my boyfriend wants me to have an abortion

[SilentLove]

My name is tiffany and im 18. My boyfriend is 20 and already has 2 boys by 2 different women. we have been together for 7 months this month. I am having alot of signs that I am pregnant but we are not sure. I have talked to my boyfriend and he was almost flipped out. He told me he wants me to have an abortion. Im strongly against it but I dont want to lose him. We live with his grandparents and they said that if I get pregnant then we are both getting kicked out. I looked it up about the pills you can take to terminate the pregnancy and i instantly started to cry. I cried all yesterday and all lastnight. we have been having sex  (unprotected) since day 1. Last night we had sex and he pulled out and i started to cry. it hurts me so much to even think he dont want a baby with me because he didnt ask any of the other girls to do it so it killed me inside. I dont know why but I have always wanted a baby. You know when they ask u in kindergarden what you wanted to be when u grew up? Well I said I wanted to be a mommy. I told jordan (my boyfriend) that I would move out and say that I cheated on him and that i dont know who that father is if i had to...because i dont want to lose him or this baby so i dont know what to do please help?

[honeydew21]

I both agree and disagree with you here.

I can't place more blame on either person as I feel, whether she wanted a child or not, BOTH are supposed to be responsible adults. I would assume she's not the type to get pregnant by a man for the simple fact of getting pregnant to keep him or have a baby if she knew he didn't want a baby. If he was stressing about not having a baby, I would think both people would take the necessary precautions to prevent it.

Irregular periods aren't an excuse to not use b/c or be sure the man is wearing a condom. In fact I'm the one in my marriage who makes sure there are condoms in our special drawer. And as for him, I honestly don't know what any man who doesn't want kids is thinking not using condoms or getting a vasectomy. That just baffles me.

I can understand condom accidents (I'm in the process of getting ready to buy hpt's because my husband and I had a condom mishap. And no I'm not on birth control, but it's for medical reasons. Not because I think I don't need it.). Those happen. But when both people just don't bother, I can't blame one more than the other. They both have to take accountability for the end product. Which in most cases, is a baby.

[Ashelen]

I see how you feel that way, honeydew, but I also feel that a man who does NOT want children should be extra vigilant about protecting himself. She may have wanted children; so her desire to protect from pregnancy may not have been on par with is. Point is, you don't want children, you get a vasectomy or you use a condom.

Both people ARE responsible for conceiving a baby. but when someone says they don't want children, irresponsibly has unprotected sex, then tries to force an abortion....yes, I hold him to a higher blame.

[honeydew21]

I'm sorry but I can't see how this is all HIS fault only. She could easily have said, "No, I won't have sex without a condom." And having irregular periods is not an excuse to be careless. Obviously it can lead to pregnancy.

Is he wrong for trying to force the abortion issue? Yes. But he's not the only one that had sex in this situation.

[Ashelen]

Please remember everyone, when an adult (18+ in the US, and 17+ in many other countries) comes to us with a problem it is not our place to judge or scold, merely to offer advice and support. If we have a problem with the topic at hand, we are free to not respond and move on to other posters who need our help. No need to be rude. Minors sometimes need guidance and a little scolding, but it's not our place to scold other adults.

SilentLove: There is nothing you can do, nothing worth freaking out about, until you know for sure. If it's been 2 weeks since you had sex, you can go ahead and schedule an appointment with your OBGYN or take another test. If your period is late, I would say go ahead and make the appointment with the doctor. Either way, this guy is bad news. If he was honest with you from the beginning and said he didn't want any more kids, then it should've been HIS responsibility to protect you both from pregnancy. Since he was too irresponsible for that, KNOWING the consequences (since he already has 2 kids), then he has on right to ask you to abort the child if you are indeed pregnant.

Start with a doctor appointment and go from there. Best of luck

[Ally_C]

Hey girl, this is rough!!! Firstly you have to watch out for YOU. I don't want to scare you but even if your periods are irregular, only condoms will protect you from STDs like HIV, chlamydia, the works...your man has been around before so you can't assume he's clean. Never take a boy's word for that. The one thing I learned about high school boys is that they will say ANYTHING to get in your pants. I had one boyfriend tell me that his soccer team doctor made each of them have an HIV test and a sperm count, and his was low therefore getting me pregnant/HIV + wasn't a risk. I told him off in the end and never slept with him. Point being, from now on you need to have your partner wear a condom. In fact, this Jordan guy shouldn't be getting any more sex from you. He's treating you as an object and doesn't want to deal with the consequences (possibly getting you pregnant) yet he isn't ensuring he's preventing conception. He's just a horny boy with not a clue.

