can't take it

[genamarie]

I'm really upset. My relationship just ended Saturday night as I got upset and my pregnancy hormones went rampant. I said some things more or less that I regretted the moment I said them, including that I wanted to end things, which I didn't, who knows why I'd say that. Anyway, he hasn't spoken to me since, no matter how many times I've tried calling or texting, I'm left with no response. Each day that passes something more is done that shows that he's over me, and not coming back.

Basically, I'm freaking out as I'm 32 weeks and 5 days, and I've just lost the only support and love I've had throughout my whole pregnancy, aside from some of the caring women I've met here. My heart is broken, and I'm scared he won't come back to be there when the baby is born (which I'm experiencing preterm labor, and being 100% effaced, no measurable cervical length, and almost 2 cm dilated, they speculate it will probably be sooner than the due date).

Have you ever said something you didn't mean that someone blew way out of proportion over? I wish I could repeat the night over again. Why did I get so upset? Had I not said what I said, he would have been here early the next day, and we'd still be together.

All I want to do is cry, and sleep. I'm worried I'll more than likely end up with postpartum depression on top of all of this.

[annat33]

A long talk with him he confessed to cheating on me and sleeping with a girl at his work. It was a one time thing. Up until that point something in me snapped and I was done playing nice. So I told him straight if that's what he wanted I couldn't stop him but I would walk out that door with our girls and I wouldn't be comming back. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do but I new I was right to do it. I told him he would have to deal with seeing them on the weekends and them eventually resenting him cuz I know I did when my dad put my mom through hell cuz of cheating. Anyway he thought about it for a while and decided to work on things. He quit that job like I asked and changed his number. That was about 2 years ago and things are wayyyyyy better and this preg has been a lot better now to and he's there for me. But even if he wasn't I was preparied to find a way to do it on my own again. Be strong women don't let them control u and your emotions. Do I need my husband no I don't. Do I want him and love him yes I do. But I had to learn the hard way that I couldn't depend on him to make me happy. I had to make myself happy and its hard but like I said be strong and try to think possitive!

[annat33]

To all the ladies in this situation I know the pain is hard to deal with I was in that situation twice! My first I was 16 and he just up and left with his family didn't hear a word from him till she was 1 1/2 and even then he talked to me for a week saw her once then never heard from him again. I was hurt and scared but my mom and my family supported me I had to get a job and I finished high school cuz that's what I wanted for myself. My daughter is 7 now and I met my husband now when she was 1 1/2 so he's been there most of her life.
I think it was a year after we married we had some probs and were guna call it quits but didn't then a lil while after that we decided to have a baby. Well when I was closer to my due date my husband said he couldn't do this and basically wanted out of our marriage. I was devistated I was deprest and alone no job and he didn't want me to say anything at first so I didn't. I cried none stop for 3 days he still lived with me and we slept in the same bed but he didn't care. Finally at the end of that week I new something had to give I couldn't be depressed it wasny healthy so I talk to my family I prayed and I had..

[lntmama]

Awe :( I'm really hoping that everything for us wil get better, our poor hearts.

[genamarie]

I'm very sorry, I'm glad to hear that he actually acknowledged you even if it wasn't much at all, and certainly wasn't what you'd want to hear, but it shows he's not completely shutting you out. My guy hasn't spoken to me not even a word since I said what I said 9 days ago. It's broken my heart. That's rude that he has basically put it all on you to fend for yourself and get what is needed for the baby. I feel the exact same way in my situation as you do. That their feelings changed overnight all of a sudden. It's hurtful, and it's confusing, especially when they acted as though they cared so much prior.

I'll send you a message and we can continue talking if you'd like, lol.

[genamarie]

Thanks so much, and it's okay. You're just trying to be helpful, lol

[lntmama]

I have tried to apoogize to him for being upset, and tried to get him to talk, but he didn't reply with much except that I shouldn't focus on things I couldn't change. I had also asked him for help on a few last minute thing and he pretty much told me that it was up to me to get it. That hurt because he knows I have no income at the moment too. I just don't understand him, I feel like his feelings had changed overnight. He used to be super excited about the baby, me and starting a family and then all of a sudden he just doesn't want to even try to talk about it.
Anyway, I'd love to stay in touch I think it'll be nice to have someone to talk to.

