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teriible twos - going nuts
Well my littel one turns two this week and as if on cue someone has taken my little angel and replaced her with a kicking, screaming, non-sleeping or eating devil. I don't not what to so anymore. I have tried time out but she just thinks it is a game and as i am 30 weeks pregnant i just do not have the energy to keep placing her back on the naughty spot. I tried putting her in her rrom and closing the door but this only ends in destruction and banging and i really don't want her to start hating her room. I have even resorted to giving her a smack on the bottom but all she does is laugh and think it is funny. She is also waking up really early in the morning which i am sure is the mane cause of the problem as she is then already tired from the start of the day and then soesn't want to eat her breakfast and it all goes down from there. I am trying hard to focus on her positives and not dwell on the negatives but when every lilttle thing is a battle it is very fustrating and hard. She has also started hoping out of her bed during the night and nap time and screaming at the door - last night she made herself throwup and i ended up haivng to stand next to her bed until she fell asleep. I really want this is end as i only have 9 weeks to go until this new baby is born and although i know there will be changes then ireally wnat this phase of not sleeping/eating to be done with - is there any advice anyone can offer on the terrible twos or dealing with a toddler when no form of timeout or smacks seems to work?
My other thought is teething? Sometimes when my daughter is at her worst for a few days I realize she was cutting a tooth or starting to come down with an illness and the "A-HA" light clicks on b/c I realize why she was so crabby???
Thankyou so much for all your advise and just for listening - i am sitting hear in tears because i am so tired and very emotional - i really can't think of anything that has changed in her life that has caused these problems. A few weeks ago my mum made new curtains for her room - they make the room not as dark as it was before but not that much that it is so different. She was really excited about the curtains and helped to put them up. She always talks about them and points to them whenever we go into her room and says Nan made for Charlotte and Charlotte help etc. These have been up for 2 weeks and it has only been 3 days that the screaming has started so i don;t think it is the cause. Nothing else has happened, we have not changed her routine for nap or bed time and she is really happy to go into her room and read a story, say goodnight to all her teddies and dummies etc like usual it is just that when you go to leave she goes hysterical. I try to be loving but firm and say mummy loves you, have a good sleep and walk out the door so she doesn't sense any hesitation but it doesn't work. I just put her down for her daytime nap (always at 12noon but a bit earlier today as she woke up early again and i thought maybe she was overtired and needed to go a bit earlier and she screamed like she was on fire for 25min. I went back in once after 1min and said she was ok, mummy loved her, she had her fav teddies etc and that even if she screamed or got out of bed mummy wasn't coming back in. She them screamed for a further 25 min until i couldn't handle it anymore and went in and stood by her bed until she fell aleep (which took 2min because she was so tired). I know i have given in and you all talk about being consistent but her cries were not stopping or lessening and she was hysterical. I just don't know if it is ok to let a 2 year old scream her head off for 25min straight? Is it? What do i do?
As for food i think i am just going to cut out all snacks and make her wait until lunch, dinner ect to ensure she is really hungry (easier said then done when it is her birthday on Saturday and we are having a party for her tomorrow afternoon - which will be great i'm sure after another early start, no good food and terrible nap) Never seems to be a good time for tantrums.
Lets hope as you all said it is aphase and she will snap out of it sooner rather thatn later for i am really ready for it to end.
As for food i think i am just going to cut out all snacks and make her wait until lunch, dinner ect to ensure she is really hungry (easier said then done when it is her birthday on Saturday and we are having a party for her tomorrow afternoon - which will be great i'm sure after another early start, no good food and terrible nap) Never seems to be a good time for tantrums.
Lets hope as you all said it is aphase and she will snap out of it sooner rather thatn later for i am really ready for it to end.
Everyone else had good points so I'm just going to offer my huge {{{{hugs}}}}} because they all said it so well! My daughter is almost 2.5 and MAN OH MAN she knows how to test my patience! Time-outs work really well for her. I know I'm not as consistent as I should be and that is MY fault. Bedtime has just recently become an issue for us too (just moved to big bed several weeks ago). Refusal to sleep...every excuse in the book to get up...frustrating!
