is it wrong to invited hubbys mom and my stepmom to the first sonogram. my hubby went of on me and said its our baby not the worlds and that its not right for me to invite them to something when its not their child..im close to my stepmom so i wanted her there. but hes making me feel like crap and crying because i invited them. he was saying how he doesnt even feel like its his kid and that he might as well leave because i consult with my stepmom and his mom before him about telling them they could go to the first appt because they wanted too..i dont know what to think or say to him. when he said he might as well leave that just hurt my feelings more then anything because he wants this baby just as bad as me and weve been trying for a long time. am i in the wrong? if so please tell me i need advice or something im already emotional and having him be a D**K about all this is not making it any easier for me.
Because you two have been trying, he's probably upset just because he only wanted you two there for the first one. I think what he's saying is just out of being hurt, and he doesn't mean it. More or less it sounds like he's saying it because it might seem to him you want others there more than just him. Im not saying you're wrong or anything. It just might kill that special moment only the two of you might have had seeing your baby alone, versus having multiple people there.
Wow, sorry he reacted so harshly. On one hand, I kinda get where he's coming from. It sounds like he wanted it to be a special moment just between the two of you, seeing your baby for the first time. While you just wanted to share the moment with people you love and care about who are happy and excited, too! Neither of you is wrong. If you've already invited your stepmom and MIL, I would just tell him, "I didn't know it was such a big deal to you. Sorry. I just wanted to include both our families in on this special occasion". He should understand.
BTW, you might want to think/talk about who will be present at the birth. When our first child was born, my mom and sister came in. We had never discussed it, but i didn't mind them being there at all. Afterwards I found out that my hubby was really upset about it. OH well, my call (IMO), but i think he thought it was just gonna be us.
Did you clear this with your doctor..? When I had my first sonogram, I was only allowed 1 person in the room with me.
I know thats unrelated to your post. It is not okay for him to be so upset about it. I think you could have asked him first as you guys are partners in this and you should consult with him around this baby as much as possible..
I think I would be upset if my husband invited people to things like that without asking my permission as well. But I would not make him feel so guilty for doing so.
I am sorry he is putting you through this. But just try to keep in mind, that he should be involved as much as possible. I think men start to feel left out and inferior during pregnancy because so much focus is on the mom and what she needs/wants.
Well I definitely do NOT think you are wrong at all for wanting the people who matter the most enjoy such a special moment. As a woman who has been pregnant before, the number 1 advice I would get was "don't stress" and of course sometimes we can't help what life throws at us which is why it is extra important that the people around you are a positive energy. I would highly advice him to take it easy for your sake and the sake of your baby, assuming that he is around you a lot, he's gonna have to learn to take care of you and be supportive if he truly wants the best out of this pregnancy. Try to eliminate the stress in your life and do anything that will keep your mood in it's best. smile, sing, read, do whatever it takes to calm yourself down when you feel a stress attack coming on. All the best :)
I agree with jenkaye21, it sounds like he probably just wanted the two of you there for the first one, for that special moment. Just talk to him about it. Like PetiteWonder said, maybe your doctor won't want you to bring more than one. I know my doctor's office policy is that the first appt is for the parents only, no other guests can come into the room. You can bring other people, but they aren't allowed in the room with you, they have to wait in the waiting room. Personally, I would just want me and my husband at the first sonogram appt, but everyone is different!! Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!
thanks ladies! and yeah he said he wanted it to be special and just us two for the first one. but i didnt know till after i told the mothers they could go that he would flip out like that. because he had not said anything. and i know we will have to talk about who is in the delivery room but i want my mom in there no matter what because shes the only person who calms me down when im freaking out or if i need her support shes always there and if he gets mad at me then i dont know what im going to do. and now i have to tell my stepmom and his mom they cant come to the first appt. i understand where he is coming from because he thinks i dont want him there and id rather have other people there but thats not it all. im just extremely close to my family. i just wish he could see that and not lash out at me and hurt my feelings.
I would see if he would be okay with them coming to a later ultrasound (if you are having more). My husband and I didn't really want any parental units at our midwife appointments early on. I know my Mom really wants to go to one of these last ones...so we are inviting her to one of those.
It sounds like you have it under control. Just open up that communication more than you are used to. You never know what is going on inside the Daddy's mind. It is great that he is so into the experience! You are blessed in that regard.
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