Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
1035252 tn?1427227833

kinda O/T....vent!!!

So some of you already know the issues that I have with my SIL and BIL and their parenting style....although I still love them dearly...or should I say LACK of parenting style (since their kids are pretty much going to be raised by the rest of the family). but whatever...I'm freaking pissed. Last night we went out to MIL's house to pick up my daughter...I had a u/s and my MIL watched our toddler so we wouldn't have to chase her around the exam room. She was also watching my S/BIL;s son (my nephew) which is fine. Well...we get out there, and surprise SIL and BIL and there too. no biggie, it's nice to see them and their newborn daughter (she's only like a week and ahalf old and ADORABLE). They had also dropped by our house the night before last. Well....I'm sitting there and mention something about my new niece's eye (it's all gunky) and my SIL is like "oh yeah she has pinkeye." ......WTF?!?!?!? DIDN'T THINK YOU SHOULD MENTION THIS BEFORE YOU HAND HER OFF TO THE PREGNANT WOMAN?! not to mention her toddler daughter who is FASCINATED by the baby?!?!?!

see...this wouldn't be a problem (I could brush it off as new-parent-exhaustion-negligence) If it weren't for the fact that they ALWAYS DO THIS CRAP. EVERY SINGLE TIME we go out to see my MIL and they're there, if their son is sick (he goes to daycare) They will NOT mention it. doesn't matter if he's got 103*+ fever and vomiting diarrhea..they don't tell us a damned thing. they'll even invite us over to their house and not mention he's sick until I notice it. When I was about 8wks pregnant with this pregnancy we went to MIL's house and they were there and my nephew was hacking up and lung...and I was like "he sounds AWFUL" and my SIL goes "oh that's just his asthma" ok...no..it's not. I've been around him enough to know that's not his asthma (we lived with MIL and FIL for awhile and our nephew used to stay at the house 4 days out of the week..so trust me, I've been around him a LOT. well we come to find out 2 days later he has a horrible flu and had to be on antibiotics and fluids in the hospital. Of course my daughter and I catch it.

I'm just sick of their thoughtlessness. They do this...ALL...THE...TIME. it's gotten to the point that I don't want to be around them because I"m sick of GETTING sick from them not warning me "hey my kid's got a fever you might not want to let your daughter play with him, or you might not want to touch hijm since you're 8 months PREGNANT". I'll even specifically call MIL and ask her (on the way out to her house) "is *nephew* sick??" because if I ask SIL or BIL they'll lie. they've lied before. "No he's fine" we get out there to find out he's been puking.


how the heck do I get through to them that I'm sick of them being so rude about it? they're very self-centered people (which is why everyone else watches their kids all the time for them) and I'm really just tired of the way they do this. they've gotten my MIL sick too and she CAN'T miss work, but they'll bring over their sick son to be babysat and not say anything until she's horribly sick and having to call into work "oh yeah, didn't we tell you he was sick??"

ugh, sorry, I know I sound like a stick-up-the-butt witch and maybe I'm just taking it too personally but now my eye is itching like crazy and getting red and damn*t I don't need pinkeye at 34wks pregnant and My 20-month-old doesn't need it either. We're SUPPOSED to go to the beach tomorrow. guess how well pinkeye, sun, sand, and wind mix? NOT WELL AT ALL!!!!

any advice on how to deal with this? please don't tell me get over it, because that's what I've been telling myself and it hasn't worked, LOL
6 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
1035252 tn?1427227833
thank you guys for all the advice I'm so glad I wasn't overreacting. My eye is definitely itching now and I'm sooo irritated. my MIL doesn't really watch my daughter that often, maybe one night every few months (only 5 times since she was born, actually, LOL)...and sometimes for a few hours if I have a doctor appointment and DH can't be home...so I don't like having to leave her house when they show up because she doesn't get to see my daughter all that much and I don't like her losing time...but sometimes I just have to get up and leave because it pisses me off SO much. so far I've been pretty open about the fact that I don't like my MIL watching my nephew and daughter at the same time, but soon when my SIL goes back to work after her maternity leave it's pretty much gonna be all or nothing..she's going to be watching the new baby and my nephew so often there will be almost no way to avoid it....even if MIL isn't "watching" my daughter, it'll be hard to bring her over without the times overlapping..so IDK but I'm definitely gonna bring it up to my MIL and say how tired I am of it. I've mentioned it before, but only really in passing.