I have noticed since just before my daughter turned two that her "bad moods" come in phases (almost like PMS!) She'll be awful for a few days-week and then SWEET as can be for a few weeks and then BAM...tantrum city again for a few days. Weird! I am able to get through the roughest days better when I know she'll snap out of it sooner or later. :) DH is a baseball coach so he is MIA from March-September...it is practically like being a single mom!
Sorry, I started rambling there...I just could have totally written your post for you b/c we go through the same things...as I said earlier...HUGS to you because I can empathize! :)
Now there was a thread recently about how annoying it is to hear people complain about their children when they are TTC themselves...please do not misinterpret my response as saying I don't love my daughter and appreciate her every minute...She's just TWO and likes to push my buttons! ;)
I have noticed since just before my daughter turned two that her "bad moods" come in phases (almost like PMS!) She'll be awful for a few days-week and then SWEET as can be for a few weeks and then BAM...tantrum city again for a few days. Weird! I am able to get through the roughest days better when I know she'll snap out of it sooner or later. :) DH is a baseball coach so he is MIA from March-September...it is practically like being a single mom!
Sorry, I started rambling there...I just could have totally written your post for you b/c we go through the same things...as I said earlier...HUGS to you because I can empathize! :)
Now there was a thread recently about how annoying it is to hear people complain about their children when they are TTC themselves...please do not misinterpret my response as saying I don't love my daughter and appreciate her every minute...She's just TWO and likes to push my buttons! ;)
I just read BTS' and Avanaar's responses and I agree with all of their points! You just have to find what works for you and be consistent.
For some reason I missed your entire sentence on the bedtime routine gone crazy. Is there a reason she's screaming at the door? Thirsty, didn't have enough time with you that day, hungry because she didn't eat? When you find the source you can nip it in the bud.
As a previous commenter said, communicate with her. You can explain bedtime and that it's not acceptable to scream. Tell her if she screams, you will not listen. One thing that works is, "I don't hear screams. I don't listen to screaming. If you want to talk like a big girl, then I'll listen."
By the way, the daughter I was referring to just turned 3 in June. I'm having my own issues with her. This stuff seems to come back when they turn 3. *SIGH* Today was one of THOSE days. Reading your post and the comments really helped me re-evaluate some things I need to keep doing!
For some reason I missed your entire sentence on the bedtime routine gone crazy. Is there a reason she's screaming at the door? Thirsty, didn't have enough time with you that day, hungry because she didn't eat? When you find the source you can nip it in the bud.
As a previous commenter said, communicate with her. You can explain bedtime and that it's not acceptable to scream. Tell her if she screams, you will not listen. One thing that works is, "I don't hear screams. I don't listen to screaming. If you want to talk like a big girl, then I'll listen."
By the way, the daughter I was referring to just turned 3 in June. I'm having my own issues with her. This stuff seems to come back when they turn 3. *SIGH* Today was one of THOSE days. Reading your post and the comments really helped me re-evaluate some things I need to keep doing!
It definitely could be the upcoming new arrival that is also making her act out! It'll be good for her to get it out NOW as opposed to when you are trying to nurse a newborn.
However, as for what to do--- IGNORE HER. She's looking for attention and testing your buttons to see which ones set you off. When she does something inappropriate, get to her level (if you can), look her straight in the eye, and say a firm, "No" without yelling. Then cut eye contact and ignore her for a few minutes.
If you show her that she can't get a rise out of you, she'll stop. At this point it is trial-and-error. We've ALL been down this road, so don't feel like you're a terrible mom or child is doomed to be a wild, out-of-control citizen. They all act out, even the shy ones.
It's also good to find her "triggers" before a meltdown occurs. This can be tiring when you're already tired. But if you can muster up the strength, try to figure out why she's not eating. It could just be a matter of pushing meals back 30-60 minutes. For a long time we didn't eat lunch until 1pm because my daughter just wasn't hungry.
