My boyfriend and I live with his grandma and she smokes and has been smoking since she was 15. Now that Im pregnant she has started smoking outside but I recently started researching about second hand smoke and it was WAY worse than I thought and now Im SO worried and stressed out that I just want to cry. Because we dont want to move and leave her but we might have to if she refuses because we can't put our baby at risk like that... I already have asthma and had ear infections as a child along with pneumonia and bronchitis because my mom and her boyfriend smoked around me all the time. I guess what Im getting at is have any of you gals had the same situation? How did you deal with it and was your baby ok?? Thanks for the help I really need it and appreciate it.
hopefully she will be willing to do that, its not just the smoke, second hand smoke thats a worry, its also that the chemicals in the smoke get into everything, curtains, bedding etc and that poses a risk as well
It would be great if she'd stop smoking because it would be better fir her, but if she won't, smoking outside won't cause any problems to baby. If she's faithful about smoking outside, you shouldn't have to move. If she isn't, tell her she'll either have to quit or ONLY smoke outside or you'll have to move to keep your baby healthy.
Well I read that it doesnt make much of a difference whether you smoke outside or not especially with our circumstance. Cause just like Stacey10 said the toxins get stuck in the house cause she does not wear a smokers jacket or anything so she brings it in with her when she comes inside. And shes been living here for years so Im sure the furniture is covered in it. Im really hoping that she'll be willing to quit and get rid of the old furniture because if not my boyfriend and I will have to make a difficult decision to leave. Thanks for the reply :)
Ok.... I'm going to sound like a complete a-hole, but have you even asked her if she's remotely interested in quiting before looking up info to bombard her with? I understand your worries, but if she invited you live in her house, and she's trying to make adjustments with her smoking by going outside... Shouldn't that be enough? It's her home. Not yours. If she's been smoking this long she most likely has no intention if quitting, and might take offence to you even asking.
Sorry to be the a-hole but what if she gets p.o.'d and tells you if it's not enough that she's changed how she lives in her home then you should get out?
You have to realize quitting cigarettes after such a long time (even after a short time) isn't just saying "today, I quit!" thats why it's an addiction, not an indulgence like sweets.
Just be careful on how you're going about it. Everyone freaks out about 2nd hand smoke but all those studies are based on heavy and steady exposure.
Yeah thats what really concerns me too. Cause I've been reading online and it was saying that babies are exposed twice as much because they crawl around and put things in their mouths so it affects them more. I dont remember the website that said that but heres one with other facts about the effects of secondhand smoke. Cause I know people on here like links when people claim facts. http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/secondhandsmoke/factsheets/factsheet2.html
Maybe instead of asking her to basically throw out her things (there are now studies that the "new smell" on furniture and in cars is just dangerous. The chemicals they treat them with are carcinogens) why not offer to steam clean her carpets and furniture? either rent a good steamer or hire a company? That way you get rid of the years of uck, without making it seem like you're trying to take her home from her.
No I understand and yes me and my boyfriend have talked to her about it and she says she wants to quit. And yes we do realize that there is a high chance we will have to move if she ends up refusing to quit. And it ***** cause yes I am aware she took me into her home and now Im asking her to change her life for me even though its her house. But the thing is is that she wont even let me run around in the yard with our dogs cause "it might hurt the baby" and she worries about everything EXCEPT for the one thing that is doing the most damage to our baby. She wants us to live with her and wants to be involved in the babies life but its just frusterating that she seems to be worried about things that arent even harmful to the baby when the one thing that IS harmful is what shes doing. But just to recap she has expressed interest in quitting and even quit for a week until some jerk bought her cigarettes and now shes right back at it. Im hoping for the best with this stop smoking program. But when push comes to shove my boyfriend and I will move out if she continues to smoke. Cause I do understand its her house. But just like its her house this is our baby and Im not going to stay here and let our babies health be jeopardized. Thanks for the reply and I mean no offense to you.
It's all a giant roll of the dice with smoking around children. I grew up with two very heavy smoking parents (mom smoked 3pks/day.dad smoked 4pks/day) and my sister and I never had any respiratory ailments growing up. No asthma, bronchitis, pneumonia, nothing. And they both smoked inside the house. My dad quit when I was 14 but my mom still smokes.
Well the other thing is that we have a "pest" problem and chances are the pests are in the furniture and I dont want our baby exposed to that either. So everything is really just stressing me out. Shes also a hoarder so I dont know whether or not she'll keep her word about having a yard sale. She wants to have a yard sale supposedly so we can move to another place because we cant afford the rent for this place anymore because her partner died and he was the one providing basically the entire income. So now we have to move. Anyways Im just trying to see if anybody else has been through this and what they did and how they handled it and if their baby was ok. We're probably going to have to move out on our own but it ***** because we dont want to leave her especially since my boyfriends grandfather (my boyfriends grandmas partner) died just last month.
Oh no offense I just felt like I had to play the a-hole just in case all the scenarios hadn't run through your guys yet. I've hate to see ya try to get something started and then get in a giant family fight or something.
Sometimes I just feel the need to play devils advocate.
