starting to show meltdown

[LauraB78]

I have always thought pregnant women are soo adorable.... Except me. I have always had issues with my weight. I am finding the more weight I gain/I show, the more self loathing I feel..Between my ex being a J E R K and having no family or even close friends nearby, I am having a meldown. I am literally crying as I write this.. I feel like such a mess. Between my scare on Saturday (bleeding, was diagnosed w/ placenta previa) the constant stress (which has led to me having NO success in giving up cigarettes), and my Dad not speaking to me (he doesn't believe in children out of wedlock, he's very religious). I am feeling like a fat disappointment.. I loathe being that woman with poor me syndrome, but I am feeling so alone. I feel like (especially on this board w/ great women who are ttc) such a loser. I am a fat,pregnant,smoking loser who can't seem to get it together. I feel depressed. I feel like I a losing my mind..  I don't even know you ladies will say to all this.. I know most of you are married and in relationships, which is GREAT!! Don't get me wrong there, it just makes me even more depressed that I feel sad all the time and am alone in this when I should be happy? I'm so confused and emotionally exhausted.. Any advice?

[LauraB78]

I appreciate the advice..

The baby's Dad isn't ALWAYS an A S S.. That is what makes it difficult. I WANT him to be involved with his child. I want our child to have and know his/her Father.. It's just been a struggle thus far. I am going to the Dr. again Thursday and I am going to ask about meds. and things that may help me get through this rough patch!


Thanks again.

[Mumita]

Laura, I don't want to be the one with the tough love but sometimes you need it.  
You've made a decision to have the baby then by all means claim your decision with no regrets and no fear.  Kick that a-hole-baby-daddy out of your life he really doesn't deserve you OR the baby.  If a man is not good for you then he's not good for your child and vice versa.  Second, YOU ARE PREGNANT, ENJOY IT.  Who gives a sh*t what other people think?  Its Your baby, you love it, that's it!  You will get huge and fat and that's what it takes to bring this little bundle of love into this world, once you have your baby then worry about your your figgure, but right now you have to concentrate on giving the baby the best of you and that means a healthy environment inside of you and on the outside, so quit smoking and do your best to give this child the best chance in life.
Its your decision, stick to it.  And your dad, well you just have to show him that you've made a decision and you're not backing out, ask him what he'd rather do if he's so religious, would he rather you had an abortion?  You made a mistake or your birth control didn't work, oh well  whatever, it's done and he's gonna need to get over it otherwise he will loose a daughter and a grandchild and I'm sure that he wouldn't want to do that.  You are an adult and you have to live and accept the decisions that you have made and live up to them.  Its your responsability to provide the best life for your child so accept your pregnancy and enjoy it, life will come around for you but you have to stop caring what other people think.  You are an adult and you make your own decisions on your life. Its your life!!!

[sweetangel7]

I don't know what else to say that already hasn't been said, but ***HUGS***!

[JoyRenee]

I know it's hard to not have your dad's support! He will come around eventually and if he doesn't then it might be better than your child doesn't have interaction with him (ouch, I know). Things happen in this life and a strong religious person just has to learn to not judge and learn to love.

My husband's dad is a pastor. We had to tell his parents that we were pregnant before we were married. There was a lot of strain and I felt like an outsider for a long time. But I'm telling you that the moment I was having my baby they were 100% there and have been ever since. My MIL was banging on the door wanting to come in an hour after my daughter was born. When I told her just a minute, I heard her say "But she's already an hour old!"

I hope your dad comes around. Either way you just have to focus on being healthy and quitting those cigs and having a healthy baby! I know it's hard and those hormones definitely don't help!

