Pregnancy: Feb 2009 Babies Community
Who will be at your baby's birth?
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This patient support community is for discussions relating to pregnancy, childbirth and maternity for babies due or born in February 2009.

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Who will be at your baby's birth?

Just wondering who is planning on having someone other than their DH at the birth for support?

Why did you choose that person?

Did anyone want to be there that you wouldn't want to have there in a million years?

Did they ask to be there? (did you say yes, no or avoid answering?)
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26 Comments Post a Comment
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231441_tn?1333896366
No one's asked yet and I've no one to ask.  I'm gonna be a single mum, so I guess it's just me and the Dr.

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525485_tn?1314364901
Besides hubby my mom will be there. I want her there as extra support in case my husband passes out or cant handle it. We are very close.
Hubby wants his mom and I said no way, no how.
No offense, I love her to death, I just dont need her seeing every bit of me while I give birth! She didnt ask me directly, but I heard dh ask her if she wanted to be and then he said he would talk to me....NOT going to happen!
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404232_tn?1253969556
My husband for sure. I have thought about extending the invitation to my mom and mother in law but I know my husband will want it to be just the two of us which actually works out fine. When I had my son my parents who live an hour away would call the hospital periodically to check progress and when we no longer answered the phone (because I was pushing) they figured it was a good time to get ready and begin the drive up. They arrived minutes after he was born and got to see him almost immediately after my and dh had him to ourselves for a little while. My mother in law unfortunatley lives 5 hours away so that would be a little harder to coordinate unless of course I end up with a planned c-section.
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Avatar_f_tn
OK, this is a touchy subject for me and I'll explain why.  First of all, I had already had it in my head that my hubby, mom and his mom would be in the room.  I have a feeling my dad wants to be in there also, so in case he wants to be there then I think it is only fair to let hubby's dad in there also.  I want both my mom and MIL to be there since it will be my mom's first grandchild and his mom's first grandchild from us (she already has 4 from her 2 other kids).  Well then my half-brother (my dad is divorced from his mom and has been for like 14 years, she is nice but we don't talk) tells me that his mom (my former step-mom) wants to be in the room when I give birth because she let me in the room when she gave birth to him and my half-sister. I said no, then my "real" sister told him - "we were her step-children then, we aren't anymore".  Anyways, she is not going to be there.  My problem is, that I have to set boundaries because my husband has a semi-big family and so do I, so if I were to let my sister in I would have to let his sister and my half sister also, etc.  My dad made a joke how I should just line chairs up.  Well after thinking about all that, I made up my  mind that if anyone is allowed in it would be our mothers - but hubby even said he wants to wait until the actual moment before we say anything because we don't know what it is going to be like.  Ok well enough of my rambling now!

Did anyone want to be there that you wouldn't want to have there in a million years?

Did they ask to be there? (did you say yes, no or avoid answering?)
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448723_tn?1301458558
Besides DH, I am hoping that my best friend Evelyn can make it to my birth. She lives in Germany (has done for 6 years now) and is moving home next year FINALLY! I'm hoping that being there from the start for this baby might help convince her to stick around more permanently...
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354219_tn?1259985442
my DH and my momma will be in with me
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195469_tn?1388326488
In the days of long, long ago, giving birth was a family affair.  As women began to seek out doctor's in hospitals, instead of mid-wives, birth was then confined to a sterile setting with the mother unconscious for the birth.  They actually made her STAY in bed for 2 weeks after the birth.  She wasn't allowed up.  No was anyone allowed into the sterile room while she gave birth.

Then when I gave birth in the 1970's, husbands were made to sit in a father's waiting room, while the birthing mother was allowed no visitor's.  In my day ladies, they did NOT allow the mother to touch the child when it was born.  They had your arms strapped down.  When they took the baby to the nursery, the father was allowed a quick glipse of the baby through glass.  He was not allowed to hold the baby.  "Germs, you know."
I wasn't allowed to touch my OWN baby for almost 8 hours after the birth and with my daughter a few years later.  And then quickly wisked away by nurses after they were fed.  It was heartwrenching.  I just wanted to hold and bond with my babies.

Today, you ladies are so lucky to have your families with you, throughout the whole pregnancy and the birth, barring C-section of course.  I would give ANYTHING to be able to experience just one tenth of the benefits, birthing mother's are given today.  To hold your babies right away and bond with them, the way God and Mother Nature intended.

I've always been of the belief that when a man and a woman make a baby together, the man and woman should give birth to it together.  Trust me when I tell you, that although giving birth with your butt up in the air, isn't the most flattering position to share with the family, it's the birth of a new life, a fresh start; they are most interested in.

