am i being unreasonable?

[jorlyn]

Im 34 wks & 3 days & i feel like im going crazy. I've only been married for 6 months, & i love my husband & we were engaged before we ever knew we were expecting but now sometimes i wish we hadn't gotten married. My husband is 14 years older than me & has a career & is financially stable. Since we've gotten married, bc of my pregnancy I've had to stop working. He got me a credit card, pays for everything & we never go without but when we talked about his life insurance policy & 401k beneficiary the other day, he informed me that it was his mother who was on both those things. Which he did this way before i ever came into the picture. But when i asked him if he was going to change it, he got very defensive & sees no reason why he should. So if & when he dies his mother gets everything that i might need to take care of our bills & children. When i said that he told me i would manage. My question is, am i wrong for expecting him to automatically put me as his beneficiary bc im his wife? & having his children? I thought that's what your spouse was for? We've gone around many times over his mother. He pays her car insurance, her phone bill, whatever she needs. Plus her ex husband still pays her bills & they've been divorced for 10+ yrs. She doesn't work, she sits at home & thinks of ways to spend money...

[jwilliams81]

There are some insurance policies that you do not get to choose it goes to spouse then dependents and he would have to sign a bunch of paperwork to change it.  I would be very angry too.  My husband has nothing but I still put him on some of my stuff in case something were to happen.  If I were you I would start a separate account at a small bank or credit union for your baby and put money in it as you can.  Put the name of a sibling or cousin as a signer on the account so someone else could get the money for your child if necessary.  Then wait until after the baby, don't bring it up again, and see if he comes around.

[egroat]

I know with mine and my husband 401k beneficiarys they have to be your spouse. If we didn't want it to be each other we would both have to sign the form saying its okay for someone else to be the beneficiary.

[mckee513]

You would be entitled first anyways. But ya I would be enraged!!!

[New24888]

If your wedding date is later than when he started the plans and put is mother than you are entitled to the money. The insurance company goes to wife/husband if marriage date is shown as after. She would have a hard time.

[emilysmommy2011]

I've been in a similar situation, although in my case my MIL is a very nice lady and would help us out whenever needed but in your case (and I'm not saying this to be mean, just from my own personal experience) I would wait until after baby is born AND your hormones are totally back to normal before you try to bring it up agaiin. My husband and I have gotten into too many fights that have escalated waaaay too far because of my hormones and not being able to let him cool down. I think when the hormones are normal it's easier to think clearly without getting too frustrated and angry. But certainly he should put you down as beneficiary or at the VERY least your child. Good luck to you. Men are so stubborn

[its_jay]

How old r u and how old is he?

[jorlyn]

He says im just jealous of his mother & if i asked her what she thought about this she'd say i eas being ridiculous & need to grow up.

[tasha_labruyere]

U need to explain to him that theres a big line between being a bachelor and being actually married. That ur not there for the money u there because u love him. That even after hes gone u still need him.

[libbyz]

Oh I understand ur frustration competly. My husband wont even put my name on our house. And we were together when he got it I went with him to look at it and everything. We were engaged then also well we got in and bad fight broke up about 5 months after we moved in. Well we got back together a few months later and still got married all in the same year. Well he told me that he don't want to put me on the house cause IF we get a divorce he don't want me to take something that he worked for. Well I work to its not like I sit on my butt all day. Well he later told me that he would put my name on our house but it wasn't like he was saying that he would do that cause it the right thing to do. Just giving in to me. I told him if we ever get a divorce that I don't want that damn house or anything else from him

[psrivs]

Yeah but ur not the girlfriend ur his wife. Just wait n see what happens after the baby is born but don't be impatient. Give him time to come around. He will see for himself who needs the money more his kid or his mom

[NikiHans]

I would be upset too. You aren't a girlfriend, you are his wife and soon to be mother of his child. Maybe marriage counseling would be of help?

[jorlyn]

I've wondered about that but he seems so hell bent on keeping everything separate. Our finances, that stuff, he locks his computer... he was a bachelor for a very ling time. This is his first marriage & mine as well & he said to me that none of his ex girlfriends cared about that stuff & i shouldn't either... so i must be trying to set myself up. Idk how to respond to this. It just enrages me.

[psrivs]

Relax its a very common problem actually. He probably wud  have done it himself n naturally ur child will be the heir. They just don't want anybody to tell them what they need to do. Men!!!!