[babyscience]

I think everyone has been in your shoes about feeling down about themselves.  I constantly felt like a fat ugly beast throughout.  I had to have people constantly remind me...Your'e pregnant and your'e suppose to be big.  But it never helped when you are out and you see another pregnant woman walk by that is a rail with a little bump on her.
In your case you feel you have no support system right now and a jerk of an ex that is the babies father.  Things will look up for you it just takes time and one day you will find your right person you are suppose to be with and then you will get married.  So things are a little backwards for you and it will be hard for you, but your dad shouldnt stop loving you for that.  Trust me, once your baby comes...he will fall in love with it.  
Keep your head up...there is always another day....and in one day your life can change.  So your day is right around the corner!  

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I don't have time to read the other ladies comments but I want to add my own. Nowadays many, MANY women are CHOOSING to have children out of wedlock.  While an extremely religious person may look down on it...the vast majority of society is very accepting of it.  It's COMPLETELY understandable to have these emotions.  You shouldn't feel guilty about it.  

I had my first child at age 18 ....the dad was an arse and ran for the hills...I wasn't married...but it worked out.  My oldest daughter is now almost 12 and one of the best things that's ever happened to me.  Her father STILL isn't around but she and i both are better off for it.  I got married when she was 3 and had two more kids during the marriage.  My husband and I had problems and split for awhile...we are back together but are technically divorced and have been for almost a year.  I'm due Aug 5th.  

As for your weight, I can understand that too, I've never been "skinny".  I've also never had what is considered a typical "pregnancy body".  Everyone is different and we aren't all blessed with perfect little basketball tummies...some of us have more to love than others :)  I've come to terms the "excess me" , I consider it extra padding for protection!!!  It is a little depressing to watch the nurse circle "overweight" on your medical chart...but my baby is healthy and growing like he's supposed to and at this point that is ALL that matters to me...I can worry about my own weight later.  

Smoking...it's not easy to quit.  I smoked for 13 years...smoked through my entire first pregnancy.  While it CAN cause some issues...some people have smoked the whole time without ANY.  In my case my daughter had low birth weight but was otherwise perfectly healthy.  I did eventually manage to quit for my subsequent pregnancies...it's been 7 1/2 years now since I quit.  When the time is right, you'll be able to do it.  Don't stress yourself over not being able to.  

If you feel that you are sinking deeper into a depressive state, I would talk to your doctor.  With all the hormones raging in your body right now you may need a little extra help to ward off those blue feelings...be it just talking to someone (like a counselor) or an antidepressant.  Depression can have serious affects on a pregnancy so if it gets too bad it may be prudent to ask for help.  

Please don't feel like you are less than any of the rest of us.  We ALL have our stories and we ALL have our issues...some of us have more than others.  We are here to support each other ...REGARDLESS of your situation.  We dont' look down on you.

[Atia_Julii]

My thoughts are with you Laura, and just to echo what everyone else has said already, you are definitely not alone.  Everyone on this website comes from different walks of life.  Some are highly educated, some have no education at all, some are married teens trying to add to their already large family, some are women in their 30's trying for their first. Some are single, married, some pregnancies were planned and some were not.  You just have to know that you're a wonderful person. :-D

Now that you are pregnant, this may be the perfect opportunity to reach out to others.  I know in my city (Minneapolis, MN) there are so many groups for parents expecting, and even single parents expecting.  It may be a great way for you to meet some people in a similar situation as you, and it will also be a great support system once your baby is born, as well as provide friends for your baby.  

Take care, and I hope you're feeling better today. :-D

[mami1323]

