I am 19 and I'm engaged to a wonderful man. He makes me so happy. I'm going to college in the fall of 09. and I know I want to have a family. I long for it. I want it more than anything, besides to marry my fiance. I was wondering if there are any of you who are pregnant and in college? how is it affecting you? If there are none then am I just better off putting away my want until I'm finished college? I'm on the pill because as much as I want a family I know that school is likely to be difficult with a baby. I see women with babies everywhere, I see pregnant women. they're all so happy with their family. I want that. I want the joy of having a child that is part of me and the one I most love. and yet I'm always squashing that want because of the need for school. I don't know what I should do.
Well, really it's not impossible. I know plenty of ladies who have kids and are going to college! It likely will be a bite stressful, and a little hard! But it's really up to you! You don't get a lot of sleep after the baby is born, or even the last trimester really, but you have to be mentally prepared to not flunk out of school.
I would honestly wait until your married first. Because a baby puts a lot of pressure and strain on your realationship when your not already married, but it does put some when you are married as well, but it's a lot of hormones going through your body!
With all consideration, it will be much easier to successfully finish college without a baby.
You are pretty young still and I reckon you should enjoy the college experience and learning first. Learn as much as you can and experience all that there is to get out of college years. Of course, it is still doable with a baby, but much much harder. There would also be the risk of dropping out, if you found you couldn't cope and the you would put your future career at risk (this may be important in the future for you and your family - without a good college degree it will be much harder to find a job).
Enjoy these college years with your man. Your life will change dramatically after you have a baby and your time together as a couple with just you two getting to know eachother and building your relationship is very precious.
Use these college years to develop as a complete person (this will also contribute to you being happy and well rounded mother), and to build your relationship with your fiance. Also, please don't get pregnant without discussing and agreeing on the timing with your partner.
You have plenty of time to have a big and wonderful family after college. Hey, I am 38 and having my first child (and will have another 1 or 3 after this one), so don't consider age a barrier. :) My 2 cents. Please finish college first.
My husband and I started dating when we were 16...We moved in together the summer we graduated hs, got engaged at 19, and we talked about having a family and a house and all our wonderful dreams for the future. We knew that waiting to have a family was the best choice for us financially and for the sake of my education. Don't get me wrong, there are many women out there that have been in college with children BUT children will make it much more difficult financially and educationally. As we got older, we talked about our priorities and what we wanted to give the children we would someday have. We decided that I should get a job and get established at my job for job security and financial stability and to make sure that I'd have the benefits to take care of a pregnancy and child...We decided that having a house with a yard, and woods was important to us...it is what we wanted for our child...SO, we waited, got married after college, spent a couple years just the two of us, bought a house, got my Master's degree, and started ttc.
You are old enough to make your own priorities so no-one can tell you what to do and ultimately you will do what you want to do BUT I encourage you to get your education, be successful with it and then start your family...Also, you have to think of the what-ifs...what if your fiance leaves you, what if your fiance dies, what if your child has special needs...Can you handle all of that? Sorry to play devil's advocate but my mom was a single mom and the best thing she taught me was to be a successful woman who can take care of herself...and her child if necessary. She did it and I saw her as a role model first hand...I knew I had to arrange my life to do the same if necessary.
Thank you. I like to get others opinions :) It helps me sort my own thoughts. Lately my mind has been muddled and its been hard to really know what to do about what I want ans what I need to do. and my fiance and I have talked about it a million times it seems :P If I were to get pregnant (by some small chance as I'm on the pill) he would welcome it. he would probably love to have a baby now :P but its my fears about college that keep me back. so I'm happy I'm getting this advice :)
I was pregnant with my son at 18 and in college. I gave birth to him between fall and spring semester, and went back to school when spring semester started. It was difficult to finish, but is not impossible. I would recomend that you wait until school is over so you can enjoy spending time with your newborn and also not let your studies suffer. As your little one grows he/she would require lots more attention that you would be able to give if you had to study as well. Plus you would have to miss quite a lot of school when your baby gets sick, or your babysitter flakes out. Daycare can cost $500 plus a month and that is a huge expense when you already have to pay tuition.
