mother-in-law trying to help but becoming a PAIN!! Am i right to feel this way?

[jessyboy007]

i was blessed to have my parents come for a month and help me with my c-section and my newborn...it was easy to talk to them and be firm as to what i liked & didnt like when it came to my daughter.
now that they just left, my husbands parents have just arrived , my mother-in-law does things the way she wants, from making the milk (too much water for the quantity of powder) to sleeping the baby the way she wants it (with blankets behind  the baby's head ...which i hate!!)
i dont want to cause problem, but i know by telling her her that i dont like stuff , she will want  to leave! my husband has already told her that im uncomfortable with things that she does,,,and she is like , well im going to leave if im in the way! what should i do ??

its such a weird situation???  talking to her is hard, she is sensitive, and makes my husband feel bad when i confront her or when he tells her that im not happy with something! (mommy's little boy)

anyways, any suggestions?

p.s. i know i should just appreciate the help and shut up,,,but im 37 yrs old and im not the type,,,she is my daughter, my first child , and i dont feel in control anymore of my own baby...it bothers me !! oh! and also she has invaded my kitchen , she cooks and doesnt want anyone in the kitchen....and its never food that i like grrrrr!!!

[sweetangel7]

Sounds like you have already gotten some great advice...I plan on blaming a lot on the pediatrician as well lol Like Ovaz said, I can see my future in this post when our baby comes (in April).  My MIL is already talking about how the baby should sleep on its back one night and on its tummy another...I've tried to kindly tell her that the new saying is "back is best" and that the baby should only be put down on its back...Anways...hang in there!

[martikadragoon]

Jessyboy~ I'd kick her out! OR I'd ask her to stay in a hotel (if she's staying with you) and come for a few hrs each day!!!!

You need to write down a sheet of rules of how you want things done. Tell her YOU are mom, not her so her baby should be taken care of the way YOU want or she can leave... I know the help is good, but not at the expense of making you so uncomfortable and possibly doing something stupid! (No offense to those who have kids my age or close to it, but things are just done differently these days than 20 yrs ago)

It's kind of like the time my mom thought it would be funny to give my barely 6 week old 2 small bites of chocolate COWS MILK Ice cream! I flipped out on her, and told her if she couldn't respect my wishes (I had already MADE it clear to her no adult food of any kind til at least 4 months) then she could just let me care for him and she'd never get the opportunity to bond with her grandson!!!!

I'm very adamant about my son. You've got to just tell her how you feel even if she is sensative! There's no way to get thru life if you get offended at every little thing that's even remotely negative ppl have to say to you.

(Otherwise i'd have left this forum LONG ago)... lol

Cindie

[jessyboy007]

thanks guys for ur advice!  it has been very ackward these past few hours, it is her first day visiting and they will be staying for an entire month..god help me !!!
as if we dont have anough problems,,..our tv went dead, which means no entertainment, we are all stuck staring at the wall, or forced to speak, and in all honesty,,,i have absolutely nothing to say ~~! help!

p.s. my baby comes first , and trust me, i dont care what these people say, she is my priority!! and YES  ill blame it on the doctor ,,,sounds like a good idea!

thanks guys for ur advise:)

[g8r grl]

Adding too much water and not enough powder will result in your daughter not getting enough calories/nutrition.

Here's how to fix that problem--Get a Rubbermaid 1 liter plastic bottle with flip cap and make formula every morning to last you for the entire day. It's nice because you can shake it up and mix it well before each bottle. Make it the way you like it and then your MIL will have to use it :)

[ovaz129]

Good lord... sounds JUST like my mother in law!!  (And, I haven't even had our baby yet!)  I would love to give you advice, but I don't even take my own advice when it comes to my mother in law.

I will be in your position in March... and am already dreading having her visit.  She didn't ask if it would be alright to visit after the baby was born... she just went ahead and booked a flight and told us that she was planning on staying in our guest room.  Ummmmm... no.  I talked to my husband about it and he was upset that she didn't ask, so he suggested that she get a hotel room during her stay because... as he put it "It will just be so chaotic around her during that time".

Maybe if I were in your position, I would "blame" everything on the pediatrician :)  Maybe say, "Oh, the pediatrician recommends this much water per this amount of formula" and "The pediatrician said that it isn't safe for there to be any blankets or toys in the crib while the baby is sleeping".  At least, that is what I plan on doing when our daughter arrives :)  And, if she has a problem with you following "The Doctor's Orders", then she can take it up with him/her! :)

[JoyRenee]

That would drive me insane. How long are they staying? If it's not too long just let her enjoy her grandbaby until she leaves. HOWEVER, if it is a safety issue (like blankets under baby's head) you have to speak up. You're the only voice for your baby. Otherwise just put up with her until she goes home. I'm sure she just wants to see her grandbaby.

If you don't feel like you're the one calling the shots when it comes to your baby, speak up. If she leaves in a huff, let her. There are tactful ways of saying things but if she's sensitive and easily offended, have hubby do it. It is his mother afterall.