must you hide it if there are no problems, why do you watch it so much?, Why do WE never have sex anymore?" etc.
Then when we got our own place I told him there would be no blocks on anything on this computer as long as he didn't start looking at porn again and proved I could trust him.. Well, he kept deleting the history, so I went to UTUBE for a tutorial on how to restore deleted history..etc. and when he found me typing in the code in the bios, he told me to stop and admitted I'd find something I wouldn't like.. apologized and OK'd me to put an admin. account on here. NOW he has the password, and I do regularly check things about 1X every month or two, but so far he's proven trustworthy... for now.
we're gonna be 22 here in November, our son is due September 13, and it looks like he's FINALLY started to grow up and mature. I've never had a problem with him going to strip clubs or anything, but he also doesn't have a ton of guy friends to go with.. and as far as I know he's never been into the 900 numbers either.
Sorry this is SO long, but it's my story.
It nearly caused me to divorce him. When he finally admitted to me he was addicted and needed help, he agreed to have me put locks on the TV for Adult rated movies, as well as movie ordering... also on my Grandma's computer.
It went from him just looking randomly to me finding over 50 sites on all kinds of porn on my gma's computer. Well, he wound up taking a 12 step christian course. (we're christians) and he SWORE to me he'd never do it again. The VERY last straw was when we lived with my gma and he snuck out of bed thinking I was asleep to watch a movie on tv. He'd managed to find one rated Mature not Adult with LOTS of nudity in it. I came into the hallway and managed to get there in time to catch him fast forwarding to the "GOOD PARTS"... and I confronted him.. FINALLY after that, he put a stop to the porn.. at least for a long time. A month or two ago I actually was going thru an old empty box (there was box parts in it) so that I could pack baby clothes in it for our baby.. I found a Hustler BARELY LEGAL Dvd.. when I brought it to his attention, he said he'd forgotten about it and busted it.
It took ALONG time for me to trust him again, and I learned that Porn can lead to other behaviors sometimes... NOT always, but 4 days before my BFP I found out DH cheated! Luckily any contact had ended a month before I found out, and I have no proof that it was anything other than phone/Email relationship. but cheating is cheating. and I did contact HER too (she left her phone number in the emails I found) and no. I'm not normally a snoop, I only looked when I accidentally came across a Myspace for him that was RECENT and said he was single and interested in GIRLS. Plus... I'm more savvy with a computer than he is.
When I first confronted DH on the porn he INSISTED he was a normal guy and had no problems with porn...etc. etc. until I asked him "why must you hide it if there are no problems, why do you watch it so much?, Why do WE never have sex anymore?" etc.
Then when we got our own place I told him there would be no blocks on anything on this computer as long as he didn't start looking at porn again and proved I could trust him.. Well, he kept deleting the history, so I went to UTUBE for a tutorial on how to restore deleted history..etc. and when he found me typing in the code in the bios, he told me to stop and admitted I'd find something I wouldn't like.. apologized and OK'd me to put an admin. account on here. NOW he has the password, and I do regularly check things about 1X every month or two, but so far he's proven trustworthy... for now.
we're gonna be 22 here in November, our son is due September 13, and it looks like he's FINALLY started to grow up and mature. I've never had a problem with him going to strip clubs or anything, but he also doesn't have a ton of guy friends to go with.. and as far as I know he's never been into the 900 numbers either.
Sorry this is SO long, but it's my story.
I'm a rare case....my partner is not turned on my porn or any of that. He says he's watched 2 hours max in his life, and when he has he felt gross afterwards. But I know that if he did watch it I probably wouldn't be happy about it. I'm pretty jealous when it comes to that stuff and can't handle the thought of him being turned on by another naked women - hence I HATE strip clubs (lucky for me he doesn't like them either). I think as long as you are pleasing him then he shouldn't be going behind your back a lot to do it. But I don't know, men are a completely different breed to us....I don't think we'll ever understand it.
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