[grumpuss]

P.S. I am honestly not normally the "preachy" type, but i have been in the same place you have been and there was only one way out for me. I wanted you to know you have the same chance i had.

[grumpuss]

You don't have to face it alone. Your name is written on the palm of God's hand and he is reaching out to be a Dad to you and your baby. No human will ever love you as much as the being who created you. All you have to do is reach out.

I agree with what Flickan said, church communities can be incredably supportive and practical help. Even if you haven't met God yet or don't believe, there are people who want nothing more than to show God's love by loving and caring for others. And if you don't find that in your current church, perhaps you need to find another!

I would not be here today if it was not for the infinite love of God for me. He must be 10 kinds of dumb to love me, but he does he does and he loves you too. In a way you have NEVER been loved before!

Give up..... Give up your life to God..... It will never be the same again.

[roxygemini]

My boyfriend left me over a month ago. Break ups are the hardest thing in the world, despite being pregnant. Its devestating having this joy and the heartache both at the same time. He has done exactly the same. Treated my calls and texts and tears as if I was dead to him. Its so shocking that 5 months ago I thought that he was my happily ever after.  Theres a shame, a deep sadness, and a terrible bitterness now.
Anyway that being said, he has been calling ne the past few weeks, begging to work things out.But has also told me that he ....so crazy.... moved in with his ex, but is unhappy!?! I feel like my life of normalcy has turned into a real time Jerry Springer episode. As funny as that may sound, it is heartwrenching.
My only advice to you, is to hold yourself more worthy than he has you, and the baby. If he thinks it's okay to punish you, or be so heartless while you have the life you created in love growing inside of you, than he isn't worth the sadness.
Im told soon I will have the greatest love of all when my little girl is born, and won't waste another tear on his loss. I wish the same for you.
Hugs.

[genamarie]

It sounds like you're right about her, although it's probably hard since being your bff you probably had envisioned her being there for you, rather than acting rather childishly, but at least you're so close to the end now, and your little one will be here so soon, so at least you'll have your attention focused on that. Thanks so much for looking into the info for me about the antidepressants! And that's great you can breastfeed with the one you're on. Thanks for the advice. Hopefully you get some sleep! I need to also! It's after 3 a.m. here :/

[Flickan]

The bff kinda pulled a similar stunt last summer when I got married. I think its a combo of her being single n jealous (which as a single friend had to work through in the past myself and understand) and a combo of her thinking this will change the dynamics of our friendship. It will but that doesn't mean it has to be bad. I told her I can't deal with it right now and will talk to her about it when I can. Hopefully she will come around when my.lil diva decides to make her grand appearance.  As for the meds I will get you the info tomorrow. Being lazy n don't wanna get out of bed. They other important factor for me was it will be ok to breastfeed with it as well. I see doc day after my due sate and if I am.still pregnant, then we will talk about induction at that point. When it comes to anti depressants if one doesn't work try another. There are a couple that didn't work for me. One that after 2 years of taking I suddenly would throw up after taking it. Sometimes it takes a few to find the right one. Will send you the info tomorrow. Midnight here on the west coast and should attempt to get some rest.

[genamarie]

Thanks so much. I'm trying to hang in, as there's nothing I can do about it. I said things I shouldn't have said, and he won't speak to me regardless of how many times I've tried to contact him, even after a few days of silence on both ends. It appears to me that he's done and over it. Which hurts so much. I've been thinking about talking to my doctor about antidepressants, because everything that's been going on my entire pregnancy has just added up, and that was the final "cherry on top". I've gone overboard and the depression is consuming me. I know how you feel about not really even being up to the first ultrasound. I've felt that way throughout the pregnancy at a few times. It's just the depression talking I believe, or at least I'd hope, because in my situation, my mom was prepping stuff earlier today for my baby shower, and seeing her prepare stuff made me start to cry, and I started thinking that I don't even want a shower, and I don't want this. Not necessarily my baby, just I can't believe everything that's going on. I hope it's the depression speaking, because I'd feel cold and heartless. I hope he will be back around, but my heart tells me as much as I'd love for him to come back, he won't be. Thanks so much for your advice and kind words. I really appreciate it. I really wish we had both focused more on better communication. Things might not have gone the way they are now had we been able to communicate. There's so much I tried to say, but he had no way of understanding, and there's times I wish he would have opened up instead of just gotten upset. :/

[PeachynMumble]

