I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder when I was merely 10, and struggled til I was about 23 because we weren't able to find a way that worked for me until than. I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 21 though (I am 24 now) and was put on medication that helped and great deal and I was doing well in that aspect because I used to be and pretty rotten person and times and it really began go take a toll on me.
In November, I fell pregnant. I found out at 5weeks at long that I was expecting my first child. I immediately did not think twice at longed stopped my medication right away to protect my little one in any way that i could. My anxiety wad under control, everything else was up to par - so in the midst of my happiness, I thought I'd be okay. Around week 15 I'd started feeling the depression coming on, the anger I'd once felt happen for no reasons at all, and the constant crying and frustration. But I managed to push myself through it. I would get spurts of happiness but it is never for very long.
Next, the panic attacks began. Once a week to start. I was fine to deal with that. Mad mind you, but I could deal. Or so I thought. And than it starting progressing to 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, times a week and I just knew they were back for good and this as caused me to really sink low. I can't seem to leave the house anymore and that andnymorelone is taking a huge toll because everytime it triggers an attack and I can't handle them at all. They are super exhausting and very scary. I get dizzy, lightheaded, all clammy, I begin to shake and my whole body turns to jelly to the point where I can't walk without crashing down. My speech goes slurred and my vision blurry and all of this causes me to throw up. Only immediate cure? Rushing home before it gets worse so i can be in a safe and quiet place, such as my bedroom and sleeping it off. It's like, it restarts my brain and I and i am able to function normally again.. until it happens again. It's a never ending cycle. Just don't want ro have 5-6 a day like I was having everyday at one point.
Any advice on what to do? I've been told medication is harmful to the unborn child but I really don't know how to overcome this .. I am scared for when my child actually arrives. What if I struggle to take care of her? To love her? I'm freaking out and don't know where to run too. My anxiety has me keeping to myself completely ..
Thank you all in advance. xo