Please go to the dr and get checked out, and from now on be safe. If you're not pregnant you need to ensure that you stay that way through any route possible, until you're ready. You can do it!!! I know abstinence isn't realistic so get the dr to give you the best female contraceptive you can. AND you still have to have the guy wear a condom to protect you from any STDs- those will hurt your future babies, and you. Take care of yourself, you're #1!!!

[Majikat]

you will end up hating him in the end for forcing you to end the pregnancy... never do something like this unless it is your decision because you are going to have so much emotional trauma from it and you will most likely never forgive yourself... have the baby you will love the baby more than you will ever love you bf

[belleof4]

I went through the same thing. When I was 28 my boyfriend of 2 yrs was 26 and had a career we were living together and everything was going great. Then I found out I was pregnant and he flipped out! He told me that I was going to destroy his life if I kept the baby (it was his first but my third, I was married prior) and he told me I didn't have a choice in the matter that I had to get an abortion. Sooooo I told him to kick rocks and packed my stuff and went home. He called me almost everyday begging me to terminate the pregnancy, I told him if he said that word one more time I would file harassment charges. After about two months he started calling me telling me he wanted me back. Needless to say we have a two yr old little boy and another on the way. When our son was born and he held him for the first time he held him and started crying and he looked up at me and said " please don't ever tell him what I said when we found out, I didn't realize how much I would love him". So my advice to you honey is to stand your ground and follow your heart, if he wants to be an *** then you don't need him in ur life, its amazing how strong a mother can be when it come to protecting her children, if he can turn his back on you during one if the most important times of your life then you are better off with out him.

[Julesxoxo]

My cousin did this, she really wanted to keep the baby so bad it hurt and her man told her he wasn't ready and to abort. I talked to her every day and she expressed it was what she wanted (to bore the baby) but she did not want to lose him. Well she had the abortion and it eats away at her every day. she worries about that baby day in and day out and what it could have been. Point is, nobody can force you to do something, you have free will, it's your choice and your body. I am against abortion now that I have a son, but when I was young I was pro-choice but don't get me wrong, I was only prego once in my life and if i'm brave enough to spread my legs then i'm responsible enough to give birth to my child I conceived. So stay strong and if he was cumming in you unprotectively, he knew this was going to happen. YOUR CHILD comes FIRST before anyone else, your child is from YOU. Put your baby before anyone, including his father. That's the way it needs to be if he continues to act this way..

[babymomma_18]

I'm 18 too and my boyfriend is 21 I think you should keep your baby if you are pregnant. Don't let someone force you to get an abortion. Do what you feel is right. Keep the baby hun

[babymomma_18]

I'm 18 too and my boyfriend is 21 I think you should keep your baby if you are pregnant. Don't let someone force you to get an abortion. Do what you feel is right. Keep the baby hun

[sweetpea03]

Sorry, I just remembered that you already took a couple pregnancy test that were negative, so why are you telling your bf you are pregnant and freaking out about this? I don't understand what you are trying to do. You already know you are not pregnant(unless you took the tests wrong?). Having a baby with a guy won't keep him around and faking being pregnant is not a smart move. He will hate you if he finds out you lied to him about it all. Also, why do you want a baby so bad right now? It's great to want to be a mom, but it's also extremely important to be in a long-term stable relationship prior to having children(along with other necessities: saved money, stable income, insurance, place to live, etc). Do you feel like something is missing in your life?

[sweetpea03]

You didn't see this coming? I'm not trying to be mean, but he has told you from the very beginning that he did not want any more kids, so what did you expect? It was incredibly irresponsible of him not to use a condom, but at the same time you could have used protection as well. You have only been together for a short 7 months, and you are getting to know each other still. This is his true colors, so do you really want to be with this type of guy?

As said before on other posts, take a home pregnancy test to find out if you are pregnant or not. There is no point in freaking out about possibilities(what ifs) when you don't even know for sure one way or the other about if you are pregnant. You can take a home pregnancy test 2 weeks after having sex or after a missed period. Take a home pregnancy test and then go from there...

