want to really vent and cry.

[sakazmi]

since my MC in december i have not been able to sort myself out. i don't know i am trying so hard but unfortunately on every AF  i have been crying like hell. its driving me crazy because i really dont want to do it. i am only 22 and i want to live my life carefree. everything was easy before i started all this fertility bumbo jumbo. i have been married for 4 yrs. and this was my first pregnancy. i use to be so strong. i never use to care if someone's having a baby. or whatever. i feel like i have gone very very emotional since this MC. i have worked so in last two yrs. i havnt been able to eat anything properly because of PCOS i wanted to loose as much as i can just to conceive. now i am getting so much tired of all this trying and i feel like hell. i have crying and crying. the worst thing is everyone else around me are pregnant. alot of people close to me either having kids and there are women who are due exactly the same time i was suppose to be. i feel like running away somewhere far because when i see them it reminds me all the bloody time that i lost mine. i have been so upset. i havent clomid for 9 months. and i do not what things are infront of me. my sister in laws due in few days i am trying so hard not to ruin this moment for me. but i dont know its so hard. my husband is much worried he works night shifts and hes trying his best to calm me down. i have been pain in his a&!. i actually told him i m going to kill myself(but i didnt). i want everything to just stop. i really miss my life.
i am sorry ladies i just wanted to share my feelings with someone.

[sakazmi]

Thank you so much. It would hve been easy if I was nt living with pregnant lady in the house. My sister in law was teling abt her baby's heart beat and I was bleeding. It was so harsh on me. I had to force my husband move out of the house. Bt unfortunately we moved realy close to her. And the first person my brother cald tht we r going hospital they r having baby and I cried for hrs I am hapy 4 dm. I m nt evn gvn a chance to recover myself. Everytime I stepup 4 myself. Thy come n rub it off on my face. I m trying to figure out myself. I knw how much I want to kil myself bt I wont its nt fair on my husband.

[shaymosier]

Alot of women have beem where u r. It isnt easy but killing yourself will cause so pain for those who love you. Its not going to be easy to get thu this but im sure you can. Find your coping skills. Music, art, writing, walking. Anything that will calm you down and help you think clearly. your baby will be waiting for you when the time is right. Im sorry to hear your going thu this but keep your chin up.
Much love

[doodilydoo]

I just typed you the longest comment ever, then it made me sign in and I lost the whole thing. So here we go again...     I have been in the same position as you. In June of last year, my family disowned me. Right after I left, I found out I was pregnant.  About a week later, because of being homeless and not eating anything, I lost the baby. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through. But I promise you, you will make it through it. If you can, go get a tatto that will remind you of your angel baby. Something that when you see it, you will remember that someday when you get to heaven (the right way, not by suicide), you will be able to raise your little darling with your husband. And after you get it, go to the spa and pamper yourself. You will have a baby, I just know it. If you give up now, and kill yourself, you will never have the chance to have a baby! And even if you aren't meant to have one by your own womb, then you should adopt. Maybe you should wait a while and try to adopt a baby that will be the same age as your angel baby. I know it won't seal that hole in your heart, but it could be wonderful. There are so many little babies who are in foster care and state care because they need a home! And dear, your husband needs you. This is coming from a person who has been on suicide watch a few times. You will never know what your future will hold unless you live to see it. Also, when you see a girl with a belly, and your stomach sinks, go to the store and buy a balloon. Write a message to your little darling in the sky and tell it that you can't wait to meet him or her someday and start your heavenly family. Then kiss it, take it out side, and let it go. I believe that every balloon let go goes to someone in heaven. Your strong. You have made it this far. Please, don't give up. With love.

[trying43]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this.  I had 2 m/cs myself and experienced all you are feeling.  Maybe try seeking some therapy to get you over this rough patch.  My husband has worked night shift almost our whole marriage so its hard when your there at night alone.  Have you tried starting a journal and writing down your feelings?  Everytime you start to feel like you need to vent or get upset, write it down.  That sometimes helps.  Please don't hurt yourself.  I know you are upset and lost right now but that is not the answer.  I know things are rough right now but with time they do get easier. Please continue to vent on these boards or seek help.  Good luck to you.