Pregnancy: March 2012 Babies Community
Birth Plan Stress due to MIL wants being so important
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Birth Plan Stress due to MIL wants being so important

So this will be long but please help me bc I'm feeling like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown!!! We live in another state so my mother and sister will be coming to visit, as well as my husbands mom and dad. Okay well in the beginning we welcomed the idea of everyone being there for the birth of our son but now his parents can't be around each other and want us to chose who we want there. I think it is so wrong to make my husband chose between his parents and he says he'll just chose the one who it's more important too??? WTH??? We shouldn't have to deal with this crap. Okay so here recently I guess reality has set in that this little man is making his exit soon and I have completely changed my mind with what I want. I don't want my family in the delivery room anymore just want it to be me and my husband, and I now just want some time with my family and my new baby before his family comes bc we now have to accomodate the fact that they can't be around each other and honestly I don't feel comfortable around them and my husband will be working so I'll be stuck in our house with a new baby, my family, and his family. So long story short this has been wrecking my nerves bc here at the last minute I have changed my mind and understand that feelings will be hurt but this is my first pregnancy and I didn't know how I would feel nor what to expect I was just so happy and celebratory bc of our little miracle baby!!! So I talked to my husband about it and we decided that my family would come up and be there for the birth just not in the delivery room, and I will have a week with my Mom before everyone else comes so we can bond and she can show me the ropes in my role as a new mom. Well then we were going to have his mother come for a week which hopefully the baby would be here by then bc we are planning her flight after 42 weeks baby should be here by then right? Then after her week my husbands father will come for a week. This whole time my family will be here bc I do realize I'm going to need alot of help and I'm super close to my Mom and sister. The reason everything seems so rushed is because we have a limited amount of time for visitors before we move out of the country. Okay so this plan sounded good to me but the other day his mother called to figure out when we've decided on her visit which she told me that she wants whatever we want. Well my husband didn't stick to our plan and was asking her what she wants instead of telling her what we want!!!!! So he ran our plan by her and she was like oh I'd rather stay longer if possible and I'd really like to be there for the birth it's a really special time. Well we don't have time for her to stay for two weeks bc his father has to visit too!!! AND I don't want her there for the birth one bc I want time with my husband and baby, two I want bonding time with my Mom, and three the hospital only allows three people in the room if you have more they have to rotate and I don't feel like dealing with that and four our house is small. I mean what is she going to do be the only person waiting in the waiting room for 16 hours. Oh and I'm due on March 26th and she wants to come on the 24th and stay two weeks. There isn't a guarantee when he is arriving but that's way too close to the delivery date for my comfort. The airport is 2 1/2 hr aways so that'd put my husband gone for 5hrs around my due date what??? Are you kidding me?? I'm sorry but his mother is very manipulative and gets her way often but in this instince I feel I have to put my foot down. I was devasted that my husband wasn't supporting me bc we discussed this and I was very clear and we aggreed on everything, but he said to me you didn't talk to her she was crushed and he figured that if it was really important to someone he figured I'd be okay with it. He has no backbone bc it's not like he has to have his family there we discussed this and I told him that if that is something he needs I'll suck it up bc it's his baby too but honestly he could care less, he's not close to his parents at all he just wants them to meet their grandchild before we move and are gone for 2 yrs. Oh sure while your at work and I'm stuck here in our tiny little house with all these guests yes please let me just wing it without a plan for my and our baby's comfort. It really depressed me bc I feel like I can't count on his support. Now after they talked what has changed oh he spoke to me. I already have to tell my family I've changed my mind on them not being allowed in the delivery room but I'm certain even if their feelings are hurt a little they'll be fine it's just me that is going to feel like crap for changing my mind at the last minute. Am I acting crazy here? Am I being mean? I just feel my concerns are validated and I deserve what I want. I'm a people pleaser and so is my husband but for some reason I have no problem being selfish here...maternal instincts maybe? I'm high strung about this and I feel like it'll ruin my birth experience. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. Thx so much for listening BB
Tags: birth plan, mil drama, stress, visitors, help, Disconnect
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231441_tn?1333896366
Hi,

sounds like a dilema.

Firstly, no-one but your husband and maybe your Mum/sister should be in the delivery room with you.  Birthing a baby is messy and not very dignified.  You need only people you are totally comfortable with there. And you are going to focused on yourself, not them.  Birthing has to be about you and your husband.

After baby your guests should be spread out as much as possible.  It will be hard enough with a new baby and the adjustments that entails, let alone with too many guests.

Tell your hubby you love him and you want to accomodate his family, but this is your family time and people will have to fit a suitabel schedule.

Any way they can stay in a hotel and not in your home?
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