I just got home from being out all day and I'm EXHAUSTED but I'm totally gonna read through everyone's responses more carefully after DD is asleep...I just wanted to say thank you all so much for not making me feel like a total beeotch.

thanks ladies
Helpful - 0
1209036 tn?1299178657
I think that your BIL and SIL are getting way too much help. I'm not too sure of the situation but do they need their children to be watched so many days a week, (Such as for work or other legit reasons), or are they not tending to their responsibilites because if they are just gallavanting around town while your MIL is watching the children that needs to stop. They will obviously do it if they can. I think everyone needs to stop spoiling the parents and remind them that they have responibilities that they signed up for when they decided to have their children.
As for the whole sickness thing, that is super irresponisble of them and if they cannot take care of their children, they should not have custody, I know this sounds harsh but its the truth. Maybe do like a whole family intervention thing, sit them down with everyone and have a talk so they can realize the severity of the issue. They might not realize how eeveyone is feeling individually about the matter.
Good luck and I hope things work out for the best!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sometimes the only way through a persons head....is to "Let them have it". I have known a ton of people like this, and I have had many vocal confrontations with them. In fact this year was a HORRIBLE year for my older son, who catches strep throat very easily (we think he is a carrier) and parents just send their kids to school with this crap. I had actually gotten a visit from CPS because the school was concerned that my older son was missing a lot of school(The school actually called). I had to go to the school office and have a talk with the principle. Now I wasn't upset that they called CPS, I understood their concern for my son, and actually appreciated it, but it was not my fault that my son was sick every other month. I let the principle know, that parents are sending their kids to school sick, mind you it was Pre-K, and kids share eating utensils, drinks and toys that have been littered with contagious saliva. The school did eventually send out a flyer about this, but there is ALWAYS someone who doesn't listen.

If your not very confrontational....I would suggest maybe joining forces with your MIL and whenever your SIL and BIL show up with a sick baby....send them home. And if they ask for an explanation just tell them, they are very thoughtless, and that what seems to be a "simple" cold to them, can in fact make a pregnant woman VERY ill, and your not willing to take that risk.

I wish you the best of luck! I know how aggravating people like this can be. And to me it just sounds like they are looking for a way to "pawn" their children off on someone so they can go do their own thing. Which is completely selfish...especially when the kids are sick.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Funny, I have in-laws like this.  I've given them hell about it - I don't care if they hate me! :)  At this point, I would be sure to bring a LARGE bottle of sanitizer and be very obvious about using it.  Use it after you shake hands, touch things they've touched, sat on the same furniture.  Make a big deal out of it... be sure to do the same with your daughter... "Hey *daughter*, come here so you can get your hands sanitized so you don't get sick from them again!"  When leaving, you can explain you're in a rush to go home and wash the clothes you're wearing and to shower - just to be absolutely sure you don't catch anything.  Or, as soon as you find out someone is sick - leave right then (don't forget to sanitize first).  But make it a chore for them - call them every time you know you'll be with them and ask for a health update.  Even if they lie, you're starting to make them feel inconvenienced because they have to tell you every time.  If they don't change at all - just never show up.  It really doesn't sound like these people are worth the trouble of trying to work things out, anyway.
Helpful - 0
184674 tn?1360860493
I don't think you're taking this too personally. What you've explained gives you very good reason to be upset!
The only thing I can think of as a solution would be to have someone besides your MIL watch your daughter, so you will know for certain that your potentially contageous sick nephew won't be dropped off on a whim while your daughter is in her care.
Either that, or ask your MIL if she's willing to set up an agreement between herself, you, and your S/BIL that while one kid is in her care, the other will not be. However, I could see that leading to a lot of family conflict and finger-pointing...
But maybe suggesting or doing something that drastic, as in refusing to allow your family to mingle with the rest of the family, will get the message through to them. Your S/BIL may not catch on and take offense and not do much to change, but your MIL may realize that she needs to enforce stricter boundaries with them if they want to rely on her for babysitting their son, because to me, it sounds like she is allowing them to take advantage of her. They may not tell her he's sick when they drop him off, but she has the right to send him back home as soon as possible if he is, and refuse to watch him for however long she feels it'll be before he's well again. Plus, she may be more inclined to put her foot down about that if she's not getting to see her granddaughter as much anymore because you refuse to bring her, not knowing if she'll be unexpectedly exposed to her sick cousin.
Helpful - 0
1145691 tn?1291478338
I agree with you 100%. They sound like very irresponsible parents! If their son is getting sick so much, they seriously need to find different arrangements. And how the heck did your poor niece end up with pink eye already anyways?
I have a firend who is irresponsible like that, she came come over here, coughing and blowing her nose, right after she said the day before that she was sick and wasn't going to come over.
She cleans my cat litter and bathroom so that I don't have to deal with the chemicals and litter while pregnant. So she shows up on DH's day off while I was at work, I get off work and there she was. She was like, "Oh, well I figured it wouldn't matter if your DH caught it". I told her if he catches it, then I will too. She had the audacity to tell me that I can live upstairs then! HELLO, pregnant lady, I need to be near the bathroom and fridge at all times! LOL! Besides that, I have trouble with stairs!
So I know exactly what you mean..If she has just had a baby, she should know that you are limited in what kinds of meds you can take, and that its always best if you don't take anything at all. I'm really sorry that I have no idea what to suggest you do, other than to try to find someone else to babysit your daughter. That seriously isn't fair though, I really don't get how she doesn't have enough common sense not to say anything, or to stay home with her kids when they are sick.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy Community

Top Pregnancy Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.