I hope you are doing ok. I know the last 6wks for me and my hubby have been tough too. I found out i was pregnant and the dr said i need to change my anti-depressant medication. So i have been slowly reducing it and not coping well with it or the pregnancy symptoms and hormonal imbalances. I'm really over it all and i'm not even upto my first ultrasound. Hubby and i hardly talk at the mo cause we snap and say things we dont really mean to eachother. I think every couple have their issues when expecting but others more than others. It may be an idea to go and see your dr or local pastor and have a massive vent session let it all out. I'm sure he'll be there when you're in need and bub arrives. I'm thinking of you and wishing you well. Remember communication is the key to successful relationships. There is no such thing as mind readers! xoxoxo

[genamarie]

I'm so very sorry to hear about your bff. That must have been hard to read. I know that can't be true that you don't treat people well, you've been nothing but kind to me here the several times we've spoken now as I've had nothing to do but lurk the forum board, lol. Do you think she'll come to her senses especially when you're about to deliver the baby, if not when baby is here? Maybe she just feels slighted like she won't be as much a part of your life, or things won't be the same anymore? Hopefully she was just moody when she sent that. I couldn't imagine how you must have felt and I'm sorry she said that. As for the antidepressants, do you know which one they've given you? You don't have to tell me, or if you don't mind but would like to message me about it? I'm just curious because I would like to know what's relatively safe to take while pregnant to talk to my doctor about. I was only on antidepressants once in my life several years ago. The one I was on made me worse than ever before, and I was afraid to try anything else back then. But now, I'm just so upset and so worried that I'd be so upset after birth that I would not even want to be around my son (which may or may not be ridiculous to think, but it's a concern for me that I don't want to happen). Congrats to making it further along that the Doctor thought, although after speaking to you before I know you're extremely anxious about meeting your little one already and it's just dragging on :/ I know you'll be meeting your little one soon. Has your doctor talked about induction at all if you made it to your due date exactly? My mom when she was pregnant with my brother, she made it to her due date on the date exactly and had a doctor appointment that day. She had no signs of going into labor soon. The doctor sent her to the hospital to be induced so she luckily didn't have to go past the date. Maybe they could do that for you as you mentioned there isn't any sign of labor being imminent?

[genamarie]

It's so crazy how much our situations are similar. I am very very sorry to hear that you're going through this too. It's so awful, and I wouldn't wish it on even my worst enemies. It's so odd that we basically both gave the same ultimatum, and got the same response. I wanted him to change how often I saw him was all, because I felt him distancing himself, or at least just putting less effort into keeping me in his life, just as you were going through. It's horrible. Are you sure he is not going to try anymore? Has he specified that? Or are you speculating it too? With my guy I've made several attempts to contact him, and without response, he doesn't have me fully blocked on Facebook, I just can't view everything on his page, but I like trying to message him on Facebook vs. texting because on Facebook I can see that he actually read it. Which he has read the two messages I've sent him there, but never responded. It's upsetting.

I'd really like to stay in contact with you, maybe that would help the both of us? Basically going through the exact same problem, maybe it would help to have someone else's perspective, or just someone to vent to when things start to resurface and feel hard to manage.

[Flickan]

I haven't been on antidepressants for a couple years. I had my bff of 12 years email me 3 1/2 weeks after throwing my baby shower that she feels I am selfish and that I don't treat people well.....betweenthe pregnancy issues I have had the entire time with the fibroid and the pain associated with that, her email pushed me over the edge. I had already talked to my doc previously about how because i was on antidepressants in the past, I am more likely to need them for post partum issues. So we decided to start me on them now. There is a slight chance baby will have withdrawals...which means baby will be hyper for a day or two, but no other effects. Even that chance is slim. I am 5 days away from my due date much to hthe shock of my doc who was convinced I would deliver between 34-37 weeks. Ended up in l&d for preterm labor a few times since about 32 weeks, but not inkling that baby is coming out at this point anytime soon...had active labor patterns stall 3 times in the past 2 weeks. So with all of that I am admitting I need help. That's the hardest part.