[babymomma_18]

I'm 18 too and my boyfriend is 21 I think you should keep your baby if you are pregnant. Don't let someone force you to get an abortion. Do what you feel is right. Keep the baby hun

[SilentLove]

Thank you everyone...and yes i thought about adoption and I couldnt do it. No offence but I believe god had/might have put a a baby in MY stomich for a reason and i want to know what that reason is. Im wont go through with an abortion because i would never be able to love myself nor him im afraid. me and him joke around and have fun now...kinda more than we ever did. but on another note, he refuses to have sex with me now. Im afraid this has ruined our love life...because knowing he didnt use a condom and stuff made me feel like like it was more intimate....he was sharing something of him to me. idk im going insane

[worththewait78]

Have you considered the adoption route?  Our first child came to us as a result of the blessing of adoption.  Good luck!

[waitn838]

other ladies have mentioned that nobody can force you to have an abortion....i can understand how your bf is completely overwhelmed with the thought of 3 kids....to you its only 1 but in his mind it would be his 3rd kid and hes only 20!!! way too young for that many kids

part of being in a relationship is being with somebody who you are compatible with....if your goal in life is to be a mommy (and there is nothing wrong with that) than you need to be with somebody who wants to be a daddy....people your age typically are not at that phase....they are living their lives and not thinking of having kids but there are guys out there that want kids and the right woman

babies are a lot of work and the fact that your bf who you have not been with for even a year does not want babies with you is a huge red flag.....you have to be the one to make the decision because it sounds like he made his

[michellelynnxx3]

Just pretend your period is a 28 day cycle and take a pregnancy test after a week it would be due then. I had my daughter at 16 with a person I thought would be there for me. It doesn't matter what he says, its your body and you can do what you want with it! If he doesn't support your decision then be done with him. Obviously he wasn't the one for you! Don't be worried, you can find a better guy in the future, cause if you are pregnant then you need to worry about what's good for you and your baby instead of worrying about if he's gonna be with you, im sorry though :( let me know how everything turns out sweetie!!

[Summer18]

I Can Totally relate to you in a way but my stiuation is worse! The Guy That I Might Be Pregnant By Is Avoiding Me :( i Called him & text him telling him we need to talk but no reply ;( He Says He's A busy Person But I feel he can atleast take the time to hear me out im scared & i feel alone.. :/ i just feel like if i am hes gonna do the same thing his dad did to him which is walk out on him . But i hope everything works out for you in the end love!

[Hopeful1977]

READ THIS PLEASE!!!

Listen sweetheart, you have to do what's right for you!  If he already has 2 kids, he know what could happen if you have unprotected sex, If he didn't want more kids he should have thought about that!!

I listened to my boyfriend when I was 18 and had an abortion.  I have struggled trying to have children with my husband since.  I do have a 11 year old but I have suffered more miscarriages that I want to say.  Now I cant say that the abortion directly caused the fertility issues I'm having now but I cant say they didn't....  

Take the test and make an appointment to see you obgyn ASAP.  Take time and think about the situation and make an educated decision...By the way, If you are afraid of losing him, honey there is no guarantee he'll stay even if you have the abortion!

[mamaof4410]

Yes I forgot about that. But definitly get info on something. You will love your choice to wait for a baby in the long run trust me

[SilentLove]

well i cant have the marina because u have to have a child before but my friend had the implatation thing in her arm ill talk to her about it and stuff...

[mamaof4410]

There are different kinds of the IUD. There is one that is hormone free it's the Paraguard and there is Mirena. I have been on the pills, the depo and now I have the Implanon which is the arm implant that is good for 3 years. It all depends on the person and how the side effects work on the body. I never got acne, gained weight, or had problems with my periods. Now that I have the arm implant my periods are irregular but I just had it put in a month ago so it's normal. The way I see it is I would rather have a couple side effects than take a chance on getting pregnant again. I have 4 beautiful babies and a wonderful husband but sometimes it can all be kinda overwhelming.

[SilentLove]

what is IUD i have took depo before and i dont like the sytafects wow thats spelled horribly wrong

[mamaof4410]

Get on something that you don't have to worry about taking everyday. Like the IUD or the Depo shot. You are young and having a baby is very hard. I wish all the best to you.