My doctor convinced me to have a c section at 37 weeks bc my baby was going to be over 9 lbs. I had the surgery yesterday and she only weighed 6lbs 14oz and 19 inches long (born at 3:08pm), and is having trouble breathing on her own. They had her in an oxygen hood, and then her breathing got just well enough for her not to be under it anymore, but she cant eat and breath at the same time, so now she has a feeding tube. She is weighing 6 lbs 9 oz as of this evening, and her NICU nurse "can guarantee she wont come home with me." My insurance will let me stay in until Monday afternoon and you would think after working in a NICU every day, you would be a little more optimistic, especially towards the worried parents that just want their baby to be healthy. I understand that they probably dont want to get my hopes up, and want to prepare me, but only God knows what will happen before Monday, so where do they get off telling me that she will not be coming home. AND I have yet to see a neonatologist who knows about my baby. I was told that they would be here this morning to talk with me, and apparently today wasnt my lucky day, bc they never showed up. I will be raising hell if I dont see someone tomorrow. My c section has been rough...alot of people i have talked to told me theirs was no big deal, and I dont know if Im just a baby or what. I had to have 2 epidurals! Who does that?! The first one didnt work and it hurt SO bad, the second one didnt hurt that much and thankfully it worked. I have had a fever ever since yesterday evening, they were giving me morphine for the pain and that worked only for the first 45 minutes or so. They changed it to Lortab today and that seems to last a little longer. My blood pressure has been in the 180/90 range since last night also. It seems like the worst part aside from the pain, and my daughter being in the NICU, is that I dont even feel like she's really mine. When they took her out, they showed her to me really quickly and I didnt see her again until this morning, and I guess I missed that bonding time that you get with healthy babies bc obviously they never brought her back to me and i have to be wheeled down to see her and all of these nurses are taking care of her...its just a really weird feeling, and hard to explain. It probably doesnt help that she was my first child and so I already dont know how to feel, but then to go down there and see her, I almost feel like Im intruding on someone elses territory. I havent even seen her body, her arms, legs, feet, toes, fingers, anything except her face. She stays wrapped up and they dont let you really do anything except look. I just feel like Im visiting someone else's child. Before when I was hospitalized for 3 weeks for the preeclampsia, I just couldnt wait to go home and wanted out of here SO badly, and now that she's here, I dont want to leave...I just want to stay forever until she can come home, so I guess I do have that motherly feeling, kind of...but i think if I have to go home without her, Im going to feel even more separated. It almost feels like this is all a dream, the pregnancy and everything, bc its like, now im not pregnant anymore, and it kind of feels like i dont have a baby either. I know it sounds redilculous, but i guess its just a little bit harder bc I dont have any other kids, and I dont know how its supposed to go, but im pretty sure its not supposed to go like this. Anyway, the point is, I would really appreciate the prayers for my daughter to do a complete turn around and come home with me on Monday, bc all things are possible through God and although doctors are very knowledgeable and we are lucky to have them...they tend to stick to the books, and dont have very much faith.
I am completely sorry for what you are going through. My daughter is also in the NICU. Your doctor should NOT have allowed you to deliver at 37wks without a amnio and knowing FOR SURE she can breath on her own. I had two amnio's before they would let me deliver at 37wks 3 days. My first was at 36wks and she just was NOT ready. They told me the day before I delivered that they thought my daughter weighed 7lb 11oz. Boy were they WRONG. She ended up weighing 10lbs even. The u/s are not correct. My daughter is living proof of that. I am also sorry your spinals went bad, it really depends on the anestisiologist you get to do it at the hospital. My first one with my first c section was horrible, this one was wonderful.
I am sorry the your NICU staff is acting like that to you. NICU staff is NOT going to give you ANY kind of false hope. They would rather give u longer times and be more pessimistic than optomistic and it's not because they are cold or heartless or want to discourage you. It is because they see sick babies all the time and they know how hard it is to tell a mother/father that they think their baby will come home a specific day, but it doesn't happen A LOT of times. The NICU is FULL of set backs. I am not trying to discourage you either just being realistic. I was at first told my daughter MIGHT leave with me today, but almost definitely Sunday. Now that is probably set back again till Monday or Tuesday. They do NOT want to send a baby home and have it back a few days later. My daughter's biggest set back right now is eating. She is a bit jaundice and sluggish from her body trying to fix it's sugar issue so she doesn't want to take as much as she needs so she is on a NG tube to get the rest of the nourishment she needs. Once her feeds start picking up she will come home with me.
I'm not there with you so I can't completely see how the staff is being towards you, but when you go in there, you said shes off of oxygen right?, ask to hold her, change her diapers, take her temperature, try to get involved, ask lots of questions.
The baby next to my daughter is a 34wker and he was taken off the vent the other day and his mom finally got to hold him last night. I was so happy for them. So I'm sure you should be able to hold your baby.
It sounds like you are experiencing some Post partum depression. So talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. Rest while you can cause your baby will be home and you won't be sleeping that much.
As far as Monday goes, my best advice is don't count on it, if thats what they said, but hey if she gets to come home then, THEN GREAT!! But if not don't get discouraged either. I am being discharged today and we are going to stay at the Ronald McDonald house cause we live 150 miles away from the hospital. I wouldn't wish this NICU experience on anyone it is so horrible. If you need someone to talk to hunny please feel free to message me. I can give u my email or yahoo messenger name.
