miscarrage??

[coggsdale]

what is a chemical pregnancy??

[Rhi315]

If you get pregnant and don't have the money to pay the fees at the Dr. for prenatal visits or your parents insurance won't cover your pregnancy, have you looked into state insurance? That's what I have. They cover EVERYTHING and they are required to accept a pregnant woman. (In my state at least) You might want to check into that though. There are also programs such as WIC that will help you out with food and stuff. I would not consider my fiancee and I financially stable and we're going to have a baby any day now. But we have the support of our friends and both of our families. We will make it work, just like everyone else does that doesn't have a savings account or whatever you need to be considered financially stable in everyone else's eyes. Sorry to everyone who grew up in families that were able to afford the things that they wanted, but that's not what every person requires. Love and attention is much more important than money.

[Clysta]

You only say what you do, because you don't have another to care for. You don't have that stress yet. You'll understand once you do, and maybe then you'll understand what we are trying to say and why.

There's just NO point if it's preventable, and it is. You just choose not to, for whatever reasons. Good luck with whatever happens.

[coggsdale]

i grew up it that situation but it was not horrible i loved my childhood. being poor tought me everything in life was not going to be handed to me. people grow up differnt way and we want our child to have the best childhood ever but our opinions are not always the same some people would think that i should of never had to go through what i did as a child to see what i saw, but it made me a stronger person. i would never want my children to grow up seeing what i saw and they wont because they will know who their father is and he wont not love them cuz they are a girl and not a boy. i may be middle class but i am not poor. i will never be poor even if i have a child. how can u be ready for a child?? nothing prepares you for a child some people are born ready to have children some think they are and some never should have children. i never said im ready to have a child, but if i am i am going to do everything for my child. they will never know what its like to not eat or not have they toy they want. if i cant afford something ill find a way to make more money than i am now to buy it for them. plus hand me downs are great too. i know many teens that have kids and by the time i have a child their children would be too grown for their clothes. im not like the teens at my school. i have a plan, but if my plan gets changed its fine cuz im ready for it all.

[Clysta]

No no. I do understand. And I am giving you a straight answer. I answered your original question, and then answered the others. The straight, honest answer is that I don't feel you're prepared for children, but you'll do as you feel. This is also just based on limited information, and there are other factors that would need to be considered. You just need to be sure you're ready emotionally, finacially and physically. If you're not in any areas, you should wait. There's just no point to struggle for no reason or make that baby go through that. It's horrible to grow up poor and in that situation.

[coggsdale]

i dont think its a joyride your not understanding what i am saying im done defending how i feel about planning. i love to hear your advice but next time i ask a question just give me the straight answer!!

[Clysta]

Waiting ensures baby will have the best future, that's what that does. Why struggle when you don't have to. Have you ever gone paycheck to paycheck, wondering how you're going to buy baby food, how you're going to pay rent, going without food so you KNOW you will get baby what they need?

You say it's no fun to plan every detail. Childbirth and being a parent isn't just a joyride. It's not something you can just decide. It takes planning. It's a life changing thing, and you should make sure you're actually prepared before you bring a child into the mix. There is no point to struggle just because you want to leave things to chance. Be responsible. Prove that you're ready for children by doing what you need to first.

[coggsdale]

thanks for your advice. i know people may not think i am ready to be a parent. saying i am too young and life all ways throws hardships at us all. but i know what i want out of life and i just want to get the most. i know that i should plan for a baby and plan my whole life out. but what fun is it to plan every detail. i believe that most women who plan for their baby may have missed out on a baby that could change the world. not all the eggs in our bodys are the same and neither are the sperms in our men. if they were we would all be the same. i personaly thing God gives us children for a reason. we dont know that reason but i think i did pretty good staying a virgin till i turned 18 and met the man i want to marry. yes we should wait and plan our future better, but what does that acomplish? i have plans for college and i have plans to be married in october. i didnt plan what happened earler this month it just happened and i dont ever want to experience that again. i know i might but im trying to find information out to help the chances of that not happening again.
i do not drink or smoke. i used to drink pepsi like it was water now i drink alot less i drink more milk than anything. i exercise a little and i eat right 3/4 the time. i stopped eating junk and started eating meals. im not a physical fit 18 year old but im not fat.
my fiance does drink alot and smokes alot he is almost 21 thats natural for guys. he has stopped smoking around me for the most part now he dips when im around. i have never been really a drinker i dont really have a taste for it.
i do plan on going to the doctor to make sure everything is fine with me. i dont like the idea of doctors for personal reasons. but if i do become pregnant or think i am again im going to go to the doctors again so they can help make sure my baby is safe. im not your average teen who goes and gets knocked up. if i thought for one second he was going to leave me i wouldnt be making a life with him id be taking life slower. but that gets you no where in life.yes right now a baby would be unplanned but i have 9 months to plan 18 years of my babys life. well plan the first year after that its plan a couple months in advance because a baby changes everything and i know this. but i think i could handle it. and as far as being pregnant on my weeding day in my eyes would make it special to see your baby and say you were at our weeding just not born yet. when i am older and looking back at my life i want no regrets. i dont want to look back and want to change anything. plans always change no matter what you say. you can try and plan for a baby but it never works out the way you want. child care is my passion. i will own my own day care in the future and spend every second with children making a difference in their lives. teaching them things and watching them grow. watching my own children grow. i am tired of seeing death in this world the only pure thing left in this life is the love of your children. (and sometimes husband) people may not see the world as i do and i dont expect people to see it my way. we all have our own opinion on how this world could be better if we changed things. i believe God only gives us what we can handle and if he thinks i can handle college being a new wife and a mother then i can. college isnt that hard im going to a trade school first and if i dont get my day care when i want it because of my baby i am fine with that. God will give me the job he thinks i need. we can have our own worldly plans but God will make sure your on his track so why plan things when God can and will change them? thank you all for your advice it has helped yes i may have gotten defence but i know you guys are just trying to help. i got defence because it seems like no matter who i talk to they think i dont know that much about anything becuse of how young i am and i know more than your average teen. on that note thank you again for all your advice feel free to give some more.

