Health concern about grandparents

[josh_2415]

My husband and I try to eat a very healthy, plant-based diet.  When my MIL retires, we've been planning on allowing her to watch the kids for a couple hours a day, 3-4 days per week.  This weekend, my husband broached the subject of healthy eating with her.  He told her we don't want them eating processed junk food and pizza when they come over.  She immediately took the defensive and said that, as a grandmother, she'll feed them as many brownies, pizza, and cookies as she wants.  And she will.  Her pantry is full of nothing but processed snacks.

It might seem like we're overreacting, but morbid obesity, diabetes, and heart disease is an epidemic in both our families.  My SIL and BIL are both very heavy, and my older brother and I were until college, when he lost 150 pounds, and I lost over 60.  My father had a heart attack and two strokes at the age of 50 and is now permanently disabled.  Both my grandparents died from strokes, and my husband's grandfather from a heart attack.  Nearly all the women have thyroid problems and diabetes.  We've decided the epidemic stops in our family.

We're not vegan or vegetarian but have found the answer to our health problems is to eat as many fruits, vegetables, and whole grains as possible while severely limiting processed foods, sugar, and fats.  If we're willing to eat cheap food now, we'll pay for it with our health later.

Any advice on how to settle this without causing World War Three?  I don't want to deny Grandma the opportunity to watch her grandkids, but I'm not willing to sacrifice teaching them healthy eating habits so she can spoil them several days a week behind our backs.

Sorry this post is so long.  Just thought I should get the whole story out there right at the beginning...

[3rdNdone]

I agree with special mom. Another thing is to instill in your children that a snack sometimes is ok but everything in moderation.

I didn't want to send my kids to stay with their cousins or let them stay with friends because of the content of the things on tv or on the video games they play. When they learned what was ok and was able to tell others that they are not allowed to watch or play certain things then they could go.

[lkaykirk]

Just ask them to eat healthy but also let them have a snack. My mom has 2 of her grandkids and they have to buy healthy food for my mom's sake and my neice. Their mom though doesn't care anymore and feeds them crud. And my brother doesn't want them eating unhealthy. But my mom does let them have a snack after school and then ice cream once a week depending on their grades. She also packs healthy lunches for the kids everyday. Their mom is the one that started the healthy thing now when they are at her house on the weekend she feeds them lunch/dinner at 3 then at 7 hives them ice cream. Yeah.

It's a battle. Just ask about healthy lunches and then let them have a cookie or brownie.

[KRatterman]

My grandmother wants to babysit for me but she smokes in the house like a freight train. Unfortunately i had to hurt her feelings by telling her she wont be sitting unless she can at least smoke outside and not around my baby. She decided to stock to her smoking habit of course but she eventually got over me telling her shes not babysitting. Its a tough situation but they should respect your wishes as the parent, especially when your doing it for a really good reason.

[josh_2415]

Specialmom,  and that's just it.  We'd be totally fine with her letting them eat whatever they want a few times a month or even once or twice a week.  But it's not ok as an almost daily occurrence.  We've considered sending meals and snacks with them, but she HATES healthy food, and I'm sure she'd ignore most of it and give them whatever they want.  So the answer may really be to just not allow her to sit often.

[expectingJrue]

Im the same way but I let my mother spoil them while there in her care. I also see it as a perk of bwong a grandparent.

[specialmom]

Whew, that is HARD.  I feel for you.  I guess really, your best bet is to find someone else to watch the kids on a regular basis so she is just back up.  Because if she isn't going to respect you, what can you do?  

I really think some things in moderation are okay for kids just because the ones I know who have so many restrictions become unhealthy eaters as soon as they have any control.  In general, to me, the best approach is a healthy home where exercise is emphasized and meals are handled in a way to not be 'rewards' (so that sugar is associated with happiness, which leads to a life long habit of self medicating with food.  I had to break this myself because food was my 'go to' thing . .. .  it's a hard habit to break to make food more about fuel, anyway . . .) but that not everything is 'off limits'.  I don't buy bologna or anything like that but buy lunch meat turkey and roast chicken.  Hot dogs are allowed at the ball park as a treat or the church festival.  We have healthy pizza occasionally.  So, I try to make it so it isn't a food fest but that some of these items are in my kids lives so they don't see them as the 'forbidden fruit'.  

And a snack at Grandma's once a week or something like that would be okay.  (with me)

But, if she is to be a regular care giver and is providing meals,snacks, etc. for them on a regular basis, it becomes a problem if it is all food that you don't approve of.

I had a friend who had this issue.  Her MIL was coming to her house to sit for her kids while she worked.  She was overfeeding her kids and fattening food.  She had a talk with her and stopped having anything on hand at the house that the MIL would overfeed the kids with.  The MIL started sneaking it in!  One of her children was obese according tot he pediatrician at 18 months and put on a diet.  The MIL didn't believe in this.  Ugh.  So, my friend had to not have her MIL as her sitter because she would not adhere to her food choices for her kids.  

She didn't want a rift.  But she needed to quietly break free from this food thing.  

So, I've known someone else to be in this same situation.  it's very hard.  No, you don't want her to not be in your kids lives---  but she either follows your rules on food (for the most part, some grandma spoiling and treats once in a while is kind of cool)---  or she is a visitor with the kids and not a caregiver.  Make sense?

[mommalombardi]

I was in the same position as you except my grandmother (who is some what young and healthy) would watch my daughter every so often and I would actually bring healthy snacks and tell her what meals she should eat. Even if you meal plan and have everything ready for the kids to eat, your mil will probably feed them the food you have ready but then will decide they needed a brownie or a cookie as well..my daughter knows where the cookies are at at my grandma's and it drives me insane!