I agree with Super_Sally888 use this time to develop as a person and strengthen the relationship you have with your fiance. There is plenty of time afterwards to start a family. This is the only time you will ever get completely to yourself..... take advantage of it. It has been hard for me to think of all the fun things I missed out on because I was a young mom. As my friends were taking internships, traveling the world, studying abroad, and basically leading their own lives I was at home taking care of a baby.
I love my family and would not ever change how my life has turned out, but there will always be a little regret. I have my degree, my son, my husband, and a new baby on the way and am very happy.
thank you! Its good to hear from someone who has been through school with a newborn. Thank you for the advice. :)
I'm so happy I took the opportunity to ask for this help! Its cleared my mind and let me realize that I can't focus on wanting it. I REALLY need to prepare and make sure we can give the family we want the life we would want to give it. :)
alaysha has a daughter and is going to school. You could always message her if she doesn't catch this thread.
It is do-able. I know you have a strong desire and want a baby more than anything right now. It's just going to have to be a mature choice that you and your fiance have to make. Does he want to have a baby right now? Or would he rather wait until you both are more settled and married?
Whatever you decide, good luck! You've found an awesome forum full of awesome women who will be right here with you.
Whitneylauren- that's how I feel right now. I didn't go to a regular college (I did do a seminary program for a year before I met hubby). I've found many old highschool friends on facebook and they're our traveling, going to games and movies, having a blast, are single or in relationships. While I wouldn't trade my life for anything I still feel this twinge of... something. Jealousy, perhaps?
im in college and im 19 years old and my son is 9 months old. i was 18 when i had him and started college in the fall. its not easy. its in no way easy. my son wakes up at 5 am every morning. i go to class come hom and sleep to make up for waking up early and going to bed late from studying. then by the time i wake up its time to pick him up. then he goes to sleep a few hours later. but my day is just begninig. clothes, cleaning, eatting, and STUDYING. theres not enough hours in the day for that.
i would say wait. wait till your married and have a degree. theres no need to rush to have a baby now
that's a decision you will have to make i'm 18 wks pregnant and i decided to post pone til january and decided to do online classes first then do my major classes next fall and i'll be working, going to school, and taking care of baby i know alot of ppl who do it but it can be stressful. good luck.
Thank you all for being so helpful and supportive :)
JoyRenee you are so right! I'm happy I decided to post! :)
As for working through college. I know for a fact it would ALL be paid for plus part of my living expences and then there is my Fiance to help out. :) So I know we would be ok. Its just stress thats the issue. But you all are so helpful I'm getting the perfect info to help me make my decision. Haha though its not just mine.
My fiance would LOVE to have a baby right now. he just understands that I'm concerned and is supportive and helpful with it also :) I'm so lucky I fell in love with that man!! :)
LOL! I totally know how you feel. One of my best friends seems to have the greatest life! Her boyfriend is in a very popular band and she travels all over the world to see him perform! Because she racked up so many sky miles, last month she went to Costa Rica and backpacked through with a friend! She is graduating with her bachelors this spring and will attend Berkley in the fall for her Masters.... I always refer to her as my friend with the life I am jealous of :)
I see there are a lot of posts to this, but thought I would add my own story.
I got pregnant at 22, my second semester of my senior year in college. It was actually not a complete surprise because we wanted to have a baby, but it was a lot more real when it happened and I wasn't sure that I wanted to be pregnant. Being pregnant while going to school is one challenge, but actually having to go to school with a new baby is a whole new challenge. I was so happy that I graduated and could enjoy the rest of my pregnancy and spend time with my new born. Personally, I would say wait until you finish school. I know you will do what you want to do, but I really think you will be happier having a child when you know that your schooling is complete and behind you.
Also, another side note - after I had my baby I was so happy but when he was about 8 months old I sort of returned to my social life and had a huge adjustment to everything. None of my friends were mothers and I was jealous and wanted to be like my old self - live with my roommates, go shopping, go to bars, be a normal 23 year old out of college. This is just my story but I have to say, there is somewhat of a fantasy of being pregnant and having a child when you are young and when it actually happens, it is not what we might expect. WIth all that said, I am very happy we had our son, love him to death and we are expecting our 2nd child this summer. So, it all works out but there are a lot of challenges along the way!