[Clysta]

Many of us have lived different lives. I lived in my own personal hell for 15 years. I went through things people can't even imagine. That said, it has no effect on your future. A rough past doesn't mean you need to grow up faster than another.

I got pregnant 5 months before my wedding and the whole thing had to be called off. When I did actually get married, we didn't have anything. We had it done, and went home. We never spent that time as a married couple, never got to enjoy being alone. Things also change when you get married. Many people don't believe it does, but it happens. You should never assume things will happen a certain way. It's best to assume that he will NOT stay and you should make sure you know what to do if it came to that.

(Because I'm a HUGE fan of examples) My mom met my dad---he's not my biological dad but he raised me so I see him as one---and he was perfect. Funny, charming, good looking, everything. They were together for a year before they got married. As soon as they did everything started to change. He because abusive and lazy. As time passed it got worse. This being said. Will it happen to you? I desperately hope not. I don't know who you're with, and he could be a good guy. He probably is. The point is, you NEVER really know someone, ever. You can think you do, but some people are amazing actors. Many believe once you're married there is no escape.


I know you hate that we're butting into your life. I always hated that people did that to me. But we see so often girls in your exact place, desperate for a baby and so often things don't work out the way they hoped. It is your life, yes but you also need to remember that it will be an innocent babies life too and love isn't good enough. You can love a baby, but love won't feed a child, it won't shelter a child, and it won't clothe a child. You might not actively try, but if you're not taking proper measures to prevent until the situation is right then it's basically the same.

Part of being an adult is being responsible enough to know what is right to do. You yourself said you have no job, and you live with family. Be honest with yourself. Don't play the "if" game. Think about what you know you can ACTUALLY afford and handle right now. You should never depend on another for an in-case emergency. Your fiance might not always have a job. He could get laid off, or could get injured and not be able to. Then what will you do? What if you get seriously ill after the baby is born. I know I did. Never thought it would happen either. We wracked up a few thousand in medical bills, and still have yet to receive some. You need to consider every possibility that might happen, regardless of if it will or not.

[sweetpea03]

I didn't say you were trying to get pregnant, I said you are not acting in a responsible manner to prevent pregnancy when you don't have the resources right now to have a baby/raise a child. I understand that you will be getting married, but do you really want to be pregnant with morning sickness and other symptoms during your wedding day and honeymoon? I know I wouldn't, but I'm not sure about you. You have to think about these things instead of rushing into becoming parents. I'm glad you are going to see a doctor and I do hope the appointment goes well.

[coggsdale]

sweetpea03 i am just trying to tell you that im not trying and im getting married on October 3 of this year that is the plan. not all guys leave when your pregnant. we are ready to start a family and share our lives forever. i may seem like i dont know anything because im young but i have had more of the real world then yall would think.

manderella2 thanks for what you said.

bassey86 i have clots when i am on my period i have been on birth control before and have stopped before this was nothing like before. heathcare here is not like england i have family over there. it was about a month after i stopped taking it. the period i had right after i stopped was normal this i wouldnt of even called it a period i only spotted and not ever much expect when this thing came out of me then i had blood for about 2 days then back to spotting.

im going to the doctor tuesday at the free clinic in town. i am scared to but im going im having a friend take me. i will tell my parents one day just not now. i have my reasons for not telling them. they have enough to worry about with family i would just be adding more stress. i am 18 an adult i can take care of myself. if my car was not in the shop id take myself!!