Yeah thats why Im so worried cause my mom and her boyfriend now husband and both of my grandparents smoked around me and I've had to deal with pretty much every effect of second hand smoke except for cancer.
for me the risk isnt worth it, yes she has been gracious and let you into her home, but as you have said the smoke will have penetrated everything, your much better to bring a baby into a smoke free house, as with alcohol there really is no safe level for a baby/pregnancy so if she doesnt want to quit you will have some hard thinking/decisions to make
Yeah no problem I understand. And yeah we definitely dont need any more family drama. We have so much family drama with my boyfriends cousins and aunts and uncles even his mom that we'd make millions if we had our own soap opera. Its so sad. I really hope she wouldnt get mad but if she does well I guess she does. Cause I dont want our babies health put at risk just so we can avoid drama. I'd rather deal with that drama than deal with having a miscarriage or having a still born or all the other possibilities that come with secondhand smoke. :( Yeah so far we havent run into any problems with his grandma about the smoking. Except for when she quit for about a week she was having withdrawls so she was grumpy a lot but thats to be expected.
If she's hoarding then you've got a lot on your hands to deal with. Elderly hoarders (it's not uncommon) usually only stop because of extreme family intervention, or sadly when they pass away. The fact that her partner has died recently may only reinforce the hoarding. I'm not going to lie (I've worked with the elderly for seven years now) you guys probably can not realistically expect her to deal with the hoarding on her own. You are going to have to help her along with quiting smoking. She may be a tough cookie with both at the same time....
Yeah my feelings exactly. Its just hard because of the recent death in the family. It hasnt even been a month since that happened. His grandma doesnt really have any other family to stay with if we moved because my boyfriends family isnt very nice so she would probably move to mexico or something which we dont want. Cause since she old she cant support herself especially now that her spouse just died. And this is my boyfriends grandma who pretty much raised him so I know it will be hard on him. Especially since he just lost his grandpa Im sure hes not going to want to leave his grandma too. I mean I trust that he would for the sake of our baby but I know it wont be a fun experience. If she doesnt get with the program (literally the stop smoking program) I will discuss moving out with my boyfriend. Because I refuse to put our babies health in jeopardy like this. It just ***** because of the situation. :(
Yeah I know :( her hoarding has stressed me out since day one because Im a very simplistic person when it comes to belongings and I kinda get ocd about cleanliness and being organized. So all of these factors are NOT helping my stress levels. :P We all want and HAVE to move and if she doesnt stop smoking and get rid of all of this stuff that we DONT need nor have the room for I dont know what Im going to do. Because I will stay with my boyfriend but I dont want to bring all of the stuff with us and I will not let our baby be put in jeopardy. Im really hoping she'll be cooperative with the yard sale and quitting smoking but we'll just have to see. She was doing SO good but then a dumb family member bought her cigarettes and shes smoking just like she used to. She thinks that just cause she smokes outside that its ok but its not. Theres still toxins in her breath in her clothes and in this house. And I dont want our baby around her unless she stops smoking. This is just so hard and stressful :( Not to mention all of my boyfriends family problems and then you add mine oh my gosh...
My mom smoked while pregnant with me and I was a month premature. I experienced chronic ear infections as a child and still cannot go swimming because any water in my ear causes terrible ear ache. I also have asthma, so yes, being around smoke fumes does affect a developing baby. Some are lucky and experience little to no side effects- but it's not a risk I would take. If she is unable to quite smoking, because it is difficult, you might just have to move. Good luck.
While its not the safest or healthiest thing her smoking, you can take the time with the rest of your pregnancy to.clean the house, carpets curtains bedding and furniture (Lysol) and if she smokes outside then it will greatly reduce the risk of harming your baby. I come from a long line of smokers and we all follow the same rules. It helps a lot believe it or not.
Well the only problem with that is I cant get everywhere in the house cause theres just too much stuff. She hoards stuff. So theres no way I can clean everything and the furniture is so old its not even worth putting that much effort into it in my opinion. Although I do agree with you that that would help. I do go on random cleaning sprees trying to make the house a safer and cleaner environment. But I swear our house is like a community center. Family comes over EVERY day and brings their kids and they make a mess and dont even clean it up. We're constantly picking up garbage from visiting family. I'd try to wash the furniture and her clothes but shes constantly bringing in the smoke every day so its like fighting a losing battle :(
I feel you with the whole ear ache thing. Although I wasnt born premature I was born with birth complications and experienced very painful ear aches all the time along with asthma and bronchitis and pneumonia. The more I think about it the more I want to move. I just feel this huge urgency and I feel so overwhelmed cause we cant afford to live on our own (but Im looking into becoming a medical transcriptionist which would definitely help). We might have to move across the state to live close to my mom so we can get housing from my tribe. Even though neither I nor my boyfriend want to live near my mom its starting to look more and more like an option. Unless his grandma surprises me and kicks her smoking and hoarding habit.
Honestly (and no offense) but it sounds Luke you are complaining a lot and that there is no solution you are happy with. It is HER house and you and your boyfriends are guests
New furniture is extrememly expensive. Like others have suggested get the house steam cleaned and if she is hoarding then go through things with her and help her clean up space. If she is smoking outside then don't worry about it. My husband and my ex both smoked when I was pregnant outdoors. They also did not have smoking jackets or whatever. Both of my daughters are healthy and each had only had one ear infection and the oldest is 4.
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