Allowing family to witness such a miracle will touch the lives of many, forever.  As a grandmother now, I was able to see each one of my grandchildren come into this world, for which I will be forever grateful.  Instead of thinking which person you may want in the room, while you give birth, think of whose life you may touch for all eternity, to witness that new life enter the world and rejoice in that event WITH you.

Your "guests" at the birth should understand that first and foremost, mother, father and child, should be allowed to bond together, quietly, before any family members holds this new life in their arms.  As long as everyone in the room respects that, you can only imagine the joy it will be, to share such a precious moment with those that you love.

I saulte each and every one of you courageous ladies for the labor of love that you are  understaking.  You live in a great time in women's lives, where birth is now back to being a family event.  Just as I feel that God intended it to be.

Whatever decisions you make about whom will be there,it is your decision alone.  Think for just one moment though, whose life you may touch by allowing them to witness the most courageous and monumental moment in yours and your baby's life.

I wish you ALL, an easy birth, EXACTLY the way you planned it and much joy and happiness, your new baby will bring to your lives.  You are truly courageous.  And I congartulate you all.

Tearfully  (Happy tears)
Heather
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439903_tn?1380141482
besides DH, my mom and my MIL, if she wants to be. id LOVE to have my best friend, shes going to be Godmother but she cant take off too much work (she lives in kentucky) and would rather be out here when the baby gets dedicated.

as for anyone that wants to be in there, probably my sister but not if hell froze over, defrosted and froze again!!

no one else has asked, i can see my aunt asking but i only want my husband and mothers. thats it!! thats a good topic!!
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491928_tn?1266181333
For the longest time I thought it would be me and hubby only, but then i got pregnant and the unbelievable amount of joy this baby has already brought is amazing! My best friend and little sister are SO thrilled about my little girl and that makes me so so happy seeing them light up when they talk about her.

So we know my hubby for sure, and then my little sister (16 yrs old) has been begging me and reminding me she wants to be in there and Im totally okay with that I just hope she can make it through without fainting. She is so in love with her little niece already its too cute! And then I'll be asking my best friend to be there if she wants to. She's a bit modest and might opt to stay in the waiting room which is fine I wouldnt be offended =)

Does anyone know if hospitals restrict how many people can be in there? At most I'll have just those 3 would that be a problem do you think? And if they say no can you argue with them or is that a no no??
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439903_tn?1380141482
from what ive heard and from people that have had children out here, they let you choose how many, unless complications arrive, then its one in, and i know that some hospitals do have a strict rule on how many and its usually 2 or 3. BUT every hospital is different, if you get really cool nurses, they probably wont care as long as no one gets in the way and if your doctor knows you want X amount, they will probably be more lenient.
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Avatar_f_tn
This one I kinda just want my husband there to share the experience. My mom was there for my son and was a big help and I know my mother-in-law would be dying to come too...so it mite end up being the three of them.
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151668_tn?1239924705
My dh, sister and mom were there last time. I don't think I'd want anyone other than those three people. If one of them weren't available, I'd probably let my best friend come in b/c I know she would be a MAJOR source of support after having two kids, herself.
If my mom and sister aren't able to make it this time, I've already enlisted my friend! LOL

My sister actually took pictures (some of them extremely graphic) last time, so I was thankful she was there. Not many people could remember to get good pictures during a time like that...much less stomach it!  :-)

As for people I wouldn't want in the room...any man other than my husband and the dr, and my MIL. I would just assume give birth by myself.

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151668_tn?1239924705
You may not have to worry about it in the end:

A) Some hospitals have restrictions on how many people can be in the room. I think mine had a limit of 3 or 4 people.

B) If you go into labor at 3 AM, you'll more than likely not feel up to calling all those people (and hopefully some of them live too far to make it on time anyway! :-)
The key is to get to the hospital first and only call the two main people that you want there with you. You can say that your contractions weren't very close when you checked in and that you were waiting to call everyone else. That way, they won't have time to get there before baby is born!

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439903_tn?1380141482
oh i like your idea B!!!!
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358126_tn?1233019217
It will be only dh & I. I really want my mom to be there but I have a 11 year old brother & he is in school & we stay 4hrs apart. So she may no tbe able to make it, but I'm ok bc he needs her first bc he is a child.
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487124_tn?1256658149
it will be  the Dh  my best friend and madi of honor she was present at the  brith of my daughter  and  her mom
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Avatar_f_tn
with my son i went i got at the hospital around 730 so my mom was at work and my two crazy sisters never showed up they had no way to get downtown. so they came at 5 but i had carmine in like 5hours so it was just dh and me. this time imhoping mymom could be there and i also want my son there
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537302_tn?1232866083
I am going to have my hubby, my mother-in-law, my foster daughter and hopefully my sister. This will be my first child after having 4 miscarriages. I have so many special people inmy life and evryone is praying for my little one and me so if I could I would rent out an auditorium and give birth for all of my family and friends to share in the event with me.
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Avatar_f_tn
I feel bad because I want people to share our birth with us, especially if they want to, but the family is so big!! I already warned people like my sister, SIL and best friend that if anyone is allowed it is the mothers.  I don't mind them visiting when they want, it's just there to many "well if this person can, then this person has to be allowed".  That's why all my in-laws parties have so many people there because they feel like they might leave someone out!  My baby shower is a whole other issue! LOL