[sweetpea03]

If you read what I wrote, I answered her question and also told her to see a doctor. I added in that she needs to be responsible and try to prevent pregnancy when she is not ready for a baby. I'm not bashing anyone, but only trying to prevent her from having to struggle if she takes the advice, but that is her decision to make. She can take it or leave it. I know you had an unplanned pregnancy yourself and I'm not sure how that occurred, but she's 18 and has a lot ahead of her. Wouldn't you want others to be prepared for a baby and not have one unplanned? It could be a great, loving experience to have a baby when you are ready for one, but when you're not ready, it's a lot more stressful and much more work.

[Bassey86]

Hello,

to come from a completely different point of view, as you did not take a positive pregnancy test before the bleed it could be that the clots were due to something else and not necessarily pregnancy.

There are many different things that can cause clots; sometimes they can just happen and there is nothing wrong, but sometimes they indicate there is something more sinister happening.

I dont mean to worry you, but this may be worth going to see the doctor about.  I'm not exactly sure how it works in the US, as in the UK we have free healthcare for everyone.  However, if you're concerend about your parents reaction you could explain it is due to an irregular menstrual cycle.

My first cycle off the pill (a few years back) was awful with severe cramps and clotting as my body was suffering with withdrawal from the pill, also the cycle before I became pregnant I had horrendous cramps and didn't bleed initially (but had -ve hpt), eventually I had a period, but it was nothing like a normal one.  Sometimes things like this just happen.

Please research clotting if you're still not able to get to the docs, just to see other potential causes.  I wish you all the best.

[Manderella2]

Not that I am saying that you ladies are bashing her or anything its an example, I know you ladies just wanna put your 2 cents in but really? She is not wanting that advice she is looking for information on something else.

Its nice of you ladies to care, but it seems like she doesnt want to hear about what YOU think she should do about HER life and what SHE wants.

Not trying to offend anyone, or be rude.

[Manderella2]

Seriously? How many people are "prepared" to have babies?? Only ones that are ttc and maybe they are not even really prepared how do you prepare for that?

coggsdale:
" i asked about miscarrages not advice on life and what a baby changes."

She will make her own decisions.

EXAMPLE:: Just like if someone was asking about an abortion we would all try to give the best advice that we could and we would not be bashing her and telling her what a horrible person she is right?

[sweetpea03]

You keep saying if God wants you to have a child, then it'll happen, but you are not exactly trying to prevent pregnancy by being careful with using condoms and birth control used by you. I'm not saying having a baby is a bad thing, but it can be when you are not ready for one. I love children. Both my fiance and I would love to have a family, but we also know now is not the time for it, so we'll prevent that from happening. It would be a bad thing to have a baby right now, being in school and not having the money at the time to raise a child. It is mean to the child to bring them into the world when you are not ready and will struggle to get it all together for the baby. Having a baby will be a much better experience for you and the baby when you are prepared for him or her. That means being independent first and then letting what ever happens happen, not preventing pregnancy. I'd also suggest you wait until you are married to have a family. A good friend got pregnant with her fiance and he left her when she was 6 months pregnant. A lot of people think, "oh it won't happen to me, my situation is different", but usually that is not the case. Everyone thinks they are the exception, but you need to be prepared for what ever may happen. I'm sorry to say, but statistically you are probably not the exception. If you are not ready for a baby right now, as is, then you should not be so careless with preventing pregnancy.  

[coggsdale]

thanks for your adivice i may not follow it. but thanks the condom part is strickly none of anyones business if we choose to use them or not. i was on birth control still trying to get more i am not trying right now it just happened which yall are not understanding. i am not trying it just happened. i know i need to be on my own but im only months away from that i can plan everything in 9 months if i come up pregnant. im not unprepared. if i am its my choice to bring it into the world. but with everyone telling me im not ready to have a child makes me want one more. no one is understanding i already know all of what yall are saying. i asked about miscarrages not advice on life and what a baby changes. yall act like its a chore. its life the baby is your flesh and blood. yes some are not ready but yall do not know me only what you read. we can handle a child if i do become pregnant. we are not trying like i said if it happens then God wanted me to have that child. im not going to prevent what could change my life thats about as bad as abortion in my eyes. God gave us eggs and guys sperm to have children when we are ready.
as you know im 18, i first had sex wit my fiance this past october. i know what a baby means, but if God thinks i can raise this baby in this world with all the problems we may face then i can. i have alot of faith. i put more faith in God than what doctors can tell me. God didnt think i was ready this past month so when he thinks im ready i will become pregnant

[sweetpea03]

You still should have seen a doctor, especially since you had a miscarriage because you need to be checked to make sure nothing was left behind that can cause infection or problems in the future. I do recommend that you make an appointment with a doctor soon, whether using your parents insurance or going to a clinic. While you are there, you can also talk about birth control options, since there are many options besides the pill. If you are allergic to latex, get condoms that are non-latex. You really don't have an excuse to not use protection.

