My beautiful girl, Evelyn was born on august 11th, 3 days after my husband got home. He had to go back (to afghanistan) 2 weeks after she was born. I had to get an episiotomy which was ok, but the more moving around I did (ie going places) teh more it ripped. It ripped really bad and I was crying for 3 days straight. I went to the er and they just told me to keep doing what I had been, taking tylenol. The next ay my mom called the doc and they said soak every hour rather than every time I went to the bathroom. After doing that I was better within the day, still sore but I stopped crying. The first week and a half going through that was very depressing since I coudlnt do ANYTHING. MY mom and husband were told to take full care of my daughter and I was to do nothing. Since then, things have been ok but I get really depressed easy. If she cries and I cant make her stop, I feel like a horrible mother and break down and cry. She has also been waking up in a bloodymurder scream that just terrifies me, I feel so helpless and like the world is going to end.
Recently my friend who lives back home (in a few provinces over staying with my parents for help) got a call saying her husband was injured overseas. Hes ok and is going back out. She is in need of a friend since she has no family so I have agreed to go back home. Im leaving in a few days to go back there but am really worried since yesterday and today I have been depressed. I feel like I need a break from parenting but will never get that. Here, my mom will take her from me for an hour or more if I wanted, everyday to just spend time with her, but I wont have that once I go home. Im perfectly capable of taking care of her on my own but things are easier when I have more eyes watching her so I can do simple things like shower and clean.I know if I ask my friend, she will take on mommy-of-two role but asking everyday for a break is a bit much. I just hate feeling like a failure as a mother and a person for not being able to balance the simple task of showering uninterrupted and being a mom. I guess Im not asking for advice since I do try to feed her before I do something and try to keep her busy while Im busy such as sleeping, but I guess I just need to let it all out.