I recently pushed naptime to around 2pm instead of earlier or later so my daughter is more refreshed.
Another idea is a reward system. You can find printable "behavior charts" online. When she behaves, let her put a sticker on the chart! When she fills an entire row, she can get a small treat (like chocolate milk or something she doesn't get all the time). It will take time for her to "get it". But if you post the chart on the fridge (where she can't pull it down) you'll remember to keep up with the chart.
The chart idea will help set up a good foundation for learning how to go potty later in the year because she'll understand reward systems.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!
However, as for what to do--- IGNORE HER. She's looking for attention and testing your buttons to see which ones set you off. When she does something inappropriate, get to her level (if you can), look her straight in the eye, and say a firm, "No" without yelling. Then cut eye contact and ignore her for a few minutes.
If you show her that she can't get a rise out of you, she'll stop. At this point it is trial-and-error. We've ALL been down this road, so don't feel like you're a terrible mom or child is doomed to be a wild, out-of-control citizen. They all act out, even the shy ones.
It's also good to find her "triggers" before a meltdown occurs. This can be tiring when you're already tired. But if you can muster up the strength, try to figure out why she's not eating. It could just be a matter of pushing meals back 30-60 minutes. For a long time we didn't eat lunch until 1pm because my daughter just wasn't hungry.
I recently pushed naptime to around 2pm instead of earlier or later so my daughter is more refreshed.
Another idea is a reward system. You can find printable "behavior charts" online. When she behaves, let her put a sticker on the chart! When she fills an entire row, she can get a small treat (like chocolate milk or something she doesn't get all the time). It will take time for her to "get it". But if you post the chart on the fridge (where she can't pull it down) you'll remember to keep up with the chart.
The chart idea will help set up a good foundation for learning how to go potty later in the year because she'll understand reward systems.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!
To me, this isn't just a case of 'terrible twos'. Aside from your pregnancy, is there anything else different that has affected her life in the last week or so? Children are very sensitive to change ...and they find ways (some extreme ones like you described) to get the attention they want ...whether it be positive or negative. If you are going to use time-out and other methods like that, you *have* to be consistent. I know you're energy is running low being so far along, but you have to make sure that if she gets out of time-out or resists it, you must put her back and be firm with her.
Don't forget to *talk* to her. She may only be (almost) 2 ...but being communicative with her is important. Explain as simply as you can why she is being put in time-out, that when she is naughty she will be put there, etc. Make sure you stay in the room with her (find a time-out spot ...a chair, small rug) and even get a timer and set it to two minutes (1 minute of timeout per age of the child). Let her know that she has to sit there till the timer goes off. Again, if she gets up, put her back. Right now, she's making a game out of it because she knows you're not going to be consistent.
Also, you may want to come up with a 'rewards' program for her. Give her small tasks to do (eating her breakfast, picking up her toys, etc) and when she does a good job, reward her with a sticker on a chart. When she fills up the chart with stickers, take her out for ice cream or to get a special toy/book. Perhaps a little positive incentive will help get her out of her little 'funk'.
Again, children are *very* sensitive to changes. Something we might brush off might affect them more than we could imagine. Life changes, like a new baby coming soon, can be a big trigger. You may not think so, but I guarantee she knows 'something' is up ...even tho she may not know what exactly that is yet. She wants to get your attention, and by acting out, she's making sure to get it.
Good luck with yer little one! I hope you can figure out her mood swings and temper tantrums!! If you need any help or advice, just send me a message! I know I'm not a mother yet, but I was the two and three year old teacher of nearly 60 kids (that's the two classrooms, not all in one lol!) for over two years! I've dealt with quite a few terrible twos in my time! =D
Don't forget to *talk* to her. She may only be (almost) 2 ...but being communicative with her is important. Explain as simply as you can why she is being put in time-out, that when she is naughty she will be put there, etc. Make sure you stay in the room with her (find a time-out spot ...a chair, small rug) and even get a timer and set it to two minutes (1 minute of timeout per age of the child). Let her know that she has to sit there till the timer goes off. Again, if she gets up, put her back. Right now, she's making a game out of it because she knows you're not going to be consistent.