Part of being a mature adult is knowing when to have a child and when to wait. Right now, you are not in a position to have a child and should be avoiding pregnancy until you are ready(living on your own, own insurance, stable job, etc). You can't really avoid a miscarriage because many times it's a genetic problem or something of that nature that makes your body reject the pregnancy, unless you are doing other things that are causing it such as smoking, drinking, eating/drinking too much caffeine, etc. Ask your doctor about ways to avoid a miscarriage when you make the appointment, since you still need to be checked now even after a miscarriage.

I know this isn't the question you asked, but you're getting advice that will help you for your future. Having a baby now would be very difficult and stressful. You may think you can handle it all and it won't be that bad, but it's 100 times harder than you think. It puts a big strain on relationships and some married couples can't handle it. You're 18 and you have plenty of time to have a baby in the future, waiting a couple years won't harm you in  any way and will help you, so that you will be better prepared and independent when you begin a family. I do hope you can think about this and take in the information. You are going to do what you want, but many people have said the same thing so I do hope that you really sit down to go over this all in your head.    

[coggsdale]

i do believe in prenatal care and i CAN AFFORD TO GO i already knew i had a miscarrage the doctor cant save my baby now. i am ready to have a baby. i am not one of these teens that get pregnant and think mamma and daddy are gonna raise my kid for me. i do have money for a baby. yes gas is 4 dollars but one if i cant afford diapers im going to use cloth anyway. there are things i can do to make it so much better for my child. but that is not the point i am not per say trying to get pregnant. if i was trying id see a doctor to help my chances. we just dont use protection becuase i am allergic to the condoms i was on birth control but walmart is messing up my orders. i just wanted to know what a chemical pregnancy was. i just wanted simple answers and dont even try and tell me not to bring another baby into hardship my childhood was not that great i had about 4 wanna be dads who never stayed and my mom never once let me know we had hard times. it is how you
make the best out of your situation. if i do become pregnant it will be a gift from God. i just want advice on how to not have another miscarrage in case i become pregnant again. i know how to take care of kids. im getting a degree in childcare but i dont know anything about miscarrages and what happens to my body during the 9 months. i am defencive i told yall im not trying to be rude my emotions about certain things change all the time. i just want simple answers to my questions.

[Ashelen]

She does say she was asking about trying with her Fiance....and since she can't afford to go to the doctor, doesn't believe in prenatal care, I felt compelled to respond.

[Clysta]

My pregnancy could be deemed as "unplanned" as well. I wasn't actively trying, but knew I would get pregnant eventually and was fine with that. We had the means and ability to care for her. It's one thing when you take active measures to prevent pregnancy and it happens, it's another when you try and you're not ready.

[Manderella2]

Not trying to **** anyone off, but what about those women who have unplanned pregnancies like myself?   she was obviously just wanting advice on a misscarriage nothing else, she is right its not of our business.

[Ashelen]

Yes, many women gave birth in the past without a doctor keeping an eye on them. But many babies, and MANY women died during pregnancy and childbirth. the doctors are there for a reason. and while it may not be our business how financially ready you may or may not be, we care about you and any future child of yours and we say what we say out of kindness. you NEED to be ready for a child...emotionally, in maturity, and financially...it sounds to me like you're defensive, and that's not a very mature way to handle this, because we are all trying to help you.

sweetpea said everything else I could think to say....please, seriously reconsider having a child until you and your fiance are completely independent and ready to actually START a family. starting a family takes more than getting engaged/married and conceiving a baby...starting a family means financial security and long-term planning..and sometimes the mature and wise thing to do is to wait.

and please, please, be prepared to receive pre-natal care. as a future mom, you have a responsibility to your child to be seen - it's one of those things we do as moms for our children, no matter how much we may dislike going to doctors. you can always see a midwife if you dislike the medical feeling.

anyway...please read and re-read the advice you were given and don't get so defensive about it. we don't know you, so what would we gain by saying things just to upset you or tell you that you're unfit as a mother? nothing. we say what we say to help you. please listen...we all have some very real experience with what we're talking about.

[Clysta]

No one is saying you're unfit. People long ago DID have children without money but you have to consider other things. They grew their own food, built their own houses and didn't depend on an education to do anything in the world. Even 50 years ago things weren't like they are now. Gas is $4 dollars a gallon and basic needs are sky high. The economy is poor and we have massive rates of unemployment. Things are hard enough alone, let alone having a child on top of it.

Yes others make it work, but what happens for them may not happen for you. You only consider your own circumstances and what YOU can handle. These people that make it work also probably go without in a lot of things and live with the bare minimum. You need a house, a job and a good income. You have none, so ideally a child would not work in your situation. You will do whatever you want of course, but if you can't support yourself now, how would you support a child? Part of being a parent is making sure that baby has everything it needs and not wondering how they will get the next thing they need.