Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

My boyfriend left me, but wants to be in the delivery room.

I thought that after a year and a half, and this pregnancy, that I had found my happily ever after. Unfortunately I have had my whole world changed from amazing to complete uncertainty.
That being said, all sadness aside, I need some major input here.
He has hardly talked to me at all during the past month. Not to check up on my Dr visits or anything. But after talking to him today, about the baby, he wants to be in the room during the delivery.
I feel like it is such an intimate and joyous moment, and don't want him there. It will be emotional, and akward, and I don't want the disctraction or the privacy of the labour being shared with him.
He is livid. Says its my selfishness in my feeligs towards him and that it would be robbing him.of his rights as a father.
Should I really be indifferent? Should he be there because he is the father, or am I right in my choices as it is my labour. Help?!?
25 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
You are in the right. He gave up his right to be in the room, when he walked out on you. He can be the father, but not the "husband".
Helpful - 0
4542187 tn?1402677307
To the people who said allow him in...where's the consequences for ditching? Too many men are given WAY too much leniency because " at the end of the day he's the father" that creates instability and we alllll know that is terrible for kids! You may have to be the " bad guy" but its better in the long run
Helpful - 0
4542187 tn?1402677307
I'm with the other ladies. Tell him no!! Have someone in there who has been supportive to you (maybe you mom, best friend etc). Why all the sudden is it important to him? Nah...your body = your choice. Hr has no right to govern delivery.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I was kinda torn at first by what i would do if in your position. I think if he were making an honest effort to want to be apart of your babies life and realized he made a mistake then i would probably let him in the room. BUT him calling you selfish and not understanding where ur coming from seems selfish on his part. Labour is a very vulnerable moment for a woman and you need someone you trust in the room whether thats the dad,a friend, or family. He may be the biological father but it takes a whole hell of alot more then that to be a dad. I think you should follow your heart and put all others feelings aside. Who cares if he is pissed off at you and thinks your selfish. He made the decision to leave and he can still make the decison to be apart of his childs life but its him who needs to put in the effort. Whatever decision you make will be the right one because it will be what is right for you and your child :)
Helpful - 0
4989104 tn?1365648962
Let him wait in the waiting room. He doesn't have the right to be in the delivery room... you can choose whoever you want to be in there! :-)
Helpful - 0
5628321 tn?1376273593
That's the best thing about this room. We may not know what each other look like. Or what our entire life is. But we really aren't "strangers". We have something awesome and amazing and HARD in common. ;)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You guys have made me cry. Lol Thanks so much for the encouragement. <3 It's funny how a strangers words can mean do much.
Thank you.
Helpful - 0
5628321 tn?1376273593
He made the choice to give up his spot in the room when he chose to stop communications and leave. You're not doing anything wrong in saying no. Don't feel bad at all. It's his failure & his choice. Not yours.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I dont think you need to worry about the father or if you are denying him his right. You dont show you are a good father by just being there for the birth.. you show you are a good father by being there for mom before the baby comes and helping out after. And like everyone already said.. delivery is such a beautiful and difficult moment. You need to surround yourself by those who love and support you! Dont let him ruin that day for you... just call him after and he can see the baby in the hospital after its born. And remember to trust your instincts mommy! You know what's best for your child!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Desi, I dont doubt that he will be a great father, or we wouldnt have even made the choice to get pregnant. I dont see how witnessing my labour and the birth will affect that though. Yes it may be an amazing experience, but I feel it is for loved ones, not someone who has chosen to be an ex. He could have shared in many amazing elements of this pregnancy, like first kicks and Drs visits. I dont think his right as a father, means he sharing my hospital room and the private intimate moments I will have in giving birth. Thanks for the opinion though.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think u should allow him. At the end of the day, he is the father. And I think this would be the perfect time for u both to set aside ur differences with each other for the child that u are both having. Don't get me wrong, he may have been insensitive to ur needs, without acknowledging how ur feelings and emotions affects the baby. However, at the end of the day. He has a right to be there, since it is his child too. Nobody is perfect and keepin mind that watching birth for men, can sometimes be life changing for them. He may not be right for u, but he may turn out to be an exceptional farther. Every person handles death in their own way and that is neither right nor wrong. It's the same scenario with birth. Everyone doesn't have the same reaction. Just my opinion
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think u should allow him. At the end of the day, he is the father. And I think this would be the perfect time for u both to set aside ur differences with each other for the child that u are both having. Don't get me wrong, he may have been insensitive to ur needs, without acknowledging how ur feelings and emotions affects the baby. However, at the end of the day. He has a right to be there, since it is his child too. Nobody is perfect and keepin mind that watching birth for men, can sometimes be life changing for them. He may not be right for u, but he may turn out to be an exceptional farther. Every person handles death in their own way and that is neither right nor wrong. It's the same scenario with birth. Everyone doesn't have the same reaction. Just my opinion
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thanks.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Remember it takes two to make a relationship work. You are not a failure, and in my eyes are an amazing woman. You are going to be an amazing mommy and role modle for your little girl. She has such a strong mommy and kind mommy to take care of her. Wishing you all tge best!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you so much for the replies. It makes me feel a lot better in knowing that I am not thinking hormonally or irrationally in not wanting him there. It's the most confusing time of my life. I want to always do right by Kayla, but I don't feel as though this is wronging her in any way by not sharing my delivery with her Dad.
I have feelings of shame in that my family didn't work out, and feel somewhat of a guilt, but than also feel like the day he choose to leave, and not bother communicating, put the decision up to me on whom I want to share this special moment with.
Thanks for the support in this. It means a lot to have other opinions backing mine, when he is chastising me for this one.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Since he wasn't there during the pregnancy I would say no he can see the baby after!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I find it hilarious that hes calling YOU the selfish one after HE dipped and did his own thing. You have to give up so much for this baby, don't let him bully you. You get to decide who is in the room. If I were you I wouldn't even call him until after the baby is born.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Robbing him if his rights as a father? Really? He should've manned up and been there for you THE WHOLE TIME. Not all of the sudden start ordering you and telling you hes going to be in there. No. He doesn't have that right. If you don't want him in there tell him no and tell the nurses and doctors he's not welcome
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sistah gurl....no. He does not deserve that privilege. He has the audacity to say you're being selfish....ha! He lost that right when he decided to run on you. I know you're very emotional right now but you must find the strength inside to be strong and stand on your square. He mad...tough. Surround yourself with loved ones who will bring about positive energy.
Helpful - 0
3605625 tn?1385017548
I agree with the ladies here, i wouldn't let him in the room, it is a very intimate time, and i could not imagine giving birth with somebody i wasn't on good terms with in the room. Have your mom, sister or a close friend with you, and let him see the baby when she's born, in the visiting hours! If he hasn't had anything to do with you during the pregnancy, it is NOT his right, this is your personal special time, and he is quite welcome to come and spend time with his baby after its born.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
My baby dad wants to be in delivery room, if he can make it, so he claims. Thing is, he has ignored me for most of my pregnancy, doesn't ask of baby and had the cheek to tell me he doesn't want ppl knowing its his kid... I basically told him all about himself and sent him packing....