I got pregnant when I was 19, I am a single mother to a almost one year old girl, and a junior in college. I cannot stress how difficult it is to be both a mother and a college student at the same time. I cannot do homework during the day because I have to take care of the baby which in turn means I'm up sometimes until 5-6 in the morning completing assignments. It is not easy. Even with your fiance being a father figure in the house most likely if he is working during the day that still means that you will be taking care of the baby the majority of the time and still wont have a good gap to do homework in.
Also, you'll have to have some kind of care taker while you are in class.
Another thing, and I completely agree with Joy on this. I get SO jealous of my friends sometimes. I just turned 21 and have NEVER been to a bar. I cant go out at night or if I do I have to book a baby sitter, pay a baby sitter, and be home by midnight. Traveling is hard as well since a baby is never patient. Aspen (my daughter) and I fly back and forth between my school state and my home state at least 4-5 times a year and it is always SO hard. I don't have the freedom to be young and do whatever I want to do.
Knowing what I know now I would of waited until after I graduated from college started a job in my field and really got settled. I want to be able to give my daughter everything and realistically with me going to school that isn't possible.
I know that you feel like your life would be complete if you had a child... but its very possible to feel a little bitterness at times as well because you miss out on so much at the same time.
I live in canada. I am a northern resident as well as being status/treaty (native). This means that on top of the money I can apply for via SFA (student finacial assistance) I get an aborigional student grant. and because I'm a northern resident I can get 1 semester paid for, for every 4 years I've lived here. 1'm 19 so that is almost 5 years of schooling. To get the degree I want I will only have to be in school for a maximum of 4. So its all going to be paid for. :)
I thank everyone for posting in Reply to my message! and for all the side notes! :)
hearing your stories is very helpful! I can't imagine how difficult going to school with a baby or child would be. That is why I asked :) and I'm glad I did. Now I can make a more informed decision. and hopefully be able to provide the life I want to provide for my family :)
Please feel free to keep posting. I enjoy learning from all of you. :)
ok soo I have a friend who did it.. she didn't get to spend the time with her baby as much as she had hoped but if you have a strong support system (your husband) I think you will be able to do it but you should also be able to drop out of college if you have to.. but at least finish that semester so its not money down the drain
Hi am a full time college student its my senior year and am 31 weeks pregnant..am preparing for my bachelors in biology to go to dental school...of course it's hard BUT it all depends on you and how strong you want to complete your education ...you have to balance the two ...i know sooo many people that still go to school and have children ...forgot to tell am graduating with honors too,,theres nothing impossible so keep it up ....
EVERYONE is different, their outlooks, etc. You basically have to really sit down and think just in silence what do you want for YOURSELF. Write it all down, even finances. Discuss it then with your fiance.
As for me - I was 19 when I had my daughter. I had JUST started my semester at a university when I found out I was pregnant (she wasn't planned, but a pleasant surprise!)and then that winter when I was around 28 weeks, I started going into early labor, etc. and got slapped with bedrest, etc. and just went through alot of early labor issues (they held me out til 38 weeks though). So I didn't go back for spring semester, and I am still only sitting on that one Semester. Her father and I got married when she was a year old and we actually have another little one now :) A decision we made so that I can also go ahead and finish up college before we complete our family with a third. When I had her, I didn't want her to leave my sight, etc. I just wanted to be a mom. I went from a job, school, working out 7 days a week, two forms of martial arts, playing lacrosse and ice hockey to cooking home-made meals every night, cleaning little messes, invested much money into magic erasers, buying everything in bulk, sears catalogs lookn for that sale on the washing machine that can do twice the load in half the time, appointments, playdates, etc. and tupperwear and curtain catalogs. LOL. Before all this I wanted to go Officer for the Marine Corp. I can't imagine leaving my kids for that long unless absolutely necessary, and now can't picture my life without my family. It's a 180 from my life before a mom, but I absolutely adore it. I don't mind being a housewife either. I keep a very clean home, a very happy and healthy family, and I get to be with my kids all the time. I'm anti-daycare. I grew up in a very large family and was only looked after by other family members. I can't see it any other way. We're Military though, so that's another reason why I've put things for myself on a back-burner. My husband has been to 5 stations in the last 6 years and us as a family have been to 3 different stations due to a 1 yr ISD tour then a temp fill after that, so we're finally settled... for another 2 years anyway and then off we go again. So that's why it's been hard as well as having someone to help and watch my children while I work. Very few are trusted enough to watch my kids for even just a few hours.