Also, you may want to come up with a 'rewards' program for her. Give her small tasks to do (eating her breakfast, picking up her toys, etc) and when she does a good job, reward her with a sticker on a chart. When she fills up the chart with stickers, take her out for ice cream or to get a special toy/book. Perhaps a little positive incentive will help get her out of her little 'funk'.
Again, children are *very* sensitive to changes. Something we might brush off might affect them more than we could imagine. Life changes, like a new baby coming soon, can be a big trigger. You may not think so, but I guarantee she knows 'something' is up ...even tho she may not know what exactly that is yet. She wants to get your attention, and by acting out, she's making sure to get it.
Good luck with yer little one! I hope you can figure out her mood swings and temper tantrums!! If you need any help or advice, just send me a message! I know I'm not a mother yet, but I was the two and three year old teacher of nearly 60 kids (that's the two classrooms, not all in one lol!) for over two years! I've dealt with quite a few terrible twos in my time! =D
I have the same issue with my 2 yr old son. And I heard it gets easier by the time they are 3...but he isnt 3 yet so I dont know lol. I use the time out chair almost every hour with him. He also does the crying at the door, and I go in there and tell him to get back in bed and I let him cry. The destruction and so forth in the room is a form of getting attention, and even if you go in the room to spank or yell, it is a form of attention so they are getting what they want. They want you to come open the door, wether it is to punish or not.
I let mine cry, even if he does make himself throw up...which he has. I refuse to stay in his room after a fit or during a fit like that because it is a reward for bad behavior. If my son throws up from his fit...I go in there clean him and the puke up, and resume his punishment. He sat in time out once for 5 hrs, because he refused to quit crying and throwing his fits. He knows the only way he is allowed out of time out is when he stops crying and throwing a fit. Then when he is done, I ask him why I put him there, and 9 times out of 10 he can tell me why.
If mine refuses to eat...he doesnt eat, or my husband makes him sit at the table until either it is gone or it is his bedtime, if he doesnt eat it by bedtime, he goes to bed hungry.
If he doesn't sleep......or throws fits all night I wake his butt up at 5AM and he stays up...no nap no nothing, and I dont let him out of my sight so I can make sure he doesn't try to sneak a bit of shut eye.
You have to consistant...no matter what! And it's going to be a long long battle...but it does eventually get better. Mine still throws ungodly fits, hits his brother, kicks, punches, bites.....but he doesn't do it as bad or as often anymore because he knows he will sit in time out, with no toys, no TV, no nothing.
I let mine cry, even if he does make himself throw up...which he has. I refuse to stay in his room after a fit or during a fit like that because it is a reward for bad behavior. If my son throws up from his fit...I go in there clean him and the puke up, and resume his punishment. He sat in time out once for 5 hrs, because he refused to quit crying and throwing his fits. He knows the only way he is allowed out of time out is when he stops crying and throwing a fit. Then when he is done, I ask him why I put him there, and 9 times out of 10 he can tell me why.
If mine refuses to eat...he doesnt eat, or my husband makes him sit at the table until either it is gone or it is his bedtime, if he doesnt eat it by bedtime, he goes to bed hungry.
If he doesn't sleep......or throws fits all night I wake his butt up at 5AM and he stays up...no nap no nothing, and I dont let him out of my sight so I can make sure he doesn't try to sneak a bit of shut eye.
You have to consistant...no matter what! And it's going to be a long long battle...but it does eventually get better. Mine still throws ungodly fits, hits his brother, kicks, punches, bites.....but he doesn't do it as bad or as often anymore because he knows he will sit in time out, with no toys, no TV, no nothing.
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