[lntmama]

You're not alone, I was left by my bf/BD at 34 weeks preggo. We met working overseas and once I got pregnant I had to quit my job and come home. We did really well handling the distance until recently. I had some money saved so I was fine for the first few months but now that I'm completely broke I can't call him or write him. He too has blocked me from Facebook or had gotten rid of any way for me to contact him. I loved him and put so much trust and faith in him and I thought we were on the same page, I was so wrong. We didn't even really fight, he stopped trying to make the long distance relationship work and I told him I noticed and to either fix it or break up with me because it made me so unhappy... I regret it.. he broke up with me and had made it very clear we are not gonna work things out. Its been almost three weeks and we have yet to talk. Like you I fear he's moving on and sure he's not coming back. Its gonna be tough but you have to stay strong, I tell myself everyday to think positive thoughts for the baby's sake. I liketo think that the baby will feel how strong I've been and that the same strength will be passed along to him. Especially when he's older and comes across tough times of his own. It works most of the time but I still have to battle the anger, hurt and frustration, I often feel like I'm on the verge of depression. We have to remember life's not about us anymore, and can't dwell on our misfortune especially if its possible to hurt our precious little ones doing so. I hate going through this and am sorry you are too. Keep your head up.

[genamarie]

I had no idea they would be willing to write you prescriptions for antidepressants, especially before the birth. Were you on them previously? Or were they just writing what they felt would benefit you? I'm glad you said they are doing that for you, hopefully it helps you, and I believe I will be talking to my doctor about my issues to see if they could help me too, just to hopefully make things a little easier. I'm trying. Hopefully you're doing alright also. How far along are you now?

[Flickan]

With my issues I also feel like my post partum will be bad as well. My doc just fave me a prescription of an antidepressant so I am ready . Keep your chin up.

[annat33]

I'm not sure were you live but usually there are places that help pregnant women try to stay positive even though its hard speek good things into your life. Youll make it try reseraching gov help they usually have something at least on the US they do. All this will help you become stronger!

[genamarie]

I suppose you're right. Right now I just feel nothing but hopelessness. I already know I'm going to have horrible postpartum depression. I've been depressed off and on throughout this pregnancy, and with how horrible I feel right now, I just know that especially if I go into labor soon and deliver, I will only feel even worse...Something tells me that it might not be pregnant for much longer. I just have this feeling. And every other time I've had this kind of gut feeling, I've been right. Thanks for your encouragement. I really appreciate it. You guys on this forum board are the only people I have to talk to anymore. Which depresses me further, but it's really nice to have someone to talk to, even if it is only through computer monitors.

[Flickan]

Gena...sweety...no. You are going through a rough patch. That's all. You are strong and will get through this. I promise! Just have to believe in yourself. Things may not be ideal, and really hard....but you can get through this. He is an idiot and someday may figure that out..by that time it may be too late. As for bills and $$.....there is support out there. Not sure if you're involved with a church, but it may be time to reach out that way. We can't do it alone, but we have to be careful on who we do ask for help. Since you're family isn't helping, reach out. Look into women's clinics for other services that can help. I am SO proud of you for being strong for your baby and look, he's still cooking! Didn't think you'd last this long a month ago! You're not losing a battle....you're kicking and fighting your way to the top. You will get through this. I know you will. I will continue praying for you.

[genamarie]

Thanks, but I'm sure he's not coming back. Everything just keeps getting harder and harder to deal with. Currently, I'm without an income and may have no job to go back to when this pregnancy is over. On top of having no income, and basically no money to my name, I'm being contacted by debt collectors for money I don't have. On top of that I've got nothing but medical bills piling up where even with having the medical card, I've still got expensive copays I can't afford. The man I thought I'd be marrying one day is gone. My family and I only fight and argue. I just feel plain defeated, and I'm about to just give up and let everything drown me. I've tried for too long to keep my head just barely above water, but the water keeps getting higher and higher, and I've got nothing else to hold onto. I'm in a losing battle with life currently, and I can't get myself out of this hole I've dug myself into. I guess it's time I forfeit. There's nothing left to do. 49 days left of my pregnancy, and I can't take care of myself, let alone a child. He's not even outside the womb yet and already he's got nothing to look forward to. I've ruined my life, and now I've brought an unborn baby into the mix.

[annat33]

I know exactly how you feel believe me! But I'm my experience is best to let him be the more you chase him the more he will pull away. I know its hard trust me I had a hard time letting him be but eventually they talk to you again. I know its hard to do this on your own i know I had to with my first but you might not have a choice. If he truly wanted to build a life with you he won't be able to stay away long try to give it time focus on the baby and be strong things will work out the way they are ment to.