Another situation though - another Coastie wife and dear friend of mine has two sons, has finished up her bachelors and working on her masters now, holding down a job, maintaining her family and so forth. She has an amazing drive.
Another friend is a single mom with one daughter and has her bachelor's, a teacher, and working on her master's as well and she's 27 (almost 28). It's never too late to continue your education even if it is sidetracked.
I also have another friend who waited till she at least finished her bachelors and had her career started, her and her husband are financially WELL set, and now have finally decided it's time for babies. She's 28.
so like I said, EVERYONE and every situation is different. Only you know your's best and truly know what's best for you two. Just be sure you and your fiance are on the same page about all of it. Like JoyRenee said as well, there are times when I look at all my friends on my myspace and facebook... and think "damn, that would AWESOME to go do!" Being Military, we have the opportunity to travel all over the world and take our children with us, but not on a whim like one of my friends who randomly got a hair up her butt and decided to just go to Iceland for a week two weeks ago. You have no idea how jealous I was. LOL. Shes' getting all her travel out of her system before settling down. But on the same token, there's always those years the kids are away at college! But you can NEVER predict the future, no matter how much you want to. But I do feel VERY fulfilled and just absolutely complete. Never before all this did I think this would be my life. But I wouldn't have it any other way.
i just read your other post about a 3some with your boyfriend. make sure a babys really want you want right now and hes really who you want to be with. if your bi and want to experiement with your bf (based on your other post) make sure hes this person you really want to make this comitment of having a baby with. and that you fullfill your "fantasy" before you decied to have a baby
I have student grants and scholarships and the whole shabang as well and even though it makes it so I don't have to work money is still tight. Babies are super expensive. You wont even realize how expensive until you have one. Those first weeks I was spending about 40-50 on diapers alone... a week! Formula if your not going to breast feed is about 23 a can which lasts about a week. You have to buy new clothes every couple of weeks, ditto toys for developmental stages. Crib and car seat and all that Jazz.
Fay1984 - She is talking about becoming pregnant before her freshman year of college which means she'll be pregnant and then have to deal with a newborn baby all her freshman year of school. Grants make it that if you drop more then 75% of class during a semester you owe the grant money back and most likely for a couple of months she'll be out of school.
Lol Of course I would get it out of the way. and I know he is the kind of guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. He is everything I ever wanted in a man. He is kind, caring, funny, a great listsener. he's someone I can talk to about anything and everything and he'll just get me. He is the person I love above any other. and to me he's perfect. I think he would be an amazing father. Its me who wants to try. but its just a fantasy and I likely won't play it out. but people have their thoughts. I know what I want and fulfilling my sex fantasies is at the bottom of my priorities :P If I never acually got to it then I would be fine with it. after all I already have a wonderful guy :)
i never read everyones posts...so this may be repeateed i dont know!! loll....but i really dont see anything wrong with it..i got pregnant when i was in high school and finished! But i was due in the su,mmer and all worked out well...now this year i was going to college and ran into complications and the doc took me out of school..so it really works both ways you know..it can go in your favor or not !! lol..Id say sit and really think about it first!! What aare you planning on doing??
My plan is to wait. I wanted to get everyones opinon on it. I mean I would love to start a family but I know its best to wait until we can really provide the life we want for our kids. I will have to deal with the want until we're ready. Then again who knows, something might happen and I might get pregnant before we plan on it. but then that would be a very welcome surprise. :)
I want to finish my first year of college with good grades and then I'll start to really think about our family. "do I want to continue with school, maybe go into something else" or "are we doing well enough that I can consider children" those are the types of things I'll think about though the likely thing is that I'll either continue or go into something else. but thats a choice to make after I've tried the route I'm on :)
My fiance will be working to help support us. and I will be getting my financia assistance and status grant so I'd be helping out with a chunk aswell. I think that once I'm in college our life will really start taking off :) and honestly I can't wait!
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