Why is my baby so big? Why am i so small?

[Gabbles1]

So, I went in for my regular exam and my doctor was surprised as to how much the baby has grown in a month. I lost so much weight in my first two trimesters that I am considered under weight and on bed rest. I have only gained about 11 pounds (after losing over twenty). I am now 30 weeks and still no proper weight gain. However, the baby is over 2 inches bigger than she should be. I am constantly in pain that is so bad it makes me cry (not just hormones). I am very thin with a very large tummy/biggest breasts I've ever had. I can't sleep, eating upsets my stomach, my shoulders,back, knees and neck make me wish she would just be born already. I am becoming extremely impatient with my body.  I was also recently diagnosed with antepartum depression and I am afraid to give birth to a giant when I'm so small. I catch myself crying randomly and sadly I have been having thoughts of suicide. I know that sounds messed up. Please don't judge me for it. I am seeking help. My doctor said it's understandable because I'm under a lot of extreme stress. We tried for 6 years to get pregnant after being told it would never happen by second and third and fourth opinions. I guess my question is, am I alone? Do other women experience all or any of these things? I kind of just need some reassurance that I'm not crazy and that I'm doing the right thing by having this baby. We prayed for another and thought it was the right thing but now I'm stuck in my own head thinking we made a mistake. My mother says I'm killing myself by having another baby and it's my fault this is happening. I feel alone and like I have no support. I have dreams about still births and my child coming out as a monster. I feel like a monster myself just thinking about it. I'm so scared. Any advice? Please help!

[sweetbee3]

OMG!! Are you kidding me!! No hunni your not alone!! maybe it's best to talk to someone.  Get things off your chest, vent. Also for a stress reduction,  yoga!!! But not full blown. Late at night turn everything off, even your phone.  Sit where ever you are comfortable,  close your eyes and just breath. You don't want to lose this baby due to stress. Take time out of your day to think about names, ? What the baby will look like. Simple things like That. Do some online baby shopping..  the dreams, are just dreams. You're thinking the worse so of course your dreaming it. If there is any negative feedback from the ppl around you, it's OK to cut some ppl off. Surrounding your self with ppl,  like your mate,  who you can express feelings of the day. And labor + weight? Don't stress!!! Your Dr knows what to do, and when to do it. Your not the only one that is underweight during pregnancy.  

[Gabbles1]

Thank you all for your responses. This pregnancy has been rough, really rough. Having  support on this is great and it makes me feel a little more at ease knowing that my emotions are not wrong or evil. All of you are so wonderful. Reading these made me cry but not because I was sad, because it does help to know I'm not alone. Thank you again and good luck in all of your pregnancies,  I hope you all have beautiful, healthy and happy babies.

[correyoneal]

Im so grateful that you shared your story. I am in my first trimester and currently losing weight. All food makes me gag. I am also struggling with severe depression from the pregnancy, even though we prayed for the baby, I don't feel ready or sure of this. A wise woman told me recently "put your thoughts on trial." In other words test them and abolish them when they are anxious and unfounded thoughts that I'm allowing to rule my mind.

I feel like these hormones and the nausea are going to kill me, but I know that God created us to conceive and carry children. Women having been doing this for centuries and neither one of us are alone in this. I just wish there was more honest communication about depression during pregnancy,

Praying for you!

[pvelp]

I was suicidal throughout my pregnancy, i thought i was making a mistake some how having my baby. I didn't know where the thoughts were coming from but when you're trapped with your thoughts it's hard to feel good. Right now It's hard, but it gets better. Don't take the permanent solution for pain that will pass. Continue to vent and get everything of your chest.

[Danalexa]

Believe me this is more common than you can ever imagine...i look like a monster im too bigggg...even i love this baby sometimes i can't breathe i get some felling like i wanna get ride if this big belly...but its ok you can't do it honey...by 7 more weejs you gonna have your prince and everthing go be in the past....so keep moving baby you can do it.

[simplylizzy23]

First, your not crazy. I have never gained weight in any of my pregnancies but only lost. I have always had really small babies but maybe there is another underline condition going on, like thyroid or diabetes. I know women whow have just stational diabetes have very large babies.
I hurt all over bad and some days can't even get.up but have to because I have a toddler. Everyone says I shouldn't have gotten pregnant again. I have always been high risk but this pregnancy is the worst. My last one I worked out every day tell 7 1/2 months and lost 30 pounds my who pregnancy. This one is killing me. I only have 8 more weeks tell my c-section. It sounds like you don't have much longer to go either. Hang in there mama.