I have tears in my eyes for you. I was just there 5 yrs ago with my little girl. I had to leave her my baby was in the niccu for 1 month. I was never given a real reason what happened but she went through the same thing she didn't eat and she was on oxygen her weight was 6 lbs and 12 ozs. I didn't get to hold her for so long. Although I had my older 2 I felt like it was a dream like it wasn't happening to me. I brought my other 2 home so why not her. In the end they treated her as though she had a respitory infefction but nothing was in her blood. She was 38 wks. She is now 5 and beautiful and smart. I was told to monitor along with my pediatrician for any type of ashthma but at this point she doesn't have it. I know your pain I honestly do. You are never prepared for something like this. I will pray for her and you. I'm always here if you need to talk. If you feel up to it look at my baby and you will see she is perfect and healthy. Every situation is different but I'm a true optomistic! Best wishes to you and your baby.....
Im doing better today. I had a rough night last night. I stayed awake until 4 am with alot of pain and a fever but finally i went to sleep and woke up at 8 to call and check on her and the nurse that had just come on the shift told me that she had thrown up 4 times last night, and that when the doctor made his rounds, she would be recommending to him that they change the formula. I am pumping for milk but it hasnt come in yet, so they mix what i am able to bring with enough formula to make up the difference. So she called me around 10 and said that he did decide to change the formula. Then i got up to pee and I realized i didnt really have that much pain and I was thinking i would be able to walk down to see her instead of being wheeled down there, but i waited for my mom that way if i couldnt make it she would be able to help me instead of me just being stranded in a hall somewhere (lol). So when i got down to see her it was 11:30 and the nurse told me that she gave her a bottle and her breathing stayed calm and she hadnt thrown up which is the best news ever bc the whole reason she is there is bc she cant eat and control her breathing. So she told me she would eat again and 2 if i wanted to come and feed her, so i went back down at 2 and she sucked that bottle down so quick! Her breathing stayed under control and i stayed for an hour after that and she never threw up. Today has been a really good day for her so far and the nurse even went as far as saying, "now before she can go home, she will have to pass a breathing test in her car seat for 30 minutes, and you will have to watch a cpr video." I was SO happy to hear someone act like maybe ONE day i will get to take her home! Im sure it wont be tomorrow, bc she still on a reduced feeding amt, so im sure she will have to continue to show she is doing good, then she will have to do good on a normal amt of milk, and then I would assume it will be time for her to go home. I feel alot better today, and it has helped me so much that i am finally able to walk that way im not relying on nurses to push me down there (its a pretty far walk and another a different floor level. You would think the would have NICU semi close to post partum, i dont know what they were thinking.) So, thanks for all of the messages and keep praying that she will continue to improve. I still havent seen the doctor for the baby but today when i went to see her the nurse said he was probably upstairs talking to patients and i was going to miss him, so ill give him the benefit of doubt and say he might have attempted to come talk to me. Ill let you know more as it comes.
Please know that I am praying for you and your little sweetie! I had tears in myeyes reading your story. I'm going to be a first time mom as well, and I understand the confusion about how we "should" feel. I hope all the emotions start to come together for you, and it sounds like you and baby are starting to do better, so that's wonderful! Keep us posted!
That is great she is eating. Your daughter did alot sooner than my lil girl so that is wonderful. I hope your nightmare comes to a end soon and you and your lil one are home safe and sound! Best wishes to the both of you. How is your dh holding up?
Ladybug- Thank you for the prayers. Dont let this story bother you bc its not a normal situation and i tend to be an overly emotional person anyway, lol. At least you know that not EVERYONE feels that instant "feeling" bc sometimes you dont get the chance. I didnt know that and it hit me hard. I am more in love with her every time i see her and I took 2 of her receiving blankets down there that way they can wrap her in something that she is SUPPOSED to be in, instead of those ugly white blankets. Still no idea when your baby will be born?
AP- My husband is in love with her and he doesnt seem to be bothered with this situation too badly. He doesnt really want to hold her bc she has IV and monitor cords coming off of her and he doesnt want to mess anything up. He did hold her for a quick minute though. If we had to leave her here, I know he would handle it better than i would, but it would also be a reality check for him too. I think right now it doesnt really effect him bc Im still here too, so its just like if we are both waiting to go home. I think if i go home without her though, thats going to be tough on him. I really do feel though, that if I do have to leave without her, it will only be for a day or two...but i dont want to.
I've been thinking about you and your little one. Just try to stay strong. She will be home with you before you know it. Our dd had a good night last night. I hope after we left went just as good. The NICU causes a lot of stress. I am scared to even walk in there cause I'm scared something will have happened while we have been gone. But once I look at her and hold her, all that goes away. You definitely aren't alone in the hard time with the bonding. Holding your baby and seeing them when they are first born, I think, is very crucial for a mother. We as mothers and the baby needs that. But don't worry it will get better like you said. I'm sorry if I seemed harsh in my first post. I'm still here if you need to talk.
I really wish both of you the best and will keep you, your familes and mostly your precious babies in my prayers. I can't wait to read the post when they are both home and healthy and this will be all in the past.
shes home! she has a dr appt in the morning for her check up but everything has been going great. The let her go after they saw that she was eating more and gaining weight so she was in the hospital a total of 6 nights. Thank you for all the prayers and support...it really paid off.
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