Aaawww hon, sorry you are feeling this way.  There are a ton of women on this forum that are pregnant or have been pregnant and broke up with their partner.  I can name a bunch for you but I'm sure they will come on here and respond to you.  I completely understand that feeling of being unattractive during pregnancy.  I was so swollen, had cellulite on my legs and even arms, I gained 60 lbs.  I cried every morning when I had to pick out an outfit to wear to work.  I think most or all women feel somewhat less attractive when their bodies change.  I look at pregnant women and just smile because I think they are just the most adorable and beautiful women.  Once your belly comes in and you start to feel your little one moving you will forget about what everyone thinks.  It is such a blessing to be bringing a new life into this world.   Your father will get that when he sees his grandbaby and if he doesn't then it's his loss.  I grew up without a father and I turned out just fine...if your ex is an a s s then your baby is better off without him and so are you.  But I know how you feel about being lonely and alone.  I had my fiance there and I still felt that way.  He wasn't very nurturing during my pregnancy so I really felt abandoned.  I'm not sure if I had expected too much from him or my hormones were all out of whack but it's a pretty normal reaction.  Try your hardest to not stress too much because you need to stay healthy for yourself and this baby.  Concentrate on your pregnancy and not the outside stressors.  I know harder to do then to say to do but you need to.  Maybe you can go to the gym to exercise, even being tired, the endorphines from working out will put you in a better mood.  You may even feel better because it will help with the weight gain, hey you may also meet some women there and make friends as well.  Just hang in there and know we are here to support you even if it is through a message board....hugs!!!

[LauraB78]

Thank you for your kind words. I was soo upset last night that I cried all night long, and couldn't get it together this morning to go to work.. I am going to have let everyone there now what is going on so hopefully they won't get upset and fire me. I have another doctor's appointment Thursday and I will definitely see if there are options for depression while pregnant.. Oh, and I did tell my boss yesterday and she seemed ok, but definitely made a point to tell me I had only a half of a sick day remaining for the year.. Great.. So I will get paid for a half a day today, and then I am S.O.L. (SH!! outta luck) for the rest of the year..

My Dad still hasnt returned my call, and I just feel like such a disappointment to him.. although I should add that he and I have never been that close b/c he has always been controlling and always makes it known that he thinks I am a disppointing creature.. No one in my family has ever had a child out of wedlock.. I have 2 older sisters, a bunch of cousins, all married and did it the "right" way. My Dad seemed most concerned that I am not at all financially stable ( I can barely support myself) and told me that my irresponsibility was unbelieveable.He cannot fathom bringing a baby into a broken home with a Mother who has no college degree and no stable housing and no money. It was a very depressing conversation that made me look at my situation even more grimly than I already had been..

Someone asked if I was close with my Mom and the anwer is yes.. BUT my Mom lives in FL. w/ my older sister (Mom is partially disabled) and she has no means of helping me at all. Not financially (she has less than I do..) or physically b/c she is so far away. My other sister (we arent close) lives in NY and is going through tough times in her own marraige. And also isn't in a position to help in any way....

I live in MA. I work and I go home. That's about it.. I know a lot of people but never really have had close friends.. I was always really social but didn't form any real bonds w people except my ex (the baby's Dad) We dated for nearly a year and I spent all my time w/ him. He was always very selfish and breaking up with me constantly. He treated me more like his child than his partner.. He is very critical. He is also 13 years my elder so I guess I should have seen the signs. I seem to attract very controlling men who put me down often. He said he wants to be there for the baby, but he doesn't care at at all what I am going through. When I was in the hospital on Saturday, he was nice..  Met me there, sat in the room with me, put his arm around me and was like " I know you are scared.." As soon he found out the baby seemed to be doing alright, he left to go golfing.. The Dr. put me on bedrest for the weekend (not the end of the world) But on Sunday afternoon I was starting to feel a little stir crazy ( he lives 2 miles from me) I called him and asked if he would come get me and maybe we could get ice cream) He said no.. drive yourself. I have plans to do my workout and then I am hoping to hear from one of the guys about golfing this afternoon.. I am so beyomd frustrated with him. I am stressed out 24-7. Anyway, this is so long and I am so sorry  but a HUGE HUG and BIG THANK YOU ALL from me. I definitely am going to need have you great ladies around for at least the next 6 months.

XO- Laura

[JOLOR]

First, I am sorry you are feeling so depressed!  You shoulnd;t feel bad about saying what you are saying because there are ppl TTC on here.  Everyone has a story.

First, I am not married and there are so many ladies out there now that are in the same situation as us and it is totally acceptable...more than ever.   Besides, who cares what othere people think!

