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help with mother in law! PLEASE give me your opinions!
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help with mother in law! PLEASE give me your opinions!

So I could go on forever about some issues I have had with my mother in law since my husband and I got married, I know a lot of mother in laws suck but I assure you, this woman is above and beyond my wildest nightmares. Like I said I could list things she has done but this would make it an excessively long post...so if you have any questions feel free to ask!

My husband and I have been married a year and I have never met her, he is in the military so it is kind of hard. I have a good relationship with my step mother in law and my husbands biological father but his mom has done nothing but harass me and be insane for as long as we have been married. She really wishes my husband would've married his ex girlfriend.

Anyhow, after all of her foolishness and manipulativeness and cruelty she expect me to let her come to the birth of our baby... we live in california and I was cleanning on calling my mom when I went into labor so she could fly out here but there's really no way I want his mother to be there..... it will be an exhausting and painful time as well as an exciting time but I definitely do not want the first time I meet her to be while my legs are in stirrups when she has been nothing but toxic to my marriage.

Am I being too cruel?
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1999115_tn?1332268924
In my opinion I don't think so at allll, who you want in the room when you deliver is your choice. I feel like its a personal experience. So it should be your choice. Even if she wasn't rude or anything and you still didn't want her there it would seem mean.
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Avatar_f_tn
No. If she has been full of drama it is understandable not to want her there.  plus that is an awkward way to meet someone
o_O
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1756475_tn?1330542313
totally understandable.   you shouldn't have anyone in there that you don't want in there.  I know, here the hospital only allows 2 support people, so I'm taking my mom and my husband.  they are there to support you. that is it.   she hasn't supported you yet so why would she start now?
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1955408_tn?1328062054
Yeah, I think that would be a very weird way to meet someone even if they were extremely nice to you. I'd definitely say no, but in the end it's your decision. If you don't want her there, say no, and don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that will stress you out during labor.
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1959722_tn?1338781715
Nope you should have who you want there and if it's not her than she should respect that. Maybe try to compromise promise to have her come in shortly after you come home from the hospital. But don't let anyone bully you this is about you and your baby.
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Avatar_f_tn
No way are you being harsh! Delivery is ur day, n u need to be as comfortable as possible to get baby out safe. U never even met this woman, I can't believe she thinks she should be in the delivery room with u! I get along with my mother in law fine, but I wouldn't want her in the room when I was delivering. I can understand wanting UR mom there. But to have some woman who u never met, n who has caused problems for u...no way. N don't let her make u feel bad able saying no. Have in the room people who u truly want there. Childbirth is not easy...ur gonna want them to love n support n make delivery as comfortable n stress free as possible for u. I only allowed my husband in the room. My parents n my in laws waited in the waiting room, n everyone can in to meet baby after birth. This time it will juz be my husband in the room as well. We juz like it to be our special experience. I think my mom feels bad I don't let her in lol, but she completely understands. Sry such a long reply. Good luck!
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Avatar_f_tn
One thing I didn't notice others mentioning but some hospitals have a policy about how many people can actually be in the delivery room. If your mom makes it in time an you want her there, you  *may* not be allowed to have more than your husband and her in the room with you. It could give you an "out" of sorts if you think she might persist and not listen to your preferences.

As for addressing your rights as a mother... I agree with everyone else. I felt I was firm with my MIL that it was a private time for me and my husband and that I would welcome her visit later, after baby and I have bonded, etc. She wasn't quite getting it so my husband had a few talks with her and she came to be ok with it, I think... I can understand it's a hard position for you to be in though since I have a great MIL and this was a sticky issue for us!
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Avatar_f_tn
Oh my...my MIL is totally the devil in disguise aswell...for the birth of our first and i will do it this time...i told the ladies at the check in desk to flag my room number...absolutely no one was allowed to get passed the desk w/out my direct ok. I've been with my husband for five years...and i could tell you stories that would make your head spin...stuff this woman has said...stunts she has pulled...and she wonders why i wont leave her alone w/my two year old?!?!? All because she thinks i stole her baby boy...lolol...INSANE!! Good luck sweetie...i have tried EVERYTHING...finally i gave up and only interact when forced...
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Avatar_f_tn
in my opinion you need to be as relaxed as possible going in to have your baby if having your mother inlaw there could put further stress on you while your in labour forget it, you need only people that room who can support you.
If someone you have never met is causing you untold grief now imagine what she will like once you have a baby the last thing you need if for someone to tell you your doing everything wrong. GOOD LUCK on the up coming arrival of your little  bundle of joy and hopefully when it comes to meeting her grandchild your mother inlaw will have a complete turn around and welcome you in to her family and realise how awful she has been.
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Avatar_f_tn
Hhmm.. U know what just say NO.. & datz it.. I dnt see why should u let some person dat u dnt even know be there.. my mother in law has been such a beatch with me since I met her son & at 1st I was like its her only son I just have to give her some time.. bt 2 years have passed & she's still da same.. just imagine what she has done to us dat I dnt even want her to know Im pregnant.. no no no she's crazy & I know she would do anything to get her son away from me.. & I think the best way to be calm & try to relax when ur into labor is having the ppl u love by ur side I dnt really think ull be comfortable with this lady there bt datz just an opinion its ur decision what counts.. just think what would be the best for you & ur baby at dat time.. & good luck..!! ;)
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