When my baby enters this world I want only ppl who adore him, those who have long awaited him.. to be there in the delivery room... Not some fool begging off attention cos its gonna make him look good and ease his incompetent conscience.

I think you should go have your baby without him, call him after if you like.

Selfish is how these dads have been towards us.

Its yours and babies moment, once in a lifetime, go embrace the last part together as you've done for the pregnancy x x
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Honey you have every right to say you don't want him there. It's your body that has to be on display and go through some painful and for some women embarrassing things in front of a few people to begin with, but at least they are trained and have seen it all before. If he left you, and hardly speaks to you it will more than likely just make things more tense and awkward and you don't want that in a situation where you should feel as at ease as you possibly can with people who are there to help or care about you. Don't worry about his comments. You're not selfish, he's selfish for not understanding why you wouldn't want him there to begin with, and for calling you selfish is absurd.
Helpful - 0
4268628 tn?1375041176
It's your right to say who is in the room with you and who isn't. No matter what, you are the one going through the work of giving birth. You are the one who needs to be as comfortable as possible. If you are uncomfortable and distracted, it could create issues during the process. If you want, offer to let him in as soon as baby is born. But you pretty much made your opinion clear that you don't want him in there....your nurses will back you up while in there..you and that baby are priority...healthy baby and healthy mom is their goal...
Helpful - 0
5426152 tn?1382129604
KDQ
You are 100% in the right! Labor and birth is such an amazing yet horrible thing. You need people who love and support you to be there. Sometimes scarry decisions have to be made quickly and you don't need someone who hasn't been there for you voicing his opinion. Also you should be as comfortable as possible. If he makes you feel awkward don't let him in. It's a big momebt for you and you have to be strong for your baby. Stick to your decision. You have the right to decide this is how it's going to be. If he is that concerned he will be in the waiting room.
Helpful - 0
2
This discussion was closed by the MedHelp Community Moderation team. If you have any questions please contact us.

You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy: Ages 25-34 Community

Popular Resources
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.