Your dad is very religous and that is to be respected, but you are not your father.  All you can do is tell your Dad that you love him and need him in your life and your baby's life.  He may come around!
Otherwise, you have to take control because no one is going to do it for you.
(easier said than done, i know)

Depression is an awful feeling...I was diganosies with clinical depression a few years ago and I know how hard it is to get out of bed and function in the 'real world' when all you want to do is crawl under a rock where noone can see you!
My Doctor really helped me.  I would have weekly apointments with him just to talk.  I was put on meds for a year, but I wan;t pregnant at the time.

You are probably going through pregnancy depression and there are so many means of help...you have to ask for it!  you are NOT the only person going through this,...I stress this because I know it helpd me to know others are feeling the same way.
(not that you wish that on anyone)

Try to look at yourself through someones elses eyes!  You are a beautful pregnant women!  Try to tell yourself that everyday!  
I wish you all the luck in the world!!

[msgorgeous]

Im sorry you are feeling this way, dont beat your self up about it, Like the life long motto sh!!t happens excuse my language. Dont let your dad bring you down like LACh1 said once your dad sees his grand baby hell regret not supporting you :) I think pregnant woman are beautiful no matter how big or small they are :) Sure your not married and your pregnant but you know that theres a lil mircale Sp? growing inside you and yes times are tough but youll make it through. you will come out on top. And about your dad its sad that he wont support you but its his loss not yours. keep your head up dont let any thing get you down. you have a new journey now even tho it may not have been what you wanted. like the poem the road not taken by robert frost goes

  
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,  
And sorry I could not travel both  
And be one traveler, long I stood  
And looked down one as far as I could  
To where it bent in the undergrowth;        
  
Then took the other, as just as fair,  
And having perhaps the better claim,  
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;  
Though as for that the passing there  
Had worn them really about the same,          
And both that morning equally lay  
In leaves no step had trodden black.  
Oh, I kept the first for another day!  
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,  
I doubted if I should ever come back.        
  
I shall be telling this with a sigh  
Somewhere ages and ages hence:  
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—  
I took the one less traveled by,  
And that has made all the difference.        
  


we are all here for you :)





  
          


  
  
  

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I totally agree with LACh1.  Your emotions and hormones during pregnancy are something undescribable.  Sometimes, you don't even feel like yourself.  I know exactly how you feel.  I once got mad at my husband because he ordered his hamburger without pickles!!!  See, he doesn't like them, but he would normally let the place put them on and then give them to me.  Well, he forgot and I just went off on him!!!!!  I told him he didn't love me, blah, blah, blah!!!  I mean, how rediculous right???  We laugh so hard about that when we talk about it.  

And then the fact that you aren't feeling supported by anyone either I know is very difficult.  I also recommend talking with your doctor.  Where is your mom?  Are you two close?

We are all here if you need to talk.  

[LACh1]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way, but you should know you are not alone.  Many women go through some depression at some stage or other of their pregnancy.  The way you are a feeling now is propbably a mix of raging hormones and the pressures you are under from outside factors.  I am very sorry your father is not speaking to you but i bet once he sees his new little grandchild things will turn around (grandchildren have a special way of drawing grandparents in).  You should talk to your doc as they may be able to point you in the direction of a mothers group with women who are expecting in your area as no one understands the ups and downs of pregnancy like another pregnant women.  As for how your body looks, i'm sure you are just as adorable as all the other pregnanct women you just arn't seeing it at the moment.   Do something for yourself to help  lift your mood - get your hair done, maicure, new outfit etc even if you don't feel like it my doc's motto is to 'fake it until you make it' which really just means to try and mkae the effort to make yourself look and feel better on the outside even if you don't and eventually before you know it you will relise you are feeling better on the inside too.  Good luck to you and don't worry about the single mum thing, just try to concentrate on the good things like the special bond and relationship you will have with your child and how wonderful it will be when you see him or her for the first time. Remember if things get really tough talk to someone becasuse there is help for prenatal depression that is safe for both mother and baby. Let us know if you need to talk again.