what am i going to do

Question

Hi all

Well im 12 weeks pregnant and considering an abortion. I am a severe depression anxiety and ocd sufferer under the care of a proffesional.

I was told i was unlikely ever to concieve as i have endo and pocs so when the condom burst with my partner i didnt panic at all (biggest mistake of my life). 

I was only with my partner a month when i fell pregnant i dont love him and cant be with him for the rest of my life even though he loves me and is happy about the pregnancy i just cant love him iv been tryin so hard last few weeks to try but i just cant feel anything for him. Also his family are crazy they take drugs and party constantly there just not the kind of people i want involved with my family or a baby. My boyfriend also takes drugs but said he will stpp when the baby comes i cant take that risk. I also lost my job due to being pregnant and live with my mom and dad who cannot support me when baby comes as i have 6 younger siblings. My partner also does not have a steady job.

This is not the right time for me and not fair on a baby i have no income, no home when baby comes, i will not be with my partner as i cant be with someone i dont love, and dont want stuck with his family for the rest of my life. 

I am ashamed to say i have considered suicide to get out of this mess i accept its my owm fault and hate myself for being in this position.

I am also feeling guilty as i know its not the babys fault as i should have been more carefulits not the babys fault but i cant see happiness in this for me or a child :( 

I hate myself please any advice or experiences would be appreciated.

Michele, Katy, TX · Answer

I personally don't believe in abortion so I can't advise you on that.  I saw someone mention private adoption though and if you are interested in staying somewhat involved with the baby but just don't want to raise him/her, that would be a great option.  You can get to know the parents, they can get to know you.  They would help you financially in terms of the cost of having the child.  They could be there for the birth.  You would have a lot of love/support from them.  

I don't agree that your emotions would be worse.  You said that your suicidal thoughts were mainly stemming from this situation so if you had a solution, your emotions would be fine I think.  You may have a day where your hormones would make you a bit weepy but heck, I get that way in my period too so I don't think it would be much different than that.  I am saying this as someone that has struggled depression her entire life and just gave birth to her 8th baby.  So I have some experience.  Again, if you chose adoption, you would get a lot of support.

krissie180 · Answer

I suffer from severe depression disorder and major anxiety and panic disorders so i understand to a point how ur feeling. Pregnancy is very hard mentally. I personally would never have an abortion but believe it is ur choice however there are many other options out there especially adoption. If u decided to go threw with the pregnancy the best thing you can do is continue talking to a therapist. Be open about all of ur feelings and concerns and don't keep them bottled up. Im 31weeks now and while its been a long and VERY emotional road i know i can make it thru and so can u if u chose to. U need to have faith in urself and remember u are alot stronger then u give urself credit for. On the other had if ur closing abortion(which i strongly hope you don't) please make sure uv giving it the amount of thought needed for that decision. And get it done asap. The longer u wait the bigger the baby gets and the worse it will be. In the end no one can make this choice for u. But make sure that u are positive what you are doing is the best for u. I strongly advise looking into adoption and talking to ur therapist about everything you are going threw.

Griswold433 · Answer

I got pregnant straight out of high school, never had a job, my parents can't provide much for my baby and my boyfriend didn't have a job either. Within my community I have found so much help both financially and emotionally, you just have to look for it. But I understand if you feel that way just know that there is other options and other ways, if you really feel like you can't then that's your choice and it should be respected.

bcsegebarth · Answer

Please remember the safe haven law... After you have your baby you can leave him or her at a hospital or church no questions asked. Choose what is best for you and your baby. Follow your heart and don't be afraid to ask for help.

mbeav · Answer

obviously alot of girls in this group are probably gonna judge you but if abortion is your choice and if you dont feel you can go through a pregnancy without hurting yourself then maybe its the best choice for you. dont feel bad, people have different problems.

OurBabyDerp · Answer

It is completely your choice what you do. Do not let anyone on here say mean things to you about abortion. If you are struggling already with suicidal thoughts, i'm afraid they won't get any better (i'm going through similar myself with the depression so will always be here to talk if you need). In your case it may be safer to consider abortion over adoption as your mental health will effect you carrying this child full term and obviously effect yourself. If you believe suicide is an option then please do not. Talk to a mental health team/your doctor. If you honestly believe you cannot have a child right now then it is only up to you, no one can make the choice for you and i hope you get better soon. If you wish to discuss anything you can always message me instead of being judged on here. Stay strong darling x

LadyBeeley · Answer

Im sorry youre going through this, im just advising from what I would do, not telling you what you should do.

LadyBeeley · Answer

Consider private adoption hun and use the remaining finances to continue your psychiatric care and get yourself out from bad crowds. Also, this post could wind up getting a lot of heat. Maybe consider putting it in one of the mental health groups rather than in a group full of pregnant hormonal women, who choose to carry and get very disheartened when abortion gets brought up. Stay in the right crowd. If you cant see yourself with them, keep them out. In your life as well as body. Doctors are usually wrong and want the money for surgeries than to have healthy patients that dont need them.

jmb4611 · Answer

Well If You Don't Love Him Don't Be With Him Your Not The Only Person To Be A Single MomJust Cause You Lost One Job Don't Mean You Can't Find Another One! Try To Support It Without Relying Kb Your Parents! And If You Can't Do That Then Consider Adoption Not Abortion... There Are Tons Of Married Couples That Cannot Have Children But Want Them. You Baby Could Complete Someone'S Family!