Hope2OneDay - thanks for the advice, I know there is a limit, I just have to put my foot down and not feel bad.
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Avatar_f_tn
My mom and the baby's father was there with me. It was the best choice I could make.. My mom helped keep me calm, the father seemed just as shaken up as I was, so he was slightly distraught and not the best at keeping me relaxed, lol..

I got lucky though, there was some nurse in the room that went about taking pictures once he was born. :)  Everyone else was too distracted.
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458937_tn?1271198381
I had my hubby, my mom, my mother-in-law, my aunt (not related by blood, but she is better than blood relatives  =] ) and my sperm donor in the room behind a curtian.

Of course hubby can't not be in the room so that's a given. I wanted my mom because it was her first grandchild not to mention she has gone through it and I consider it a given that she be there. Now as for my mother in law I had to compromise she got to be in the room because my mom was and it wouldn't be fair blah blah... As for my aunt I also consider it a given, she is just the best =] and as for my sperm donor I do not know how he ended up in the room, he asked and I said no and the nurses had kicked him out. I call him sperm donor because that's pretty much all he has been. My sister just found him like over a year and a half ago so he really is like a stranger and at the time even more so.

there we're alot of people who asked but I sorta avoided it =] Now my mom in law was some one who will not be in the room again if we have another. She was rude to my family and I was in labor for  about two days and she ran things when the nurses kicked everyone out she found her way back and hubby let her watch whatever she wanted ugh never again NO WAY!!!! and the worst of it was she took pictures of my bottom half and I was exhuasted and had no clue what kind of pictures she took but omg inappropriate. It was of my naked va jay jay and my bare breasts. They were bare because the dr wanted him be skin to skin to help pinkin him up anyways she will not be in.

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Avatar_f_tn
cas, so did you get pregnant and marry someone else, or....  Well I don't know,  I'm confused by the whole "sperm donor" guy.. lol
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458937_tn?1271198381
LoL kelsey no the sperm donor is my father if you'd call him that I should of been more clear =]
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514428_tn?1287602056
I'm not sure who I'll have other then my husband.  With my son, I had TJ (my husband), my Mother and my sister-in-law.  I asked them all if they would come in.  

With my twins, I had EVERYONE in the family there.  Grandma, my Mother, Aunts, cousins, and my sister-in-law.  But I was wheeled out into the OR just incase I needed a c-section.  But was told by my doctor, "Yes, you can have everyone there watching you" but only DH was allowed- So confusing!

This one, I haven't thought about it.  I'm just more worried about being trapped home in the middle of a blizzard and not knowing who would take my kids for that night when I'm in labor.  I know that my husband will be there and probably my Mother and even my Grandmother....but really haven't thought about it.  

Is anyone else in a snow conditioned state in Febuary?  This is my first mid-winter bab and it's freaking me out.  I live on a dirt road, doesn't get plowed in the winter, I live 45 mintues away from the hospital and my labors only last 4 hours!!!!!  Maybe faster for this one!!  I'm wondering if I could get induced so I don't have to freak out!  LOL  
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616452_tn?1253881244
I'm scheduled for my 3rd C-section - it was bad enough having my husband there and being stretched out like a dissected frog for the C-section - some how they forget you are lying there but naked and carry on around you as if you are part of the furniture, This is while they prepare you before covering you.(urinary catheter ext)

I only had my husband the 2 previous times and will have him there this time.

I take my hat of to you girls having more than one family member at your side - good on you but i will not be able to do it.  Some things my family just don't need to see
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529364_tn?1238117972
I'm going to be asking my sister to join us in the birthing room, because I was asked to be there for the birth of all 3 of her children, but was only able to attend 2. Her DH is terrified of blood, so it was me and her. She gave me one of the most wonderful experiences of my life, and i'd love to give her the same gift.

As for someone who i DON'T want to be there, that would be my FiL. I love him very much, as he is a truly wonderful man, but he's an alcoholic, and I don't want to take any chances on one of the most special days of my life.  My greatest fear is that he'll have already been drinking.

no one has asked to join us in the delivery room, but i'm sure that they will as we get closer to the due date.

Congrats to all of you, and good luck in the future!
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